Chapter Two

"How are you?" Robin asked as she walked in the room to check on her patient.

"Um … well ..." Alexis was in the hospital gown sitting on the side of the bed. "I'm going to snap next time someone asks me that."

"That's what I'm here for …" chimed in Lainey, who walked in after Robin.

Alexis smiled at the two women.

"I know it's scary, but you have me and Patrick, Epiphany and Bobbie are the attending nurses …"

"Good ..." Alexis replied nervously.

Robin nodded. "Where … um … where is your husband? Your daughter? Nikolas?"

"I'm right here," Nikolas interrupted, walking in with a supporting smile on his face.

"Okay, Patrick and I will be in in a few minutes to prep you." Robin took Alexis' hand in hers. "The surgery will go fine."

Alexis nodded and wiped the tears off of her cheeks with the back of her other hand.

After Robin left, Lainey walked past Nikolas towards Alexis. "We need to talk privately one more time before you go into surgery. Would you like to do it now, or after you and Nikolas talk?"

Alexis looked up to Nikolas. "Well, I'd like to be happy when they roll me in, so, no offense Lainey, but I'd like to talk to Nikolas after …"

Lainey smiled. "Okay, no problem."

Nikolas politely excused himself after giving Alexis a kiss on the forehead and Lainey pulled up a chair.

"Talk to me."

Alexis let out a sigh of frustration, anxiety, sadness. "I've been more frightened before. Not during the epidemic, or the times I've been trapped in elevators, or even the car wrecks … but when Kristina was born premature, when she was sick, when she was kidnapped, when Molly was born, when Sam was sick, when I thought Nikolas had died, when my mother was murdered, after my sister died, after my brother died … my God Lainey, this is a piece of cake."

Lainey smiled. "You've been through a lot."

"But none of that was about me, really. It was other people dying, being sick … other people I thought I'd never see again, or that I won't see again. I'm just, not used to thinking that I'm the one this is happening to. I'm the one who won't keep living …"

Lainey was silent for a moment.

Alexis wiped the tears away again and continued, "I'm just so frustrated. My husband is working, which I told him to do … I mean, we've been through a hard time this last month or two, and then he slept with … with my daughter, and I just … I'm sick of it. I don't want to see him. I don't want him to lie to me and tell me that he loves me. I don't want him to touch me, kiss me, comfort me … I want him to stay away, but, I know he'll try to be here before the surgery … and … I just don't want that. And Sam … she's been so supportive, so helpful through this all and I can't help but think that she's … I don't know, doing it to make up for what she did."

"But she doesn't know that you know."

"No, she doesn't, or at least I don't think so. But in her head, maybe if she's good to me now, there for me, that when I do find out, I'll still love her … which is ridiculous because I'll always love her. I mean, I think she's self-destructive and wrong for … well, a lot of things, but Lainey, I do love her. I've loved her her whole life … but, I also hate her. She's got her entire life ahead of her and she's pining over a man who could get her killed, who could get her loved ones hurt by just standing next to them and I'm so … so sick of talking about Sam and Jason!!" Alexis started crying. "What do I do? Do I tell her that I don't care if she gets back with him? I mean, she needs someone to support her through this whole mess, but, I don't want her … hurt, Lainey … I can't … I can't go through this thing with her being with him. Why? Why is this so hard for me to give up?"

"Because of all the people that you've lost. Your mother, your sister, your brother…"

"Chloe, Cameron, Za…Zander…"

Lainey nodded. "You're tired of people dying around you."

Alexis looked away. "I'm just tired of being the one alive."

Jax walked in, hearing Alexis' confession. "What!?"

Alexis jerked her head to Jax and couldn't control her sobbing. He ran to her and took her in his arms. He looked over to Lainey angrily and turned his attentions back to Alexis. "I don't EVER want to hear you say that again!" He pulled back and forced her to look at him; she still sobbing. "You will live, you will not give in on this. You're strong, you know that! I … I can't believe you … how could you say that?"

Alexis shook her head, not able to speak.

"Jax, we were in the middle …"

"No, I want you to leave … NOW! How could you come in here and upset her like this?! Get out!"

Lainey stood up and Alexis finally spoke. "No! Lainey, stay. Jax, I'm sorry, I was just … I was talking … I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did."

"Fine!" She was getting angry. "Fine, Jax, yes, I'm sick of this! I'm sick of not being in CONTROL of this thing, or my own LIFE for that matter! I'm sick of living in a world where my BEST FRIEND never talks to me, unless a crisis comes up, where my daughter Kristina has a father who's in the mafia, where my nephew has to deal with his psychotic grandmother constantly, where everyone in this town thinks I'm crazy because I want my children to live SAFE and normal lives. I'm sick of living in a world where I can't scream out to everyone in this God-forsaken town that my daughter Molly's father slept with her SISTER!"

They heard a gasp at the door and looked over to see Sam, Nikolas, and Sonny standing perfectly still.

Alexis' eyes met Sam's. She didn't fell sorry. She was glad she said it. It was finally out. The two women stared at each other for the longest moment, no expressions on either face, just pure shock.

Alexis looked away to the floor. "Now you all know that I know. Can I get this stuff out of me now?"