Disclaimer: I still do not own The Vampire Diaries or the characters, storyline, or dialogue associated with it. So, please, don't sue me. I'm still poor.

This section begins in Damon's POV. PLEASE review and let me know what you think about the character portrayal. As I said before, I know things are a little... slow right now. I'm following the storyline right now other than some parts that are added as extras but things will change. It's just going to take a few more portions. However, things will start heating up between Damon and Elena soon, I promise. Please, stay with me :) Thank you!

Damon's POV

I pull away from Elena despite every ounce of my body pushing me to kiss her. I should say it's because I don't want to hurt my brother or because I don't want Elena to live with that guilt or because she's taken or any of the millions of reasons available to pick from, but that would be a lie. I pulled away because, when I kiss her, and I will, I want it to be without that pesky guilt she's feeling for feeding Stefan her blood and sending him off the deep end. Even though she was saving his life, she can't help but feel responsible for his bloodlust now.

Because I did this, she'd said to Stefan during their argument, when I was forced to stand outside the door and listen to him berate her when all I wanted to do was feel my knuckles collide with his face. This is my fault! I made you drink the blood.

I internally roll my eyes. I get taking responsibility but she needs to learn that not every bad choice he makes is her fault. Hungry and alive is better than dead. Not to mention that his fall off the edge he repeatedly toes was inevitable, it was only a matter of when. And doing it when you actually have something to come back to isn't the worst time it could happen. Maybe this time he'll actually listen and attempt to control it instead of ignoring it and hoping it goes away… we've seen how well that's gone for him. Regardless, Elena did him a favor.

I watch her walk up the stairs, intentionally avoiding my eyes, and I can't help but smile listening to her heart race. Dancing with her this afternoon, I'd heard her heart quicken several times but never dreamed it had anything to do with me. I assumed she was thinking about Hero Stefan and the fact that, not only was he still drinking human blood, but he was drinking stolen human blood and then lying through his teeth about it… a fact I was only too willing to share with her.

I pour myself some bourbon and contemplate not waiting until her guilt is gone to kiss her. I mean, she is in the house with me, alone. Well, alone in a manner of speaking… Stefan is unconscious, so, close enough. I can hear her pacing upstairs, restless. This may be the perfect time to employ my various charms. I scoff, knowing that all my usual tricks are just a form of manipulation, which is why I would never use them on her. That, and because she'd see through them in a second, which is one reason I love her.

I stop, realizing this is the first time I've admitted, even to myself, what I feel for her. Stefan would be losing his mind if he knew what I was thinking right now. I can just hear him in his condescending little voice, it's like Katherine all over again, but she's not Katherine, Damon. And don't I know it. Elena is nothing like Katherine. They may look alike but they couldn't be more different in every other way. Another reason I love her.

I set my glass down, about to abandon my plans about waiting, when I hear a groan from the cell downstairs. Great. Stefan is waking up. I listen for Elena, again, to see what she's doing and I can hear her breathing, slow and steady. Sleeping. Groaning inwardly, I down the rest of my drink, grab the syringe of vervain I'd filled earlier, and head down the steps to the basement. Looking through the bars I see Stefan, still confused, trying to stand. He locks eyes with me and I smirk.

"Hello, brother."

Though he's still weak from the vervain Elena ruthlessly used on him (I have to admit I'm kind of proud of her for that), he manages to speed to the door, grabbing on to the bars between us. His eyes are wild again, darkening as hunger overcomes him. Nonchalantly, I stick him in the hand with the vervain syringe and wait until he slumps to the floor before dragging him back to the cot. Next time he wakes up, he won't be so feisty. Starvation will do that to you. I should know. He starved me in this very cell less than a year ago. There's a wonderful symmetry to that, don't you think?

I trudge up the stairs towards my room, listening to Elena's even breathing along the way. I definitely won't be sleeping much tonight. Not with her here, sleeping in my house while my brother is absent from her side, even if she is, unfortunately, still in his bed instead of mine. Not after her admission, even though I'm still not sure what it means. And not with the possibility that she could be dreaming of me again.

