The next day, Flitwick did approve their travel to Hogsmeade. They were escorted by a huge guy named Hagrid, who Max could only blink at when the man asked his name. In response, the man had smiled and clapped him on the back, which had thrown him right into the ground—or would have, if Terry had not grabbed onto his collar, which nearly choked him anyway.

Then the giant of a man went to the Three Broomsticks and they walked around to a store where he could buy robes.

They being; himself, Terry, Anthony, and lastly, Luna. Terry hadn't minded but Anthony had asked him why he'd invited her. Max had shrugged and said, "She looked bored."

He had just enough money to get a set of robes and clothes and a cloak. "Hope my books don't disappear," he muttered. He scowled at his money pouch, empty but for a few Knuts.

They went into Zonko's, which Max had never been to and he heard all about Ron Weasley's brothers, the twins, Fred and George who had opened a new shop that was threatening to blow Zonko's right out of the water and of their famous departure last year.

When they went outside, Max had to duck. A red square came whistling out at him, screamed to a stop in front of his face and roared:

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY PLACE YOU STUPID LITTLE BOY! I'M COMING TO HOGWARTS ANYWAY! AND IT'LL BE MY GODDAMN STORY YOU LITTLE STUPID STREET RAT BASTARD WHORE DUMMY! JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET AHOLD OF MY LITTLE BOOK! AND MY CLOTHES! UGH! THIS IS MY STORY! NOT YOURS YOU DIRT POOR, STUPID STAND-IN! I WILL BE PART-VAMPIRE!"

And the red letter, curled, burst into flame and dropped to the ground.

All four of them stood around it.

Luna broke the silence. "Is that the original?"

Terry and Anthony exchanged looks.

Max stared at it, horrified. "Oh no." He perked. "We need to go back—or I need to get back! I have to hurry!"

"Why? Sounds like a misdirected Howler."

Max backed away from the little charred letter, shaking his head. "No…no…it's to me. Crap. I have to go. Tell Hagrid I'm sorry! Thanks for coming with me!"

He took off.

Half-way to the castle he ducked again, another owl swooping but this letter wasn't red. He tore it open.

Mister Max Copper,

As you have taken the place of Miss Ariyaena Elizabeth Madison Lurael Raven, AKA Ari, we at the studio cannot, obviously, engage you, via the Ministry, to Draco Malfoy. Miss Raven's initial duty was to secretly become Harry Potter's body guard but, we're switching you to Hermoine Granger. Watch out for Mister Weasley. We will be keeping you updated on your replacement for Mister Malfoy's engagement. Although, you may end up having to get engaged too.

Cheerfully yours,

--The Studio

Max flailed with the letter and waved the owl back, jerking a pen from his pocket and scribbled back.

No! No! No! She sent me a Howler that she's coming anyway! HELP!

In Mortal Peril,

--Max

He gave the owl the letter and a Knut and hurried onward to Hogwarts.

He ran into the Great Hall, breathless and almost bumped into fellow Ravenclaw, Lisa Turnip.

"Max! Dumbledore told me to give you this!"

He nodded and took the letter. In it was a small map directing him to Dumbledore's office and one word. Acid Pops

Max took off. Oh no, she's already here! On no! Oh no!

He took a wrong turn and had to backtrack until he finally came across a gargoyle. "Er. Hi! Uh! Acid pops!"

It moved aside and he bolted up the steps and opened the door.

There she was.

He felt all the color drain from his face.

She was studying her perfect, hot pink fingernails and chattering. "I already know how to apparate. I can do it on the grounds."

Dumbledore was watching her, apparently a little stumped.

"I'm also part Veela, okay? And I have to be a body guard to Harry Potter."

"Miss Raven—"

"Ari, Professor."

