A Boy and His Cow
Chapter Summary: The title says it all. Basically just the age-old story of a boy and his cow.

Shuffling steps echoed through the memory chamber, crunching artificial grass underfoot. With feet that seemed too heavy to lift, Lance staggered inside the makeshift shed and collapsed face-first into a pile of bedding. There, he buried himself up to his elbows and groaned. "Today was the worst day."

He could hear the clop of Kaltenecker's hooves as she came up behind him and nudged his neck with moist nostrils. He half-giggled as she kept it up, rooting in his hair.

"Stop that." He turned onto his side and gave her face a shove. "Your drool isn't exactly a moisturizer, you know."

The cow gave him a bovine side-eye, but he knew she was glad to see him. This was further demonstrated as she went to the trouble of folding her legs, laying down so she could press against him. "Mau," she said, leaning all her weight into his side.

Lance couldn't hold back a smile any longer. What could he say? He'd always had a thing for the ladies, and Kaltenecker was a thousand-pound beauty. He was so glad they'd freed her from that awful mall. She deserved to be among her own kind, even if that meant a motley bunch of humans and not a herd of cattle. But no matter. They were both Earthlings, and that the important part, right?

Lance contented himself with rubbing her back and ribs with both hands, which made Kaltenecker shiver with pleasure. He felt her muscles jump under his skin and laughed. "Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to see you, too. Nobody on this ship understands me like you do."

Some might have thought that was an exaggeration, but Kaltenecker was a very profound, deep-thinking cow. Lance was also her only regular visitor. Pidge had no interest in animals (unless they had robot arms or some kind of inner circuitry), and the fact that Kaltenecker had no combat value placed her beneath Keith's notice. Shiro, Lance suspected, was a tiny bit scared of her, which, okay. If you weren't familiar with them, livestock could be huge, intimidating animals. As for Hunk, he had mostly lost interest that very first day on the bridge, shortly after he realized she wouldn't be supplementing their panty with milk, at least not for long.

"What do you mean she won't give milk? She's a girl cow. That's what cows do!"

At the time, Lance had patted their newly-acquired friend with a practiced hand. "Cows give milk for calves, buddy, and Kaltenecker isn't pregnant. Isn't likely to become pregnant either, unless you're hiding a bull somewhere in this castle. It looks like she might still give milk, but once she's done, she's done."

"Fascinating," Allura had said. "I was unaware Earth had such a variety of creatures." She seemed about three seconds away from trying to shake Kaltenecker's hand…er, hoof, and Lance wasn't entirely sure she realized that a cow was on a different level of sentience than humans.

Meanwhile, Lance was working his fingers deep into the recess behind Kaltenecker's left ear. "Come on, Shiro, even if she can't give milk, she's still a wayfarer like us. The least we can do is take care of her until we can all go home."

All the others had exchanged some kind of look then, something that made Lance's stomach sink, so he actively avoided trying to interpret it. Instead, he offered a weak smile. Shiro relented, though a kind of sadness tinged his words. "Alright, Lance. You can keep the cow."

Since then, they'd done their best to make her comfortable. They'd fabricated a habitat in one of the memory chambers. The food goo could be modified for her, and though she seemed to find it just as gross as Lance did, Kaltenecker'd apparently been in space long enough to become a pragmatist because she ate it. What she seemed to love most, though, were Lance's daily visits. The back rubs, ear scratches, cuddles. Yeah. Kaltenecker loved hugs. Good thing for her, Lance was an expert.

He pressed his face into her hide, arms stretched as far as they would go. "Oh, I'm so tired. Allura is a slave driver, Kal."

Kaltenecker made an understanding noise. Encouraged, he went on. "Today she was mad because I was piloting Blue, and we got a little bit carried away with some asteroids. They were icy and smooth as glass, perfect for skidding around on. So I wasn't exactly on task. Me and Blue hadn't had a chance to fly together in ages, plus it was harmless, right? 'Course, Keith messed it up. That guy has no chill. Everyone else was sliding around and throwing up snow with their claws, and here comes Mr. Fire Breath, incinerating everything like it was some kind of deranged war game. I swear, he's the kind of kid who hides rocks in snowballs."

Lance paused.

"Not that there was a lot of snow back in Varadero. There was this tiny flurry once when I was seven. I stood outside, gawping like an idiot. Mom said she would never forget it. 'Your face was so rosy, like a little snow angel,' she would tell me." He realized his throat had gotten thick and rubbed his wrist over his nose. "Ugh. Sorry."

Kaltenecker blinked huge eyes at him. They looked so sympathetic, like she understood every word he said.

He smiled at her. "You're a good listener, Kal. Even when I get sappy, you don't make fun of me. It's because you miss home, too, right?"

The animal offered a low, mournful sound.

Lance leaned his head against her back. "Yeah, I know. But one day we'll be home, and there'll be grass for you and maybe snow for me. And my mom." He laughed outright when an impossibly long, sticky tongue licked his face. "Gross! I already told you, Kal, that is not good for my skin."

Despite his protests, he nestled down into the synthetic hay, flush with the broad, warm body. A little nap before he had to return to the others would be good for him. After all, defenders of the Universe deserved a little rest now and then. Kaltenecker lay her head over his shoulder, closing him in with her boney head. She sighed, content.

Lance was already asleep.