Zoe
I grab my Ipod and choose my wake up playlist, not that I will hear it from the shower, but it's motivating. I slip in and let the water run over me, trying to keep my left arm as dry as I can. We'll change the bandages this morning if I get it wet. Don will probably fix the stitches I popped or glue it shut. Either way I'm going to get an ear full.
I squirt shampoo in my hand and lather up my hair. They're going to want to know what I plan to do about my nightmares. It can't go on like this. Raph said himself, he's through. It has to stop. What can I do about them? I need to get away and clear my head. Okay let's think.
Who is in my nightmares? Zaire and Exodus. Why? Because one is dead and I… let her die and the other I left there. I know the where. I know what they were going to do to us. I just don't understand why I was doing better and now all of the sudden they're back in my head.
I stare at the drain, watching the blood tinted water swirl before it disappears…
"Zoe. Zoe, can you hear me?" Exodus reaches out her fair skinned hand, stroking my arm.
"Shhh," I motion for her to get down behind me. I crouch behind an empty salad bar, "Keep in the blind spots I told you about. If they pick you up on camera it's over for us."
"It's dark in here Zoe. I can't see where we're going like you." The younger girl wraps her hand around my arm. She's shivering.
"Stay close to me X. I've got to get my bags. I hid them behind the dumpster when I was on trash duty last week. Once we get outside we have to get them, then we're out of here."
The blonde agrees, "Okay."
I nod and motion for her to follow me. The night camera is revolving and we're in the only blind spot in kitchen. As it spins around toward the dining area I pull Exodus along with me toward the massive air vent that I covered with a bread shelf. I scoot the shelf, placing it so that the view of the camera will only show the shelf, not what's going on behind it. I reach under the it and pull the tape away from the flathead screwdriver I had hidden and begin removing screws from the vent.
We crawl inside on our hands and knees. My already racing heart jerks and shudders. I replace the vent, resting it in the grooves and it stays. Exodus let's me crawl past her and follows closely. We move stealthily down the winding aluminum space. The cobwebs tangle themselves in my hair, the dust bunnies attaching themselves to my white linen pajamas. Even my bare feet are covered in dust. My eyes start to water and my nose tingles. I will not sneeze. Not now. I move quicker along my memorized route. The walls are closing in on me, my lungs are shrinking and what air I have is fleeting. Breathe, Zoe. Just breathe. Breathe.
We reach the end and I shove the vent out with my feet. I'd removed the screws the same time I hid the duffel bags. Before the vent cover can hit the ground I grab it and lower it down, letting it fall the last two feet of the five foot drop. "Come on X."
She nods and I jump out. Then she follows, landing silently behind me. I grab the grate and motion to her. I stand on her shoulders and place the vent back in its grooves. She may be younger but she's taller and a bit stronger, some kind of horse genes or something. The dumpster with my bags is right next to the vent. I flip off Exodus's shoulders and run to collect them.
A strobe light rotates over the yard. It's guarded by a patrol officer and a watch dog at every corner. I've chosen the most discreet exit route… the sewer.
"Zoe, are you okay in there?" I hear April's voice.
I'm sitting under the stream of the shower and the water has long run cold. It washes over me and I'm shivering beneath it.
"Raph, no! Wait, here I've got a key. I'll get you in, please don't break the door. Zoe, please answer me." I hear April picking the lock, the knob turns, "I'll go take care of Anton." She says softly.
"Thanks April," Raph says closing the bathroom door behind him. "Zoe?" He pulls the curtain back and looks at me.
I don't know how he knows I'm crying with all the water that's rushing over me. It must be the expression on my face or my eyes must be red, they feel swollen. I sit on the shower floor with my arms wrapped around me. He looks down at my wounded arm, it's soaked through. He shuts off the water and grabs a towel, "Come on."
I can't move for the shivering my body is doing. My lip is trembling, my teeth chattering. The muscles in my back are cramping. "I lllefttt hhhherrr." I stammer.
He pulls me from the shower, wrapping me in the towel. "Who?"
"Exodus." I answer him.
"Do you want to tell me about her?" He rubs my back with the towel, warming the muscles that were locking up.
"No," I take the towel from him wrapping it around me and look him in the eyes, "I want to go back for her."
Raphael
"No way. That is not happening." Is she nuts? I know she knows what they'll do to her. She's a mother. She can't be going out on missions. This is crazy. "Not happenin'!"
