Right, so here's chapter 2, it's gone a bit weird but hopefully it's ok.
Also, thank you to MirrorSparkles1234 for reading a few bits and giving me some ideas (which I plan to use in my next chapter)
Surprisingly he doesn't say anything about it..he attempts to make small talk but doesn't even give me so much as a reassuring look that he won't tell anyone. We arrive onto the ward ten minutes early where I hurry into the locker room and get changed into my scrubs, they're a snazzy raspberry colour which I much prefer to Darwin's boring blue, they washed me out and made me look rather vampiric. I decide to sit on one of the benches for a moment and I rest my head in the palms of my hands with my eyes tightly closed...
"Zoshie, why are you doing this to me?" her pale face is staring back at me, the dark circles round her eyes make her look exhausted, she looks like she's dying...
"Dr March?...Zosia!" I jump up, startled as I hear a voice calling me. Colette's stood in front of me, eyes wide with a concerned expression on her face, "Zosia?..are you ok?" she queries as I stand up and straighten my scrubs out.
"Fine." I reply bluntly, then I walk out and slam the door a little too hard behind me, bumping into Sacha on my way out who gives me a confused look, apologises and gestures at me to come with him as we walk up towards Dom who's chatting away happily to one of the nurses.
Later on, me and Dom are assessing a patient who's come in with acute abdominal pain, he's examining her and I'm trying to keep my mind on the job and make an effort to look focused. Without me realising, Sacha comes up behind me and puts an arm around my shoulder,
"so, what're we thinking Dr March?" I knock his bear like arm away with a scowl and look helplessly at Dom because I've barely been paying attention to what's happening.
"I..I um" I'm babbling like an idiot when Dom interrupts.
"Uh Mr Levy I'm -" Sacha cuts in, he raises his voice which shocks us both
"I was asking Dr March thank you Dr Copeland!" I find myself backing up slowly, I'm wanting to escape as I stutter
"I'm not..I don't know" everyone in the cubicle is staring at me, the patient very loudly and rudely bellows
"She doesn't even know what she's doing. Barely out of nappies and you're letting them lose on the public? I want a proper doctor OR I'm making a complaint!" Sacha flashes me a look of anger and through gritted teeth orders
"My office Dr March. Now."
I follow him into the small room where he shuts the blinds and sits in the chair behind his desk. I put my hands into the pockets of my scrub trousers to hide the fact I'm shaking like a dried out autumn leaf.
"What's going on with you Zosia? You're a bright girl, you've got potential to be an amazing doctor..why aren't you putting the effort in?" he asks me, he's glaring straight at me and I don't know how to reply without bursting into tears.
"I am" It comes out as practically a whisper and there are butterflies dancing around like crazy in my stomach.
"You're not though are you?" He raises his voice once again and I swallow the lump in my throat. "You stand in the background, the diagnosis never comes from you. You can't hide behind Arthur and Dom, you've got the potential to shine and you're-" He's interrupted by Dom bursting through the door,
"Sorry Mr Levy, it's Ms Harrison" he rolls his eyes and summons me to follow him as he runs over to the patient. We arrive by the bed side and Ms Harrison is writhing in pain,
"Right, I'm pretty sure it's apendicitis..we need to get her into theatre now!" He shouts over the commotion of the ward "Dr March I want you in with me." He instructs me to follow him, I'm trying to think of every possible way I could get out of it but he see's me hesitate. "No excuses Zosia. Scrub in!"
We're in theatre two and they've just anethetised the patient, my gloved hands are clasped together and the bright lights are making my head spin. I'm desperately trying to focus my line of sight on one spot.
"Dr March would you like to make the first incision please" Sacha orders more than asks.
"I.." I decide against refusing, I know it's a waste of time.
"It's all your fault Zosia."
I keep hearing my Mama's voice over and over in my head, which is still spinning as the lights seem to flicker. I take a step towards the operating table.
'My assistants take another silent step forward with me'
I look across to Sacha and take the silver scalpel he's holding out in front of me. I find myself using all my effort to stop my hand from shaking.
'I look up and the faceless figures are upon me, stretching their arms out, entrapping me in their prison.'
I lift my hand up and raise it in line with the patient's abdomen. 'One straight incision' I tell myself 'you'll be fine when you start'. I try to imagine my Mama whispering sweet polish words in my ear, calming me, reassuring me. All I can hear is her blaming me. I can feel the tears beginning to fill my eyes and my chest his rising and falling more and more rapidly. I realise I'm breathing extremely quickly, my vision starts to blur and my head's swimming with thoughts. My ears are filled with all the horrible things my 'Mama' said to me. I step back from the table feeling like a failure.
"I..I can't" I can barely speak through hyperventilating and I feel my hand lose grip on the scalpel. I can hear people calling my name around me, then everything has gone black.
So, there you have it, sorry the chapters are so short, this just felt like a good place to finish. :)