Everything She Does - Chapter 2

by Kadi

Rated: T

The exam rooms were always cold. That seemed to be counterintuitive to the process of having patients remove their clothing and don the always ridiculously thin and completely unflattering paper gowns. If your profession required that your clients, patients in this case, be nude - more or less, given that paper did little to actually conceal anything - then it would stand to reason that the room in which you asked your patients to wait be at least moderately heated. It was not the first time that she had that thought, and she was quite certain that she was not the only woman to whom that idea had occurred. It really was lacking a bit in common sense.

Those were the thoughts which occupied her mind while she sat on the end of the exam table, silently counting the specks in the floor tile, and thinking anything beyond the purpose of the visit. There was no point in getting herself worked up, not until there was something concrete to be worked up about. The more the idea lingered in her head, the more she was convinced that what she had intuitively known was indeed factual. It wasn't only that her favorite skirt had not wanted to fit that morning, the zipper finding itself stuck in the halfway position. Nor was it that she rather enjoyed her morning showers with Andy, and the last two mornings her body had been just too tender, overly sensitive and completely uncooperative.

It was that alien feeling that she remembered from the first three times. The stretch of time between each might have been longer than she would like to think about, and ridiculous in its own right, but it was all coming back to her. Tender breasts, an aching fullness in her lower abdomen, the hormonal imbalance that was causing her emotions to shift without warning or reason. The fatigue, heavens the fatigue. She had almost fallen asleep at dinner last night, and just earlier that day, it was all she could do to keep her eyes open while at her desk. Sharon tipped her head back and exhaled slowly. There was a part of her that wished she had allowed Gavin to accompany her. At least she would have someone who could make her laugh about the absurdity of the position she was currently in.

A knock sounded at the door before it opened. Doctor Evelyn Blaire stepped into the room and regarded her patient with a look that was a cross between sympathy and comfort. She had been treating Sharon long enough to read her facial expressions and mood. She was only a resident on call the night that Charlotte Raydor was born, and had attended that birth in the absence of the then Mrs. Raydor's vacationing OB-GYN. During the follow-ups, they'd found a much easier rapport than with the previous physician, and so Sharon had made the switch. Evelyn had been with her throughout the truncated third pregnancy, and the heartache of that premature delivery. Now, she closed the door quietly behind her and walked forward with the patient chart in hand.

"You were right," Evelyn said gently. "I ran it the second time myself, just to be sure."

Sharon closed her eyes and nodded slowly. "Alright." Now she knew. It was real. There could be no more quivering over it. It was time to move on. "What's next?"

"I'm going to want a few more tests," the doctor said. "We'll want to see just how far into this we are, and depending on that, there are options…" Her patient shook her head and she smiled, no, she hadn't thought so either. "Then we'll leave that off the table unless it becomes necessary further down the road. From the look of you, I don't have to tell you that at your age… well, we've had this talk before. You'll be even higher risk this time, you aren't forty anymore. We have improved a few things in the last ten or so years, namely the genetic testing. I'm going to want to look for any abnormalities…"

"Basically the same routine as last time," Sharon stated, "with a few new surprises tossed in." She didn't mean to be impatient, but delving into the negatives wasn't going to make her feel any better. She'd already thought of all those things. It was an ill-advised, high-risk, complicated situation. "Let's just start at the beginning and take it from there, please?"

Doctor Blaire held the chart in her hands a moment more before shaking her head. "Sharon, are you really sure? I'm not going to talk you into or out of anything, but I wan't to be completely realistic here."

"I know," she smiled gratefully. "The thing is, you aren't going to say anything that I haven't already thought about a thousand times. It is absolutely, completely, and without a doubt totally ridiculous, but it is not a situation that I can resolve. Not on my own. There are other factors that I have to take into account, and I'm not saying that my mind is completely made up, but I need a little more information before I can proceed." She shrugged. "I'm not alone this time, and he really deals better when there are facts so…" She waved a hand, as though asking that they get on with it.

"Okay then." Evelyn smiled. "Let's get started." She pulled the door open and had the nurse join them.

The next hour was spent completing the full exam, which involved the expected blood work and ultrasound which had confirmed more accurately what they already knew. It was difficult to pinpoint the exact gestation but they could estimate ten weeks based upon size. That meant the clock was ticking on any decisions which needed to be made, and the Doctor would rush the blood work through the lab as much as she could.

