"'Impossible' is two letters away from 'possible'."
- Cr1tiKal
...
(Note: To get an idea of Arthur's fast-talking "headliner" voice, think of a fast-talking Richard Gere. That would be the EXACT voice of Arthur.)
Nico: Good to know!
Jewel: Who's Richard Gere?
Blu: Considering most of the people who are reading this story are NOT from the U.S, you're probably not the only one asking that...
...
Chapter 2
McCaw Journalism
Pedro: I'm starting to get the mental image in my head that a "McCaw" should be a menu item at McDonalds with a big, giant bird slopped into the middle of buns...Anybody else feelin' that?
Nico: Yep
Jewel: Mmhmm
Blu: Yessir
"Wait, how could you POSSIBLY be a blue McCaw? I thought me and Jewel were the only ones left?" Blu asked, still taken aback by this sudden revelation.
"Oh please my chap, that's what the men in white make you think!"
Blu: Hey! He's a conspiracy theorist!
Arthur laughed, still writing notes rapidly into his notepad. Blu had no idea what this expression meant, and clearly showed it with the expression on his face.
Jewel: See, even the characters don't understand what this author is writing about...
"Who are...The Men in White?"
Pedro: Tommy Lee and Will Smith's mortal enemies
Blu asked. Arthur hesitated for a moment, then put his notepad away. Arthur then swiftly moved next to Blu in one flap of his wings.
"The doctors! The scientists! They always spread the lies just to cover the truth. If Mr. Jenkins taught me anything, that'd be that you can't trust those doctors." Arthur explained.
Blu: Unless they arrive in big blue phone boxes...
Unbelievable, thought Blu.
Nico: I know, this story is awful...
The fact that his own kind WASN'T hanging by a thread with him and Jewel. There was actually someone related to them. So many opportunities, so many questions...
Jewel: "Blu eventually realized an orgy was the only way."
Blu: Stop that, Jewel!
"Sorry for not asking about you two! The press would like to know who these fine couple of blue lovebirds are!" Arthur said rapidly, taking out a fake microphone and pushing the two blue McCaws together to make them look like they loved each other. Blu and Jewel both shared creeped-out looks before a blinding flash shook their eyeballs. It turned out Arthur also had a camera.
Pedro: I really don't wanna know where he stores this stuff...
Blu: Probably the same place where the plot of this story is...Bagged and trapped...
"This guy's really dedicated to his work..." Blu muttered to Jewel.
"You're not kidding..." Jewel groaned in an annoyed tone.
"So, what do you two handsome McCaws call yourselves?"
Nico: "Big Mac and Quarter Pounder...with cheese"
Arthur asked once again, his strange, silver eyes suddenly expanding widely in excitement.
Pedro: Is he on crack or somethin'?...
Nico: "I gotta get my fix, man! I can't afford birdseed without it!"
"Well...I'm Blu. I came here from Minnesota because...Well...this guy Tulio thought I was the last male of my kind, and took me and my owner here so I could mate with Jewel here..." Blu started, to which Arthur took another picture with the blinding, flashing camera.
Blu: Let the record show that mating birds interests our new character
"A exciting journey from Minnesota to Rio! You know, I've been to Minnesota, and quite frankly you guys have quite the weather pattern. Snow, snow and snow!" Arthur laughed, seeming to be having a wonderful time.
"And, this is Jewel, my mate." Blu continued, motioning to Jewel, who gave a small, unenthusiastic wave. Arthur took another picture, once again blinding the two McCaws.
Nico: "Arthur liked stealing eyeballs"
"Stop doing that!" Jewel yelled as she whacked the camera away.
"So, continue with your story my blue friend! It's beginning to become interesting!" Arthur said, motioning Blu to continue his spectacular tale.