Dumbledore was giving her a cool look. "Miss Raven, Harry Potter does not need—"

At that moment, Ari seemed to have suddenly noted Max and she whirled on him. "YOU! HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY PLACE! THERE'S GOING TO BE A SPECIAL SORTING JUST FOR ME! YOU'RE IN RAVENCLAW! GROSS! AT LEAST YOU AREN'T IN HUFFLEPUFF BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

"Ah, Mister Copper," said Dumbledore, folding his fingers serenely and giving a somewhat fixed smile. "Perhaps you could help clear up this situation."

Max shifted but no words would come. He swallowed.

"UGH! YOU NASTY LITTLE FREAK!" Ari sniffed and turned away. "Anyway, Dumbledore. I also turn into a unicorn and will need a mate next month, so preparations need to be made."

"Am I supposed to know about all these strange things, Miss Raven?"

"No. So don't say anything."

She didn't notice the twinkle in his blue eye, nor the slightly incredulous smile on his face.

"Oh yeah," and here she stopped to pulled her long, gorgeous, shimmery black hair with gold streaks into a pony tail, "and the Ministry officials will be stopping by today."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. In fact, they should—"

And there was another knock on the door.

"Come in," Dumbledore said.

An official from the Ministry—a plump man in a tartan suit entered, along with Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, and, for some reason, Luna.

"It seems I am having quite a busy day," Dumbledore said. He stood and walked around his desk.

"Dumbledore," said the man. "I am Evan Lansing and I've come with some serious news. For some reason, I have had to summon all these children. I take it it is because of him?" Lansing nodded at Max.

"And what is your news regarding my students?" Dumbledore asked.

"We've already contacted their families so everything is in order. Miss Ariyaena Elizabeth Madison Lurael Raven is set to be engaged to Draco Malfoy."

Max saw Ari smirk.

"She will be marrying him because of a vague sort of plot point that I don't really know how to explain but the Malfoys seem all right with their only son marrying a half-blood from America. Unfortunately, that left us in a bit of a bind, as only transfer students are under this new rule of transfer students being mysteriously engaged was recently instated for Miss Raven but then we got word of Mister Copper. We had to find another pureblood so we opened the class list, blind-folded the Minister and had him put his finger down and we came to Luna Lovegood."

Max straightened.

Luna blinked and suddenly stared at the man. "Engaged?"

"Your father is very happy, Miss Lovegood. He would like to meet Mister Copper over your next holiday."

Max suddenly felt ill.

Hermoine suddenly spoke up, "This is all quite…er….interesting and everything but I don't see what it has to do with us. Ron and I are prefects, we have to go check on the First years and Harry's Quidditch captain."

Ron shrugged. "Ah, c'mon, 'Moine—I'd like stay and see."

There was a pause before someone said, "Who?"

Harry shook his head. "Professor?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Unless Mister Lansing has something to say, I can't fathom why you were invited. Wait for one of my notes, Harry."

Mister Lansing looked a bit shifty. "Yes, you may go. Miss Lovegood, Mister Malfoy, you please stay."

Max watched miserably as Harry, Hermoine and Ron left the room. Ron saying, "I don't wanna check on those little First years, 'Moine."

Harry's voice came through. "Who? Anyway. Hermoine—thanks for the save. I have to go find Ginny. I recon she'll be trying out for the team."

"Why were we invited to that?"

Once they were gone, Lansing closed the door. "Now, as you are engaged, it's best that you stay away from those who could possibly become significant others. Therefore, for a reason that's more of an excuse, we're going to have each pair dorm together."

Max about choked. "What?!"

Luna seemed to go a little paler.

Malfoy seemed to have warmed up to Ari already and had a hand on her back. She looked smug.

"It won't be as hard for you two," he nodded at Max and Luna, "because you're both in Ravenclaw. We can just put you both in the top of the tower. Has Miss Raven been Sorted?"

Dumbledore had a look on his face that suggested he was losing IQ points and was irritated about it. He went to the Sorting Hat and placed it on Ari's head.

There was a pause.