"We're looking good right now," Evelyn reported. "Everything checks out as normal. Your blood pressure was on the elevated side, but I think we can keep an eye on it." She held out a slip of paper with a prescription scrawled on it. "I think you know the drift."

Sharon wrinkled her nose as she took it. "I wasn't the least bit nauseous until now." The prenatal vitamins only made the morning sickness that much worse. With Ricky it hadn't been horrible. With Charlotte she felt as though she were ill morning, noon, and night. The last time, it was some odd mixture of the two and seemed to fluctuate with her stress levels.

"Yes, I know." The doctor smiled, understanding fully. She had two children of her own. "They're only so wonderful for the appetite." She stood at the in-room computer terminal, making notes. "I want you back in two weeks. We'll have the test results by then and plan on any further discussions. We're going to be seeing an awful lot of each other, if you choose to proceed. You'll need to tell Theresa up front what times work best for your schedule."

Sharon snorted. "That's going to prove interesting all on its own." She rubbed her forehead. "Yes, thank you, Doctor Blaire."

"Get dressed, talk to Theresa. I'll see you in two weeks." She finished noting the electronic chart and withdrew from the room.

The moment she was alone Sharon dropped back onto the exam table and heaved a sigh. It was real.

"My life is a farce," she muttered to herself.

Sharon dressed and left the exam room. She made arrangements for her next appointment and then sat in her car for ten minutes while exchanging text messages with Gavin. She was dodging his calls. All she would tell him was not yet, and he was threatening to hold her down and walk her through it like a ventriloquist with a dummy. At which point she reminded him that she was armed, but such was the nature of their relationship.

She had blocked off the afternoon, and told Lieutenant Provenza to handle whatever came up. She was not to be disturbed. That had led to a diatribe about doing her work for her, and it was really all so much bluster. She had endured it, allowed him to have his fun. Andy wanted so badly to ask. He was trying so hard to be patient and to respect her request for time, but his patience was coming to an end. He could only stand so much, and she couldn't blame him. To him, she knew that she was acting oddly.

Rusty didn't want to know. They had agreed on a non-interference policy when it came to certain relationships of a personal nature. Whatever was going on between her and Flynn, he was steadfastly ignoring it. Sharon was rather glad for that, it was complicated enough as it was without pulling her foster son into it. That relationship still had its tenuous moments. He was still awkward and insecure about many things, but it was an evolving situation, constantly improving. Introducing a new variable into the equation was going to prove interesting, at best.

She couldn't think about it, though. At least not yet. There was only so much that her mind was willing to cope with at the moment. Andy first, and then Rusty. It went against almost everything that she had become these last two years. Everything had become about Rusty. Protecting Rusty. Providing a home for Rusty. Caring for Rusty. Keeping Rusty. Now she had to shut that side of herself down, at least temporarily, and it caused an almost physical ache. It made her feel absolutely terrible, even a bit guilty, but it was absolutely necessary for the next little while.

Andy walked into a quiet condo. There was a home cooked meal, and she had even picked up some of those little pastries that he liked for dessert. Sharon was still walking around, quiet and just a bit withdrawn. He would classify it more as being locked within her own thoughts. That in itself was worrisome. For a man of any age, in love with a woman well out of his league, watching your girlfriend walk around bothered by something she proclaimed to share in time was one thing. Hearing her say, We need to talk, was enough to make a man's blood run ice cold.

It was that moment he was waiting for. The one which had been dancing around at the back of his mind since this thing with them began. It was the moment when she cut him loose, and he steeled himself against the inevitable. Once they were alone in her bedroom, which he had come to think of as theirs, he sat on the edge of the bed and let his hands hang loosely between his knees, while his arms were braced on his legs. The ache had started, low in his chest and spread through his belly. It churned, tightening in a hard knot. His jaw clenched while he watched her pace the interior of the room. When she did finally look at him there was such abject anguish in her gaze that he had trouble drawing another breath.

"Sharon." His dark eyes were hooded. He gritted her name between his teeth and heaved a deep sigh. "Just say it." She would need to be the one. He wasn't strong enough to walk away, not unless she asked.

It wasn't often that words failed her. She fidgeted with her hands, picking at her nails. It was just so awkward. She chewed on the corner of her lip and walked over to sit beside him. "Andy." She breathed his name and leaned in to him, shoulders touching. She needed that connection at least. "It.. I don't… Damnit." Her head dropped back and she moaned pitifully. "This is so absurd," she said, frustrated at her own inability to speak, and the situation as a whole.

