Doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find.
Or buried deep inside.
Everybody lies.
-Jason Walker, Everybody Lies
Gillian woke up, sat upright, looked around through sleep-hazed eyes, and thought: this isn't my room.
She started.
Oh, God. I really did that, didn't I? I joined the circus.
"Morning," mumbled Jade from the top bunk of their bed. Gillian looked up, eyes locking onto the springs that, when pulled, would collapse the bunk-bed into one neat slab. They looked rather rusted.
Gillian backed out of the bed, eyes on the springs the whole time. She definitely didn't want to be crushed to death by a mattress. That would be a stupid way to go.
Gill scanned the room. Blaise—who worked on costumes, makeup, and publicity—sat awake on the opposite side of the tent. Keller and Rashel were still in bed, presumably sleeping off their night shifts (they worked as guards). Maggie, sprawled out on her bunk, was most likely just pretending to be asleep so no one would bother her—Gillian recalled Thea (the makeup artist/ part-time animal trainer) teasing her about that. Poppy was also still in bed, pillow over her head.
Besides that, the tent was empty.
"Oh, good, you're up." Blaise looked up from her sketch-pad. "Mare wants to see you."
"Oh," Gillian nodded. "Is she still in the green tent?"
"Last time I checked," Blaise answered, brushing a dark strand of hair behind her ear.
"Wait up," Poppy moaned, her words muffled. She sat up in a maneuver similar to a push-up, her arms shaking. The pillow fell off her head and onto the floor. She soon followed it, landing in a mangled heap.
Gillian took a step forward, worried, but the others seemed unconcerned. Neither Jade nor Blaise moved at the sound. Maggie chuckled in her 'sleep'.
"Are you okay?" Gill asked.
"Sure," Poppy sighed, then opened her eyes. "I've got business on that side of camp, too. I'll come with."
"Are you sure?" Gillian asked. "Maybe you should get some more sleep. It seems like you could use it."
"Eh," Poppy gave a messy shrug. "My mornings are always like this."
"Morning?" Blaise muttered. "Poppy, it's twelve o'clock."
"Twelve?" Gillian asked, surprised. She'd never slept that late, not once in her life.
"Yeah," Poppy stood, then doubled over. "Morning."
"Seriously, though," Gillian took another step forward. "Are you okay?"
"Great," Poppy straightened up. "I'm ready when you are."
-0-
Gillian stepped out of the tent and discovered it was indeed 12:00.
Iliana and Thea waved from their perch on the concession stand counter, each with a slice of toast in their hand. Next to the, was the boy Gill had met the night before.
He was occupied with a giant soft pretzel, but when he saw Gill, he set it down to wave. "Congrats," he called. "You made it through round one."
Gill wasn't sure if she was so happy about that. Last night, everything had seemed so magical. Now the place just looked shifty.
She smiled back anyway.
"That's David," Poppy told her. "He's an extra hand around here. You know, sets up, cleans, occasionally works as a clown, sometimes he helps Thea and Blaise with costumes, usually he mans the food booth."
"Yeah," Gill nodded. "I saw him last night, picking up."
"He's a real nice guy."
Next, they passed several boys putting together a stage out of the bed-slabs, the cots doubling as tumbling mats.
"They'll put a giant tent up around it and it'll be used for the fire breathing act." Poppy told her, catching her glance.
"Fire breathing?" Gill asked, eyes wide.
"Yeah, didn't you see the show last night?" Poppy inquired. "Jez and her cousin, Delos, do this amazing 'blue fire' show, and Iliana does her little dancing, flipping thing around it. It's really something."
"I must've missed it." Gill shrugged. "Honestly, I was much more interested in the animals."
"Ah," Poppy nodded. "Galen. He teaches those animals the most amazing tricks." Poppy went on like that—talking about acts Gillian had not yet seen and people she'd not yet met.
Finally, they reached the green tent Gill remembered from the night before.
"Here we are," Poppy nodded at it. "You'll do great, I know it."
Gill smiled. "I hope so." Though, honestly, she wouldn't be too upset if she were sent home. What had seemed like a wonderful idea the day before, now, quite frankly, scared her half to death.
I ran away to join the circus. She couldn't help but think. And now, it seems, I just might be accepted.
-0-
Mary- Lynnette watched the girl walk in.
Gillian reminded her a bit of Iliana- delicate with a certain feel of sweetness about her. Her clothes were rumpled, as if she'd slept in them.
"Tell me," Mary- Lynnette said, "did you pack a bag before you ran off?"
"Well," Gillian blushed, "no."
Mare nodded. "Did you tell your parents where you were going?"
"My father's gone. I left a note, but I doubt my mother will ever be sober enough to read it." Gillian replied, looking slightly embarrassed. By her parents, Mary- Lynnette would guess.
"Now," Mare leaned back in her chair, "show me what you can do."
She was good. Limber, and she knew some basic moves. Though she hid behind her hair in a way no performer should. Something would have to be done about that.
Mare curled one finger in a beckon. Gillian stepped forward.
