Ralos woke up with a start. Long lines of sweat covered his body and face. He could barely hold a breath before he had to let it go. He struggled to compose himself. His hands were shaking terribly as did the rest of his body. He took a deep breath and placed his hands on his face willing himself to calm down, that it was all a dream.
It had been years since that incident in the Forest and Hills near the hunter villages of Kokoto and Pokke, still Ralos hadn't overcome it. The nightmares from that fateful day were etched in his mind, so deep that it was hard to ignore the effect the dream had sometimes. He still could feel the emptiness that Shira had left after her disappearance and he knew that even with more years of recovery the shadows would never leave him alone.
Once his body wasn't shaking as violently, Ralos removed the hands from his face; massaging the stubble that had formed over night on his jaw. He heard the sound of the waves outside and willed to calm down even more. The village was quiet at this time except from a few hunters that came and went on nightly missions requested by the guild. Ralos moved to the edge of his bed and looked around his room.
It was a small cabin provided by the village. It had the essentials for his hunter life. A big box was next to his bed containing all of his armor and weapons. The bed he currently sat upon. A place for the masks of his companion, yet since he didn't have one he barely made use of it. There was a table at the entrance of the cabin that had a lamp, he had received it on his first hunting trip here.
Taking a deep breath Ralos knew that staying inside this village would only make matters worse. He needed to calm the nerves that were stressing him. He stood and walked to the box. He took out a small shield and sword and secured them before heading out.
Torches decorated the various points at Moga village. Ralos breathed in the ocean spray as it caressed his features and away. The village was quiet at the time. The sound of the waves was clear out here. The villagers themselves were asleep and, as Ralos could see, the hunters were all out on quests. He turned to the left and started into the coast.
After crossing the line of town Ralos took a breath of clean air, letting the wind carry his worries and insecurities. Several Kelbi -deer like beasts with green hide- were jumping around in the night. Ralos ignored them and continued to walk forward. He took his time doing so, not wanting to rush anything and just willing his body to grow calm.
His mind didn't focus on anything either. Ralos couldn't and wouldn't dare think of anything as he made his way to the next area. Thinking after the dream always proved horrible and dangerous for him. He reached the next area.
Ralos saw an herbivore herd walking silently in the night. His eyes stayed with them as they ate and turned to leave in the other direction. Then he turned to gaze at the water fall to his right. He watched intensely as the water fell and numbed his thoughts. He appreciated it but it wasn't long before the thoughts of that day started to take over. Ralos opened his eyes and started away to his left.
The next area held no appeal to him. It literally had nothing for him, so he just continued towards the water fall at the edge of the area that led to his destination. He stepped under the curtain of cold water and stayed there for a few minutes, his dark short hair falling on his forehead. Ralos saw as his normal clothes damped with the water. He looked back up and started walking forward.
He finally reached his destination after passing the flooded area behind him. There was not much behind him except for the flooded floor and nothing else. Now Ralos walked towards the Moga shore. Usually the place was swarming with Ludroth -serpentine yellow beasts with sharp teeth- but tonight it was so still and silent.
Ralos walked over to the edge of the area. The ocean extended as far as his eye could see. Ralos felt his mind go blank as he stared at the ocean. A serpentine herbivore jumped up from the water and Ralos stared at it in wonder. Ralos sat on the edge of the land, the salt water surrounded his waist as he did. He enjoyed the cold water on his legs it made him forget. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the waves as the fishes swam around his feet.
"It's lovely isn't it?" said a voice next to him.
Ralos took a deep breath. His entire body tensed at the voice. He knew it so well from all those years ago and it still hurt every time he heard it. The main reason was, that it was the exact same voice, nothing had ever changed. He remembered what happened that day so well, just like her voice and her features, but he had to realize the truth, she wasn't around anymore and this was just an illusion made up by his mind.
Opening his eyes again he looked up at the shinning moon, "I believe it is."
He turned to face her. Ralos wasn't shocked about seeing Shira there. She looked exactly like that day, but her clothes were different. Instead of her travelling clothes, she was wearing her typical clothing from inside the village. Her hair was to her side in a braid. It was clearly messy as it usually was, with hairs sticking out in every possible direction. She wasn't staring at him, instead her eyes were focused on the horizon.
"I guess you dreamt about it again didn't you?" she asked still not looking at him.