"Come here." Andy scooted back on the bed, until he was leaning against the headboard and drew her with him, between his legs. He curled his arms around her and lay his chin against her shoulder. "It's okay." It was going to hurt like hell, but he couldn't stand to see her so torn up over it. He would continue to hold her, just as long as she'd let him.

"I hope you say that again in a few minutes." She lay her head back against him and drew his arms more tightly around her. She closed her eyes and drew another tremulous breath. "Andy, the first thing you need to understand is that it is okay to laugh. It is not a joke, and I am one-hundred percent aware of the ridiculous nature of what I am about to say." Sharon looked up at him with her slightly worried gaze. "I'm pregnant."

"I can get my stuff out—" He stopped. Andy frowned and stared at her. That was certainly not what he expected to hear. His mouth worked but no sound was forthcoming. He held up a hand, but then shook his head when still there were no words making it across the barrier between his mouth and brain. He blinked a few times and finally shook his head. That was not a statement he expected, not at his age. Not when he was staring down at sixty and it was getting closer all the time. Maybe, he decided, he heard her wrong. "What?"

There was such wide-eyed bewilderment in his eyes that she smiled. His statement registered, however, and she tightened her grip on his arms. "You thought I was telling you to leave?" Sharon drew her bottom lip between her teeth and blinked back the sting of tears. "Oh Andy… No. Definitely not. I'm so sorry. I suspected, but I wasn't sure. I wanted to know before I said it out loud."

He slowly shook his head. "That shouldn't even be possible." It was all he could think of to say, and it made him cringe. He felt like nine kinds of terrible about it. "Hell." He ran a hand through his hair.

"I know." Sharon sighed. "It's ridiculous. I'm well aware. It is ill-advised, complicated, and so very, very absurd." She reached for his arms and pulled them around her again. "It's okay to say it, I have. I'm fifty-three years old, this is not the conversation we're supposed to be having. We should be talking about anything else."

"This is why Gavin was here," he said instead, suddenly understanding what would bring the lawyer running and why she would have been so pensive and worried. Andy scowled, somewhat perturbed that the lawyer had known before he had. "You told Gavin?"

"I did." She tilted her head at him. "I needed to indulge my inner drama queen. I know that isn't fair, but he is my best friend."

"I know." He ground his teeth together again and decided to let it go. It wasn't important. He was focusing on the wrong things, mainly because it was hard to focus his mind at all at that precise moment. She had been so pensive, and so worried, and still there was something a bit… fragile… about her. It wasn't a term he would ordinarily use where Sharon was concerned. His fear returned, almost tenfold. More than anything he was reminded that this was not exactly the natural order of things. Creating a life was terrifying all on its own. He had been down that road. They both had. Their children were grown. They were at a point in their lives where they should be looking toward raising grandchildren together, not a baby of their own. It was, as she had said, utterly absurd. Yet, there they were. Andy shifted her in his arms and tucked her tightly against him. "Are you okay?" It was first and foremost the most important thing he needed to know.

"Hm." She shrugged. "I don't know," she said honestly. "Physically I am perfectly fine, except for the obvious. My age has placed a definite question mark on the entire situation. For the moment, I'm healthy." She snuggled against him and enjoyed the feel of his arms around her. Comforting though he was in his own way, and as much as she adored him, Gavin was a poor substitution for the real thing. It was this which she had craved. "Mostly, I've just been asking myself how I could be so stupidly irresponsible."

His lips pressed against her temple. One hand slid down her back, the other rubbed her thigh while he held her cradled against him. "Well, when you find the answer let me know. It might take you a while, Sharon. I don't remember you climbing on top of yourself at any point in all this."

It was, in that moment, and in his own gruff way, the absolute right thing to say. She nuzzled against his jaw. "I love you. Whatever else happens, or that we decide, know that."

Andy tipped her face back and gazed down at her. "It's a two way street, babe. I love you and it comes back to that, always."

"Yes," she breathed. Her finger tips brushed lightly against his cheek. "What do we do now?"

"Hell if I know," he said in all honesty. "But we're going to have to figure it out."

"Fairly soon," she told him. "We are about ten weeks in to this thing."

