Catharine walked around the cages and tents about the area. It would
be a few more days of preparing before the circus was ready to perform.
She looked for Heero. As self appointed morale officer at the circus, it was her duty to at least try and cheer him up. Among those duties, she was also always looking for something for him to do. Two years of trying and she had not yet found a task that he had not been capable to doing.
She had even seen him walking tight ropes with Trowa once. The guy was just as balanced and athletic as Trowa was. Perhaps more so. No one was ever sure. More often than not, he simply chooses not to be. She never understood why. She hoped that out of these tasks she gave him he might find something he enjoyed doing.
Heero was in the main tent when she found him. He was having an interesting conversation with one of the strong men at the circus. A curious sight. Not many people had what it took to argue with an eight-foot man with the build of a profession wrestler.
Not that the guy would hurt anyone. He wouldn't hurt a fly unless defending himself. It was just that he was intimidating. But then, so was Heero. If being a Gundam pilot wasn't already intimidating. He put his gun away for good. But piss the guy off, and you would feel it.
When he first arrived at the circus, one of the other workers was just coming back from vacation and had seen Heero walking around. He just assumed Heero to be just some civilian poking around, seeing that he was alone. He pushed Heero and told him to get out. Heero, turns out, didn't like to be pushed. So he broke both the guys arms.
"You're a strong guy, Yuy. But can you do this?" The strong man took a steel bar. After a minute, he had twisted the inch thick steel bar into a pretzel shape.
Heero said nothing and only smirked at him. Grabbing a steel bar, after a little longer than the strong man, he had twisted the bar into the shape of. . .a bunny? He handed it to the strong guy who looked a little shocked.
Cathy laughed and walked into the tent entrance where she had been watching the sight with amusement. "Now we have a place for you Heero. You can make those and give them to the children!" The strong man laughed at her joke and walked off, looking at the bunny shaped steel bar.
Heero looked at her indifferently. "I don't think so Catharine. Steel bars, even bent ones, can still be dangerous for children."
He strode past her with his hands in his pockets. He now loomed a good two inches over her. It felt weird. After all the years she had known, she was used to being taller. At least she was still taller than Trowa. "I was a joke Heero! A joke!" She called out at him as he walked out the exit.
"You still haven't given up on him yet, have you?" A familiar voice said behind her. "You cant, you know."
She turned around and met long brown bangs and a single green eye. She smirked at him. "Angry that you big sister would go for a younger guy, Tro?"
"A little, yes." He said truthfully and smiled slightly at her.
She shrugged and pulled out her old throwing knives. "Come on Trowa. You can't blame me for being just a little interested in the guy?"
"Yes." He answered a little too quickly for her taste and watched him stand in front of the target board, ready for her to practice.
"Two years, Trowa. I'm only two years older than the two of you." She threw three of her knives at him. They grazed around his head perfectly.
"That's not the point. He can't. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. He has learned to live without such emotions." He said dryly.
She sighed. She was always getting these speeches from him. "You wrong Trowa."
". . .?" He inquired. Or at least that's how Trowa inquired on such topics.
"You cant live without emotions. You can't be human and not have such emotions. Heero has learned to get by without such emotions. Not live without them. You cant live without them. Heero knows this." She chucked her last four knives at him. Hitting their targets just above and below the arms.
"And how do you know this?" He arched one visible eyebrow at her in question.
She pulled her knives out of the wooden target board as Trowa hoped down from it. "I'm you big sister. I know everything." She said matter-of- factly.
They walked to the side of the tent where she had her box that held her knives. What was the box next to hers? It wasn't there before. She opened it up and beheld seven beautiful knives. She and Trowa both picked one up to examine it.
It had a beautiful mahogany handle. She moved her fingers over the intricate design carved into it. She saw that each one had a different design carved into it. They were hand carved, but the balance was perfect. The edges of the blade were inlaid with sparkling green gems that made the steel exterior shine brighter except for the tip. The tip was left alone, for that was the part that would sink into its target. Small initials were carved into the handles. HY. Could it be? She felt her heart begin to race.
"You got yourself some new throwing knives I see. Very pretty." Trowa examined the knife and placed it back in the box. "The mahogany handle clashes well with the color of the wooden target. Making it easier for the audience to see. You choose well." Trowa walked away, not noticing the look on her face.
