Disclaimer: If I owned One Piece, I'd most likely ruin it with super lame and useless Devil's Fruit abilities, like the Paper-Paper Fruit whose most badass move is origami or some shit. The title comes from a song by Sugarcult (don't own that either), thought it suited Nami's violent tendencies.
A/N: Much thanks to all the people who kindly informed on the nicknames of Traffy, I've changed it accordingly. In this chapter, you will learn what happens when Nami starts calling him by his real name.
Unsurprisingly, her boldness only grew with her familiarity of him and whatever trepidation he thought his sinister reputation had on her was soon shot to pieces. He might have been amused whenever she turned her wrath on Zoro but that amusement died when it became his turn to face her violent, hair trigger temper on a really bad day.
She was rarely, if not never, late for their study sessions, but that day she had burst through the door in a maelstrom of dark energy. He chose not to say anything based on the permanent look of irritation on her face.
They studied in silence for about an hour before her fury slowly dissipated into a look of resigned exhaustion. He had no reason to ask and did not care much for other people's businesses unless they had something to do with him. Whatever mild curiosity he had was not strong enough to make him open his mouth and he had no wish to start her barrage of verbal bullets. But it didn't matter as she began talking anyway after complaining of her vexation on the chapter she was reading.
"How do you get this so easily, Law?" She said in exasperation. Her usage of his actual name should have served as a first warning. Apparently, the only few times she would call him by his real name was when she was acting out of her usual behavior, which often meant she was being weirdly serious or too upset over something to be in the mood for anything else.
"Reading, analysis and memorization. Same as you, " he replied placidly.
She let out a groan of frustration. "Then why am I not getting anything?"
It was most likely due to her inward vexations, but he wasn't going to volunteer to probe her for more lest it turn on him.
He watched as she sighed deeply and slumped forwards onto the table, hitting her head in the process that was most definitely on purpose.
"At least this isn't as bad as Glaciology class." She muttered under her breath from behind her head full of hair.
He went on reading his notes, though the faint mumblings from her end reached his ears either way. He pretended not to notice, as most of it was doubted to be conscious on her part. Still, he would be lying if he said he didn't find her grumbled complaints slightly entertaining.
"Stupid lab partner, I swear he's gonna burn all my hair off one day."
"Not if I pull it off first during Crocodick's lessons."
"I should really just shave it off or dye it green like Zoro's to ward off that pervert."
The angry rustling of roughly turned pages accompanied by her grumblings turned into a sudden tearing sound. Looking up, he was greeted by the sight of her gripping a half torn page from her textbook with an inexplicably triumphant expression on her face.
"I knew it. I knew he was a goddamned pervert. The symptoms are all there!" She exclaimed and glared at him when she noticed his staring.
"What?" She spat out acidly, as if daring him to make a derogatory comment.
"Nothing. I was just trying to concentrate on reading." He said bluntly, ignoring her huff of irritation.
"Well, of course you're able to concentrate." She said in a tone dripping with growing sarcasm. "It's not like you have to face sexual harassment from a teacher in class or an idiot lab partner who keeps falling asleep while fiddling with the goddamned Bunsen burner that's inches away from your hair."
He kept silent as she continued on in her tirade. Drowning out her rant was going to be an impossible task. It did, however, serve as a morbid kind of entertainment with the things she was rambling on about.
"Sexual harassment?" He questioned blandly. "It's not Kalifa is it?"
"No! I'm the one on the receiving end of it!" She said, cradling her head in her hands as though warding off a bad memory. "It's that perverted Glaciology professor."
"Ao-"
"Don't say his name!" She snapped at him, cutting him off briskly.
He regarded her cautiously before speaking. "And your lab partner?"
The mentioning of that made her eyes light up with murderous intent and she sat up straight, gripping her pencil with enough force it looked about to snap in half.
"He's just so…so… Ugh. I can't even think of anything to describe him right now. He's almost as bad as Luffy. At least the teacher hates everyone equally."
"Who's the teacher?" He asked.
"Akainu."
"I see." He said. The two of them paused in mutual silence over the thought of the towering, grim faced man in the baseball cap.
Her mood had lightened considerably towards the end of the study session. She hadn't bothered to hide how she checked her watch every fifteen minutes and her growing anticipation for the approaching Friday night.
At six o' clock sharp, she threw her arms up in the air in a leisurely stretch. "Yes, Ben & Jerry's, Friday night, thank god this is all over."
When they had finished packing up, she turned to him with an inquiring look. "You heading to Robin's place?"
