chapter 1
I hated mornings. I hated school. I hated buses. And today, especially, I hated myself.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" came the excited cry of a familiar voice, and with it one of the few things I did love in my life. I forced a smile on my face and hoped it just looked tired and not as bone-weary and mentally exhausted as I felt.
"Thanks, Kelly," I replied dutifully, and accepted the strangely wrapped package she passed me with mild surprise. I hadn't expected her to be able to buy me a present this year, what with having to save up for baby things. She must've read my surprised stare, because she blushed in embarrassment and shifted.
"Don't get all excited. It's nothing big. I just remembered that you like Final Fantasy, and this guy at work was selling his copy for pretty cheap." I stared at her sternly. "It was, like, two bucks, relax! He said he just wanted to get rid of it, fast. He's been selling a lot of stuff, since his apartment burned. I think the game is actually half-melted…" she elaborated, still looking ashamed. I instantly felt guilty.
"Well, thank you for thinking of me. I really appreciate it. I just don't want you wasting money on me," I assured her, giving her a hug. At least she smiled before the bell rang and I had to leave, off to class and a final awaiting my failure.
I didn't know it then, wouldn't know for a long time, but that was the moment everything changed, warped, twisted out of control, shattering the life I knew and assembling it in a mocking semblance of reality. If only I'd realized it then, I might have been able to save every life I lost because of that one day. But that's life, too, isn't it? You don't get a re-do button, no second chances. You can only stumble your way through the thorns and hope that soon you'll find the rose. But sometimes, I guess, there are no roses. Only briars. Briars, and flames.