For a moment he lingered outside, standing on the sidewalk considering the building in front of him, eyes closed as he stretched out his senses. There were a lot more people than he remembered being there the last time he'd been here…but that had been almost a decade ago now.

Sighing, Xander drew back from the building until all he could sense was himself then started towards the door. Thanks to the ring on his right hand, the door opened easily at his pull, and he was glad to see the wards hadn't been changed from their original specifications. They didn't want to be rid of him just yet, it seemed.

A girl rose as he entered, looking confused for a moment, then she seemed to recognize him and gasped. He smiled at her and moved on, finding those that he came across moving out of his path, gazing at him as he went past with a kind of awe and reverence.

There was some hate too – he could feel it curling along the edges of his senses like some prowling beast.

But he wasn't here for them.

Walking the paths of the mansion, he finally stopped at a door, staring at it for a long moment. Then, as he leaned forward to grasp the doorknob, he felt a flicker of familiarity behind him and turned his head to see Kennedy standing there. No longer a potential Slayer but unable to leave, she had stayed on with the Council during its rebuilding and was one of the most important people they had now.

"It's been a while, Xander," she said softly. "You look well."

He chuckled at that, saying, "I always do it seems." Then he fully turned towards her, taking in her slightly frazzled appearance and the dark circles under her eyes but noted her still holding herself upright. And despite being somewhere in her thirties now if he calculated right, she looked a decade younger. "How much longer?"

"Not much. That's why I called you – I knew you'd want to see him." Moving forward, she leaned around him and turned the doorknob, only just pushing it open. "And he wanted to see you."

"Everyone wants to see me," said Xander with a smile. Then he frowned at the door, nodding to himself for a moment before he entered, closing it firmly behind him.

The room was just as he remembered it: bookshelves lining the walls, bogged down with the weight of ancient volumes; the desk that had always been piled with paperwork though now it was empty; and the feeling of almost peace that radiated from everywhere. Smiling, he slowly moved across the main part of the room towards the open door that led to the bedroom, the beeping of the machines inside already in his ears.

The figure lying despondent in the bed wasn't the man he remembered from before at any point. He was frail and weak, something Xander had never associated with him, but he smiled warmly as he saw the vampire.

"Xander."

"Hey, Giles. Lookin' good."

Giles chuckled and said, "Now that is a bloody good lie. Come. Sit down."

Xander obeyed and walked over to sink into the chair next to the bed, his mind racing over several different things. He jumped when there was a feathery touch on his hand, Giles' hand on his, and looked at him.

"I…"

"There's nothing that can be done," said the Watcher gently. Xander groaned at that and carefully took the frail hand in both of his, leaning forward slightly in his chair. "It was a curse none of us even realized was cast and by the time we did it was too late. The damage had been done."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was nothing that could be done. And I didn't want you to worry."

The vampire frowned and hissed, "I always worry. Also I…God, I'd hoped you wouldn't be the next to go. The world hates me though, doesn't it?"

"No…"

"I can feel them out there, Giles – there are already those in the Council that are coming to hate me. They've called me, begged me to do more than I do already even though they don't even know half of what I do other than their tasks."

Giles sighed, saying, "These new one's don't understand things so much as we did. All of the old Council is dying out and a new one is being born even now – one Kennedy will lead."

"Really?"

"Iron clad in my will," confirmed the dying man with a smile. "I made sure of that."

"She'll do good."

"Indeed." Giles started coughing then and Xander rose worriedly but the Watcher waved him back down after the fit faded. "Sit, sit."

"I should go…"

"Why do you think I asked Kennedy to call you here, Xander?"

"There are any number of reason that could be. Though you're not about to give the Council to me to run."

"Certainly not," said the man with a weak smile. Then he clenched his hand slightly where Xander still held it and continued, "I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"Many things…not being able to help you years ago for one."

The vampire looked at him with eyes edged suddenly with a pale purple and murmured, "That wasn't your fault."

Giles nodded slightly sand said, "I still feel like I failed you. I'm sorry for what happened ten years ago as well – that you had to see that."

Xander stared at him, eyes darkening entirely to purple then lightening to a luminescent white blue before red flickered in. He closed his eyes then as he remembered the screaming from a decade ago, the voice he loved echoing in his head like a siren, as they tore her apart. And he hadn't been able to do a thing to stop it.

"That wasn't your fault either," he hissed.

"It wasn't yours either, son. Gibbens, the one that called to give the order, he's the one to blame. But still…I feel it was my fault for trusting anyone else with that knowledge." Giles drew in a choked, hacking breath then and continued, "I'm so very sorry for that, son. Faith…"

"She was pregnant," hissed Xander, his head bowed against his chest. "She was going to have another baby and raise Di and it to be some of the best damn people in the world. Then that bastard…he gave her to those monsters. I told her it was too dangerous! I told her…"

Red streaks that anyone else might think were blood but Giles knew were tears ran down his cheeks then and he breathed, "I couldn't save her. They were too strong, even for me. The only reason I'm even still here is because I let the Rogue have control in that moment – I let him out and I fed him. I let him have all my rage and my hate and my fear and we destroyed those mother fuckers."

"It…he worked with you?"

Xander nodded, growling, "I loved her. He loved her. Because we're not two separate entities, Giles, but two parts of the same whole." He then sobbed openly, one short burst of pain he couldn't bear to keep inside, and hunched in on himself. "God, she must hate me."

Giles was silent for a long moment then said softly, "Faith could never hate you, son. You know that."

"Yeah, but sometimes it feels better to think so."

"Don't wallow in that," said the older man weakly. "You didn't let her nor I."

Xander shook his head, muttering, "I don't know why I deserve to live when those around me die. What did I do, Giles? What did I do wrong to deserve this?"

"Nothing. You did nothing, son. And all you can do now is live."

"I don't want to! Damnit…" He trailed off and clasped both hands around the one frail one, staring at the Watcher with more blood tears streaming down his cheeks and his eyes almost entirely white but for the slight shade of blue. "This is all happening too soon," he whispered.

Giles smiled at that. "Your sense of time, I think, has become somewhat stagnant. Twenty years have passed."

"Only twenty! I shouldn't have had to say goodbye so soon! I thought…I thought I'd have more time." The vampire sighed then breathed, "But the world isn't that fair, is it?"

"No, its not. If it were fair, Faith would still be alive and you wouldn't have to live beyond us all. We must live with the cards we are dealt, Xander."

"Yeah…"

His head then whipped up and he leaned forward as Giles' eyes started to close, screaming, "Giles! Goddamnit, not yet! Please!"

The Watcher smiled at him, a wan and sad thing, then murmured, "I've seen the last thing in this world I wanted to see before I died. Give me peace, you bloody pillock."

Xander wept openly at that, clutching tightly to the frail hand. But he nodded and Giles smiled, reaching up to lay his other hand on the dark head, fingers knotting weakly in the vampire's hair.

"Son…"

Xander didn't answer – he knew there would be no response if he did. The heartbeat in the room was gone, the machines screaming out in warning the instant it was. He ignored them, ignored those streaming in as well, and laid his head down on the edge of the bed, Giles' hand still clutched in his.

Two decades ago he'd thought he was ready to live forever.

Now he knew that he was far from that point. And probably never would reach it.