Chapter 2:
Disclosure and Forgiveness
Dean held onto Sam…his Sammy…rocking slightly in his embrace…Sam held him close, letting Dean feel his love in his encompassing arms…an eternity passed it seemed, before Dean could bring himself to let go…he pulled back, resting his hands on Sam's soild forearms…he reached up to brush his thumb over the ridge of his brother's high cheek bone for a moment, before Sam reached up and grasped it, kissing his brother's wrist softly and turning his cheek to rest in his brother's palm…he sighed softly…
"Dean…where'd you go?...I was worried sick…We always make it a point to wake up together…and when you weren't there…I thought…." He broke off, swallowing down his tears…
"What, Sammy…thought what?..." Dean asked quietly…
"I thought something or someone had taken you away from me again…" Sam whispered, as tears streaked down his cheeks…
Dean crushed him close again, feeling the rapid rhythm of his brother's heart against his chest…" I'm sorry Sammy…I didn't mean to cause you to worry and I certainly didn't mean to hurt or scare you…I…I just wanted to surprise you is all..." Dean said, his low, rumbling voice working to soothe his little brother's fear…
"You did? Well, yeah, you did…the poem…the letter….the rose…beautiful…and wonderful…Thank you….really…thank you….and I know you wanted to surprise me, but I would still be surprised even if you left a note saying something like…"Had to run out and grab something, didn't want to wake you….be right back…" at least then I'd know you left on your own…and that I could expect you back…" Sam said, locking eyes with hid brother in a serious gaze…
"Geez, Sammy…sometimes you are such a girl…" Dean said, his trademark smirk gracing his lips…
Sam cuffed him lightly on the arm…"Am not….jerk…" he said in an exasperated tone…
"Are to…bitch…." Dean said back, grinning…his grin shifted a bit as his tone became serious again for a moment…"Sammy…I'm sorry…I was so focused on surprising you that I didn't even stop to think how it might look if I just left without warning…I promise…next time…I'll leave a note, Ok?"
"Ok…." Sam said, smiling warmly…"So…are you going to answer my question?" he asked….
"Ah…well…you see, the rose and poem and stuff…was only the first part of the surprise…and well…..you're kind of ruining the second part of the surprise, cause you're up and you can see me…I don't want you to see me, cause, like I said…I want it to be a surprise…so…why don't you go hop in the shower, Sasquatch, while I get the rest of the surprise ready…" Dean said, a mischievous grin playing on his lips…
Sam peaked his brow…Dean was up to something…Sam moved to embrace his brother, bending slightly to capture his brother's earlobe between his lips, humming over the tender flesh softly…he wrapped his arms around his brother's body and pulled him close, grinding into him lightly as he stroked up and down his chiseled back…Dean moaned…he thrust his arms beneath Sam's and snaked them upward to grip his shoulders…he pulled him firmly back…"Sam…you know what that does to me…" he said softly as Sam gazed back into his eyes…
"Um hmmmm…I know exactly what it does to you…" Sam said, smirking at his brother…
Dean's eyes narrowed as he looked at his mischievous brother…"Sammy, that's cheating and you know it…" he said sternly…
"Ah… come on Dean…I know you're up to something and I want to know what, so I employed my knowledge to try to get it out of you…I mean, I was gonna be a lawyer for christ's sake…one the first things you pick up on in the field is finding a chink in the opposition's armor and exploiting it…" he said, smiling deeply at his brother, only to have his smile slide away and be replaced by a worried frown…his brow furled as he tried to understand the look of sadness and distress on his brother's face…
"Dean, what's the matter…I was only teasing, you know that, right?" Sam said, placing his large palms on either side of his brother's jaw…
"I know you were teasing Sammy…it's not that…" Dean said, his eyes closing as tears started afresh…
"Dean…what is it then? What did I do wrong? Please! Tell me what's wrong?" Sam said, genuine worry flooding over him once again.