Picking up the box, she found a small piece of paper underneath of it. It read, "Happy Birthday, Catharine." She knew that handwriting.
How did he know? She had never told anyone when exactly her birthday was. She had almost forgotten that it was today. How did he find out? He is a rather resourceful guy. She hugged the small piece of paper and twirled in a circle. Allowing a small tear of happiness to run down her face.
"Heero, did you know all along? Do you know how much this means to me?" She thought out loud and smiled brightly at the piece of paper. She went back to her trailer with her gift. Now wondering what his feelings really were.
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Oddly enough, she didn't see much of anything of Heero for the rest of the day. She wanted to thank him. But he never stuck in one place long enough for her to find him. It was nearing midnight. She was looking at the paper again. She knew it wasn't really proof of anything. It may have only been a friendly gesture. Heero was known for doing the unexpected. But she could still hope.
She walked around the circus grounds and hugged her arms against the warm night on the colony. She noticed the light on in his trailer. Heero was something of an insomniac. No one was sure just how little of sleep he got each night, be he never showed any signs of fatigue.
She walked over to his trailer door to thank him. See what he was up too late this night. Just talk to him or try to get him to open up a little if she could. She listened at the door to the silence within. Quietly, she opened the door and peeked her head inside to see what he was doing.
Her eyes widened in horror. She found him in front of a mirror, holding a gun to his head. He was fingering the trigger. About to pull it. About to kill himself. She ran into the trailer and pulled the gun away from his head just as he pulled the trigger. The sound was silent. She saw the silencer on it. He was going to do it and not even tell anyone.
Tears rolled down her face. She waited for an explanation when she saw an emotion in his eyes that she did recognize. Guilt. "You should feel guilty! Do you know what this would do to you friends? How much it would hurt them?" She yelled at him.
He turned his head away from her. "The guilt was not for them." His voice was emotionless. But his eyes showed so much. . ."It was for me. After everything I have done, I don't deserve to live."
She fumed at him. Tears still ran down her face as she started to cry. "Aren't the people closest to you good enough reason to live?" She screamed at him. "You didn't even consider their feelings! Did you consider mine? Did you consider how I might feel if you died? What I would have to go through?"
She slapped him in the face. Leaving a red mark.
"There are a lot of reasons to live for. Now I am giving you one. I suggest you use it!" She stormed out of the trailer crying back to her own. She didn't say it, but she wanted to be his reason to live. If he would let her.
Heero put a hand up to his face. He dropped the gun to the floor. She had given him a reason to live? What was it? What other reason was there to live for a soldier? He supposed he could live a little while longer. Until he found out just what that reason was. And if it really was worth living for.
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Over the next few days, Trowa and good many other people at the circus couldn't help but notice and Cathy and Heero had been avoiding each other. Many knew that Cathy had an attraction to hero. Even if Heero didn't notice it. He could only guess that Cathy had talked to him. And she was told what he thought she would be told by Heero. "No." He could only think that it was for the best. Heero was not the kind of person to know how to show his feelings. To anyone.
Trowa was half tempted to give a good talking to Heero and tell him to apologize to Cathy. But he had to remind himself that Heero understood their emotions. He might not know how to show them himself, or just why people had them. But he understood what they meant. And he knew Heero would never hurt anyone anymore unless it were necessary. Cathy had to learn. But he hated to see this depressed look on her face all the time.
Trowa was eating breakfast quietly with Cathy quietly that morning in a small tent. Trowa, the silent one, was actually beginning to get a little uncomfortable with all the silence he was getting from her. Heero walked in for some breakfast. He got up and gave Heero a suggestive look. Asking him to talk to her. Heero nodded silently and Trowa got up to leave the two alone.
Heero sat across from her at the table. She avoided his gaze, but looked at him when he put a hand over hers on the table. She looked into his eyes.
"You said there were many reasons to live. Show me." He said softly and squeezed her hand gently. She smiled at him. He realized that he missed her smile. It had been a few days since she had smiled for anyone. And he knew how important her smiles were for everyone at the circus. He gave her half a smile before releasing her hand and walking back out the tent.
Cathy continued to smile at his departing figure. He had smiled for her. She had never seen him smile before. "Yes. I'll show you."
