A/N: Yes, you got to me guys. I had not expected people to want more, especially since I just really wrote this totally selfishly for myself, but you did, so here it is.
Worries To Carry Alone: Chapter 2
The next days, Blaine unravels inside.
Kurt can feel it with every hug, the man in his arms shaking in his skin, and trying to press it down, whatever it is that is rising in him.
"What's wrong with you?" it is a desperately angry hissing sound that Kurt can hear Blaine only weakly utter to himself that night as they lie in bed, every sound muffled by a pillow Blaine's face is resting on heavily, dead weight.
That is how Blaine feels. A dead weight in Kurt's arms, a dead weight in Kurt's life. 'Useless!'
Kurt has been lying more hours awake than asleep with Blaine these past nights.
Kurt always, ALWAYS the big spoon.
They are lying like this tonight too. And because Kurt has found out the past days that words are counterproductive with Blaine right now, have Blaine, clearly at a loss for words himself, feel even more isolated, Kurt strengthens his hold around Blaine in response to pretty much anything, strengthens it tonight to answer the muffled sounds.
The waiting that comes after is to Kurt the least bearable part.
When Blaine, eventually, quietly turns in his arms Blaine's eyes are wide and '... changed,' his lips are trembling, seconds later his cheeks are wet, and then ... Blaine is sobbing.
Any other day Kurt would hate to see his boyfriend like this, any, well, most other days tears being a sign of distress.
They are now too, Blaine is in pain.
Kurt knows though, Blaine has been in pain ALL this time – numbness, hollowness you cannot communicate a pain all of its own, deeper, darker, ... out of reach, unremovable.
Pain.
Those tears mean more though. They are a sign that Blaine is feeling something again.
Kurt does not push, does not pull.
There is no drying these tears tonight, "I love you," the words are warm and the hand coming to cup Blaine's cheek is soft. "I love you."
Kurt lies awake until the early morning hours, not once letting go of the man in his arms. His hold only easing once he slips into an all-consuming sleep of exhaustion.
Blaine is up before Kurt the next morning, busying himself with breakfast.
Still, Kurt takes off the day, and then another, from work and school, makes Blaine do the same.
And then he tries to make Blaine smile, tries to make him feel ... happy. With long walks and serenading him on the open street, with hot chocolate and kisses, with flowers and cheesecake.
With love.
They have made a promise to each other after all. To not back down again, from their problems, challenges, confusions – to not push each other away ... nor let go.
And it is hard to know when what is needed. Because in the end all they have to go on are their instincts, the things they have learned from past triumphs, the things they have learned from past mistakes, the things they have learned from loving each other.
Making changes, adapting to a new situation, a new challenge, that is not the hardest part, people say it is ... but that is not really true. The big problem are not the times you are busy with something new, the challenge are the times that lie in between, the times of waiting, of waiting for the changes to take effect, to make one feel ... new.
And so Kurt knows, whatever it is Blaine needs to find a way to do, to change, to find, he needs to be there for it, help Blaine through the moments when doubt creeps inside his mind, clouds everything, takes away too much.
Waiting. It is the hardest thing Kurt has ever learned to do well. To not get frustrated and lash out and widen the rift between himself and whoever he is waiting for.
Waiting for his mom to get better.
Waiting for his dad to smile again.
Waiting for someone who would want to touch him, hold his hand, hold all of him.
And then there is the nagging doubt that he is not doing enough at all. That holding Blaine and loving him and being here, and walks, and ice cream and singing are not the right thing to do. Not at all.
Kurt is not naive.
He knows.
He knows there is no pill or vaccine, one for all, like with the flu or a headache. Depression is tricky and can come and leave in the span of minutes, moments, seconds. Can outstay a person's everything. Destroy ... everything.
And so in the days to come, turning into weeks, he watches, and waits and takes care to take care of himself too, so Blaine will have no reason to blame himself for anything that is happening right now once they really talk about it all, and Kurt has still his hope that they will.
And then, two and a half weeks later, Kurt having watched Blaine try and pretend he is better, he is "... okay Kurt, I'm okay, I was just under the weather," Kurt calls his dad.
A/N: Now you got me to get myself curious about what Burt would do. Oh well, I guess with the GIANT hiatus ahead of us I will have the time to write this too.