"When do you fly out?" Alison asked a few hours later over a glass of wine.
"Tomorrow morning," Jason replied around his glass
""Can I ask a favor?"
"Ticket's all yours," Jason said, moving to get his phone to call the airport.
A smile broke out on Alison's face, and that was all the thanks that Jason needed.
"The next morning Alison was up before the sun rose. Her car would be coming to get her any minute, and her anxiety about what today would hold was through the roof.
Jason stood in the doorway to Alison's bedroom, watching her gather her belongings.
"What are you going to say to Emily?" he asked.
"I'm gonna ask once and for all what we're doing. Because you're right, Jason, this isn't fair. To anyone. But above all to the girls. They have to come first. And as much as I would hate it, if the best thing for them is the worst thing for me, then that is what I need to do."
"Spoken like a great mom," Jason said, looking at his sister proudly.
"Thank you," she said, moving to hug him once more before leaving, "for everything."
"You're my sister. Anytime you need me, I'm always here."
Before she knew it, Alison was back in an airplane seat and waving hello again to Pennsylvania. Though it may have been only a few weeks since she'd left, it felt like a lifetime ago that she'd walked the streets of her hometown.
She asked her driver to drop her off around the corner from her house, partly because she wanted to take in Rosewood again, and partly because she wanted to see if Emily's car was in the driveway.
She checked the time on her phone. Emily should still be at work, but would no doubt be home any minute.
Her nerves were shot and before she could talk herself out of it, she shoved her key in the door and walked inside. Everything was where she left it and she might have been imagining it but it still smelled faintly of the cookies she baked with the girls before she left.
She quickly hurried upstairs and grabbed their luggage from the attic. She brought the biggest one downstairs and made her way to her and Emily's bedroom. She stopped in the doorway, the realization of what today might bring dawning on her. The room was the same, as she thought it would be. The bed unmade, as always. Alison was always the one who made the bed. She couldn't help but wonder how many times in the past few weeks the twins had crawled into bed with Emily. And she couldn't help but wish she was there for it.
She lifted the suitcase and put it on their bed. She quickly ran back upstairs and started shuffling through the twins' wardrobe. God, they had a lot of clothes. Just as she was packing up the new raincoats they'd bought the girls, she heard someone shuffling through the house.
She knew immediately it would be Emily, so she grabbed the two newly packed suitcases and started to carry everything downstairs.
Emily was still in the foyer when Alison came down the stairs. Alison didn't say anything but she did take into account the shocked look on her wife's face.
"Ali?" Emily asked surprised "What are you doing here? What are you doing?" she asked when she'd seen the suitcases in Alison's hands.
"I'm packing the girls' things. I left a suitcase for you on the bed." Alison brushed off. She put the two suitcases on the couch and started grabbing random things from the living room, pictures, toys, books
"What? Where are we going?"
"Oregon. The three of you are coming with me."
"Ali, we can't," Emily said, the shock starting to wear off.
"Yes, you can. You just won't," Ali said, finally making eye contact, "Emily, I am not running. Not now, not ever. And I think I have done a pretty fair job at proving you that to you for the past 4 years. I am here. I am always here. I'm not going anywhere. You can trust me," Alison pleaded.
"You can't just swoop in and uproot our whole lives, Ali," Emily said, moving to put all the belongings back where Alison had plucked them from.
"Because you cared so much about uprooting mine? You're the one who basically kicked me out of my house and now have full-time custody of our kids."
"We both agreed that it was the right decision for you to go to Beacon Heights," Emily said, standoffishly.
"No, Em, you thought it was the right decision. You didn't give me much of a say in the matter."
Alison was starting to get frustrated again, and she knew Emily could hear it in her voice.
"Then, why did you go?" Emily said, her tone matching Alison's.
"I wasn't given any other choice!" Alison yelled, "You told me again and again to go! The first time that I'm not running from you when things get hard and you're the one shoving me out the door."
Emily didn't say anything.
"Emily, what are you so afraid of?" Alison asked. This was it, once and for all. All on the table.
Emily was quiet for a moment, and Alison knew she was trying to figure a way out of this. It was a practice Alison knew all too well from Emily.
"I'm not doing this now," was all Emily said. That was the final straw.
"Then, you can call the lawyers and start having divorce papers drawn up."
Emily's eyes shot right up to meet Alison's.
"Is that what you want?" Emily asked, the slightest crack in her voice.