Elena POV

I wake up in Stefan's bed after a night of abstract dreams haunted with screams and blood tempered by flashes of piercing blue eyes. It's early, the sun just beginning to peek over the mountains. Despite that it's been hours since I retreated to Stefan's room and far, far away from Damon, I feel remarkably like I didn't sleep at all. My arms and legs feel like they are filled with lead and my head feels like someone stuffed it with cotton. I feel my stomach rumble but the thought of food suddenly makes me sick. Guilt will do that to you, my subconscious sneers, but I push it out of my mind along with any lingering thoughts of the blue eyes that have haunted me since yesterday afternoon.

Sitting up, I untangle my necklace and a thought hits me. I'm so stupid! In my haste to blame Damon for planting the dream of us kissing, I forgot that my necklace prevents him from doing so. If I'd been thinking clearly, I would have known that last night, which means I could have avoided telling him what I had been dreaming about. And, now, I have to face him after the dream, the confession, and our almost kiss. Kill me.

I splash my face with water, hoping to cool off some of the heat that had risen there after my discovery. Cooled down, I take a breath and walk into the living room where Damon is already pouring himself some bourbon. I roll my eyes. I've never seen someone drink so much in my life. I guess it's a good thing his liver will repair itself before any real damage occurs.

"You want some?" He offers, tilting his head.

"I think I'll stick with coffee."

"Probably a good idea. You start drinking and who knows what might happen." He grins, his eyes flashing.

Ignoring his comment, I walk into the kitchen and start making coffee, wondering if Stefan is already awake or not. I need to see him.

"What do you want to eat?"

I jump at the feeling of Damon's breath on my ear.

"God, don't do that!" I scowl down at my hands, unwilling to turn towards him even the slightest.

He chuckles into my ear, sending a chill down my body, and then I feel a rush of cold air from his absence behind me. My head and heart are in a battle of how this makes me feel; part of me knows what I feel around him is wrong on so many levels. I'm not Katherine. I don't want to be like Katherine. But when he's around, I can't stop my heart from racing, my palms from sweating… or my mind from imagining things I have no right to imagine. In my peripheral, I see him lean against the counter, swirling his bourbon around, and I shoot him a dirty look for causing this internal battle, even if he's completely unaware of it, and I notice he looks as tired as I feel.

"Couldn't sleep?"

He looks up at me, pursing his lips, and ignores the question.

"What do you want to eat?" He repeats, downing the remains of his glass.

"Nothing. I'm not hungry."

"Elena, I could hear your stomach from down here."

"Damon," I look at him, and he turns the full force of his blue eyes on me. "I'm fine. I just want to get some coffee and go check on Stefan."

"Whatever you say, Elena."

He stalks past me towards the living room and I breathe a sigh of relief, relaxing the muscles I didn't realize were tensed, as soon as he leaves the room.

"I heard that!" He calls and I can't help but smile.

Stefan was still out of it when I went to check on him. Covered in sweat, he almost seemed to be hallucinating, mumbling incoherent phrases and, every now and then, a name. Damon, Father… Katherine. That last one, particularly, was like a slap in the face… but I have to remind myself he may have been hallucinating things from another time. Plus, it's not like I have room to talk. I have dreams of kissing his brother. HAD. HAD dreams of kissing his brother. Past tense, which is exactly how they will stay. No matter what attraction I have for Damon, I love Stefan and he needs me.

I'd rubbed on his arm and told him just that, that I loved him, and then left him alone.

Standing outside the cell, now, watching him, the guilt of yesterday feels heavy in my stomach. He was falling apart while I danced with his brother… and suffering while I dreamt of kissing him.

"It's so hard to see him locked up like this." I say, trying to force my brain to shut off the guilt.

"You're the one who locked him up." Damon retorts, leaning against the wall. He's been in a mood ever since we came down here.

"You helped." I remind him, shooting him a look.

