Disclaimer: Posting in honor of today being the birthday of Katniss!
I pace back and forth around the room as I wait for the first visitors. It's going to be my family. What do I say to them? Will I just know when they get here? I can't deal with Posy crying, I just can't. What about Rory? Oh God, what do I say to them? You can't fit a lifetime of goodbyes into three minutes for crying out loud. The walls seem to close in with each passing second and I feel like I need to throw something. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I keep picturing Undersee getting her throat slit and I want to hurl.
Finally the door opens and in runs Posy, attaching herself to my leg tightly. Her grip is fierce but it doesn't take me long to tear her off and pull her into my arms. "You can't go, Gale," her voice is barely a whisper.
"I have to, Pose," I say softly, holding her closer. "I don't have a choice." She sniffles but doesn't cry, I'm sure it's something Vick said to her. Probably something along the lines of stay strong or if you cry then he'll cry. Her tiny hands link themselves around my neck and she buries her face into my neck.
"You'll come back, right?" she must know the chance is slim. It doesn't matter how young she is, Posy's smart. She knows she won't be seeing me again.
"I'm gonna try," I whisper, pressing a kiss to her forehead quickly and setting her back on the ground. "Anything to get back to you, I'll do it. Who else would play games with you?" She nods and wipes at her eyes and then steps away. Next I embrace Vick who didn't follow his own advice, tears leaking down his face. "Take care of Posy, okay? Play her silly games with her; just make sure she doesn't watch the Games. At all. Even if I'm doing well or…"
"Okay," he whimpers. Vick has never been good with words or been a good listener. He just needs to be held and that's all I want to do, hold him. His hands are barely big enough to hook all the way around me. "Gale I…"
"Shhh," I squeeze him tighter trying to memorize his form, his scent. My little brother. "I don't have much time. I love you, okay? Stay strong. Help Ma around the house." He nods, and then he too steps away with a quivering chin. They're taking turns, they talked this through. God it's like clockwork, one steps forward as the other steps back. At this point I don't even mind, I just need to see them all. Rory next, I lean my forehead against his and cup his face in my hands. Here's where I feel the tears press against my eyes. "Man of the house," I tell him gently. His eyes search mine frantically and I see them glisten with tears. "You've got to take care of them."
"I don't know how," he blubbers. "Gale, I don't…"
"Katniss will give you game, she'll take you into the woods and teach you to hunt. You can do it, Rory, I believe in you." He nods, and then shakes his head. "You have to."
"You have to come home," he whimpers, throwing his body against mine. "Gale, please."
"I will, I'll come home," I cringe as my voice cracks and cradle him closer to me. My baby brother yet the oldest. The strongest and yet he's still so weak, breakable. "You have to be brave for me. For them, Rory." He nods but I feel his tears leaking through my shirt. Finally he steps back, allowing me to reach for my mother. Her arms wrap tightly around me and she strokes my hair.
"My beautiful boy," she coos, her voice calm and steady. "You're so brave."
"Not like I have a choice, Ma," I shoot back. She pulls away and smiles, her hand cupping my cheek. "I love you. I love you so much."
"I love you too," she says gently. "I always will. Even when you get back, no matter how different you are." She leans forward and kisses my cheek and my insides crack. I wrap my arms around her again, and then Rory and Vick and Posy all join in. I let them cry. I hold them tight. I can't cry in front of them. I can't cry at all. I won't let the Capitol have that privilege.
"I love you guys. I love you all so much, you have no idea. I couldn't ask for a better family."
"Time's up," a Peacekeeper charges into the room.
"No! No, wait, but Gale!" Posy reaches for me. Before the Peacekeeper reaches us I wrap her in one final tight hug. "I love you, Gale," she whispers. "Come home."
"I will, Posy. I love you." I kiss her cheek and then the Peacekeeper pries her from my arms. "I love you!" I shout to them, and then the door slams shut. They're not even out the door for five seconds before I hear her Posy's sob coming from the other side. Gone. They're gone. Just like that. My family is gone. Their scent still lingers in the room and I rub at my face. I have to get back to them. I can't let Posy or Vick or Rory watch me die. I can't, I can't. I'll win, I have to win.
Katniss comes in the room minutes later and instantly she's in my arms. Something bubbles in my stomach but I don't know what it is. "Gale, I…"
"Don't," I cut her off, adjusting my grip around her waist. "Just stay quiet for a minute." She nods and pulls me closer through my shirt in clumps. "Catnip," I choke out, and then I feel her tears leaking through my shirt just as I had with my family. Katniss isn't a crier, she's not weak, she's not scared. And now she's here, crying in my arms. Katniss is crying for me.
"You can win," she forces out, nodding enthusiastically. "You can, Gale, you're a fighter. You can show everyone that you can beat them…" She's talking about the Capitol. God, she's talking about the Goddamn Capitol because she knows how much I hate them.