She looked for Heero. As self appointed morale officer at the circus, it was her duty to at least try and cheer him up. Among those duties, she was also always looking for something for him to do. Two years of trying and she had not yet found a task that he had not been capable to doing.
She had even seen him walking tight ropes with Trowa once. The guy was just as balanced and athletic as Trowa was. Perhaps more so. No one was ever sure. More often than not, he simply chooses not to be. She never understood why. She hoped that out of these tasks she gave him he might find something he enjoyed doing.
Heero was in the main tent when she found him. He was having an interesting conversation with one of the strong men at the circus. A curious sight. Not many people had what it took to argue with an eight-foot man with the build of a profession wrestler.
Not that the guy would hurt anyone. He wouldn't hurt a fly unless defending himself. It was just that he was intimidating. But then, so was Heero. If being a Gundam pilot wasn't already intimidating. He put his gun away for good. But piss the guy off, and you would feel it.
When he first arrived at the circus, one of the other workers was just coming back from vacation and had seen Heero walking around. He just assumed Heero to be just some civilian poking around, seeing that he was alone. He pushed Heero and told him to get out. Heero, turns out, didn't like to be pushed. So he broke both the guys arms.
"You're a strong guy, Yuy. But can you do this?" The strong man took a steel bar. After a minute, he had twisted the inch thick steel bar into a pretzel shape.
Heero said nothing and only smirked at him. Grabbing a steel bar, after a little longer than the strong man, he had twisted the bar into the shape of. . .a bunny? He handed it to the strong guy who looked a little shocked.
Cathy laughed and walked into the tent entrance where she had been watching the sight with amusement. "Now we have a place for you Heero. You can make those and give them to the children!" The strong man laughed at her joke and walked off, looking at the bunny shaped steel bar.
Heero looked at her indifferently. "I don't think so Catharine. Steel bars, even bent ones, can still be dangerous for children."
He strode past her with his hands in his pockets. He now loomed a good two inches over her. It felt weird. After all the years she had known, she was used to being taller. At least she was still taller than Trowa. "I was a joke Heero! A joke!" She called out at him as he walked out the exit.
"You still haven't given up on him yet, have you?" A familiar voice said behind her. "You cant, you know."
She turned around and met long brown bangs and a single green eye. She smirked at him. "Angry that you big sister would go for a younger guy, Tro?"
"A little, yes." He said truthfully and smiled slightly at her.
She shrugged and pulled out her old throwing knives. "Come on Trowa. You can't blame me for being just a little interested in the guy?"
"Yes." He answered a little too quickly for her taste and watched him stand in front of the target board, ready for her to practice.
"Two years, Trowa. I'm only two years older than the two of you." She threw three of her knives at him. They grazed around his head perfectly.
"That's not the point. He can't. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. He has learned to live without such emotions." He said dryly.
She sighed. She was always getting these speeches from him. "You wrong Trowa."
". . .?" He inquired. Or at least that's how Trowa inquired on such topics.
"You cant live without emotions. You can't be human and not have such emotions. Heero has learned to get by without such emotions. Not live without them. You cant live without them. Heero knows this." She chucked her last four knives at him. Hitting their targets just above and below the arms.
"And how do you know this?" He arched one visible eyebrow at her in question.
She pulled her knives out of the wooden target board as Trowa hoped down from it. "I'm you big sister. I know everything." She said matter-of- factly.
They walked to the side of the tent where she had her box that held her knives. What was the box next to hers? It wasn't there before. She opened it up and beheld seven beautiful knives. She and Trowa both picked one up to examine it.
It had a beautiful mahogany handle. She moved her fingers over the intricate design carved into it. She saw that each one had a different design carved into it. They were hand carved, but the balance was perfect. The edges of the blade were inlaid with sparkling green gems that made the steel exterior shine brighter except for the tip. The tip was left alone, for that was the part that would sink into its target. Small initials were carved into the handles. HY. Could it be? She felt her heart begin to race.
"You got yourself some new throwing knives I see. Very pretty." Trowa examined the knife and placed it back in the box. "The mahogany handle clashes well with the color of the wooden target. Making it easier for the audience to see. You choose well." Trowa walked away, not noticing the look on her face.
