...See, I am still alive. I'm just slightly hidden behind other freaky stuff at the minute, but I am still alive and still very much into this fic. So now on with the story.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned FMA. I really do, but alas... -sobs quietly-

---

A sharp knock at the door distracted Roy from his thoughts, said door opening as soon as the person on the other side was sure they had given him adequate warning.

"Alphonse is here, Sir," Hawkeye informed him from the doorway.

"Send him in," came the reply. The Lieutenant nodded and opened the door fully to reveal a large suit of armour, which she then ushered in and closed the door behind.

"You wanted to see me, Sir?" Alphonse asked nervously.

"It's about your brother," Roy began seriously, confirming the younger Elric's fears; he had noticed the boy's pale complexion, the dark circles under his eyes and the obvious weariness of the way he moved. "When was the last time he slept?"

"On the train here..."

"Properly, I mean."

Alphonse stayed silent; Edward pretended to sleep at night, but he could tell the blonde was keeping himself awake on purpose. The only time recently he had slept properly had been while they were travelling, when it was virtually impossible to avoid being continually jolted awake.

"I take it he hasn't slept recently, then," Roy sighed; his young charge was turning out to be far more trouble than he had bargained for.

"He's only actually been asleep on the train, or when he's been completely exhausted," Alphonse said quietly. He felt like he was betraying his brother, but Edward wasn't taking care of himself and he was worried. Besides, even if Edward couldn't (or wouldn't) see it, Alphonse knew that the Colonel was looking out for both of them, and already helped them as much as he could without generating suspicions about the brothers' intentions by finding leads for them while they were away so that they could both rest while they were back.

"What about drugging?" Roy asked suddenly.

"Sorry?" Alphonse looked up in surprise.

"Would it help if we drugged him?" the older alchemist asked, his face and voice deadly serious.

"I'm not sure..."

"By the sound of it, that's the only way he'll sleep. It's a last resort, but if he won't sleep then the next time you two get into one of your 'situations' he'll be in serious trouble."

He was right; the last time Edward had been forced to fight, Alphonse noticed that his reactions were slower and his movements more sluggish than usual – he had very nearly intervened, before the adrenaline kicked in and Edward's trademark speed and sharpness returned.

"So is it a deal then?" Roy asked. "You try everything you can think of to make him sleep, and if that doesn't work we drug him?"

"I've already tried," the armour admitted sadly. "Nothing worked."

"So we drug him..."

---

Alphonse approached the dorms with trepidation, the guilt of betraying his brother's trust and apprehension about the results twisting around his soul like enraged snakes, drawing his attention from his surroundings so much so that when he automatically stopped in front of the door to their dorm he jumped slightly in surprise, not remembering how he got there.

"Brother?" the armour called softly as he pushed the door open. Edward looked up from his position on the bed, the alchemy book in his hands losing his attention instantly at the tone of his brother's voice. "The Colonel wants to see you."

"No," Edward answered with a snort. "The Colonel wants to get a rise out of me to give his ego a workout while he tells me to stop being childish. I'm not going."

"I think you should. It isn't a great idea to annoy the 'higher ups', especially on purpose..."

Edward regarded him suspiciously for a moment, before sighing in defeat and rising from the bed.

"I guess you're right..."

---

"You wanted to see me?" Edward asked shortly, walking straight into Roy's office without bothering to knock.

"Yes, there's something I'm a little curious about, and it seems you're the only one with the answer," Roy replied calmly, closing the door behind the blonde as his other hand checked the syringe. Edward tapped his foot irritably, noticing Roy fiddle with something in his pocket but deciding that he couldn't be bothered asking, arguing, and then leaving without an answer anyway.

"What?"

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

The boy paled and froze in place, half of his mind trying to produce an appropriate response while the other half raced through suggestions and ideas for how he could have known; it couldn't have been Alphonse, he would never betray him like that; he was too tense and alert when he handed in his report for any hint of tiredness to show thought; he had (or so he thought) successfully blamed his exhaustion on a combination of travel and 'having to sort out other peoples' mess' when Alphonse had made him check in over the phone during their last mission-

"If you're trying to figure out how I know, Al told me," Roy's voice interrupted his thoughts. So it was his brother... "I already had my suspicions, he just confirmed them."

"He's seen me sleeping," Edward croaked, shaking his head and backing away as he forced his voice to work.