"It's not you Sammy…it's me…I screwed up…I caused this…all of this…you were gonna be a big-shot lawyer…have the house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog...I took your life and ripped it away from you…this is all my fault…if I had never showed on in your living room that night, none of this would have happened…you would have been safe…Jess would be alive, Dad would probably still be alive…this is all my fault…I'm sorry Sammy…I'm so sorry!!!!! I fucked everything up for you…" he said, heaving sobs stealing over his body…
Sam crushed him close…enfolding him in his arms…rocking him murmuring soothing words to him…he pulled Dean back for a moment, clasping his brother's face in between his hands…"Dean…look at me…come on…look at me…." Dean reluctantly opened his eyes to look at Sam's…
"This is not your fault…I promise you it's not…when Azazel had me and Simon and Ava and everybody in that ghost town, he came to me in a dream, or vision or, well…however he was able to reach our minds…anyways…he told me he wanted me back into hunting, to make sure I was up to the task when it was time to "take my rightful place as the leader of the army"….he was the one who set this thing in motion… not you…he said he would have dragged me back in to hunting in one way or another…he pulled dad off on the lead that made him disappear from the Woman In White case…he wanted you to come and get me and get me back into hunting…if it hadn't happened that way, he would have figured out another way…so you see, this is NOT your fault…he played you, used you as a game piece to get at me…you couldn't have fought it or stopped it anymore than I could…ok?"
Sam said, stroking his brother's cheek…
"He told you that?...Why didn't you ever tell me that Sammy?" Dean said, the hurt in his voice evident…
"I'm sorry Dean…I didn't want to worry you…I should have told you…you've been hurting ever since, thinking was your fault…oh God…I'm so sorry Dean!!! I'm sorry!!! " Sam closed his eyes, realizing now how much pain he could have prevented his brother from feeling…."I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I should have told you…." He pressed his forehead to Dean's…"…please forgive me, Dean…I'm so sorry…"
"Sammy…we both made mistakes in how we handled the situation in the past…you didn't know…how could you? I never told you how I felt…it's my fault for not asking you what happened…" Dean said, smoothing his brother's tears away…
"No, Dean, you should have had to ask, I should have told you…" Sam said….
Dean chuckled softly…"I guess we were both doing the wrong thing for what we thought was the right reasons…and look…all we did was barrow pain and suffering for the both of us…man…we're both idjits, as Bobby would say…."
Sam smiled a lopsided grin, his watery eyes gleaming softly in the morning light..."Yeah…I guess we are…Dean…let's not do that again, ok? I mean…we don't have to write each other a tell-all book or whatever, but…let's try not to be stupid like that again, ok?"
"Yeah Sammy…agreed!….But for now…" he said, kissing his brother deeply for a moment before pushing him back until he was at the edge of his reach…he turned his brother toward the bathroom door, he gave his brother a swat on the ass as he shoved him toward the bathroom…."go get yourself a shower….I need at least 20 minutes…I mean it…any shorter and you'll ruin my surprise…" he said sternly…
"But Dean…" Sam pouted, rubbing his stinging ass cheek….
"Sam…if I have to carry you in there and lock you in, I will….now go! " Dean said, his voice just loud enough and containing just enough force to make Sam sure that he would do just that if he didn't comply…
Sam pouted even further…"Ok, ok…I'm going…" he grabbed up his clothes and toiletries and made his way to the bathroom…he stopped to look back at Dean, making a last ditch effort to over- come his brother with his patented Puppy Dog Eyes look…
"Sammy…" Dean said in a menacing growl…he was determined to do this and not even Sam's nearly irresistible Puppy Dog Eyes look would deter him….
Sam pouted even more fiercely now, his secret weapon failing to work on his brother for the first time he could remember…he stalked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut…Dean heard the lock click in place…moments later, he heard the taps running, then heard the sliding glass door of the full-height shower closing…he sighed, shaking his head for a moment, before he got to work…