Horatio opens his eyes at the first glimmer of light to radiate through the sheer curtains on the window. He looks down at his beloved wife, sleeping peacefully in his arms, her head upon his chest. Brushing back the hair from her face, he smiles and kisses her tenderly on the forehead. He is careful not to wake her as he stealthily climbs out of bed. She has been sick much of the night. She tried not to let him know and used the bathroom down the hall, rather than the one in the bedroom. But he knew and his heart ached for her as he listened to her softly moaning. He wanted to go to her, comfort her and care for her, but she always seems to be embarrassed, or ashamed at letting him see her that way, and he didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable. Doesn't she know how much he loves and needs her? Taking care of her, at such times, is not a burden. He must work on letting her know that.
As he goes to the closet for his clothes, she opens her eyes sleepily and says, "Good morning, my love," as cheerfully as she can, as she attempts to force herself from the cozy, comfortable bed. But he quickly sits down on the edge of the bed, lies her back down, covering her up, and tells her, to her chagrin, that he is aware of her sleepless night and wants her to sleep in for a while. She lowers her eyes abashedly and reluctantly agrees to do so.Still feeling queasy, she drifts back to sleep as he leaves for work.
A few hours later she awakens again, feeling a bit better. She vaguely recalls their conversation earlier and her eyes fill with tears of frustration and disappointment in herself. She cannot even take care of her husband and home the way she likes to. Again he has had to go to work without breakfast. And the laundry and dishes are piling up too. She silently prays, begging God to give her strength, as she puts in a load of laundry and begins to wash the dishes. She has just passed her first trimester and is hoping the nausea will subside soon, but she doesn't understand why she is feeling so tired and fatigued lately. She has a doctor's appointment later, maybe he can give her something.
Pushing herself into working harder, she is determined to do a better job. Even though Horatio often tells her it is alright and that he will help her, she still feels culpable, and inadequate. It is HER job to take care of theses things. He has enough to worry about. She finally finishes and hesitantly prepares to get ready for the doctor. She really doesn't feel much like going out theses days, so rarely pesters Horatio into taking her any where anymore. Just then, the phone rings. It is Yelina, she says Horatio mentioned to her that she wasn't feeling well, so she thought she'd stop by and drive her to the doctor. Marisol is disconcerted, but also grateful. She thanks her, then hangs up to finish getting ready.
Before long Yelina arrives, 'I know I'm early",she says, "I thought we'd go have lunch first." As they enter the cafe, Marisol observes Yelina intently. She seems very pensive today, so she gently prompts her into "opening up". After a time, Yelina asks her if she knows about Susie and Madison. Recalling Horatio telling her about Ray's daughter, she nods. Yelina continues, that ever since Ray,Jr. presented himself as a donor for Madison during her hospitalization, they have kept in touch for his sake because she IS his little sister. To which Marisol voices approval and expresses her admiration for Yelina for being so insightful despite the unpleasant and hurtful nature of the situation. Yelina smiles at Mari's thoughtful perception and understanding.
She forges ahead, informing Mari that about nine months ago, Susie relapsed and began using cocaine again. Things have gone from bad to worse, with her going from one abusive relationship to another. She is either seeking to "score" or getting high much of the time and leaving Madison unattended. Yelina has become increasingly concerned for the child's welfare. She has tried to get Susie into rehab, but she refuses. She does, however, let Yelina take Madison, who is now 7 years old, a lot of the time. But Madison never wants to go back and cries, clinging to her, every time she returns her.
Marisol's heart is flooded with compassion for the child and trepidation for Yelina, as well as Horatio. He will surely be upset upon learning of this new development. She grasps Yelina's hand and promises to talk to Horatio about it this evening. They will get something going to rescue the child and bring her into a safe environment. In the meantime, she asks Yelina to bring her by, the next time she has her, so Madison will feel more support from her "family".
They arrive at the doctor's office. Marisol is soon ushered into the examination room. As the doctor enters, his mood is somber and she feels a foreboding come over her. The doctor informs her that the baby is fine, but her white blood cell count is up and he is concerned about the cancer returning. Chemotherapy, and other medications are out the question because of her pregnancy. He explains to her that the only form of treatment possible is "leukaphersis", which is costly, time-consuming, and usually quite uncomfortable. It involves extracting blood from one arm into a machine, which removes the white blood cells, then returning the rest of the blood via the other arm. The procedure takes about four hours and must be repeated throughout her pregnancy. He wants to initiate two treatments within the next two weeks. He, also, wants to introduce a drug called interferon, which is of biological origin, and, also, does not harm the developing fetus. But it's side effects, such as nausea and muscle cramping, can be quite intense.
Marisol is devastated! But she hides it well as she discusses her options with the doctor, then tells him she'll get back to him on her decision. She says nothing to Yelina on the drive home and, instead, attempts to console her concerning Madison. By the time she drops her off, she can tell she is feeling much better.