"He's seen you pretend to sleep; he knows you far too well for that," the Colonel said evenly, priming the syringe in his pocket. The boy's golden eyes flicked down to the Flame Alchemist's concealed hand and his mind clicked to what Roy was planning.

"No..." he whispered hoarsely, backing away still further.

"Do you have any idea how worried he is about you? Being slowed down by exhaustion is dangerous at the best of times, never mind the kind of situations you get yourself into, and your tendency to jump in and fight the second someone says or does the wrong thing."

"I can't..."

Edward's back hit a wall, hands feverishly feeling for something to help him, mind paralysed with fear and eyes still fixed on the pocket of the approaching alchemist as though he could see the syringe hidden within.

"Why are you so determined to avoid it?" Roy asked, genuinely curious, pausing for a moment to give the boy a chance to answer.

The shrill ring of the office telephone pierced through the silence left by Edward's reluctance to answer; Roy's attention flickered towards it for less than a second, and the blonde's fight-or-flight mechanism – already in overdrive – chose flight, sending him sprinting past the Flame Alchemist and towards the door.

Without even bothering to try and grab the handle in his current state, Edward automatically brought his hands together and threw them out in front of him, the force with which they hit the door jarring his bones and raw nerves. A bright blue flash and the resistance of the door vanished, leaving him free to run through, towards the main office door that was now in sight.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Havoc appeared in front of him and managed to get a good grip on him; the force Edward was applying to get away meant that almost immediately he had to resort to wrapping both arms around the boy as tightly as possible to keep him in place. Less that a second later Roy joined him, however this just made him struggle more and push forwards despite two grown men trying to restrain him.

"Hawkeye!" Roy caught her attention instantly. "Left pocket!"

Without questioning him, she plunged her hand into his pocket and withdrew the syringe, knowing from her briefing earlier what he wanted her to do with it. Both men momentarily tightened their grip on the boy to keep him remotely still while Hawkeye pushed the needle into the exposed skin at the base of his neck and released the contents into Edward's bloodstream. The blonde alchemist froze when he felt the tip of the needle break into his skin, fear paralysing him for a moment, until it was removed and his struggles resumed more violently than before as panic took him over.

"Don't let him go!" Roy hissed to Havoc through gritted teeth, the strain Edward's efforts to escape were putting on him heard clearly in his voice.

Edward felt his limbs growing heavier, his vision tunnelling until he could barely see the room in front of him, yet still he struggled. He couldn't let anyone know what kept him awake, especially not the Colonel – he had to get away from there before they found out, before they realised just how weak the supposedly powerful Fullmetal Alchemist was, and before they discovered just how unstable he was.

He had to get out and find a way to stop the effects of the drug.

He had to get out...

Had to...

The blonde's legs buckled as he was finally pulled unconscious, the two soldiers taking his weight between them and carrying him back into the Colonel's office where they rested him on the sofa. Havoc stayed in the office for a moment, a look of concern crossing his face.

"Chief?" he began. Roy looked up from where he had been regarding the blonde with a small frown. "You should probably keep an eye on him; it's not normal for anyone to fight against it that much, he's probably got a damn good reason and he's just not telling us."

"I know," Roy answered in a low voice. "I was thinking the same thing."

As Havoc left the office, the raven-haired alchemist repaired the door and returned to his desk, trying to reason it out. He had assumed that Edward was just trying to punish himself for something, but there was no way the boy would take it that far, and now that he thought about it, it didn't make sense for him to do that to himself when it could endanger his chances of returning Alphonse's body. Yes, the boy was harsh on himself and insisted on shouldering their burdens by himself, but that was his way of making sure he pushed forwards to achieve his goal. In some ways, it was admirable how much he pushed himself. In others, it was plain stupid. Either way, Edward knew the importance of being on form if he wanted the best chance, so that couldn't be the reason – no matter how much he wanted to punish himself, Alphonse would always come first.

He had been trying to puzzle it out for over an hour when the smallest of movements caught his eye; the boy's flesh hand had tightened into a ball and the knuckles on it had paled with the force, and his entire body was shaking. Roy immediately went over to him, checking him carefully. Distress was plain to see on his young features, and the feeling of needing to wake up was coming off the boy in waves.

"Havoc," Roy called, opening the door of his office.

"Yeah?" the Lieutenant answered.

"I thought you said this induced dreamless sleep."

"It does," Havoc replied, coming to stand beside the Colonel, his gaze drawn to the blonde on the sofa as he registered the fear and upset on his face.