"Well, I couldn't have him running around chewing on people while the town's looking for vampires, now, could I?" He smirks.

"It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him." I shoot back, knowing what his response will be and also knowing that he's lying.

"Your thing, not mine." He says, just as I suspected.

I watch him turn to go upstairs and, with a lingering look at Stefan, I follow.

Upstairs, I start gathering my stuff. School isn't happening today but I need to run home and change out my dirty clothes for clean ones so I can come back here again. The prospect of staying another night in the Salvatore mansion has my stomach in knots. How many more times can I put myself in a situation where I might give into Damon and what I feel for him before I do give in? It's common sense… if there is a temptation that you want to avoid giving into, you limit your time around that temptation. But I can't do that. I can't stay away. And every second I'm with him, I risk becoming a person I don't want to be. A cheater, a liar… I'm not that person, I don't want to be that person. But Stefan needs me. I mentally shake myself. And if Stefan needs me, I'll do whatever it takes to be there for him. I owe him that.

In the living room, Damon is studying the device Pearl gave to him in hopes of forming a truce. Though I know she's a vampire, I kind of sympathize with Pearl. All she's ever wanted was a future with her daughter where they can live their lives without having to worry about being staked… or locked in a tomb for 145 years. Still, that doesn't mean I condone Jeremy's relationship with Anna. I know, how much more hypocritical could I be? I am dating a vampire and having dreams about his vampire brother. But I want more for Jeremy. I want him to have a life outside of this, where he's safe. Plus, Anna had every intention of feeding him to her mother just because he's a Gilbert. Even if she didn't go through with it, that doesn't mean I trust her.

"Did you ever figure out what that is?" I ask, stuffing dirty clothes into my bag.

"Nope." He replies without turning around. "Whatever it is, it doesn't work."

I sigh.

"Pearl didn't say anything else about it?"

"She thought she was stealing his vampire compass but it was a pocket watch. That Jonathan Gilbert was a crazy scientist." He turns slightly towards me. "Have you spoken to your uncle lately?"

"I've been avoiding him, actually. That, and I've been here most nights."

"So, you'll be here again tonight?" He asks and my stomach jumps.

"Is that a problem?"

He faces me with mock annoyance.

"Yes, you're a complete nuisance."

I laugh.

"I'll see you later."

Damon POV

Stefan is still moping, sitting in the floor of his cell with his head down. Ugh. He's never going to drop this tortured soul act now.

"Brought you something to eat - 100% Stefan diet approved."

He doesn't respond.

"You know what will happen if you don't eat; you'll get all rotting and crusty."

"I'm not hungry." He mumbles.

I scoff.

"Of course you are. We're eternally hungry. Take it."

I wait for him to give in but he just sits there.

"The human blood should be gone by now, so, you want to explain to me why you're still in here feeling sorry for yourself? Come on, drink up."

I push the bottle of blood through the bars and it hits the floor, causing Stefan to glance up before dropping his head to resume his self-loathing.

"Fine. Starve. What do I care?"

I walk into the library, shaking my head at how overly dramatic Stefan is being this time around. It makes me want a drink. Why is he being so stubborn? So, he bit a girl. She didn't die. And he's a vampire! Biting people comes with the territory. The quicker he realizes that and accepts it, the easier it will be and the quicker he'll learn to control it. But, no, he refuses to listen, afraid he'll become like me when we both know he already is.

My phone rings and I glance down at the unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Alaric Saltzman."

"Before I hang up, how'd you get this number?"

"Huh, that's a mystery. Listen, I've been doing some digging on Elena's uncle. You interested?"

This could be interesting…

"What kind of digging?"

"I've got an old friend from Duke who studied Criminology when we were there together. Let's just say he's become a very proficient digger."

"Did he find anything?" I'd like to know a few things to use against John, smug little bastard.

"I had him run a track on John's cell records. He was getting a call from a number, the same number that Elena dialed to get Isobel, and then number was disconnected."

"Isobel knows John. Whatever, we know that."