"Relax. It's not like I'm going today."
She's already planning.
She wraps a towel around her hair and walks out of the bathroom, down the hall and back to our bedroom.
"You're not going ever!" I roar. I follow her, slamming the bedroom door shut behind me.
She ignores me as she dresses. She's giving off that amazing honeysuckle hormone mix of a scent and it's distracting. I step further away from her so I can keep yelling at her. She's totally made up her mind. She's planning it already. I can see it on her face as she runs the brush through her hair.
"Are you listening to me?" I try to hold my breath so I don't lose my focus. I grab the brush from her hand and look in her eyes. Shit. She's practically gone already. "No, Zoe. What about Anton? Who's going to take care of him? What will he do without a mother if somethin' happens to you?"
She snatches the hairbrush back from my hand and resumes running it through her hair. She lays it on the dresser and turns to leave but I'm blocking her way.
"You don't actually mean to leave here." My heart is racing. She'll get herself killed. I'll be raising our son without her. I don't want to live in a world without her, let alone look at part of her every day for the rest of my life, knowing she's no longer in it.
"Say somethin' Zoe!" I yell, maybe louder than I intended, maybe not loud enough.
"I'm going back for her." She nods, "But not right this second. So if you would please excuse me, I need to get this arm re-wrapped, get bitched at for letting it get wet and I'm sure popping stitches, I need to eat breakfast, tend to our son and start planning." She climbs over the bed to go around me but I reach out an arm and block her.
"Like hell," I growl.
"Get out of my way Raphael." She hisses.
She's never looked at me like that before. I don't know what it means. Her eyes are like steel, cold, hard, determined. I've seen that, that doesn't scare me. What scares me is the distance. Her mind is miles away, plotting a way to rescue a girl she hasn't seen in two years, a girl who may not even be alive. Fuck. I close my eyes as she moves around me and out the door. Fuck.
Zoe
I hear everything that was on the dresser hitting the floor or bouncing off the walls and shattering as I make my way down the hall. I stop and resist the urge to go back and calm him down. Because I can. I don't know another soul in this world that can do that. But I can. But I'm not going to. Because I can't tell him what he wants to hear. It would be a lie.
I swallow the lump in my throat and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. Mike is stacking blocks with Anton on the floor in the play area. Only Anton is tugging on the orange tails of Mike's mask and Mike's the one more involved in the blocks. Mike smiles at me and I rub the top of his head and bend over to kiss Anton.
"Did you eat breakfast?" I ask my turtle tot.
"ZOE! I'm not done talkin' to you!" Raph stomps downstairs, yelling at the top of his lungs. He stops abruptly when he realizes Anton is watching him.
"Daddy!" He yells abandoning Mike and running over to Raph who scoops him up into a hug.
"Can you yell at me after breakfast?" I ask smiling at him.
He stares at me. "Get your arm looked at. Now."
He's searching for control. I've rocked him. I understand. But I made a mistake and I have to make it right. If they don't get behind me in this, I will go alone and he knows it.
"Raph this is going to take months to get ready for. Calm down. It will be okay." I try to soothe him but it's futile. Bottom line, if the end plan involves me leaving this house and putting our family at risk, he's going to have a fit.
He growls at me through clenched teeth, "Arm, now."
I roll my eyes and walk past Mike who's now deeply focused on a child's peg puzzle and doesn't look up or say a word.
April and Don are sitting at the kitchen table sipping on cups of coffee and looking over one of Donnie's gigantic books together. I've learned over the past two years that this usually means they've overheard something and want to appear busy and uninterested.
I pad across the kitchen and grab two plates. I pile Raph's high with bacon and eggs. I put some eggs on mine along with buttered toast, an apple and a couple squares of cheddar cheese. He's standing behind me holding Anton.
"Go ahead and sit down. We can share our plates with him, if he seems interested." I nod and he sits Anton in his booster seat next to his own chair at the table. I put his plate in front of him, then mine at my spot and go back for drinks and forks.
I slip into my chair and we eat in silence. Mike walks through the kitchen and out the backdoor, "Going to warm up." He says to anyone who wants to know.
Anton grabs handfuls of eggs off Raph's plate and shoves some in his mouth then squishes the rest between his fingers.
Raph and I are taking bites and glaring at each other. There's a gurgle of a child's laughter and a yip of joy as handfuls of eggs fly through the air and land on Raphael's face.
I bite my lip and try not to laugh.