Ralos turned to face the ocean again and said nothing. She knew everything about him since she was just conjured by his mind. The mind that didn't let go of the fact that Shira couldn't have survived in the wilderness alone. The mind that had troubled him for years. The mind that denied any sense when it came to Shira.
"I'll take that as a yes," she said before she sighed. "You know you have to let go of that incident right? You know that searching cover in me will just make moving forward harder for you."
Ralos lowered his gaze to the fish under his feet. Of course he knew all those things. He hadn't come here looking for her, he never had, she just appeared all the time and he couldn't control it. She was his sense, his consciousness with a form. A being only he could see. Yet she always acted so independently of everything he thought.
"I am moving forward," he said. "After my mission in Yukumo I'm heading to Pokke to become an instructor in the school. I call that moving forward."
Shira stayed silent. Ralos let the silence calm him. The dream was now long forgotten. He had a life now and he would always look forward.
"You may think that but you really aren't moving forward," said Shira. "You're just trying to fit in a place where you don't feel you belong."
Ralos didn't say anything for several minutes allowing a silence to fall amongst them. Ralos knew that what she said was right, yet it was a reality that not even he could admit to himself. He always felt like he didn't belong, that was the reason he always ended in the wide spaces of the nearest village when the dream came.
The villages where filled with those that had abandoned fate. They had rules to follow that made Ralos claustrophobic at the restrictions they brought. It took him years to finally get used to them after her disappearance, but even more time to come in terms with communicating with people. People had lost fate in him and Shira, and since she died Ralos had to mingle with the humans and 'follow his dream'.
"You still talk as if this wasn't your dream," said Shira. "Wasn't your dream to become the best hunter the guild had ever seen? Well Ralos you are known far and wide. A child prodigy that started his career to help a friend. You didn't even get to finish your proper training when you were facing Rathalos and even larger monsters. Not many hunters can track the way you do. Even less have never used a felyne comrade in battle. Not many have your track record. You are admired and praised as a prodigy. Why are you so reluctant to all this? Wasn't this what you wanted?"
Ralos clenched his jaw and fists. His eyes burned with rage, suddenly the night wasn't as calm. He turned to Shira who was looking at him waiting to see his reaction. He slowly stood and faced the rock she was sitting upon.
"At what cost did I became this," he said in a calmed voice. "Let me remind you that fifteen years ago I lost my best friend and after that, I had to deal with months of feeling useless in that hunt. That I spent months forcing them to continue the search when it was clear that she was dead. The years in therapy because of that. How about the rampage I went in after therapy, I killed so many monsters the guild had to stop me and even then I was a hard person to control. It took me months to recover from that and be 'normal'."
"You say that as if it was a bad thing," Shira said turning to him.
Ralos sighed and took a seat again. The fish scattered as his feet splashed into the water. He sighed before turning his eyes to the distance again. From the distance he made out the snores of the Ludroth sleeping near the nest.
"I suppose not, since you helped me out of every problem I had to face while out of commission."
"It was a long year," said Shira in a low voice.
Ralos gave a small nod. In the distance he saw the sun starting to rise. He sighed. He really didn't want to go back to the village yet. Still he knew he needed to get ready for his next mission to take place in the village of Yukumo a good few days away. Ralos didn't mind the long trip, it would mean he'd get days with little human interaction and lots of free time. He'd work on his routine for when he went to the school to begin the training for the new kids.
"I better go and get ready," he said but made no effort to move.
Shira and Ralos stayed silent as the sun appeared in the horizon covering them both in warmth. Ralos closed his eyes against the warm sun allowing it to take the nightmares of the night with it and bring forward a new day. Shira turned to watch as the Ludroth started to wake to go hunting for food.
"Yukumo is the next stop?" she asked, her eyes never leaving the Ludroths.
Ralos opened his eyes and turned to the grunting serpentine monsters. He stood and stretched.
"Yes, I still have an urgent quest in Yukumo. Once that's done I'll head back to Pokke," he said. "I just hope Nouga is happy to see me. It's been a while."
Shira jumped from the rock to face Ralos, "He still blames himself doesn't he?"
"I don't think he'll ever stop. He lost everything trying to find Shira after all."
Shira nodded, "Looks like you have visitors."
Ralos turned and started to the area he'd come from. Shira disappeared in the mist of the morning. Ralos didn't look back as he walked back towards the village.