"No! I want you!" Alison yelled, "How many times do I have to tell you that before you hear me?"
Emily was quiet again.
"Emily," Alison said, waiting for Emily's eyes to reach her again, "Why don't you believe me when I say that?"
"I," Emily started, "I don't know."
"Can you come sit with me?" Alison asked, sitting down on their couch. Emily tentatively walked over and sat next to her. Alison waited a moment before reaching over and taking one of Emily's hands in both of hers. She had a silent victory when Emily didn't snatch it away.
She gently rubbed her thumb over Emily's thin, long fingers.
"I know that I never gave you reasons to trust me. I know that I hurt you. I know that I crushed you. Believe me, I know," Alison's voice started to crack, but she pushed through, "But I am not that person anymore. I want this, all of this. I want you, Emily, for forever. You have made me a better person and you have been my light in every dark situation. You make everything in life easier to bear. And you make parenting with you my favorite thing on this planet. You are the love of my life, Em and I will shout it in at the top of my lungs in the town square if you want me to."
Alison was relieved when she'd heard a slight chuckle come from Emily. She was on a good track here.
"But Emily, if what you want, is for me to walk away for good, then I need you to be upfront and to tell me. Because I will sit here and I will fight for you for the rest of my life if need be, but if it's going to go nowhere then, I need you to tell me. It's not fair to you or me. And more than that, it's not fair to the girls."
Emily still didn't say anything. But Alison knew her wife enough to know the signs of when she was breaking through. She continued on.
"But if there is the slightest part of you that still wants me, then know that I am here. Every minute of every day for the rest of my life. Every fiber of my being is your's Emily. But I need you to start trusting me."
Emily took in a deep breath, and Alison knew she was taking in everything she'd just heard. Slowly, Emily's brown eyes met Alison's and for the first time in months, Alison saw something behind them that made her heart burst.
Hope
"You are everything. When are you just going to believe that?" Alison said, squeezing Emily's hand gently.
"I don't know," Emily said again, and Alison felt herself start to crumble. She had gotten nowhere.
"But I think it's time I start trying," Emily said. When Alison's eyes shot up to meet Emily's, she saw the sweet smile on Emily's face. There she was.
They just looked at each other for a few moments, seemingly taking each other in like it was the first time they'd met.
"I'm sorry," Emily said, finally breaking the silence.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never gave you reasons to trust me."
"You gave me plenty," Emily rebutted, "I just never wanted to accept them. I think I've just been so scared that all of this is just going to get ripped away from me. That you'll just walk away again and again. And deep down, I know that you won't. I do, Ali, I know that. But it's just-"
"Hard," Alison finished for Emily.
"Yeah," Emily agreed, "But Ali, I want you. Every part of me wants you."
"Really?" Alison asked, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Yes! God, I've been miserable here for weeks without you around," Emily confessed, her voice thick with tears.
"Oregon is awful without you."
"I'm sorry," Emily said again, "I feel like I'm never going to get done saying that."
"I'm sorry," Alison repeated.
They were quiet again, Alison knew that Emily was trying to find the way to say something.
"Don't-" Emily started, her voice cracking, "don't leave again."
Emily moved to wipe a tear from her cheek, but Alison's hand got there first. She cupped Emily's cheek in her hand and wiped her tear with the pad of her thumb. Emily leaned into the touch, and Alison smiled.
"I'm not going anywhere without you ever again," Alison promised.
Alison brought Emily's face closer, and leaned her forehead against Emily's. They stayed like this for a moment, just taking in each other's space again. Existing together, as one.
Emily was the first one to pull away, but she stayed close. She took the time to look at Alison, to take her all in again. Every inch that she'd come to know like the back of her hand. Her soft blonde hair, her bright blue eyes, the smile that always made her melt.
"Ali," Emily started.
"Can I-? Ali said at the same time.
Emily smiled brightly.
"Kiss me," she whispered.
Ali leaned in tentatively, nervously. Emily's fingers trembled as they gently reached for Alison's face. Their lips pressed together oh so gently, one of their infamous barely-there kisses.
It was like it was their first very kiss. And in some cases, maybe it was.
Ali traced Emily's jaw with her fingertips as she pulled away.
They sat in each other's arms for a moment, letting everything else melt away. Peace within each other's arms, like always.
"So I guess we're saying goodbye to this place, to home," Emily broke the silence a few moments later.
"Emily, wherever you are is home to me."