"You know, if we lived anywhere else this would be a farce. I've never been happier to be living in Los Angeles in my life," Andy let his head fall back against the headboard.

"Thank you," she said, and meant it. "You're the only person willing to agree that my life is a farce."

He arched a brow at her. "Gavin?"

"We're normal for LA. I'm actually, apparently, young for the current trend." She shuddered. "It's a bit preposterous if you ask me."

"Agreed." His head inclined. "Okay. So we talk about it. You know, let's treat it like we would anything else. I'll ask the obvious question first, and you answer with the first thing that comes to mind. We don't have to go with it, but we'll put it on the table."

"Alright." She sat up a bit and shook her hair back. "Go for it."

"Abortion."

"No."

There was no hesitation, and in response, his hand simply stroked the length of her leg, from knee to ankle. "I'd say that settles it then." There was no reason to explore it further, he would support either decision fully.

Her eyes closed. "I suppose I just needed to say it. I'm sorry. That isn't exactly fair, it should at least be discussed. It might actually be the right thing to do given the circumstances, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it."

He cupped her cheek and smiled. Andy shrugged. "Babe, you had me at no. It was your first, immediate, gut reaction. That's all I gotta know."

"That doesn't actually leave a lot of options, does it?" She asked, and despite the situation, a smile curved her lips.

"I'm sorry," he shrugged. "Call me old school. What else is there to talk about?" His brows drew together and he gave her a concerned look. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Only if you want me to shoot you," she replied with a smile.

"You are so hot when you're armed," he husked.

"Down boy," she snorted at him. "That's what got us into this predicament."

"You seduced me with your violent, gun wielding ways," he drawled. "What was I supposed to do?"

She laughed. "Well, this was not the result I was going for." Sharon turned in his arms so that she was straddling him. "So then… this is happening?"

He was still reeling from the initial announcement, but he nodded. "This is happening. Unless you're prepared to tell me that this is some crazy practical joke that you cooked up with Gavin?" Her eyes narrowed and Andy nodded. "Then it's happening."

"I don't want to tell anyone yet," she said. "There are some tests yet to do, and in a few weeks the amnio…" It would not be her first time around that little curve in the road either. It wasn't pleasant and the waiting was excruciating. "We may be right back here discussing options in a few weeks."

"That's understandable." It seemed more than reasonable to keep it to themselves, until they knew what lay ahead of them. "We keep it right here," he gestured to the two of them. His hands settled against her sides and fell to her hips. "I wanna go the next time. You aren't alone in any of this. You know that, right?"

"I know," she said quietly. She cupped his face and bent, kissing him gently. "I just needed to confirm or deny what I suspected."

"Yeah." Andy sighed. "I get that. I do… but here's the thing. If we're going to be honest with each other, that means we have to be honest. It doesn't really work if we're only half-honest. But believe me, the irony of me saying that is not lost on me." His hands rubbed up and down the sides of her thighs in a comforting gesture. "This one is kind of a big deal."

"And that is not lost on me." She exhaled slowly and shook her head. "The thing is, I could have very well been wrong, and then—"

"Doesn't matter," he told her. "Look, we're in this together, or we're not. And I ain't just talking about being pregnant or not. I love you. I'm here, Sharon. Unless you decide otherwise, I'm not goin' anywhere." Andy reached up and swept a lock of hair behind her shoulder, then traced the side of her neck. "Got it?"

"Hm." She nodded, momentarily unable to speak. Tears blurred her eyes. She traced the outline of his face and leaned forward to softly kissed him. "Got it," she whispered against his mouth. "You know, the downside of jumping into a relationship at our age is that we both come with baggage. It can be an upside too," she acknowledged. "Thing is, you're absolutely right. You are here, and I'm not exactly used to that. I'll try to d—"

His thumb covered her mouth, silencing her. "We'll figure it out." Andy exhaled on a low, rumbling laugh. "We're going to have to, seems like it's not just us now."

"Yes, so it seems." Her head tilted, her face settled into a soft, warm expression. "Might not be so bad. Feels like a little bit of the old, if I had known then what I know now, made reality. Doesn't mean that any of what we are about to face is going to be even remotely easy. This is somewhat… life altering."

"Somewhat?" He gave her a wry look. "You pick some odd moments to be optimistic, Sharon. I think we should just say it how it is. Our lives are turning upside down and we are staring down a road that is chalk full of insanity. We are…"

"Old," she stated with a grin. "You can say it, Andy. I'm fifty-three, honey. I have no illusions about this stage in my life. You aren't going to offend me, I've been saying it plenty."