"I'm picking her up at eight."
"Alright then, I'll head there first, I've got something I need to collect in her fridge," she said with a gleeful smile, proceeding to hop off from her seat, wave him goodbye and leave while humming a jaunty tune.
If he had known any better, her abrupt mood swings should have been the second warning.
He had arrived half an hour early, too early in fact, judging by the slinking shadow hidden in the bushes of Robin's front porch.
"Strawhat-ya, what are you doing in there?" He asked, perplexed at the way the boy thought he was being camouflaged well with his hat sticking out like a sore thumb in the fidgeting bush.
"Traffy! How'd you know I'm here!" Luffy said in a hushed tone, popping his head out of the green shrubbery. He snapped his head around back and forth to check his surroundings before turning back to Law. "I'm hiding away from Nami, don't tell her you saw me."
"Right. I'm sure she won't find you hiding out here." He said in a deadpanned tone and was about to ring the doorbell when he saw someone with green hair striding towards them.
"Law, Luffy, what are you two doing here?" Zoro asked as he approached.
"I could ask the same of you," Law replied. "I'm here to pick Robin up."
"Wait, this is Robin's house?" Zoro said in confusion as he looked around the place.
"Zoro!" Luffy exclaimed, popping his head back out like a giant sunflower. "You got lost again?"
"Hell no! I was just…on my way to the bastard cook's house…Which way is it again?" He trailed off, looking at Law for directions.
"Two blocks down the road and turn to the side where your swords are hanging off of you." Law said.
"Thanks," Zoro replied and returned to gaze at Luffy's odd predicament. "Luffy, what are you hiding there for?"
"I'm hiding from Nami. Don't tell her I'm here." Luffy said in the same hushed tone of voice, disregarding the fact that the three of them had been standing there talking aloud for several minutes.
Law was about to reach for the door again when it was wrenched open to reveal a fuming redhead.
"Where is he! I swear I heard him just now!" Nami said through gritted teeth as she took in the sight of Law and Zoro standing peculiarly still on Robin's doorstep. "Oh hi, Zoro, Law. Did any of you see that damned Strawhat Luffy?"
To his amazement, she hadn't once looked down at the hat-sprouting bush that laid just a few paces away from the door.
"Er no, of course not," Zoro said hastily, appearing to fidget the tiniest bit. "Why are you looking for him?"
Her face clouded over in an instant. "Because, that idiot went and ate all of my limited edition Ben & Jerry's chocolate ice cream."
"That's it? I thought it'd be sake or something," Zoro mused out loud, oblivious to Nami's sharpening death glare.
"Well, what are you guys still standing there for? You coming in or what? Robin has leftover sake and Sanji's beef pot roast if you want some."
He was now utterly befuddled as to how the excited quiver of the bush at the word 'beef' escaped her notice.
"Uh sure." Zoro said stiffly, trying not to peer down at the bush.
"What's the matter with you two? You're acting all weird…" Nami said, looking from Zoro to Law and back again. Law kept quiet at the wooden look on Zoro's face.
After a few seconds of awkward tension, Nami turned to head back indoors and they followed suit. As the door slammed shut, he caught a sliver of a shadow slipping into the house and making a beeline straight for the kitchen.
It would truly be a miracle if Strawhat-ya managed to escape unscathed twice in a row, he thought to himself in sadistic amusement.
"Evening, Trafalgar-san, Zoro-san," Robin greeted them with a smile as she appeared in the living room. "You're early today."
"Nico-ya," He nodded in return. "The study session was ended early by Nami-ya-"
"Oh shut it, Law, its Friday. We always end early on Fridays." Nami said, cutting in rudely as they settled into the couches.
He raised an eyebrow at her snide remark. Evidently, she was back to her irritable mood. Robin merely giggled beside him at his expense.
"Also, I need time off to recharge. It's one of those days, you know?" She said to Robin and the girls exchanged a sympathetic look.
"What're you talking about?" Zoro asked.
"Nothing you need to know," Nami replied. "You can help yourself to the sake, it's in the kitchen, but touch the blueberry vodka and you'll die a slow, painful death."
"I wouldn't drink it even if you paid me to." He retorted back and headed for the kitchen.
"How bad was your day, Nami-san?" Robin inquired.
The other girl sighed and slumped into the couch. "Crocodick. Square-face. Idiot lab partner. He-who-must-not-be-named."
Strangely, Robin seemed to understand all of what she was saying.