"Right, but after that he started getting calls from a new number and I had my friend run a geotrack. It's an apartment in Grove Hill."

"Isobel's in Grove Hill?"

"I don't know. I thought we could take a look and see what we find."

"Perfect. Give the address."

"What? So you can go without me? No, I don't think so."

"I'm not going with you. You tried to kill me."

"Yeah, well, you did kill me."

Well, he's got me there. My phone beeps and I look down to see Elena's number pop up.

"Hold on." I say, not waiting for a reply before switching calls. "What?"

"I'm just grabbing some clothes and then I'll be right over. How's Stefan?"

"Extra broody. Hold on."

I switch back to Alaric and tell him to pick me up in an hour before hanging up to finish my conversation with Elena.

"He won't eat anything."

"He has to eat. What's his favorite kind of, um…" She trails off.

"His favorite kind of what?" I smirk, knowing this makes her a little uncomfortable to discuss but also slightly impressed that she is okay with it enough to ask that question. Considering a month ago she didn't think she could be with him because of what he is, I'd say that's a major improvement.

"Type of animal blood that he prefers?"

"Ew, gross." I antagonize.

"Your joking doesn't help" she says, but I can hear the amusement in her voice.

"Helps me. Hurry up. I can't baby-sit all night, I have things to do."

"I'd say 'drop dead' but…"

I smile a little.

"Ha ha ha." I mock, "Stefan likes… puppy blood. Little golden retriever puppies with cute, floppy ears. That's his favorite."

I can practically hear her shock on the other end of the line before it goes dead and I smile to myself. Mission accomplished.

Later that evening, she comes back in a mood, muttering something about her Uncle John. I don't press the matter. I don't need another reason to want that man dead, especially not when I'm trying so hard to be good and refrain from killing anyone for her sake. Somehow, I think killing a family member of hers might not be the best way to gain her affections.

After she got in and settled, she headed straight for the cellar to check on Mr. Broody. I can hear them now arguing about him needing to eat.

I don't want to survive. He's saying to her. I'm sorry, Elena. No more. After what I've done, it has to end. I just want it over.

He's so melodramatic. I can't help but roll my eyes at the thought that he'd actually let himself die over one girl. One girl, that is going to be fine, I might add. Elena comes upstairs and sits down on the couch look defeated.

"He's just being dramatic. He's not going to starve himself."

"Then why would he say that?"

"He feels bad about hurting that girl. It's very typical Stefan martyr stuff. It will pass."

"Will it? Because he seemed to be in a lot of pain."

"Yeah. Well, that will pass, too, once he eats."

"I didn't mean physical pain."

"I know what you meant." I sigh realizing what time it is. "Look, are you going to be okay here if I run out? I have to go on an errand with the teacher."

"Teacher? Alaric? Are you two friends now?"

"I don't have any friends, Elena." I say reflexively. It's been true for a long time.

"Right." She says and I can see the hurt in her expression.

I almost amend my statement but, instead, I add, "You should stay up here. You shouldn't be down there by yourself."

"I'll be fine."

"You know, you're very trusting of him, given the circumstances."

"So are you." She retorts, "Otherwise, you wouldn't be leaving."

I'm a little taken aback by her statement and it leaves me with an odd feeling. Does that mean she wants me to stay? Is she afraid? What could possibly happen with Stefan holed up in a cell with a reinforced door?

"I won't be long." I reassure her, hoping that helps ease any worry she might have. Still, as I turn to leave, I can't help but notice the look of annoyance on her face. I'm unsure why it's there but I don't have time to pry it from her, I really need to go. Isobel could be living right under our noses and we need to find out what she wants.

Elena's POV

As soon as Damon leaves, I feel restless. What am I supposed to do? Stefan is trying to starve himself and Damon is off doing God knows what with my history teacher. I consider exploring the halls of the Salvatore mansion and search the many rooms I've never been able to see, including Damon's bedroom, but my subconscious kindly reminds me that Stefan needs to eat and I need to come up with a way to make that happen.