"Well...Then she ended up finding out I couldn't fly...So then we got mixed up into this whole thing. We had to escape from this crazy cockatoo named Nigel, we met all these different kinds of birds, and in general Jewel showed me that flying wasn't about the brains, but following the rythme of my heart..." Blu said as he gave a loving look to Jewel, who did the same. Arthur began sniffeling a bit, obviously choked up by the story.
Pedro: Either the story choked her up or the disregard'a grammar did...
Blu: Clearly she should have told the author to follow Spell-Check instead
"Beautiful story, kid...Definetly on Page 1..." Arthur sniffled, keeping the tears from coming out. Arthur suddenly snapped back to normal, and continued writing notes on his notepad.
"Say Blu, you mentioned something about a cockatoo named Nigel. That wouldn't happen to be the same Nigel that starred in the TV show 'Fly Hard', would it?" Arthur asked, actually sounding less hyperactive than normal.
"Yep, same one." Jewel responded, still trying to get rid of the memories of the constant times the insane cockatoo had called her 'Pretty Bird'.
Jewel: How would I even know that?
Blu: Plot convenience!
"That's interesting. I have a friend from LA who knew him quite well...In fact, she replaced him on that show." Arthur said, suddenly sounding less hyperactive and more serious. Blu was suddenly very interested. He actually was a tad interested in this 'Petricious' that the cockatoo had sung about only a few days earlier.
Jewel: Is that right, Blu?...
Blu: The author's words, not mine!
Nico: How'd you catch a song lyric like that, anyway?
Blu: The line got cut from the film, anyway!
Pedro: Stop breakin' the fourth wall!
"Wow...You think we could meet her?" Blu asked, sounding interested. Jewel lightly nudged Blu and shook her head silently, trying to make it clear she didn't want to get involved with this strange McCaw that just...Showed up in their nest.
Pedro: Either that or because she spotted the bulge in his pants...
"Sure! Luckily, Petricious is quite a friendly bird for a 'famous actor'." Arthur whispered with a snicker. Blu laughed weakly, not understanding the humor behind the joke.
Blu: It's because he said 'actor'. She's clearly a transvestite.
"You can meet my other friends too! We stopped at that little bird club down in the city earlier! I'll meet you there!" Arthur exclaimed as he burst off towards the city of Rio de Janiero. Blu smiled eagerly, and was ready to take off as well, when Jewel grabbed him at the last second.
"Where do you think you're going?" Jewel asked in an almost motherly sort of tone.
Jewel: "Not until you clean your room, mister!"
Blu: "But MOOOOOOOM..."
"C'mon Jewel! He's going to be living around here anyway. The least we could do is introduce him and make sure he is comfortable! Remember how much of a wreck I was when I was a tourist?" Blu explained, sounding almost like a politician.
Blu: What relation does introducing a bird to a jungle have to do with a politician?
Nico: Well he's old and dirty, so is a jungle, so...
Jewel thought for a moment, and accepted defeat of the matter.
"Fine...But if he pulls anything like stealing our nest again, then we're never treating him like a friend again." Jewel said, still stuck on the mistake that occured a few moments ago.
"I knew you'd understand. Now let's go give our friend a welcome party he'll never forget!" Blu exclaimed, bursting off through the tree tops with Jewel following quickly as the sun began to set...
...
As soon as Blu and Jewel arrived at the small market where The Branch was located, the sun was nearly hitting the horizon, ready to send the cozy city of Rio de Janiero into the night-wild city it had the reputation to be. It was fairly easy for Blu to find The Branch, as the loud and proud sound of Samba could easily be heard from a mile away...With Blu's hearing, at least.
Blu craned his neck inside the small tarp covering the club, and could easily see the club was still the same as it was before. All birds having the time of their lives, and still numerous Health Code violations.
Nico: Because health inspector birds are a thing...
Blu: Especially for a race of animals that tend to defecate in their own living space...
Blu walked in to suddenly be greeted by Pedro and Nico, who happened to be flying by.
