Yup, I'm a bastard for leaving you this long without an update for even one of my stories. I have absolutely no excuse.
Anyway, since I'm updating with a longer chapter than previous am I forgiven?
Thanks to my lovely readers Lynnp, jojobevco, Michi uk, Sarai and Vesja for their reviewers. Since a few others have vanished I'm guessing the topic is too heavy for them, so they're excused. :)
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Why couldn't he just go with the program, do what others always did and not care about anyone but himself?
Why did he have to make her feel as if she could confide in him all her secrets and he wouldn't judge? Why did he have to make her feel as if she could tell him all her concerns and problems and he would just listen carefully, try to figure out a way to solve them, try to help her and hold her gently, caringly, as she cried into his shoulder?
Why did he have to make her feel as if she could easily burrow into his arms and cry her heart out, cry out decades of pain and misery and loneliness and abandonment, and he would just hold her tenderly, kiss her hair occasionally, murmur soothing words into her ear and envelop her into the warmth of his care and compassion?
She could already feel her walls break down as he gazed silently at her, his eyes prompting her to share her burden, to let him in.
Oh how she wished she would have someone to share this particular burden with, this burden that was too big for any one person to carry, someone to be there for her and help her fight the terror that had her in it's claws.
"LT, something's wrong. I can tell." he finally stated "I can't and won't order you to tell me what it is, but it's quite clearly something very serious."
Cutting him off she insisted "It's nothing, sir."
Inwardly she winced at the lie and wished she had it in her to just tell him what was wrong. Maybe he would give her the courage to do what she had to do...
Harm observed her silently for a minute again, which unnerved her terribly, when she suddenly saw his eyes flare for a second. It seemed as if he'd just had some kind of enlightenment. Her theory was confirmed when he suddenly abandoned his relaxed slouch and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees.
"Do you have a civilian jacket here, by any chance?"
The question surprised her and she nodded warily.
"Good. We'll meet at the beginning of the lunch hour in the parking lot. Just put the civilian jacket on and remove anything obviously military off your blouse. I'll be doing the same. Without the uniform jackets we'll look like civilians, so we'll be able to remain inconspicuous."
"Why, sir?"
Harm leaned further forward, looking into her eyes with an intensity she found disconcerting, and whispered so as not to be overheard "LT, something is obviously greatly bothering you and this is not the place to talk."
"Sir, it's nothing. There's nothing wrong with me." she made her one last stand.
Harm's eyes looked sad "Give me some credit, LT. I know when there's a problem and from personal experience I also recognize when the problem's too big for one person to deal with it by themselves. It's a big enough problem to be affecting your behaviour and if you don't talk about it it could also start affecting your on-job performance. Which would mean bad fitreps and a stalled career."
He hated manipulation, but this time it was obviously sorely needed. He didn't know what was wrong with her, but something was apparently troubling her. This week had been the first time he'd seen the strong, fearless LT act like a small, scared animal, scurrying about as if bloodhounds were right behind her, terrified for her life, knowing it was about to die.
He knew the only thing that could force her into complying with his plan was implicating her career could suffer and was confirmed in his belief when after a pause she nodded reluctantly.
"I can help you work out the problem or just give some advice or just support if nothing else, both off the record, but you have to do something, if not for yourself, then for your career. It's obviously a big problem and if I noticed it, the Admiral will soon notice it himself."
Seeing she had no other option Loren conceded and with a confirming nod Harm stood up.
"See you in the parking lot then."
With that he left the office, shutting the door softly, leaving Loren to wonder what the hell had she gotten herself into.
A few hours later Harm checked the time, stood up from his desk and stepped over to the hanger. Quickly changing his uniform jacket with a civilian one he made sure nothing was giving away his chosen life path.
Since dress blues were the uniform of the day his double-breasted navy-blue civilian jacket fit nicely with his navy blue trousers and black leather shoes. He looked like any other businessman.
Ignoring the curious stares of his coworkers, who had seen the unapproachable LT Loren Singer dressed in the same style just minutes ago, he secured his office, pocketted the keys and strode off.
For efficiency, speed and health he took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. It was only 2 floors anyway, no reason to wait like he was old or an invalid when he was still quite healthy (well, except for his back).
Arriving at the parking lot area he quickly found Loren milling around, drawing curious glances from the guards, who were surely curious why she hadn't just simply gotten into her car and driven off.
He'd seen the petite Lieutenant in civilian clothes only very few times in the years he'd known her and, even though he'd been stuck on Mac for a long time, he'd always had to admit that this haughty woman was a very beautiful one indeed. Her red satin chinese-style dress from Christmas 2001 had definitely drawn long, admiring gazes from all the males at the party, single or not.
Compared to Loren Mac had dressed like a patsy. Wearing that weird style of jacket with the plunging neckline that still revealed absolutely nothing, besides being inappropriate for someone with her rank, combined with those slacks it had made her look Cissy Meldrum from that old british comedy "You rang M'Lord?" and she was definitely too tall for that style. There was also that awful hair-do...
It was the night the two women had switched places... Mac had gone from the temptress she was most of the time to the "ugly" duckling (phrase used figuratively and not literally, as in physically ugly, but weird).
And Loren had gone from the woman no man looked at while in uniform, much less liked to look at twice, to being the Second Coming of Cinderella (or is it the first, since the original is fictional?), like the "ugly" duckling that had finally grown into a beautiful, graceful swan?
It had been weird seeing Mac and Loren talk civily back then, for not only had the two women never had much love lost for each other, actually they'd always been at each other's throats, but the other reason was because they looked so different physically: next to the shorter, but more voluptous Loren, with just the right curves to make blood sing faster through a man's veins, Mac had looked like a dried-out bean-pole.
Loren had drawn many appreciative gazes then, the red dress emphasizing her perfect figure, long muscular legs, flat belly, lovely, firm hips that narrowed into a slim waist that then flared into wide ribcage housing impressive lungs and full heavy breasts, atop of that a graceful neck and femininely thin arms. Harm had to admit even the pony-tail had been attractive. Not a hair of her dark blond hair, gleaming in the light from being squeaky clean, had been out of place. He'd never before known that a pony tail can be attractive or that it can even be seductive, but Loren's had definitely been, next to oddly fitting her dress quite well. The unexpected side effect of that day was that Harm had started to prefer pony-tails over every other hair-do.
Even though he had until then been vaguely aware of the arrogant woman's attractiveness, the knowledge had stayed only on the outskirts of his awareness and had not broken through, all due to his tunnel vision, better said: target fixation, aimed at Mac. And look where that had gotten him...
But after having received numerous put-offs and rejections from Mac, too numerous to count; Harm had over the past few years let go. But not of whatever Mac'd wanted him to let go off, however...
No, Harmon Rabb Jr. had let go of Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie herself.
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