A few minutes later, I head downstairs, a plan turning in my head. I don't know if it will work but I have to try something. I can't just sit around while Stefan kills himself. I watch him through the bars, still sitting in the same spot, head down, curling in on himself like he wants to sink away from the world.

"You know," he says, looking up, "Damon hasn't fed me vervain in a while. I could be at those bars in a flash and you'd be dead."

"Yeah, you could." I say, coolly, "But you won't."

"Please, just go away. I don't want you here."

I know he's trying to push me away on purpose, so that I'll leave… because it will be easier for him to make this decision if I hate him. But I'm not going to let that happen. Pursing my lips together with resolve, I slide the lock and remove the only protection between me and him. He needs to know that I trust him, and I do. Even after everything he's done, I trust him with my life.

"What are you doing? Get out of here." I can hear the panic in his voice.

"No."

"You're taking a stupid risk, I could hurt you."

"Then I'm stupid." I pick up the bottle of blood and hold it out to him. "You need to drink this."
"Elena, get out of here or you'll regret it."

"Drink."

In a flash, he's on his feet, swatting the blood from my hand.

"I said get out!" He roars.

I know he's just trying to scare me and my stubbornness flairs up. Gritting my teeth, I look into his darkened eyes, "No."

His eyes start to return to normal and he starts pacing, clearly bothered by his inability to force me away. Once he finally sits, I join him.

"Talk to me, Stefan." I plead, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm making the decision I should have made years ago."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to feed in order to complete the transition."

"I know that."

"It as a choice I shouldn't have made."

He drops his head and, when he speaks again, I can tell he's reliving the memories of things long since passed. I try to envision them myself, the time, the hysteria, along with the things that Stefan must have personally been feeling, knowing what he was becoming, accepting that he was going to die rather than become what his father hated most. He tells me of going to meet his father, to say goodbye and explain the choice he'd made to let himself die instead of complete the transition. But instead of the welcome he expected, he was met with the news that his father not only hated him anyway, but had been the one the cause their deaths to begin with. Then, when his father came at him, he reacted, unaware of the strength he had, sending him to be impaled upon the very stake he was to use on his own flesh and blood. In the end, it was Giuseppe's blood that became the gateway for his son's transition.

When he comes back to the present, I can see the self-loathing in his eyes, hear it in the way he questions how I can even look at him. How can I make him understand that, when I look at him, I don't see a sum of all the bad things he's done? I see a sum of all good he's done, the ways he's tried to amend for the pain he caused. I see the good in him just like I do everyone. I tell him I know he's ready, place his daylight ring on the cot, and leave the door unlocked, telling him I'll be upstairs when he believes he's ready, too.

Waiting for him to come upstairs, I sit by the fire, listening to it crackle and starting to fill in my journal on everything that's happened, reflecting on what Stefan told me about his past, how it made me feel. Before he came into my life, I found myself writing about things that seem so mediocre now. Everything before I knew vampires existed pales in comparison to the world that really exists out there. It's unexpected and often terrifying but it's real and exciting and I find myself lost in the magic of it sometimes… and, when that happens, I do wonder what my mom would think of me dating a vampire and… feeling for another. I want to believe that she would understand that we all have the capacity to be good or bad regardless of whether we're human or vampire… that she would understand that they aren't bad simply because of what they are... that they can be good in spite of it. I want to believe that she would see the good in them, like she taught me to see in everyone. I want to believe that she would be like me… or, more accurately, that I am like her.

"Ugh. God, you're still here?" Damon says, strutting into the living room and breaking me from my reverie.

"Did you expect anything else?"

"No." He replies quickly, sitting down and pulling my feet into his lap. The movement is so casual, so comfortable, that it catches me off guard. I study his face in the glow of the fire and let down my guard enough to allow myself to enjoy it. His sigh pulls me from my thoughts.
"So, how was the 'errand'?" I hear myself say.

"Futile," he says, "Though I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis." I nod, trying to focus on the words he's saying instead of the melodic sound of his voice.