"Catnip," I mumble. "You've got to teach Rory to hunt."
"No," she shakes her head. "You will. You'll teach him once you get back," she jabs her finger at me.
I force a smile and she cracks again, rubbing at her eyes just like me, desperate to not let me see her weaken. "Tell Prim I love her, alright?"
"Okay," she whimpers. She's not good at staying strong.
"You too," I say quietly. "I love you too. You know that, right?"
"Of course I do, Gale," she mutters. "You've got to get a bow. You're not as good as me but you can shoot. Set up traps too, you're good at that." I force the laugh I want to emit back down my throat. Of course she'd say she was better than me at shooting as I'm being sentenced to my death. "You know about plants and things like that, don't spend too much time in that center because you know it all. Trust your gut. Show no mercy."
"Got it," I nod, pulling her into one last hug. I savor her scent, her touch, her voice. "See you soon, Catnip." She swallows tightly and then steps backwards as the Peacekeepers open the door to usher her out. She wipes her eyes and then she, too, is gone. Maybe never to be seen again.
I start pacing again. I can't start thinking like that, like I'm going to lose. I have to act like I'll win, have to return home. I have to be back for Posy and Katniss and Rory and Vick and everyone. I have to be back for everyone. There are people here, people counting on me. The last person to visit me is Thom. The only real friend I have outside of Katniss. Even that cocky bastard hugs me, muttering something along the lines of how sorry he is and how stupid it was of him to say that and he just rambles on and on until I tell him to shut up. Then he laughs and tells me he loves me and that I'm his best friend and I tell him to shut up again because Thom with feelings is not something I'm used to. One last hug and then he's out the door. And then I'm alone.
With a groan I collapse onto the couch and rest my head in my hands. I don't have anyone else that would visit me. Undersee's probably got the whole town lined up for her and I'm already out of people. Pathetic. Who would visit Undersee? I wonder if she'd visit me. Probably not, I don't blame her either. I think back to when I started writing the apology in my head for her and wonder if I actually intended to follow it through. Probably not. I clench and unclench my fists to keep me calm. Only now when the Peacekeeper that forced my family out of the room comes back to take me to the train does it sink in that I won't be seeing them again. I follow him out and force myself to swallow. It gets stuck in my throat.
Undersee's already walking in front of me, tall and proud. As we get in the car I try my hardest not to look at her, but I have to know if she's been crying. If I'm going to have to deal with a weepy mess when we get on the train. But she hasn't been. Her cheeks are a bit wet like she let a few tears slip but that's it. No red rimmed eyes, no short panicky breaths; Undersee's as solid as a rock. I lean back and fidget as the car starts to move. Undersee is unaffected by the shift. Effie starts talking about how excited she is for us to see the train and I lock my jaw to keep from saying something rude. She talks about how fast the damn train moves and my stomach gets queasy. I'm not a big fan of this car, how am I supposed to survive the train?
At the train station Undersee hops out of the car and scurries across to the train, giving a short wave to the cameras before doing so. I think she even smiled. I lock my jaw and march in behind her, sickened by how she's treating this. I almost go to snap at her but the cameras are snapping thousands of photos of us. I remain unaffected. Don't let them win. I can't let them win.
Effie finally slams the metal door shut and pushes us into the train. There's too much to take in all at once and I realize I'm frozen to the spot. It's… it's indescribable. The way the chairs stand with their elaborate designs, the colors that vibrate around us. "Isn't it lovely?" Effie sighs, scurrying past us. "I love how they treat you, it's so wonderful even if it's just for a little while."
"Wonderful," I hear Undersee mutter under her breath. The fact that it wasn't meant to be heard makes me laugh and then she snaps her head to me. Her eyes meet mine and I realize how empty she looks, how she must be hurting just as much as I'm trying not to. I think I'm just acting strange because I don't know how else to act, if we're being serious. I can't cry, I don't want to cry. I'm not excited. I'm not really scared either, not now anyway. She finally drops her gaze and follows Effie who's still talking about how lovely the train is.
"This one, Madge dear, is your room," she motions to a door. "Gale, dear," I hear Undersee swallow, "this is yours." Our rooms are directly across from each other and I nod sharply, walking past Effie without a word and forcing my way into my room. I hear Undersee say a thank you to Effie and then her door shuts loudly. I sigh and lean against my door, listening hard to see if I can hear anything else about the train. The only sound I hear is the hum the train makes as it glides over the tracks.
I slam my head against the metal of the door, what am I going to do? I squeeze my eyes shut and see Posy which immediately forces them open again. Was it only moments ago she was telling me how much she loved me? The train's already moving. I decide to look around the room to calm my nerves. Alright, there, I'm nervous. But there's nothing I can do to stop it, I won't linger on the details.