"And just when I thought I had chocolate ice cream to look forward to, Luffy had to go and clean it up for me." Nami said.
"Do you have any plans for the night?" Robin asked.
Nami threw a quick glance at Law. "Well…It was supposed to be the usual night with Bepo and the rest, until Shachi and Penguin fell sick with fever, and Usopp and Chopper went off to see Franky's new invention. Now, it's only me but I'll be fine with a couple of movies and my blueberry vodka. The pain's been killing me this morning and-" She broke off and went back to tossing him a weird glance and trying to hint to Robin something without much subtlety.
Robin chuckled and turned to him with an apologetic smile. "If you'll just give us a few minutes together, Trafalgar-san?"
He nodded, having no desire to listen in on what was most likely 'girl talk', which was what Nami had said once the last time he had walked in on her and Robin lounging around in the house.
He excused himself to the kitchen and was not surprised in the least to find Luffy tearing into the pot roast like his life depended on it, while chugging down a rapidly emptying bottle of blue beverage in between bites.
He looked towards Zoro who shrugged from where he was seated nonchalantly at the kitchen table with a bottle of sake. "Tried to stop him. Didn't work."
Clearly, Strawhat-ya had a death wish if he was pushing his luck that far.
"Where's Nami and Robin?" Zoro asked as he took a swig of his sake.
"Girl talk."
"Ah. I see."
They exchanged small talk and sword fighting discussions in between silences filled in by the sound of Luffy's loud munching and slurping.
"Ah! That was so good!" Luffy proclaimed, patting his now rotund belly in satisfaction. "Especially the blue stuff, tasted kinda like blueberry pie, except it's all fizzy and kinda woozy."
"Nami will kill you when she finds out." Zoro remarked.
"Oh shit! I better leave now, don't tell her I drank all her juice and ate her ice cream!" Luffy said, panicking a bit as he scrambled to get up.
"I'm sure she won't-" Zoro began to say but was cut off by an explosive shriek of fury.
"YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY VODKA!" Nami screamed at Luffy as he jumped over the table and made for the window.
"FIRST MY ICE CREAM AND NOW MY VODKA! MONKEY D FOR DAMNED LUFFY YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"
What resulted next was a chaotic mess as she chased after him when she failed to tackle him to the floor, toppling over the table in the process and spilling Zoro's sake all over him.
"Watch it! You almost made me drench my swords!"
"TO HELL WITH YOUR DAMNED SWORDS – SHIT- SOMEBODY GRAB THAT IDIOT!"
"Help me Zoro!" Luffy yelled as he and Nami ran circles around the overturned table. The chairs were strewn all over the kitchen in their frenzied cat and mouse game.
"What the hell am I supposed to do!" Zoro yelled back, standing a few feet away from the whirlpool of madness.
"What is going on here?" Robin asked as she peered into the kitchen and her eyes widened in shock at the mess.
"I'M SORRY ROBIN BUT I MUST CATCH THIS LITTLE SHIT FIRST– UGH!" Nami shrieked as Luffy did a cartwheel over her head and landed squarely in front of Law.
What happened next was too fast for him to fathom.
Nami scrambled to her feet and rushed towards Luffy but he was too quick and had hidden himself behind Law in a red and black flash.
"DAMN IT GRAB HIM LAW!"
"Don't let her get me Traffy!"
He stood dumbstruck in shock as they began running circles. Once. Twice. Thrice. With him as the center of their deranged merry-go-round.
"STOP. RUNNING. YOU. ARGH!"
"Zoro! Save me!"
"THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!"
"YOU. ATE. MY. LIMITED. EDITION. CHOCOLATE. ICE. CREAM."
"I didn't know it was yours! The blueberry tasted better anyway!"
"THERE WAS MY NAME WRITTEN ON IT! AND ON MY DAMNED VODKA TOO!"
"Zoro and Traff-guy didn't say anything about that so-"
"SHIT! DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS! I TOLD YOU THE WITCH WAS GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCHED HER STUFF!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF BELLEMERE – I'LL DEAL WITH YOUR MOSSY SHITHEAD LATER ZORO!"
"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!"
"Save me! Torao!"
"TRAFALGAR LAW, GRAB THAT LITTLE SHIT!"
"Don't listen to her, Traffy!"
The spinning vortex of orange, black and red was giving him a pounding headache. He could vaguely hear Robin's stifled chuckles from outside the kitchen entrance and Zoro's angry arguing over the blasted screaming.