He catches my eye and we stare at each other in silence until I can't take the heat of his eyes on me and I drop my gaze. I wait for a teasing comment but it never comes. Instead, he asks whether Stefan has eaten, sending the heaviness of guilt back to my stomach. Stefan.

"I thought you didn't care."

"Chalk it up to morbid curiosity." He grins.

"I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt to deal with. And it doesn't help that you've spent the last 145 years punishing him for Katherine getting caught." I don't know why I feel aggravated towards him, now, when 30 seconds ago I was admiring his beauty. Maybe it's for that very reason… because I don't want to feel this way towards him.

"This is my fault, now?"

"No, Damon. It's no one's fault. I'm just saying you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable."

He pushes my legs off and stands up, clearly irritated.

"Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?"

"He said there was more."

"Yeah, that's an understatement." He turns to leave but I can't let him go like that.

"Damon…" I get up and follow him. "Damon."

I grab his arm and, when he turns around, I can see his jaw clenched in anger.

"Tell me." I plead.

"Stefan went to go see our father, to tell him goodbye. Only, our father, disgusted with us anyway, came at him… and Stefan completed the transition with his blood after injuring him with the weapon he'd intended to use on his favorite son."

I wince at the use of "favorite son".

"He told me that part."

"Did he also tell you that I was ready to die, weak and waiting for it all to be over, and he brought me a girl to drink from… a girl he forced me to drink from down by this very quarry?" His blue eyes burn into mine. "From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride." He laughs humorlessly and drops his head. Unable to stop myself, I touch his face, bringing his eyes back to mine.

"I'm glad you didn't die." I say sincerely and he stops… everything stops. Time stops. It's just us, my hand on his face and a charge between us that I've never felt before in my life. Suddenly, his lips are on mine, soft and warm, searching for a response that tells him this is okay, that I want this, too. And as much as I know it's wrong, I do want this. My willpower fades and I grab his neck, pushing him to me, running my hands through his hair. God, this feels so good. How can it feel this good?

I pull away, gasping for breath and try to put space between us, knowing I'll give in again if I feel the heat of his body near mine. I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't realize I've spoken aloud until he steps toward me.

"Elena." My name is a prayer on his lips and a chill sweeps through my body.

"Damon." I step back, matching his step forward. "I can't. I can't do this. This isn't right."

And with that, I practically run past him, to Stefan, away from my guilt, away from my shame, away from him.

When I get downstairs, the cell door is open, Stefan's ring is still on the cot, but Stefan is missing. My stomach drops. What if he saw us kissing? The sun will be up soon. I need to find him. Now.

"He's gone." I say to Damon, unable to meet his eyes. "He said that he wanted to die. That's why he won't feed. Now, I understand why."

He scoffs and pours himself some bourbon.

"His choice. If he's stupid enough to make it, so be it."

My anger flares, burning away any remnants of embarrassment, and I look him dead in the eye. How is it I was kissing him 10 minutes ago and, now, I want to deck him?

"Don't do that." I snap, "Don't pretend like you don't care."

If he won't help, I'll find Stefan myself.

I drive from the house without looking back, ever aware of the time and the sun that will be stretched across the sky within the hour. I drive towards the only place I can think of that he would be: the quarry, the place the Salvatore brother's lives should have ended 145 years ago.

When I get there, he's there, turning around and talking to memories of his past.

"Stefan." He turns and I can see the awareness returning to his eyes. "Damon told me the rest of the story. I thought I might find you here."

"I should have died that night, just like I had chosen. I should have let Damon die, too."

My heart sinks at the thought of never meeting them.

"But you didn't. And if you die now, it's not going to change what happened."

"Every single person that's been hurt… every single life that's been lost, it's because of me."