The bed is huge and has this sickening green color on it which I'm guessing is the comforter. The only green I prefer is the kind in the woods and this is not a green you would even find in the natural world. The rest of the room is all fancy, pictures hanging on the walls. I glance at myself in the mirror and rub at my eyes. I still look like myself. Now all I have to do is stay myself. How do I go into arena and kill other helpless people? I kill animals, not humans. Is it any different? Again I'm rubbing at my face.
"Supper!" Effie's voice chimes through my door. I don't know if I want to change or not and I rifle through the clothes in the drawers. They're all really nice, honestly. Soft silk shirts and sturdy khakis, but they smell like soap and I smell like coal and smoke. Right now I prefer the latter. I hear a door slide open and considering it isn't mine I figure it's Undersee's. I don't know how to talk to her, what to say. Do I even want to? Maybe I should just pretend like she doesn't exist, that might work out best for the both of us.
Does she even want to talk to me? Again I groan because I keep thinking about what she wants. I close my eyes and Katniss appears, so I force them open again. I decide not to change and then I slowly leave my room. I don't want to wash that layer of Seam off yet, I'll need the reminder of home to get me through this. I'll explore later, take a hot shower. Sounds nice.
I make my way to the dining area where Undersee sits talking with Effie about the Reaping. "Yes," she says, "I was very shocked." I watch for a moment as she places both her hands on her lap and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly. She's still shaking.
"I'll bet," Effie says, "being the mayor's daughter and all! Oh, if that doesn't make a story I don't know what will. You must be so proud to represent your District, though."
"Mmm," Undersee trills, finally opening her eyes and smiling brightly at Effie. I know she's not happy to be here, how could she be? It must be to stay on Trinket's good side. That always works. This must be part of her strategy of how to get out alive.
"The Capitol will love you, dear. The boy's the one we have to worry about…" Effie trails off and reaches for her glass to take a drink of whatever's in it. Undersee's eyes dart in my direction but she doesn't turn to acknowledge me. A sly grin crosses her face at Effie's remark proving she knew I was there. How did she know I was there?
"I think he'll be fine," Undersee continues, despite knowing I'm only a few feet away. "Everyone loves a good sulky handsome boy."
"I'm not sulky," I jab quickly, and her smile widens again. Damnit, she won this one, pulling me into the conversation I had only wanted to listen to. She knows it too, I can tell by the way she sits up in her chair even straighter.
"Oh, Gale!" Effie beams. "Please, please sit!" I lumber over slowly, narrowing my eyes at Undersee who licks her lips after taking a sip of something. "How do you like your room?"
"It's different," I mutter.
"I think mine's lovely," Undersee says brightly. I should probably start calling her Madge sooner or later, but it feels wrong in my mouth. Besides, it's best if I don't talk to her. I don't know where we even stand and it doesn't help the chance of us having to kill each other in the next couple of weeks is high. "I love it."
"Probably just like home," I snap. "Isn't it?" That's better. Feels like old times.
"Nothing like it, actually," she says quietly. "That's why I like it." My eyes narrow in her direction and I study her as she waits for the food to be served. Her hands are still shaking; she hasn't changed out of her white dress yet. She looks tired. Her eyes are a deeper blue than I've ever witnessed before. There's a small bruise on her upper forearm I swear wasn't there before the Reaping. Some of her hair has fallen out of the ribbon that holds it back.
"What's that?" I point toward her pin that I noticed early.
"Family heirloom," is all she says in response.
"It's Madge's token," Effie chimes in, not wanting to be left out of the conversation. "Isn't that what you told me, dear?" She nods back and Effie smiles sweetly at her. I clench my fists, I don't have a token.
"I know that, but what is it?"
"Oh," Undersee finally looks back up at me. "It's a mockingjay." A mockingjay, it's like she's writing her death certificate. A mockingjay is a bird the Capitol never wanted to create but they're all over the place now. Can spit back tunes in the most beautifully terrifying ways. I can bet all the money in the world Undersee's never even heard one sing before. I've heard them a few times. Katniss liked to whistle to them.
My heart aches when I think of Katniss again. I think back to when I first saw her and all these different emotions pounded at my soul like I was supposed to just pick one. I love her, I do, but how? Like a sister? Like something more than a friend? I don't know, I never did. She never wanted to marry, to have kids. She's my hunting partner, but that's it I think. I never thought about my feelings for her because I didn't think I really had any. There's no use in thinking about them anymore anyway considering I won't be seeing her again. With that though I squeeze my eyes shut. I've got to think like a Career.
"Gale," Undersee waves her hand in front of my face. "Are you alright?" I must've zoned out.
