Walking Away Is Hard To Do.
They spent that night safe and secure in each others arms. Making love all night into the early hours of the morning. Looking longingly into each others eyes and souls. Sharing the gentlest of kisses and touches. Jack finally fell asleep and Ianto watched over him as he slept as it was rare that Jack actually slept. Ianto stroked his leaders soft, smooth back as he watched him breathing.
"Is this really the start of something different for us Jack? Are things really going to be different? Will you been mine like I am yours? Time will tell my love," Ianto tells him softly and Jack just makes a gentle grunting noise as he slept.
Ianto lay next to Jack, putting his arm around him and feel asleep.
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Early the next morning, Ianto walks up and is alone. There was nothing new about that but Ianto lay there, wishing that it was different. That they could wake up together in the morning but he could wish all he wanted to. Ianto got up as usual, got dressed, as usual and left Jack's little hole in the hub that he called a bedroom. The office was empty and dark and there was no sign of Jack. Ianto looked as his watch and saw that it was early enough to go back to his flat, get a shower and clean suit and make it back to the hub before anyone else got there. Ianto left the office and made his way to the cog door but before he opened it, he turned around and looked around, searching for Jack? He didn't know but he left.
Ianto arrived home and as he came through the door, he noticed that he had mail so he took it out of the letter box and looked through the mail as he carried on up the stairs.
"Junk mail, Insurance, Life Insurance, more junk mail and Bank statement. I never get any interesting mail," Ianto says to himself as he reaches his door, getting his key out and unlocking the door.
He walks inside and he bins all the junk mail and puts the bank statement on the side board. Ianto loosens his tie, goes to the kitchen and puts the kettle on. He gets his cup ready with sugar, a tea bag and once the kettle is boiled, he adds it to the cup. Once the tea was ready, he puts it on the coffee table in the lounge and goes and has a shower.
Standing in front of the mirror with just his towel on, he looks at himself. He then turns to the wardrobe next to the mirror and rifles through his suits and pulls one out.
"Now which shirt should I wear and then what tie to go with that?" Ianto says out loud and then realises what he is saying.
"Has my life really gotten that boring. Wondering what shirt and which tie to wear. Have I nothing better to worry about. I really need to get a life," Ianto tells himself and picks out a shirt and tie.
He gets ready and then looks in the mirror again. He straightens out his quickly drying hair and straightens his tie. He makes his way to the lounge and quickly downs the now almost cold tea and takes the cup to the kitchen where he washes it, dries it and puts it away like he always did. Ianto was a neat freak and he knew it. He leaves his flat at the same time as usual and sets off for the hub to another day of work under the rift.
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Ianto gets to the Tourist Information office and unlocks the door and steps inside. All seemed to be quiet as he closed and locked the door behind himself. It was still early as he fumbles for the release button for the secret door. As the door opens, Ianto slips inside and makes his way to the lift and gets in.
"I wonder how Jack will be this morning after last night? Will there be any difference in his attitude towards me? I can't wait to see him," Ianto thinks to himself as he rides the lift to the end of it's journey.
He walks the short distance to the cog door and opens it, stepping inside into a dark, quiet main hub. Ianto looks over to Jack's office but the lights were off and there was no-one there. He was all alone in the hub, as usual. He turned the lights on in the hub and started his morning routine. Starting up the hubs computers and setting them for the day ahead. With that done, he went on with his jobs. He goes into the kitchenette to start making coffee and he finds a note on it so he pulls it off and reads it.
"Ianto,
I had to go out so start without me. The team is due in at the usual time and I shouldn't be long. Jack."
"At least he left me a message this time," Ianto says to himself with a smile and he throws away the note and starts to make the coffee.
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It was now almost lunch and Ianto was starting to get worried as there had been no word from Jack. Ianto was pacing the workstations, driving the rest of the team mad.
"Ianto. Would you please stop pacing. You are making me dizzy," Owen barks and is met with scowl from Ianto.
"He will be fine Ianto. You know what Jack is like. He goes off all the time not telling us what is going on and then he strolls back in as though he had been gone for a minute," Gwen tells him in her gentle way, remembering the conversation from yesterday.
"If he is trouble, which he isn't, I would be the first to know and there is nothing on the computer concerning the rift," Toshiko adds, barely raising her head from the computer.
"
I know he is ok. I just hate it when he goes out for hours on end and doesn't tell anyone where he is going," Ianto tells them as he stops pacing.
"Why don't you go and make some coffee Ianto and then go on the dinner run to take your mind off of Jack?" Owen suggests having an agenda of his own, his rumbling stomach.
"Why don't you go for a change Owen?" Gwen asks him glaring at him.
"I'm trying to do him a favour by taking his mind off of Jack," Owen replies, glaring back.
"I take it you want the usual then?" Ianto asking knowing that that was a stupid question but everyone nods.
Ianto grabs his coat from where it always hung up and headed out of the hub on his almost daily trip to the sandwich shop.
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When he got there, Alison, a friendly, young Welsh girl was stood behind the counter like she usually was.
"Morning Ianto. Let me guess, the usual?" she asks him in her gentle Welsh accent.
"Am I that predictable?" Ianto asks with a smile.
"Predictable but pleasantly so," she tells him with a smile, a smile he was used to but still made him happy when he saw it.
"So Ianto, when are you taking me out on that date?" she asks him as she prepares his sandwich order.
"I would love to take you out but with my job," he starts but she interrupts.
"I know, your job is very strange hours and you could get called away at any time. When are you going to get a regular job with regular hours?" she asks him working away.
"I don't know. I like my job and the boss isn't such a pain in the arse so I count myself lucky I suppose," Ianto tells her as she bags up the sandwiches and hands them over to Ianto.