"Yes, I showed up!" Ari snapped aloud.

"Gryffindor," the hat said glumly.

"Ah, therein, we'll have to put Malfoy and Raven in some exclusive part of the castle just for them."

"You are putting my students in charged situations. They are still teenagers."

"I'm sorry Headmaster, Ministry orders for new transfers."

"And they will enforce this?"

"The Malfoys have already given their word to do so and the Ministry will, of course. Ari has no family and, as I said, Mister Lovegood is thrilled."

"I will accept that. Go. I would like to speak to my students."

Lansing meekly shuffled out.

Dumbledore sat down and watched them for a few moments. "I would like the four of you to be careful about this." He eyed Malfoy and Ari, who looked like they were glued together at the hip. He glanced at Luna and Max, who were standing about six feet apart, not looking at each other, pale. Max looked sick. Luna was just staring at Dumbledore.

"Allow me to speak to each of you privately, Mister Malfoy, you first. The rest of you stand outside the door."

So Ari, looking smug, Max, swallowing awkwardly, and Luna, looking dazed, went into the hall and closed the door.

"Draco is so sexy, isn't he? Ah! I can't wait to share a room with him. And Harry Potter! It's my secret mission to be his bodyguard, that's why that stupid guy didn't say anything. They don't know. Not even he knows. Oh! I don't know what to do! Harry is pretty too!"

She was speaking to Luna but Luna wasn't listening. Ari suddenly softened her look. "I can tell you're in shock, Lucy. I would be if I had to share a room with him. He's probably a dirty pervert." She threw Max a nasty look.

"Look, Ari—"

"DON'T TALK LIKE YOU KNOW ME!" She snapped her fingers at him.

Max sighed. "I think I'm going to be sick. Oh." He paused and dug around in his pockets. "Here's your little book. I brought my stuff to Hogwarts, but they changed into your stuff, I think."

She snatched it from him. "WHERE ARE THEY, YOU STUPID IDIOT?"

"Would you stop yelling at me? This isn't my fault."

Ari took a breath and smoothed her hands over her rather overly-developed-for-a-teenage-girl breasts, perfectly shaped and said, with an air of great sincerity, "I'm sorry, Max. I know you're just a stand in. I don't know why they don't just call you back. Once they find out I'm here, they certain won't need you."

Max privately agreed. He didn't want to be here and put up with her. He did feel bad for Luna though. She was looking at the floor now.

The door opened and Malfoy strutted out. He gave a smirk at Ari and smoothed his hand along her side as he passed.

Ari went in next, only to storm out moments later and stomp away.

Luna went in. She came out after quite a while. She seemed diminished and small.

"You gonna be okay, Luna?"

She gave him half a glance and started away. "I have to go tell Professor Flitwick of the new arrangements. Apparently there's no getting out of it…"

Max went in last.

"This is something of a mess," Dumbledore told him. "I did not know about this. I'm a bit worried Draco and Ari will make some sort of brash decision considering their personalities and Luna is quite distraught. I am hoping you do not have anything planned for her."

Max quickly shook his head. "No, sir."

"I know this will not be easy, particularly for you and Miss Lovegood—as Mister Malfoy and Ari seem quite taken with each other already and teenagers are some of the most brutal in society. But. Do your best, Mister Copper."

Max swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Are you going to be sick?"

"Maybe."

"Wait a few moments and then go to Madam Pomfrey. I have sent Miss Lovegood and Ari to her for reasons only they ought to know about."

Max nodded and really didn't want to know anyway. Though, he couldn't help but ask, "Why were Harry Potter and his friends brought here too?"

"My speculations," and here Dumbledore smiled, "is either Harry became naturally curious, as he and Malfoy are not on the best of terms, or he really was called and, if that is the case, I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest."

Max nodded.

"You'd best go up to Ravenclaw tower. It will likely be charmed so both of you can fit."

Max nodded miserably, and turned away.