"Hey Blu! You know about this guy?" Pedro suddenly greeted and asked as he pointed over to Arthur, who was dancing in an extremely bad fashion to the beat of Balanco Carioca, an extremely popular Brazilian tune that was even favored by Pedro and Nico. Even Blu cringed at the outdated fashion that his reporter friend was dancing in.
"Uh...Yeah! He's Arthur. You already meet him?" Blu asked, trying to speak over the loud music being played by a band of birds on the stage made from different objects further ahead.
"Met him? We sang with 'em! He's one cool dude!" Nico responded. Blu smiled in relief. At least he made a good first impression and didn't get on everyone's bad sides at first.
Jewel: I would think an old bird who can't dance wouldn't be well-received in a club...
Nico: It's like stickin' a grandpa into a night club
Blu: "Ya crazy kids! Shut that loud music off!"
"His friends ain't bad either! Lemme me get that crazy guy..." Pedro said as he quickly flew over and grabbed Arthur, who was still dancing wildly as he was being pulled. Blu could clearly hear Pedro yelling at Arthur to stop moving so he could come over. Finally, Pedro was able to pull Arthur over.
"Hello Blu my boy! Say, your friends know how to throw an excellent party! You should join in on the fun!" Arthur exclaimed, sounding much more ecstatic than the conversation back in the woods. The band suddenly stopped, and Pedro's voice began to speak.
"I'd like you all to meet our new friend Arthur, the newest bird to Rio! Come up here you crazy guy!" Pedro exclaimed, motioning Arthur to come up. Arthur smiled eagerly and flew quickly up to the front.
"Nice to meet all you crazy birds of Rio! Definetly different from where I come from!" Arthur laughed.
"Speaking of that, where ya'll from?" Pedro asked in response to the reporter bird mentioning where he came from.
"Boy, and the boys at home say I ask alot of questions..." Arthur laughed, to which everyone laughed in response.
Pedro: "Haha, this guy sucks!"
"Well, I come from a place called Fort Lauderdale, far north from this wonderful little place called Rio. After meeting so many friends, it's incredible just to be able to meet you good birds as well! I can only say thank you so much, because now Pedro and Nico here have got me convinced that I wanna PARTY!"
Blu: "Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"
Nico: "They may take our lives, better they'll never take our FREEDOM!"
Blu: And so forth with EVERY cheesy speech every conceived...
All the birds cheered in response, and the music once again started once more.
"Thank you my good men! I'm having a wonderful time!" Arthur stated Pedro and Nico, trying to yell over the music playing.
Blu: "My good men"? Is Arthur from America or medieval France?
"No problem! Come any time you wanna get down!" Pedro exclaimed back. Arthur smiled and then flew back to the rear of the huge crowd of birds where Blu and Jewel were standing.
"Well, I feel great! I wanna thank you, my friends. Being a bird in this wonderful world of music is nothing short of Heaven! Luck be a McCaw tonight!" Arthur cheered as he began to dance again.
"See, I told you he wasn't a bad guy." Blu bragged to Jewel, who rolled her eyes in response.
"Fine, you were right. Now let's get back to the nest and clean up everything that Mr. Motor-Mouth did..."
Nico: "And by that, I mean sex"
Blu: I'm still amazed that "motor-mouth" is considered an insult...
...
Pedro: Alright, so it got worse. Blu?
Blu: Well...I mean...I don't know!
Nico: 'Course ya don't. This story is bad. Ya shouldn't know.
Jewel: Are we going to continue this?
Blu: I suppose we have to...There's nothing else we can do in this story...
Pedro: Except annoy the readers of this thing and extend the note here
Nico: This
Blu: Story
Jewel: Is
Pedro: So
Blu: Bad
Nico: It
Pedro: Makes
Jewel: Me
Blu: Want
Nico: To
Pedro: Watch
Blu: My
Nico: Little
Pedro: Pony
Jewel:...
Blu:...What?...
...
*Insert author's note here about some self-righteous crap*