Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered. - Lucas Scott, 5x15

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The day Nate left on his boat, Serena knew he wouldn't back, the next time she'd see him would be at some party or in the halls or courtyard of St. Jude's and Constance. It was then she also knew or rather realized that she couldn't take care of Blair on her own. She wasn't anywhere near as strong as everything thought she was, Blair only seemed to be getting worse and worse by each passing day, and she was just a seventeen year old girl, nothing more but blond hair and long legs. The only person she knew would understand was the person who'd never let her down before, the only trouble was he was in Brooklyn and she was in the Hampton's.

Maybe it was a bad idea, or maybe it was the smartest idea she could possibly make all summer, but then she remembered how Blair had helped to get rid of Georgina, and aided him to help destroy her, if anyone could help save her best friend it was Dan Humphrey.

She'd pushed him away, going to the Hampton's for the summer wasn't her idea but she also wasn't about to leave her best friend out there all alone either. She'd promised him they'd stick to a daily ritual, calling every night at nine, usually the last verse of "No, I love you more" or "No, you hang up first." would end around three, just in time for one of Blair's 'episodes'. He'd offered countless times, to come out no matter what he thought about the Hampton's and the people there, but truthfully she didn't know where they stood. Calling him however was the only option, he was the only one who could probably get through to Blair, he might now have the been the Waldorf's biggest fan, but he knew how much she meant to Serena, and what would occur if she was to wind up next to Chuck. It was a risk Serena was willing to take even if it meant getting hurt.

"Listen, I know I said I need space...but I lied. I need you Dan, I can't do this on my own anymore, I tried to pretend like I could but I can't. I don't know what to do Dan, I don't...I can't do this alone anymore." Serena had managed a whole conversation out on one breath as soon as she heard him pick up his phone "I need you Dan."

One small confession, in the middle of the night had lifted a weight off of Serena's chest. One confession, told Dan that she truly needed something to hold onto, and be taken care of for a change, instead of the other way around.

She was weak, fragile, and broken. Even if she was a Waldorf, the pain she so desperately tried to mask just seemed to grow with each breath she took. Never would she have admitted only six months prior that Chuck Bass was her safe house, he took care of her, he'd been able to get her to open up, in ways people would have never expected from Blair Waldorf.

It didn't matter to her, that his heart along with other things were beating in her body, she needed him. Every single inch and fiber of him, she needed it.

The nausea rising up in her stomach, was just yet another clear reminder he wasn't coming back, that with everything that would occur in the next few months, he wouldn't see. All the books, could tell you your loved ones were with you even if you couldn't see them, but to Blair it was all bull shit and garbage, Chuck wasn't with her, he was gone.

Serena's constant banging on the solid oak bathroom door was what pulled Blair out of her thoughts. Slowly pulling herself up off the cold tiled floor, she sighed seeing the imprint from the tile that had etched itself onto her knees. Walking slowly over to the door she held tightly onto the granite counter top to steady herself.

"Come on B, open the door."

the blond begged from the other side. With a small click from the lock Blair emerged. Her eyes blood shot, her face as white as a sheet, even her perfectly brushed 100 times hair, was nothing more then an absolute mess. Serena had never seen her best friend look this way, never, it was so completely and utterly foreign.

"B...tell me you weren't doing what I think you were doing in there."

Laying down on top of the silk comforter, Blair swallowed hard "Why would I start to do the thing that made my heart fail in the first place?" She asked coyly.

"...B..I heard you...me and Nate, we've both heard you..."

"Nate's gone S" Blair replied simply, not bothering to make any sort of eye contact "How could he possibly hear me when he's probably half to Vermont by now, to see his precious Vanessa."

There'd never been a definite reason as to why Nate had just picked up and left, out of the blue. Deep down both Serena and Blair knew it was because he couldn't handle any of it for much longer. He'd lost his best friend, just like Blair had lost her boyfriend, and Serena her step-brother. He to was upset about it, and needed his own time to mourn. The note had been simple, not pointing any fingers as to why he had left, neither Serena nor Blair could it against him, he'd done all that he could, but he needed his own time as well.

"Blair, please don't bring her into this. You know she has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. He told her what I told Dan, he needs his time to." Sitting down next to Blair, she sighed, putting a hand on her back "I know this is hard on you, and this pain doesn't seem like it'll even go away but it will get better B, it will."

"So says the girl who has someone to go home to, in a couple days" Blair returned coldly, as she looked up at her, her lips pursed tightly together "its really none of your business what I'm doing Serena, if I wanna throw up I will, it's not like I have much say in it, or any type of control."

"Blair, your talking crazy, of course you have control over it."

Getting up, Blair shook her head walking back over to the bathroom door, staying silent. Sighing she held onto the brass door handle, her head looking down. Looking back for a brief minute she sighed "...I really don't S...I really don't." She said with tears in her eyes as she walked back into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, locking it immediately.

"I wish I could get into her head Dan" Serena murmured as she curled up closer to Dan, taking in all the features she'd so badly missed for the past 2months "...I get that she's hurting, I really do but...something not right, there's something going on we don't know about."