"The night that my parents died, I blew off family night so that I could go off to some party. I ended up getting stranded and they had to come pick me up. That's why we ended up in the car at Wickery Bridge. And that's why they died." I swallow, a lump in my throat formed by this admission. I've never told anyone that… that the grief I felt over their deaths was worsened by the guilt of knowing they'd still be here if it hadn't been for me… and I'd carried that guilt with me until I met Stefan and my whole life changed. "Our actions are what set things in motion. But we have to live with that."

"I made a choice, and because of that choice, a lot of people were hurt."

"You also made a choice to stop, to reject the person that the blood made you. You made a choice to be good."

"No," he shakes his head, "Please, don't do that."

I know he doesn't want to hear me but he has to so I push on.

"That's the person who jumped in the water to save the family whose car had driven off the bridge."

"Please, don't make this all okay."

"That's the person who saved my life."

"You don't understand, Elena."

"Then tell me."

"It hurts me. It hurts me, knowing what I've done, and that pain… that pain is with me all the time. And every day I think that if I just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy and, every day, I fight that. And I am so terrified that, one day, I'm not going to be able to fight that anymore, Elena. And the next time I hurt somebody, it could be you."

"There will be no next time."

"You don't know that."

"Maybe I don't. But what I do know is that you can take this ring, throw it into the quarry and let the sun rise… or you could take this ring and put it on… and keep fighting." I place the ring in his hand. "It's your choice."

Damon POV

I sit in the living room absentmindedly messing with Jonathan Gilbert's invention. Really, my mind is far away, remembering how less than an hour ago, I was kissing Elena. I've kissed so many women before that I've lost count… but it never felt like that. Not even with Katherine. Her hand on my face and then tangled in my hair, her heartbeat racing, playing a tempo to our passion.

Eventually, Stefan will have to know, assuming she is able to find him and convince him to come back with her. I doubt she'll tell him tonight, what with all the suicidal tendencies he's got. And I'll play along, for now. But we have to figure out what this is… what it means.

I hear footsteps and look towards the door, surprised I didn't hear her car pull up. Elena comes in first, glancing at me and then at the floor, and Stefan follows, his fingers laced through hers.

Ah. I understand. Whether it meant something or not is irrelevant because she has no intention of giving up Stefan, the reliable hero, for me, the dangerous, unpredictable villain. She locks eyes with me and I can see all the words she wants to say building up but she can't. To say them would mean she'd have to admit what happened and I have a feeling she has no intention of doing that either. I turn my eyes to my younger brother, the contempt that had begun to fade over the last couple of months flaring up again.

"Little boy lost."

She drops her gaze and releases his hand.

"I'll be upstairs." She doesn't look at me again before turning to leave.

"Thank you," Stefan begins, starting some long drawn out speech, I'm sure. But I interrupt him.

"No, thank you, Stefan. You're back on Bambi blood and I'm the big badass brother again. All is right in the world.

"I mean it. Thank you… for helping her take care of me."

I don't know why he's thanking me, really. Elena is the one that did the saving. I just locked him in a cellar and then refused to find him when he escaped. I don't think I'll be winning any awards for Brother of the Year.

I consider telling him this along with the forbidden kiss I shared with his girlfriend but decide against it. Despite the hatred I sometimes feel for him, he's still my brother and I don't actually want him dead… most of the time. Instead, I tell him he broods too much.

"Everything on this planet is not your fault." I find irony in saying this to him considering I was thinking this about Elena earlier in regards to his actions. Maybe they are meant to be, after all. "My actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt."

He processes what I've said for a moment. "Do you feel guilt?"

"If I wanted to, it's there." He stands to leave. "Emily waited until after I'd turned to tell me she'd been successful in protecting Katherine with her spell. She didn't want me to know about the tomb. She thought it would impact my decision."

"She didn't want either one of us to turn. She said it was a curse."

"Witches… judgy little things."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"'Cause I didn't want you to know… because I hated you, and I still do…"

"I know." he says, turning to leave again.

"But not because you forced me to turn."

"Then why?"

I can see from his expression that he really doesn't know and that just makes me angrier. "Because she turned you. It was just supposed to be me." I walk past him. "Just me"

But it never is.