He hands her a £10 note.
"Keep the change Alison," he tells her with a smile and she smiles back.
"Why thank you sir. You are so generous," she laughs and Ianto laughs, momentarily forgetting all about Jack going A.W.O.L.
Ianto leaves with bag in hand and makes his short journey back to the hub.
"She was right. Why couldn't I get a normal job, with normal hours, doing normal things and with a normal boss? Was Jack the only thing really keeping me at Torchwood? Would it be different if Jack wasn't there?" he though to himself as he walked into the hub.
He walked in and was surprised to see Jack walking around with his head in paperwork.
"Where have you been Jack? I was worried about you," Ianto tells him and he barely batters an eyelid.
"Not here Ianto. In my office in 10 minutes and bring some of that coffee," Jack tells him, walking away and not acknowledging that Ianto had been worried about him.
Ianto dishes out the sandwiches to everyone, Owen fussing as he got Gwen's but Ianto's mind was somewhere else. He then did as he was told and made coffee. He loaded his tray up and took the 4 cups of steaming, strong coffee out to the others and one by one, the team took their coffee's, thanking Ianto but never actually looking at him and then there was one left. Jack's.
He took the cup off of the tray and placed the tray on the coffee table in the sofa area and he took the cup to Jack's office, knocking on the door.
"Enter Ianto," Jack barks from his desk and Ianto walks in.
"Close the door Ianto," he tells him as he shuffles a few papers around so he does and takes the cup to the desk.
"Here you go Jack. Your coffee," Ianto tells him with a smile.
Jack points to a spot on the desk that wasn't cluttered and Ianto puts it down.
"So, did you go anywhere nice this morning?" Ianto asks him innocently but with a degree of curiosity.
"I was some personal business that I had been putting off," Jack simply replies, not really acknowledging that Ianto was there and his smile disappeared.
"Is that all you are going to tell me? Some personal business that you had to take of?" Ianto asks him.
"Personal as in my business and not yours Ianto," Jack snaps banging his fist on the desk, scaring Ianto who jumps back slightly.
"Back to being the dog again am I? You really didn't listen to me last night did you? What else did I expect. I was asked today why I didn't have a normal job and do you know what I said?" Ianto asks him.
"I haven't really got time for this Ianto," he replies.
"Make time Jack. I told them that I enjoyed my job but thinking now, who am I trying to kid. I am the dogs body and I know that I told you I would do anything but for years now, I have been cleaning up your shit and getting no thanks so I tell you what, do your own coffee, filling, cleaning and everything else I do and see how you like it because I have had enough. I resign," Ianto snaps back and he heads for the door, opening it.
"Ianto. Wait," Jack shouts, his tone less harsh now as he stands up behind his desk.
"No Jack. Enough is enough. I'm tired of being kick around, used, abused and what for? The rear treat of spending a few hours with you. It isn't worth it, not by far," he tells a stunned jack as he walks through the door.
"Ianto. I didn't mean to snap at you," Jack almost begs as he follows him out.
"You never do Jack but you still keep doing it though don't you? You can't admit how you feel about me until we are alone," Ianto barks, not looking at him but he feels Jack getting close and then putting his hand on Ianto's shoulder.
"I do love you in my own way," Jack tells him and Ianto shrugs his hand off.
"To little, way too late Jack. You treat me more like a dog than a lover or equal and this dog has had enough so I resign as from now. Don't call me, don't visit me, don't do anything because I've had enough," Ianto tells him and walks away from Jack.
"Ianto. Don't do this. Don't do this because I am a bad tempered idiot. Torchwood can't work without you. I can't be without you," Jack tells him, close to tears but holding them in with everything he had.
"Words Jack. They are just words. The words I have heard a thousand times before and each time the same thing. I can't do it anymore. This dog is tired of being kicked and is making a break for it before he is destroyed. Leave me alone Jack. Just let me go," Ianto tells him, grabbing his coat, forcing back the tears.
Ianto turns to the team, their faces struck with horror at what they had just witnessed, Gwen almost in tears, feeling responsible but not totally.
"Are you just going to stand there Jack and let him walk away?" Gwen asks him, glaring it him.
"There is nothing he can say for me to stay Gwen. I've run out of fight and I just can't take it anymore. Giving my love everyday and getting nothing back. I will see you around though," Ianto tells them with a smile they knew was fake and pain filled.
Ianto had a last look around, breathes in the hub air one last time and then left through the cog door. He made his way up to the Tourist Information office and collected a few things. Some photo's of the team and Jack, his own things that he brought from him and he put them in a little box. He looked around and the memories of the past flooded his mind and heart. The first time Gwen walked through the door with a pizza in her hand, when an infected Cherys stood holding the Doctors hand in a jar, threatening to drop it if she wasn't released, when Jack told him Ianto he had to go and kill Lisa or he would.
Those were some of the memories, some good and some bad but that was Torchwood. Ianto grabbed his box and left the office and as expected, no grand gesture from Jack begging him to stay but did he really expect Jack to do that? No. Not really. Ianto walked to the door and turned the sign over to closed. The last time he would ever do that. It felt strange. Still, he had to walk away, for his own sake. Time away from Jack would clear his mind. Ianto locked the door behind him as he left and he posted his keys and Torchwood ID through the letter box.
It was really over. He was no longer a member of Torchwood. He held onto the memories as he knew, he wouldn't have them long. Jack would get him eventually and then he would forget all about Torchwood, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, Lisa and everything else he had held so dear but the time had come. Ianto looked back at the hub as he walked away, taking one last look as he would soon forget. Torchwood.