"Do you really think she's purging again?" He questioned cautiously "I know she can be...difficult for lack of better words at times, but, I don't think she'd risk her life like that again, especially after what happened last time."

Running a hand through her hair, the blond nodded casting her gaze up at the sky. The beach was absolutely perfect at night, the entire summer she'd been sneaking down once Blair had fallen asleep and she knew Nate was watching her, it'd been nice then, but even nicer now that she had Dan. She felt silly for having doubted their relationship all summer, when they were perfectly fine. The moment he walked in through the large doors, she got all the same feelings she had when she was with him flood back to her, he really was her safe house.

"Ok, so I'm officially the worst girlfriend in the world" She laughed as she picked her head up from his chest "I should be kissing you right now, not hassling you with all of this."

"I want you to get some sleep tonight Serena." Sitting up a bit, he kept his arms around her, looking down at her "I'll stay up with her, you look like you haven't gotten a full nights sleep all summer. Its time for you to be taken care of."

"Dan...I can't" She protested sitting up all the way "What if she needs me?...I haven't left her side for one night...I can't."

"Yes you can...I'm going to stay up with her. If something happens I'll wake you up in a heartbeat, but for now you need to be taken care of. You need sleep, I've had plenty all summer without you in my loft. Please Serena."

"I love you Dan Humphrey" Serena whispered looking into his eyes, biting down on her lower lip "with everything I have in me."

"Not now S" Blair mumbled as she walked back into her room, from the bathroom. Her head was spinning and all she wanted to do was to curl up under the covers, and pretend that everything was like it was 6months ago. The constant knocking on her door wasn't helping as she was sure it was Serena wanting to check up on her. "I said not now S..." she dragged off as she saw not Serena but Dan Humphrey "Cabbage patch" She stepped up coldly, her death glare shining right through.

"It's great to see you to Blair" Dan responded "Seriously, I must say this is the absolute highlight of my summer Waldorf. Couldn't have gone back to St. Jude's without seeing you."

"You can leave your sarcasm at the door, along with those lovely good will hand me downs your wearing. If you came to mock me Dan, I'd rather you not, I've got plenty more on my mind, I don't need to be burdened by you as well."

"I figured I'd give Serena the night off" He responded keeping his cool. He had to tell himself that it was the hurting Blair talking, not the normal Blair. Even if the normal Blair was normally bitchy 24/7.

"Well I'm fine...totally and utterly fine" She nodded, not bothering to make eye contact with him. Not because of who he was, but because she knew she'd lose it for the hundredth time that day. She didn't want him or anyone else to see her cry, it'd show her weakness, something she wasn't about to let anyone see. "Go be with Serena...she needs you...I don't"

Walking over to the bed, he ran a hand over his face before sitting down. He could see the pain just radiating off of her, this wasn't the Blair Waldorf he knew, just the shell of what once was. Cautiously putting a hand on her back he shook his head "Serena...she's really worried about you Blair. We...we all are."

"Don't ever underestimate how much she loves you Dan" Blair whispered, her eyes filling up slowly "That girl is so head over heels in love with you, I've never seen her before like this, never. You have to take care of her, because...I can't anymore." She chocked up as she gripped tightly to the comforter "I just can't"

"Blair whats going on? And don't give me the whole nothing I'm just mourning crap, this is not the Blair Waldorf I know. The Blair Waldorf I know would call security on me because I have my hand on your back. If you can't talk to Serena the please talk to me, its killing her seeing you like this, it really is. You can trust me."

"You wouldn't understand" She whispered "The pain...it never goes away. Nothing I do will stop it. I close my eyes and I see him, I drift off into a day dream, I see him...I look at myself I see him!...I took his life Dan, if I hadn't been so stupid and took all those pills, he'd still be here."

"This is going to sound incredibly odd, especially since you have a new heart and all but...have you taken anything?...I'm sure you have some sort of anti-anxiety medicine laying around. This might be the time you really need it."

Swallowing hard Blair quickly shook her head as she slowly stood up "No...no I definitely can't do that, no no no." Walking over to the window she continued to shake her head as she peered out the window "I won't risk it all."

"Risk what?" He questioned as he watched her closely "I'm totally against taking drugs to relive emotional pain and what not but you need them Blair, you know you do."

"Whatever I tell you, never leaves this room" She answered as she walked back over to the bed sitting down "it'll leave this room when I'm good and ready for everyone to know...I swear cabbage patch if anyone finds out...that lovely loft you and your family live in will be gone faster then you can blink...Not even Serena can know"

She was serious, he could tell. Putting a hand on her knee he nodded "Your secret is safe with me Blair. Not even Serena will know until if or when your ready to tell her."

Leaning over Blair did a very unlike Blair thing to do and hugged Dan tightly. For once she actually saw him as a friend, not just another reject from Brooklyn. Pulling back she took in a breath, chewing down on her unglossed lip "Dan I...I'm"

AN: They don't call me the queen of cliffhangers for nothing :) enjoy, and please please please review.