"Fine," I mutter back. She drops her eyes from me instantly and returns back to Effie. I'm not really fine though, am I?
After we finish our meal we make our way to a television to watch the rest of the Reapings. Undersee sits next to me on the couch with her legs up and off to the side. Her knee touches my leg but I'm not sure if she notices. I make a point to scoot a bit away from her and she peels back to her side of the couch, muttering a sorry under her breath. Effie takes the arm chair near us and we flick the TV on.
I tell myself that I'm ready for this, but the second the Capitol emblem flashes on the screen I know that I'm not. Basically all of the people I'm about to see will be dead. They're just as helpless as I am. I try to keep my thoughts calm but it doesn't help that the first volunteer, a girl named Glimmer from District 1, is very attractive and blows kisses at the cameras. I find myself smiling but instantly wipe it from my face. Undersee notices and scoffs before crossing her arms.
"She looks like you, Madge!" Effie smiles brightly. "Maybe you two will get along!"
"Wonderful," she says in response, an empty echo left in her voice. After that there's only a few people that stick out to me. The guy from District 2, Cato. A girl from District 5 whose name evades me. A twelve year old girl from District 11. Rue. And the boy that follows, Thresh. "Oh no," I hear Undersee whisper when the girl takes the stage. The camera makes a point of flashing back to her younger siblings, all with teary eyes. Rue must be the oldest, and yet still so young.
Finally it's our own reaping and I cringe when they call Undersee's name. Effie makes a point of telling her how proud she is of Undersee's posture and how well she took the stage. She also makes a point of talking about how frustrated she is that her own wig was off balance thanks to Haymitch.
"Where is Haymitch anyway?" I ask, my eyes scanning the room. I haven't seen him since he face planted off the stage.
"Who cares," Undersee replies. "Probably drunk. He's always drunk."
"He's our mentor," I grumble. "He's got to keep us alive, Undersee."
"Yeah well even you should know that he's just a drunk," she shoots back angrily.
"That he is," Effie frowns worriedly. "Oh, look Gale, dear. It's you!" Effie does a wonderful job at changing the subject. My eyes flicker back to the screen where I march to the stage, my brow furrowed and angry. Good. I look pissed. "You look so…" she trails off and Undersee brings her hand up to stop herself from snorting.
"Yes, Gale," she chimes in. "You look thrilled." I lock my jaw and let them continue their giggles, not acknowledging their existence. As the show ends someone stumbles into the room. It takes me a moment to realize that the person with unruly hair that sways with the train is in fact, Haymitch.
"I miss supper?" he slurs, causing Undersee to suck in a sharp breath. "Maysilee what the hell're you doing here?"
"Haymitch," Effie crosses her arms angrily. "That is no way to treat your new tributes."
"New tributes?" his eyes dart between us. "But she," he points toward Undersee who looks away instantly. Then he laughs, "Oh this'll be great. Two more useless kids. Dead on the first day."
"Come on," Undersee suddenly stands up and charges toward him. "I got him," she mutters to me and Effie. "Back to your room before you vomit all over the place." I watch as she pulls him gently away from the room and wait there until I hear a door shut a few minutes later. She's already won over the District escort, and now she'll win over the mentor too. I clench my fists, she must really have a reason to get home. But what?
"Do they know each other?" I ask Effie who shrugs and glances at her nails. "Who's Maysilee?"
"I'm not sure, Gale, maybe you should ask her. You two are friends after all."
I go to tell Effie that we aren't friends. We aren't friends at all. But a voice cuts me off, "Ask me what?" Undersee walks almost as quietly as me; I didn't even realize she was back in the room. Her face is pale and her hair is fully out of the ribbon now. In fact, I don't even know where the ribbon is. Lost somewhere on the train I bet. Her dress is also slightly shifted like she struggled to get Haymitch to bed. "Haymitch puked," she mutters when she notices me studying her. "Barely missed me."
"Repulsive," Effie shudders. "You should've just gotten an attendant, dear. That's their job, anyway." Undersee shrugs and tries to straighten her dress out. "Don't worry you two, I'll help with the sponsors. He's not very good at it but everyone likes me."
"Sounds great," Undersee says happily, although it doesn't quite reach her face. She's a little upset over whatever Haymitch said. I'll bet he said even more once she got him to his room.
"Anyway, dear, who's Maysilee?" Effie asks brightly. "And how long have you known your mentor! I had no idea!"
"I don't know him," she says quietly, dropping her gaze to the ground. Then she turns on her back heel and makes her way out of the room. "And it doesn't matter who Maysilee is."
A/N: What kind of Madge is your favorite? Quiet or fierce? Maybe a mix of both? Thanks to all who subscribed or reviewed! You're the reason I write! I really like writing this story and taking my own twist on the original. I hope I'm doing it justice. Leave your thoughts.