"I was going to say seasoned," he said, making a face at her. "We can go with old if it makes you feel better."

"Well, you wanted me to be honest," Sharon smirked.

"I'm trying to have a moment here," he huffed in mock exasperation. "This is me being the supportive boyfriend and you're completely blowing my entire speech."

"Oh, yes, of course. My apologies." She sat up a bit straighter on his lap and shook her hair back. Her eyes gleamed. "Go ahead."

"No, now you've ruined it." He exhaled loudly. "I'm going to go back to being hardheaded and obtuse."

"Ah, but you're so very good at that too," she drawled. Sharon laughed when his arm curled around her and she was flipped onto her back. He loomed over her, eyes suddenly dark. When he drew her arms over her head and held them against the mattress, she arched beneath him. Her head lifted off the bed, meeting him halfway in a kiss that had heat curling through her. She pressed herself against the length of his body and slowly drew her legs up to twine around his hips.

When Andy drew back, it was only by small degrees, and only to gaze into her face. Her eyes were pools of dark jade, staring back at him beneath heavy lids. Her lips were swollen and turned slightly downward in the near pout that he found sexy as hell, and always made him want to kiss her again, and again, until he could lose himself in her completely. When she moved beneath him, the tiniest shift, the slightest press of her soft body against him, he exhaled a low groan and pressed against her in answer. He saw the answering response in the darkening of her eyes, and the way her teeth tugged impatiently at her bottom lip.

"This is really happening," he said, repeating their earlier statements. It was still surreal, hard to completely comprehend or imagine.

"It really is," she said quietly, voice thick, rasping with emotion and desire. She tugged on her hands and he released them. Sharon lifted her head and her lips brushed his, a simple caress, hardly a kiss at all. Her hands moved to his shoulders and one slipped down his arm to fold around his much larger hand. A simple nudge, the twist of her hips was all it took to roll him off of her and move atop him.

Her hair fell over her shoulder, cascading in dark, layered waves over one shoulder. She held his gaze for just a moment, and took the hand she held to press against her stomach, high just beneath her chest. Then slowly drew it downward, and beneath the hem of her simple, fitted t-shirt to the low waist of her yoga pants. Her gaze dropped while she followed the progression of their joined hands with her eyes, the corner of her lip was drawn beneath her teeth. She held is hand there, low over her abdomen, allowing him to feel what she had attempted to deny. It was hard, and there was just the slightest rounding. Enough so that certain items of clothing no longer fit, but hardly noticeable at all to those unaware of what lay beneath. Her eyes lifted, slowly, and she watched his reaction. It mirrored hers. Enough wonder to pay due to the act of creating new life, but there was worry. There was fear and uncertainty. The road they were facing would not be simple, and it might not end well. It was certainly not of their choosing, but it was real, and neither of them were turning away.

Andy drew her back down to him and rolled, so that they were laying on their sides, facing one another. He tucked her hair behind her ear and traced the curve of her cheek. "Reality is a bitch," he said, stating the obvious. "We might not like where this leads us."

"Yes," she agreed quietly. Once again, she was laying in her bed, with a man she loved, a man she trusted more than anything, quietly discussing the uncertainty of the future. "There are no guarantees. There are health concerns, defect concerns, risk concerns…" Sharon sighed. There seemed to be more stacked against than for. It was what made it so very ill-advised and ludicrous. "Our kids may be livid, they may not, it's really hard to say. We may find that we never have to tell them at all."

Her voice hitched just enough, with just the slightest tremor, that he pulled her closer. "Or it may be fine. There are no guarantees, like you said. Let's not think too far ahead yet. Start with a day at a time. We don't know what's going to happen next week, but we can do a day. That's nothin', it's easy."

"Easy," she echoed with a smile. "Okay. Just a day. We can do that."

He curled a lock of hair around his finger. "Good. If you could also refrain from rolling around in bed with other men, that would be great too."

She saw the humor in his eyes, and shoved him away playfully. Sharon sat up, but he drew her back down, this time, her back to his chest. His arms engulfed her completely, and he pressed his face into her neck. A hand splayed across her stomach, beneath her breasts. The other drifted lower, until she sighed and covered it with her own. It was real, it was happening, and they were facing it together.