As Ralos passed through the village gates he noticed the boat that was to take him to Yukumo village. Several villagers were putting his belonging inside of the boat. Ralos made his way to the boat. As he walked he encountered the village chief's son Junior. The man was shouting orders to the other men loaded the boat. Suddenly he turned and faced Ralos. A smile appeared in his face instantly.
"Ralos we're getting everything ready for your departure," the dark skinned man said. "The ship will be ready for when you need to leave."
Ralos nodded, "Understood."
Junior walked over to Ralos and put his hand on his shoulder. Ralos didn't retreat as the muscular man loomed over and smiled.
"You shall be missed. Is hard to get hunters with such experience as yours," he said.
Ralos nodded, "I will just get some farm items before I depart."
Junior let go of his shoulder before turning to face the boat, "We should be ready soon."
Ralos slowly made his way to the small farm area at the entrance of the village. The place had good soil and a tremendous amount of resources that helped hunters on a daily basis. Ralos ignored them and continued to walk over towards a waterfall at the end. He passed through the curtain of water and into a cave behind it. The place smelled like damped earth and the sound of the water splashing calmed Ralos. He could also barely make out the noises of the village behind him, hence why he chose to come here.
Ralos wasn't one for much human interaction much less after he spoke to Shira. That wasn't even her real name and he had always called her that. She appeared out of the blue during a stormy night when Ralos had run away. He'd spend days going to doctors that offered a solution for him yet none delivered. He'd just wanted to grief again and again until he could join his dead friend. He didn't want to live, yet the only thrill he could have came from battle, battles that the guild had restricted for him. Ralos fought himself that night, with the dark clouds and heavy rain around him. His rage and grief blinded him as he stared down at the cause of these emotions. Shira's grave stone stared back at him. She never got the revenge she deserved. The hunters had left her behind to rot.
Thinking this, Ralos fell on his knees as strings of tears fell out of his eyes. The salty tears reached his mouth, Ralos wiped them away with his hands. He kept fighting them away but even more fell. Lighting stuck the sky making the form of a shadow on the ground. Ralos looked up at it and saw her for the first time in years. She looked like Shira. He reached out as she stared at him yet his hand could never touch her. Since that night she had been his pillar of sanity. She was his consciousness or so she had always told him that she was. He never complained, she was the reason he was alive and here but that didn't mean that he still didn't enjoy being surrounded by people after having that dream.
"Ralos?" said a female voice approaching the entrance of the cave.
Ralos snapped back and turned to the entrance as a girl entered. Her hair was hidden under a red cap. She wore a shirt, gloves, a big skirt and high boots. Her tanned skin reflected her green eyes even more. She instantly smiled after her eyes landed on Ralos. She didn't seem bothered by the cold water as she walked further inside the cave formation.
"I heard you're leaving today," she said walking until she stood in front of Ralos.
Ralos nodded, "I leave as soon as my things are inside the boat."
The girl batted her lashes at him, "And you were planning on leaving without saying anything?"
"That was the plan SweetHeart," replied Ralos.
SweetHeart bit her bottom lip and leaned in. Her feet slowly rising her body against the clothes Ralos wore. She leaned in and captured her lips on his in a tender kiss. Ralos stayed frozen with his eyes opened as SweetHeart kept the kiss going. Ralos didn't respond to her kiss but SweetHeart seemed to be having fun. When she pulled back a smile was still on her lips.
"I guess any dream I have to see you afterwards will vanish," said SweetHeart in a hopeful voice.
Ralos lowered his gaze to hers. His eyes showed how true her words were. SweetHeart lowered her body as she stared at Ralos. Her head started shaking in disbelief.
"Really?" she said taking a step back.
Ralos silence was all the answer she needed. SweetHeart sprinted out of the cave and into the village. Ralos stayed unmoving as he heard her run away.
"You hurt her you know," said Shira from a top the stone idol inside the cave.
Ralos eyes kept staring at the entrance.
"I told you, you needed to live the here and now yet you run away from the one chance that you have to a happy normal life?"
"Your idea of a happy normal life requires me to get married with a woman I've only had sex with," replied Ralos in a soft voice. "Sex that, by the way, you recommended."
Shira got down of the idol. The water at her feet splashing. She walked towards Ralos and embraced him. He felt he breath against him. He knew it was just him, all of it. The noise, the warmth everything was just his mind playing tricks to him. Making it all seem normal when in reality nothing was. Shira sighed against him.