"Well, there is definitely work to be done." Mare leaned forward in her chair. "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to go home, pack a bag, and tell your mother what's going on. You will work things out with her, and if that means you not coming back, then fine. But if you do come back…" Mare looked her up and down. "We'll talk some more then, get the specifics all worked out." Gillian turned to leave.
"I can't promise you a spot in a show anytime soon, though," Mare called after her. "You've got a long way to go before you'll be ready."
-0-
Poppy lay down on the cot, watching James as best she could from her new vantage point.
"Now then, when did the pains start?" James asked in that businesslike tone he used when doing his job as camp doctor.
"Two weeks ago." Poppy said. "The first one came when Jade was trying to teach me how to do a series of round-offs, you know, like a whole bunch in a row?"
James nodded, "And what did it feel like?"
"Well…" Poppy thought on it. "It was sort of a shooting pain that went all the way to my back. I thought I'd sprained my stomach or something."
"How long did it last?" James asked with a furrowed eyebrow.
"A couple minutes," Poppy said. "But it came back that night."
James pulled on a pair of gloves. "And how long did it last then?"
"Longer," Poppy shrugged. "It would last a long while, then sort of fade, and I'd think it was gone, then it would come back. It took several hours for it to stop for good."
"And has the pain changed in anyway since then?"
"No," Poppy shifted on the cot. "It still feels the same, and it lasts longer and is more painful at night."
James looked troubled. "May I?" He gestured at her stomach.
"Oh," Poppy fought back a blush. "Sure."
His hands probed her stomach. And Poppy, telling herself he was just doing his job, couldn't help but like it.
She'd had a crush on James ever since her father—who worked as a clown—introduced her to his coworkers, and it hadn't faded one bit. The soft brown hair and deep grey eyes—those were the things that had won her over from the start. Then, she'd worked up the nerve to say hi, and it had only taken one conversation before she knew they were absolutely meant for each other.
"Right here?" He asked, gently tapping her abdomen.
"Yeah," Poppy said, trying her best not to sound infatuated.
"Well, there's definitely something there," James said, then took her pulse and several other readings Poppy had no hope of understanding. "I'll talk to Thierry, and get you in to see a more specialized doctor."
"What?" Poppy raised an eyebrow. "A specialist? Why would I need one of those?"
James hesitated, then said, "I know there's something off, but I can't exactly tell what. A specialist would be able to do that, and would be more certified to prescribe medication, if needed."
"What do you think I have?" Poppy asked. "What kind of specialist would I be seeing? Not one with needles, please tell me there won't be any needles involved."
James gave up a hint of a smile. "I don't think there will be needles, but I can't say for sure."
Poppy grimaced. "Oh, great." She hopped off the cot when she saw him taking off the gloves. "Hey, you never told me what you think I have."
"I can't." James turned away from her. "I don't have the kind of training to do that."
"But you have a hunch," Poppy insisted.
James sighed. "Yes, I have a hunch."
"Well?" Poppy prompted. "What's your hunch?"
"I think…" James' eyes darted around the room, as if looking for something else to do, but finding nothing, he faced her. Though, he wouldn't look her in the eye. "I think maybe you have a tumor."
"A… tumor?" Poppy's voice rose until it was nearly a squeak. "Please tell me you're kidding."
"Like I said," James hurried over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. It didn't give her tingles this time around. "I don't know for sure, I'm not qualified enough to give the diagnosis. And besides, cancer like this is rare. It's probably nothing. A sprained stomach, like you said."
"If you really believed that, you wouldn't be so eager to get me to a specialist." Poppy felt miserable.
"Are there any other symptoms?" James asked. "There are hundreds of possibilities, other maladies. Maybe if there are other symptoms we can cancel out a tumor."
Well," Poppy said, her spirits buoyed a bit by the notion, "I haven't been very hungry. When I first get up, I feel really dizzy and nauseous- but bending over usually helps."
James looked like she felt: terrified.
"This isn't helping, is it?" Poppy guessed. "It's just making you more sure."
"I'll talk to Mare, and she'll get word to Thierry." James didn't even try for denial this time. "He can get you a better doctor."
"Oh, god." Poppy sank down, landing heavily on the dirt floor of the 'clinic', a makeshift tent near the edge of camp.
James knelt down next to her, putting an arm around her and pulling her close.
Great, Poppy thought, he finally puts his arm around me and it's because I'm probably going to die of a rare cancer.
They sat like that for a while.
"James," Poppy said into his chest, "don't tell anyone about this- especially not my dad."
"I won't." James promised after a moment of hesitation, probably thinking of her father. "The bosses will be the only ones to know."
Poppy nodded. "Thank you."
"But, you know, you won't be able to keep it a secret forever." James said. "It will… progress until it will be impossible to hide it."
"I know." Poppy leaned into his chest a bit more forcefully, trying to burrow her way further into his arms.
"They'll be mad when they find out." James told her. "Well, maybe not mad. Upset that you have it. Upset that you didn't tell them."
"Everybody lies." Poppy said. "Besides, if I told them, they'd only try to make things easier for me."
"Well, yeah," James said. "But, would that be such a bad thing?"
"I want things to go on like usual," Poppy said. "I don't want everything to change all at once. I need at least some semblance of normalcy or I'm afraid I just might loose it."