Picking up the box, she found a small piece of paper underneath of it. It read, "Happy Birthday, Catharine." She knew that handwriting.
How did he know? She had never told anyone when exactly her birthday was. She had almost forgotten that it was today. How did he find out? He is a rather resourceful guy. She hugged the small piece of paper and twirled in a circle. Allowing a small tear of happiness to run down her face.
"Heero, did you know all along? Do you know how much this means to me?" She thought out loud and smiled brightly at the piece of paper. She went back to her trailer with her gift. Now wondering what his feelings really were.
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Oddly enough, she didn't see much of anything of Heero for the rest of the day. She wanted to thank him. But he never stuck in one place long enough for her to find him. It was nearing midnight. She was looking at the paper again. She knew it wasn't really proof of anything. It may have only been a friendly gesture. Heero was known for doing the unexpected. But she could still hope.
She walked around the circus grounds and hugged her arms against the warm night on the colony. She noticed the light on in his trailer. Heero was something of an insomniac. No one was sure just how little of sleep he got each night, be he never showed any signs of fatigue.
She walked over to his trailer door to thank him. See what he was up too late this night. Just talk to him or try to get him to open up a little if she could. She listened at the door to the silence within. Quietly, she opened the door and peeked her head inside to see what he was doing.
Her eyes widened in horror. She found him in front of a mirror, holding a gun to his head. He was fingering the trigger. About to pull it. About to kill himself. She ran into the trailer and pulled the gun away from his head just as he pulled the trigger. The sound was silent. She saw the silencer on it. He was going to do it and not even tell anyone.
Tears rolled down her face. She waited for an explanation when she saw an emotion in his eyes that she did recognize. Guilt. "You should feel guilty! Do you know what this would do to you friends? How much it would hurt them?" She yelled at him.
He turned his head away from her. "The guilt was not for them." His voice was emotionless. But his eyes showed so much. . ."It was for me. After everything I have done, I don't deserve to live."
She fumed at him. Tears still ran down her face as she started to cry. "Aren't the people closest to you good enough reason to live?" She screamed at him. "You didn't even consider their feelings! Did you consider mine? Did you consider how I might feel if you died? What I would have to go through?"
She slapped him in the face. Leaving a red mark.
"There are a lot of reasons to live for. Now I am giving you one. I suggest you use it!" She stormed out of the trailer crying back to her own. She didn't say it, but she wanted to be his reason to live. If he would let her.
Heero put a hand up to his face. He dropped the gun to the floor. She had given him a reason to live? What was it? What other reason was there to live for a soldier? He supposed he could live a little while longer. Until he found out just what that reason was. And if it really was worth living for.
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Over the next few days, Trowa and good many other people at the circus couldn't help but notice and Cathy and Heero had been avoiding each other. Many knew that Cathy had an attraction to hero. Even if Heero didn't notice it. He could only guess that Cathy had talked to him. And she was told what he thought she would be told by Heero. "No." He could only think that it was for the best. Heero was not the kind of person to know how to show his feelings. To anyone.
Trowa was half tempted to give a good talking to Heero and tell him to apologize to Cathy. But he had to remind himself that Heero understood their emotions. He might not know how to show them himself, or just why people had them. But he understood what they meant. And he knew Heero would never hurt anyone anymore unless it were necessary. Cathy had to learn. But he hated to see this depressed look on her face all the time.
Trowa was eating breakfast quietly with Cathy quietly that morning in a small tent. Trowa, the silent one, was actually beginning to get a little uncomfortable with all the silence he was getting from her. Heero walked in for some breakfast. He got up and gave Heero a suggestive look. Asking him to talk to her. Heero nodded silently and Trowa got up to leave the two alone.
Heero sat across from her at the table. She avoided his gaze, but looked at him when he put a hand over hers on the table. She looked into his eyes.
"You said there were many reasons to live. Show me." He said softly and squeezed her hand gently. She smiled at him. He realized that he missed her smile. It had been a few days since she had smiled for anyone. And he knew how important her smiles were for everyone at the circus. He gave her half a smile before releasing her hand and walking back out the tent.
Cathy continued to smile at his departing figure. He had smiled for her. She had never seen him smile before. "Yes. I'll show you."