The KB Collection

Farewell (c) Chibi Botan

One by one, Kurama moved aside the pots that filled the small terrace outside his room. The pots had been scattered methodologically there, and there was not enough space for a person to go outside. You can only go as far as the door, and this is what he is now trying to solve. He has chosen a few pots to be moved to his mother's garden.

Inside, Botan watched on, not yet ready to let him know of her presence, but cannot bear to see what he is doing. She knew what it meant for him, for them.

"Kurama," she called, and he swiftly (but gracefully) looked up at her.

"Botan. What a pleasant surprise. I thought you won't be free until next week…" He carefully placed the pot he was holding to the floor. "Ah, you decided to try the door this time eh?" he teased.

The last time she was here, he teased her for having the habit of popping up at places through the window. Which was understandable, she was always on the go. But he loved how she blushed when he said that.

Awkward silence greeted him. They had spent so many quiet hours together, but this short gap suddenly bothered him. She looked… detached, standing there, her hands clasped behind her.

"Botan… is anything the matter?" She did not answer. He pulled the study desk chair near her. "Take a seat… please don't mind the mess, you see, I'm clearing out some of those pots—"

Still, no reaction from her. She was staring at that small space outside that he had freed. The space is now enough for one person.

He felt a strange need to keep talking. He knew he's not making any sense, but he is not used to her silence. When they spend time together, she did most of the talking. "I figured it's my duty to ensure that you are safe the next time you plan to land at the terrace again. I wouldn't want my plants to hurt you or anything…"

At last, a smile. But it was a forced kind of smile, and it was enough to break his heart. They have been together long enough for him not to understand, not to see what she's trying to hide.

"Thank you, Kurama…" she tried to sound cheerful. "But I'm afraid there's no need for that anymore."

A long pause.

There is no pretending that he does not understand what she means.

There is no need for a space for her to land in the terrace, because there won't be any chance she will come back. She is leaving him… for good.

She would not know that when he woke up earlier that day, he was thrilled for he knew exactly what he wanted: her, on his side for the rest of their existence. And that this morning he's been planning to tell her exactly how he wanted their relationship to go.

She would not know how the Youko side of him is now in a rage, torn between possessiveness and a feeling of being betrayed. But Kurama would not let these feelings take over. He braced himself. They both knew before it started that something like this will never be as easy as they'd want it to be. He wanted to tell her what he wanted, and yet…

"So, you have made a decision?"

She shifted her eyes away. "Kurama. I… I am sorry— it's my fault, isn't it?"

He was going to say no, but she stopped him, placing a finger on his lips.

"When you asked me before... if I will stay, I said yes, and I thought for certain that this is what I want. I mean, this is what I want… but this isn't how it should work."

She laughed, and the sound was hollow. He tried to reach for her, but she moved away.

"I'm not making any sense am I?" She frowned, and shook her head in frustration of herself. "I haven't been fair to you… Always, I accepted these extra hours of work, because I felt that when I spend time with you I'm doing something illegal. I know I'm wrong... in fact, I should feel blessed to have you, have someone I love, love me in return…" her voice faltered. "So I've decided that I'm leaving… to do what I have to do before I think of the things I want to do. Well, that's… that's a very shallow reason, you're probably thinking."

"No, it's not shallow, Botan. And don't ever think this is your fault." He pulled her close, and thankfully, she did not resist. "It was me who rushed you."

And it was true; it was him who started it all. A passionate kiss shared, and he thought it meant she was ready to enter a world where everything revolves around them as a couple. He had forgotten that she is a free spirit, and one like her does not live for herself, but instead lives for the people around her.

Someone like her feels responsible to ensure others' own safety and happiness, and only when she is sure she has done her best will she let herself think of her own sake. It will probably take a long time before she feels worthy enough to pursue her hearts' desire. Maybe even she does not understand it yet, but he does. So now, he must do what is best for her, even if it means he will have to let her go.

He closed his eyes and let himself drown in the moment. Deep within him, he feared that this will be the last time he will hold her, this close...

"Botan, tell me something. This isn't final... is it?" Please, say no.

He felt her shake her head, stifle a sob, and hug him tighter, but said the opposite of what her actions tell him. "Kurama, I think you should return those pots where they were placed before… I don't think anyone will need an entrance on that part of your house, and… I… I'll be gone for a long time; I accepted an assignment quite far from here…"

To that, Kurama has chosen not to reply. They stayed in that position for sometime, and when Botan tried to slip away, he finally said, "Maybe, maybe I'll have to put them back in place…"

She nodded, and was finally allowed to step back. "I have to go."

Kurama watched as she produced her oar, trying not to lose himself in the irony of this day. He watched his beloved deity fly out of the room, on path that he prepared for what he expected would be frequent visits from the deity. A path that for him symbolized the start of forever…

When she looked back for a second, he waved goodbye.

But no, do not doubt Kurama for once. He did not return the pots in their old position. Because maybe one day, a certain deity will pass by, and he would want her to know that she is still welcome. Maybe when that time comes, she will be ready. For now, he would be content waiting.

A/N: Hi, thank you for reading! From now on I'll add my Kurama/Botan one-shots / drabbles here, so if you like K/B, please add this to your story alerts. :) I thought my first KB fic (A Time For Love and Family) does not have much Kurama/Botan interaction, so I though of this one.. I'll try to write a happier fic next time.

And I posted a poll on my profle page, please be kind and answer it. As always, if you see some errors here please feel free to tell me. Thanks a lot!