Disclaimer: Still not mine… no donations… not an inch closer to owning it.

Summary: TV cooking taken to a whole new level.

Cooking with Snape

Chapter 2: The Concept of Pancakes

Lights turn on, the camera zooms in on the familiar kitchen and Snape, already adorning his floral apron and hairnet. He smiles, what in his case could be considered, warmly at the camera, some of his teeth are missing.

'Welcome back to Cooking with Snape,' he smiles, spreading his arms. 'Unfortunately, we could not acquire a Tebo for the Tebo stew, therefore today we'll be making pancakes and a student has volunteered in tasting it.'

'I didn't volunteer,' a voice calls from off the set. 'You promised extra-credits!'

'As I was saying,' Snape continues, ignoring the voice. 'Pancakes, there are two variations of them, but since we are not in Greece nor have a stock of essence of Pan, the mythological god, we will be making the variation using pans used for cooking. I will be using my personal favourite; the frying pan.'

He produces said frying pan, one sporting a dent in the form of his face. Suddenly a tooth falls out on his hand and Snape smiles triumphantly.

'There you are, now Poppy can restore my teeth to their former glory. I knew Lily couldn't have been that cruel,' he says to himself before realising the camera is still running. 'Oh, sorry, where were we?'

'Pancakes, you idiot. No wonder the Marauders were always picking on you,' the student off screen yells.

'We are not here to discuss my childhood, thank you very much,' Snape snaps back. 'Right, pancakes. Of course we cannot use a whole frying pan. It is too big and few people can actually bite a piece off of it. This is easily solved though.'

Snape picks up a bow sitting next to him on the counter and holds the frying pan over it, before pulling out his wand. 'Reducto,' he says and the frying pan is blasted into very thin dust which falls neatly in the bowl. 'Right, now add milk, eggs, a pinch of flower and sugar… hum… I seem to have forgotten to order sugar. Well, no worries, if you don't have sugar at hand, you could always use a sweet and innocent first-year student for that, however if you are not at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry don't have a first-year student available at home, you can also use either a Fairy, a Puffskein or a Snidget.'

'Snidget's are protected, ass,' the student off screen interjects.

'Shut up, you little twit or you'll never graduate,' Snape snaps back yet again.

'Like anyone would give a shit, Auror training would already welcome me with open arms,' the student retorts. 'Just go on with the damned show so we can get this over with.'

'Right, okay, when everything is mixed together you can pour the mixture in the cake forms. You can of course use any form you want. I will be using flower forms. Now once you're done, you can put them in the oven for about an hour before they are done.'

-one hour later-

'Welcome back, cakes have turned out just perfect and I now present to you; Mr. Ronald Weasley, our taste bud of today,' Snape grins, his teeth now all back in place.

'If I die of food poisoning, you do know Mrs. Potter will kill you, right?' Ron grumbled as he walks onto the set.

'And what reason would Lily have to kill me?' Snape asks, raising an eyebrow.

'I am her son's best friend, if you have forgotten,' Ron retorted. 'Now give me one of those damned cakes and pass me for potions and I'll be on my way.'

Snape hands out a cake and Ron takes a tentative bite, almost immediately spitting it out. 'A piece of charcoal tastes better,' he manages to get out between spits. 'I'm going to find Hermione and see if she had a way to get this foul taste off my tongue.'

With that he walks off, leaving a fuming Snape behind. 'And you've failed potions!' He calls after Ron.

'Passing potions is not even near worth eating that,' Ron calls over his shoulder.

'Oh well, that's all the time we have. Enjoy your pancakes and don't forget; "A bubbling cauldron is a content cauldron".'

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the last. Suggestions still welcome and also tell me what you think.