Just when he thought he couldn't take any more of this gallivanting train wreck, Luffy skidded to a stop in front of him and went on to climb over him in a last, desperate bid to escape from Nami's clutches.
He landed on the other side out of the kitchen with a solid thump just as Nami crashed into Law, sending them both toppling over in a tangled heap and knocking his hat off onto the dusty kitchen floor.
"Thanks Traffy!" Luffy shouted over his shoulder as he zipped across the living room space in the blink of a millisecond and was out the door in an resonating slam before Law could even think of responding.
Nami immediately leapt off him and the silence was at odds with her rapidly darkening face.
"Stop right there. Zoro." She said in a deadly quiet voice. "Don't you dare think you can sneak out of here."
Zoro stopped his slow movements towards the kitchen entrance to face her with a scowl.
"I didn't do any shit! He was the one who ate your food!"
She advanced towards him at a dangerously slow pace and he warily backpedaled a few steps.
"You didn't stop him from drinking my vodka. You helped that idiot escape-" She said, seething with silent fury as she rapidly closed in on him.
"The hell? I didn't help him with anything! You were the one who failed to catch him!" Zoro snapped back at her defensively.
"You let him escape!"
"You need to get your eyes checked, witch!"
"You need to get your brains checked, you idiot!"
"The hell are you calling me stupid, you stingy-OW!"
On another day, the sight of the swordsman yelping in pain from Nami's hard right hook to the head would have been amusing if not for the fact that he had gotten embroiled into their childish fight.
He was dusting off his clothes and had just replaced his hat back on his head when he felt her laser glare turn on him next.
"And what are you smirking at, Law?" She said in the same deceptively quiet tone.
Behind her, Zoro was frantically trying to gesture something at him.
Law looked down at his now dusty coat in distaste and back at Nami's heated glower.
"You would've been better off without eating the ice cream or vodka anyway." He said wryly.
"And why is that so?" She asked, gradually advancing on him.
"Eating cold food and alcohol will only increase the discomfort during the menstruation period. You might want to lay off the chocolate too unless you want an outbreak." He said crudely, watching in twisted amusement at her reddening face.
He vaguely discerned Zoro slapping his hand over his face, but that thought was quickly taken over by a resounding whack to his head. He found himself falling back and clutching at his suddenly throbbing head in mortified disbelief.
She had hit him. The wench had dared to slug him with all her might behind her left hook.
If he had thought getting into a rough fight with Kid had hurt only the slightest bit, it was nothing compared to this. The sharp pain lacing through his skull was nowhere as bad as a life-threatening stab wound, but he could feel it slashing away mercilessly at the remains of his dignity.
It hadn't even been that big of an issue to begin with. He wasn't even threatened by her in the slightest. What made it truly horrifying was the way both Zoro and Robin couldn't help but laugh at his embarrassment.
He stood back up after recovering from his shock, and glared daggers at her but she merely glared back at him with added fire in her eyes and a threatening right fist.
The expression on her face was a serene smile that did nothing to hide the sharpened blade behind it. "You were saying, Law?"
His mind raced for a retort even as he continued his mutual stare down with her, but most of him was too held back in mortification and disbelief to even utter a suitable comeback. He could still hear the raining bullets of Zoro's and Robin's laughter on his wounded pride.
He finally conceded and shot a glare at Zoro, who was doubled over laughing in wild abandon.
Even as he and Robin left the house at eight and were later seated in the cinema, the faint throbbing pain at the back of his head never failed to taunt and irk him throughout the show.
The worst part of it all was that, knowing Luffy's friends, they would never let him live it down.
Nonetheless, he couldn't help the ironic, half smile that emerged from that thought.
Touché, Miss Nami.
End Note:
Moral of the story is: Don't piss off Nami on a bad day, and despite Law's reasonable advice, no amount of pain can get between a girl and chocolate (or in my weird personal preference, vinegar) on one of those days.
Kudos to those who manage to guess the people of Nami's hatred based on their given nicknames. And yes, that is a Harry Potter reference you saw, don't own that either.
It's hilariously ironic really, I was out the other day and I had to stifle my smile at this lady in a flamingo print dress. The funniest thing is that I have this classmate who kinda reminds me of Law and even looks the teensiest bit like him (both tattooed and dark with the cool/laidback attitude and all except this guy's a much skinnier, shorter dude), and then there's this other girl in my class who dyed her hair red and there's something going on between them but it didn't amount to much. I almost spat out my drink when I first realized the weird irony.