"I just want you to be happy. If I hadn't convinced you to do half of the things you've done people would still suspect you haven't over come Shira's death," she said.
Ralos sighed, "I would prefer that, to this farce."
"But you got what you wanted," Shira said. "People treat you normally and you're about to go back home. What can say normal more than finally getting family and living in peace back in Pokke."
"Are you telling me to marry her?"
"I'm asking you if you want to be normal. Ralos it's been how many years? SweetHeart is a good girl she would make an awesome wife and mother. Move on, live your life. Be happy, because Shira is not coming back."
"You want me to do something that I don't feel comfortable with?"
"I want you to be happy Ralos. Is all I want. And I'm sure Shira would have liked the same."
Shira disappeared leaving Ralos alone with his thoughts. He could go and keep moving forward. SweetHeart wasn't a bad girl of that Ralos was sure, yet he never felt that way towards her. The women he had shared a bed with all have been influenced by Shira's vision. He'd always had problems while bedding each of them and had to go the extra mile to try and get himself going. The women on the other hand deemed him a god in it. Each talked about how considerate he was with them forcing their pleasure before his. Ralos knew better. But did he really want to keep jumping from bed to bed, hunting senselessly? How would his mother feel if she saw that her only son never got married or found happiness?
Maybe this was the route. SweetHeart showed to be a thoughtful woman. She cared for Ralos, tended him when he needed and was just simply understanding and wonderful. Only problem was that Ralos couldn't feel anything for this woman no matter what she did. And for that he didn't blame Shira but he blamed himself. Why couldn't he just accept everything and take her with him to Pokke? She had expressed her desire to go see other villages, specially Pokke. She could meet his mother and they could start a family in the nice village near the Snowy Mountains. Everything would be perfect, even if his mind forced the image.
Ralos sighed. He wanted to be free. He needed to get this burden from his back. He needed to keep moving forward, always. He couldn't look back. SweetHeart was that step. He would learn to love her. Like his father loved his mother. Like he used to love before his entire life went down the river. She was that missing piece. Ralos the adult needed a person next to him that could make him forget the past.
He didn't need any more convincing from his brain. Ralos sprinted in search of SweetHeart. He knew he could be late but he wasn't about to give up now. He had to catch SweetHeart. He needed her to help him.
Ralos made it to the village and looked around frantically. The village wasn't as full which helped him a lot to locate her on the guild counter. He started forward not allowing his mind to waver at his decision. It felt wrong, it felt weird, it wasn't right. Yet he would do it if not for his sake, then at least for hers. She loved him he knew for the many times she had said it, the way she looked and acted near him. If he could make her happy then he would.
"Heart?" he said once he reached the table.
SweetHeart didn't answer instead stayed silent. Ralos moved a hand inside the counter to press it against SweetHeart's shoulder. She turned slowly to face him. Her eyes red and puffy. Her cheeks showed the remains of her tears. Ralos wiped the last remains from her cheeks. SweetHeart moved his hands away.
"Ralos…Don't do this…Please," a small hiccup escaped her.
Ralos watched as fresh new tears formed on SweetHeart's eyes. He didn't feel as bad as he should because of this but he still needed to apologize.
SweetHeart sobbed when Ralos spoke again, "I wish for you to come with me to Pokke."
SweetHeart stopped sobbing and turned to Ralos. She blinked several times trying to form the words that he said. Shaking her head slowly she wiped her tears.
"What did you say?"
"I wish for you to come with me. To Pokke," said Ralos.
SweetHeart walked from the guild table to the front in order to face Ralos. He stood taller than her yet she didn't feel intimidated by his size. She placed her hand upon his chest before sighing.
"I don't know Ralos," she said. "Is just…you don't really want me there."
Ralos took her hand upon his. Slowly he traced the upper part of it sending warmth through SweetHeart. She was right; he would prefer to be alone. He couldn't afford that though. SweetHeart was a chance to be normal. He could find the will to love her and move forward with her by his side.
"SweetHeart," he said. "You're right. I won't lie about it. Yet I feel like with time I can find the will to love you the same way you love me. My mother used to believe loved changed people for the better. I'm sure that with you and her by my side I can change."
SweetHeart frown a little, "What are you saying?"
Ralos pulled her chin slightly upward so her eyes could meet his, "I'm asking you to marry me."