"…All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand
Drag me down
If you fall then I will too
And I can't save what's left of you…"
-Breaking Benjamin
Kaidan stared at the ceiling of their apartment as her scent wafted around him seductively. Some nights he would just lie in bed and inhale the familiar smells that still clung to the room. If he tried hard enough he could convince himself, if only for a moment, that she would walk in and berate him for his laziness or carefully slide into the bed next to him and lay her head on his chest.
Of course it was these delusions that brought the pain back twice as hard when he realized that she would never touch him again. He would never feel the warmth of her skin as she snaked an arm across his stomach and curled into his embrace; nor would he ever hold her against him as she fell asleep.
Knock it off Alenko! His own voice barked the order at him. You're a soldier dammit! Now act like it! Taking a deep breath Kaidan forced the memories of her behind the wall of stoic duty he had been steadily building in the back of his mind. He found that the more he locked away the higher the barricade became and the more effort it took to maintain the emotional distance he had kept since his collapse on Alchera's surface. The lieutenant knew that soon he would have to deal with the raging storm beyond, but not now.
"You can't be serious?"
The question hung heavily in the air as all eyes leveled on Councilor Anderson accusingly. The older man sighed and looked at his hands folded on the table.
"I'm sorry. But there just isn't enough to go on."
"What about all the data we've collected?" Liara asked, her normally docile manner forgotten.
"What data? There is very little hard proof that the reapers…"
"If you want hard proof take a walk up to the tower," Wrex grumbled. "Or did you forget about the proof that is still scattered around this station?"
The councilor leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms as he sighed. He looked around at Shepard's squad and recognized the emotions sketched across each face: confusion, rage, sorrow, betrayal... Even Tali exuded anger beneath her environmental suit as she unclenched her fists and sat back in her chair exasperatedly. But the person Anderson was relieved to see emotion from was Alenko. The lieutenant had been a shell since Alchera and so far as Anderson knew had not spoken to anyone about his grief. Now the man's eyes burned with fury.
"So what do you expect from us?" Garrus asked heatedly.
"I expect you to keep what you know to yourselves and to be patient. I expect the crew of the Normandy to do their commander proud and not…"
"Do you really think the reapers are going to be patient while politicians decide what her life was worth?" No one dared take a breath as Kaidan slowly rose to his feet, glaring at his former captain. "If we don't act now, after everything we have seen and lost, then her actions meant nothing." Silence echoed through the small meeting room as Kaidan's gaze swept the group. Fire raged in the broken man's eyes as his focus finally landed on the councilor. "I refuse to do nothing."
Anderson took a deep breath and stood slowly. His gaze met Alenko's and he saw the younger man's eyes soften- if only a little. "I'm not asking you to do nothing." The councilor's voice was heavy with his own grief for Shepard. His eyes scanned the room again as he leaned forward to rest his hands on the table. "If we aren't careful Shepard will be discredited. The council is already trying to cover up Sovereign's true nature. That is why we must tread lightly." He met Kaidan's eyes again. "That is why I'm asking you to be patient."