She starts dinner as she contemplates her situation. Her dilemma...the cancer does not effect the baby. It does, however, effect her, and without treatment, could cost her her life. The treatments, notwithstanding, are painful and expensive, and the side effects could incapacitate her. Which would make her a terrible burden upon Horatio. The thought just mortifies her...he deserves so much better.
She just finishes dinner and is setting the table as Horatio comes home. She smiles at him adoringly as he kisses her lightly. They sit down to dinner. She tells him about the situation with Susie and Madison, and Yelina's distress over it. They discuss it throughout the meal. He is disturbed and very concerned for Madison. He tells her that he will talk to Yelina tomorrow and check into what they can do. He is thankful that Mari and Yelina get along so well and can talk to each other. As Mari begins to clear away the dishes, he says, "By the way, what did the doctor say?" She hesitates, but then replies, "Oh not too much, every thing's fine."
It has been two weeks since she saw the doctor and still has not told anyone. As she was resting this morning, however, the most marvelous event happened She felt the baby move for the first time. It was an exhilarating experience, and she became aware, really aware of the tiny life growing within her. She wanted to hold it and cuddle it. Only now, she is begining to doubt her former decision. Mayby she should go ahead with the treatments. But she doesn't want to become an encumbrance to the wonderful man she loves.
Suddenly, the phone rings. It is Horatio and his voice is unusually stern. He instructs her to stay home as he will be there shortly. She is confounded, he never comes home in the middle of the day. Soon he walks in and goes directly into the living room to sit on the couch. He didn't even greet her. He is really furious about something. Precipitously, she hears, "Marisol come here right now." Still perplexed, she complies and sits down on the floor between his legs. She reaches up and wraps her arms around his neck to give him a hug. He kisses her on the cheek, then suddenly swats her on the bottom, not hard, just to remind her of what happened the last time she put her life in jeopardy. Looking at her intently, he says, "Mari, the doctor called me today. You lied to me when you said everything was fine, didn't you? She lowers her eyes apologetically and replies, "Yes sir."
He picks her up and puts her in his lap. She can feel how angry he is, but also sees the hurt and bewilderment in his eyes. She feels overwhelming reproach. "I don't understand, sweetheart", his voice choking, "don't you know how much I love and need you. I just can't allow you to put life in danger like that. I know the treatments will be uncomfortable and the side effects painful, but, honey, isn't our love worth fighting for?" She looks up and is astounded to see him crying, tears streaming down his face.
By now the guilt is more than she can bear. She wipes away his tears as her own begin to fall and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I do love you so, so much", she stammers, "of course our love is worth fighting for. It's just I...I didn't want to become a burden to you", she explains, "you have so much on your shoulders, you don't need an incapacitated wife too."
Looking at her affectionately, he places his hand upon the side of her face and replies, "My sweet angel, you are the light of my life, taking care of you when you're sick is my delight and your love is my reward. Please don't shut me out, you are not a burden to me, you are my strength and my hope." She replies, "I won't Horatio, I won't ever again." And just then, that marvelous event happened again, the baby moved. She took his hand and placed it upon her belly, so he could feel it too. His eyes widen with delight as he feels his child "come to life" before him. "By the way, sweetheart", he says, "so now I am sir?" "Well, only when I'm in trouble", she replies. He laughed out loud and hugged her.
She begins her treatments and eventually she does get sick, but she no longer hides it from Horatio. So when she couldn't eat dinner this evening because of the nausea, she just crawled up in his lap, as he was watching the news, and told him she didn't feel well. He could see that she was feverish, so he undressed her and put a cushion under her head, as he went to draw a lukewarm bath. He returned and carried her into the bath, lowering her gently and kissing her repeatedly. He tenderly washes her all over untill the fever subsides, then wraps her in a towel and carries her back into the living room, lying her on the soft carpet. He dries her off, then goes to retrieve a bottle of lotion that the doctor had prescribed for muscle cramping.
He begins with her arms and shoulders, then moves lovingly over her breasts. He stops at her swollen belly to kiss the baby. This makes her giggle, so he does it again, then moves on to her legs. It feels so soothing as she feels her body relax and respond to his gentle touch. She turns over and he massages her back and neck. Then he, playfully, pats her bottom and tells her she needs to rest now.
After helping her into bed, he tucks her in and tells her he'll be right back. He goes into the kitchen to make her some chicken broth and a piece of dry toast. Bringing it to her on a tray, he fluffs the pillows around her to sit her up and begins to feed her. "Just try a little, sweetheart", he says, "it will make you feel better." Afterwards, he places an empty bucket beside the bed, in case she needs it, then tells her he is going to go do the dishes before coming to bed. She smiles and says, "thank you." When he returns, she is sleeping peacefuly!