"Then explain that."

"I've never seen it before. I've heard about one or two really extreme cases where something got through, but no-one's sure what they were. They were so bad that the patients wouldn't talk about them afterwards."

"Well that's useful. Is there a –"

Roy's voice caught in his throat the second he realised what Edward had done, both men sprinting over to him at the same time. Havoc pulled his real arm away from him and lifted it high as Roy pulled the boy up so he was sitting and wrenched the automail down away from the scarlet wounds, again wrapping his arms around the boy to keep him still, this time jamming the steel prosthetic between himself and Edward. Bright red blood dripped down from his forearm where he had dragged the automail across, apparently trying to wake himself.

"The idiot!" Havoc hissed. "Hawkeye, get the first aid kit!"

"Already done," she answered, entering the room with the tell-tale green box in her hands.

At his request she took Havoc's place, holding Edward's arm aloft as he pressed a pad of gauze on and began bandaging it – he could clean the wound later, when he had calmed down. Now, however... Roy was struggling to stop himself being pushed away by the automail, and by the pain coursing through his chest his efforts were probably being repaid with a couple of bruised ribs. Ignoring the ache, he increased the pressure, gripping his hands together around Edward and holding him as tightly as possible.

"I'm sorry..." a soft whisper reached his ears. Again, quieter: "I'm sorry..."

It suddenly hit Roy why Edward had been so scared of being forced into sleep, why he kept himself awake – because every time he closed his eyes he saw his mother, and relived the night of the transmutation. How could he have been so stupid? How could he not have realised that was behind it all? It was a trauma that only Edward carried, so even Alphonse couldn't truly know the extent it reached as most of his memories of that night had been wiped out.

"Damn it!" he hissed, cursing himself for his idiocy – this was only going to make it worse.

"Sir?" Hawkeye questioned, both her and Havoc watching him carefully, the bandage now secured on his arm.

"How long until this wears off?"

"It's a short-span one, so it shouldn't be too long," Havoc answered. "About another hour at the most."

"I can handle him for that long. You two man the office, I'll stay here."

Both soldiers nodded uneasily and left for the main office, shutting the door quietly behind them. Roy looked down at the blonde boy as he got lost in thought again. Of course it would still haunt him, it was obvious now he thought about it, but for it to be strong enough to break through a drug as powerful as that... He couldn't even begin to imagine what Edward had gone through that night, and if he was completely honest with himself, he didn't want to.

His attention was drawn back to the present as the tremors in the boy became sharper and more defined, his small form now wracked with silent sobs, tears staining his face as a deep ache took over his features. For the first time since they had met, Roy saw just how deep Edward's pain ran; he wondered how the boy had coped even this long, not only with the memories of the transmutation, but from events that had transpired since, and how he was possibly able to hide all of that from everyone else, even his own brother.

Because he's scared, a voice in the back of his head answered. He's scared that he's too weak, and he's scared of facing up to it. He's scared that if he admits how much it hurts, even to himself, he won't be able to move forwards. He's scared of what he's capable of, and he's scared of who he's become.

Roy's dark eyes widened at the thought – he knew that feeling all too well after Ishbal, but Edward... He knew it on a far more personal level than anyone, and that, coupled with his acute – although often masked – sensitivity, could only ever be a bad thing.

The tremors began to lessen and eventually subside, the tears drying on his face and leaving no trace. Roy released the boy and laid him back down, sitting himself on the edge of the coffee table as he waited for him to wake.

Edward sat up slowly barely ten minutes later, leaning forwards and letting his head drop into his hands as he controlled his breathing to calm himself. Roy watched him silently, unsure of what he should do – the boy was volatile at the best of times, but after he had put him through that... Roy wasn't sure he wanted to find out how he was going to act. Another few minutes of silence passed before Roy spoke.

"Ed..." he began. He had barely opened his mouth to continue when the boy stood silently and left the room, avoiding eye contact with Havoc and Hawkeye as he passed through the outer office, not even acknowledging Havoc's attempt to apologise. Roy walked over to his door and watched him leave, the main door shutting silently behind him.

That was a mistake...

---

Okay, not all fluffy-parental, but I really want to shove this one in here 'cause I've got a chain of these and they are about their relationship, so... Yeah, I'm just making excuses now. I shall wander away now, and sit under my rock hoping for someone to tell me what they thought of it. Until next time, my pretties...