Quick note: the glee version of the song seems to omit one chunk of lyrics (or maybe I'm just imagining things!) so for the sake of the story, I'm going to use the full song. That being said, I apologize if the characters parts don't match up to the parts they sing in the episode.
Thanks you all for the incredible support, I hope you enjoy this chapter…OH and what about those amazing Quick scenes in the Michael Jackson episode! :D
The memories of that day flash before Quinn's eyes. That was the day she had first seen Noah Puckerman's face, and she hadn't forgotten a single detail since. It was nearly impossible for her to walk by those bleachers without thinking of that night.
Sometimes she avoids them. They remind her too much of the people they used to be. People always assumed that her life was so perfect back then. They didn't see the pain or pressure she felt. Her mask was too thick, too opaque to see through. But perhaps she has always been just as broken as she is now. The only difference is, is that now people know what she's been through, they can see the pain in her eyes. There is no longer a curtain thick enough to conceal her shattering world.
Sometimes Quinn purposely goes to the bleachers. She's desperate to cling to something that they will always share no matter how far apart they may become. When Puck was merely a stranger to her, Quinn revealed her innermost thoughts. When they talked for the first time in over a year, she shared her emotions. She can't explain why, but she always feels more like herself around him. He can read her like a book. The walls she spends so much time meticulously putting up, immediately crumble in his presence. That comforts her, but it scares her at the same time. With him, there is no pretending.
Perhaps that's why she avoids the bleachers but why she also finds herself there too. The memory is so distant yet so close. She is so close to grabbing it and reeling it back in, but she can't quite reach, no matter how hard she tries.
Rachel's final note draws Quinn out of her thoughts, and her eyes land back on the auditorium stage. She watches as her friends sway slowly to the music, and that pang of wanting someone to want her returns yet again.
The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move through my hands
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command my love
Quinn wills herself not to think of any more memories as Tina begins to sing. They remind her too much of what she has lost over the years but also of what she has gained. She lost her family only to have her mother return. She gained a daughter, only to have her taken from her arms hours later. She lost a boy she thought she loved, but gained one who she knew loved her. But eventually, she lost him too. Sometimes she feels as if she can never truly escape from this cycle; its like her future will continue to be trapped by her past and the only things she's truly ever cared about will keep returning, only to slip through her fingers again.
Her mind starts to drift away, focusing on a myriad of moments that her and Puck shared over the years. She pushes them away, forcing herself to think of other things. However, once the words, "kissed your mouth," are sweetly released into the auditorium air, she can't help but remember. It all comes flooding back, and as much as she wants to forget, she finds that she won't quite allow herself to do so….
(Flashback)
It was lunchtime, and Quinn was standing at her lock putting her books away, when she sensed him walking down the hallway. She didn't need to turn around to know that he was approaching; she could feel him coming just like some people can predict a thundershower. She refused to turn around, keeping her eyes focused on the picture of her, Santana and Brittany that was taped to her locker door. By now, she knew who Puck really was. He was the badass jerk who threw people like that Kurt kid into the dumpster. She saw it happen with her own eyes every morning. He slept around; she heard the rumours. Even Santana had slept with him, Brittany too. Normally, she would ignore a guy like him, but she couldn't stay away from Puck. Some unknown yet powerful force drew her to him. But honestly, who was she to judge? She was the queen bitch who spent her time knocking others down just so she could get to the top. But they weren't like that around each other. After they met on the bleachers, it became some sort of secret ritual between the two of them. They would meet every Monday after school and sit on the second row from the top, sip cherry flavoured slushies and complain about their lives. They would share secrets, memories, fears, and goals. They would laugh, sometimes cry (well Quinn would) and scream out in agony. It was therapeutic, but it was more than that – it finally felt like Quinn had met someone who understood her.
As Puck strutted down the hallway with Matt and Mike, he locked eyes with Quinn for a brief second. He reached his arm out at the last second and quickly slipped a note into her hand. She gave him a quizzical look, raising her eyebrow in surprise, but he shrugged ever so slightly and continued to walk away. When she was certain that Santana was nowhere in sight, Quinn turned her attention back to the small piece of wrinkled paper in her hand. She carefully unfolded it, savouring the rare excitement and spontaneity that her life often lacked.
"Meet me under the bleacher, 12:30 – P"
Quinn's heart skipped a beat, and she grinned in spite of herself. She checked her watch, it read 12:15. She figured she could be early.
She took her time walking to the bleachers. Her footsteps on the cement sidewalk seemed to be the only concrete thing in her uncertain world. She arrived at the bleachers expecting to be the first one there, but she caught sight of Puck's red letterman jacket under the bleachers. She smiled at his timely arrival; usually he kept her waiting. For reasons she didn't want to admit, her stomach was full of butterflies as she walked into the somewhat disguised area under the bleachers and approached Puck. She should have been eating lunch with Finn or Santana right about now but she didn't care. The only thing she wanted was to be here.
"Hey," he said, shooting her his signature smirk.
"Hello," she replied with a questioning tone in her voice. Why he asked her to meet him here, she had no idea. "You beat me here."
"You say that with such a tone of surprise."
Quinn shrugged, "If Santana catches you here with me, you're dead. We both are."
"Why would she care? She and I aren't serious or anything, god knows that she's in love with Brittany."
Quinn raised her eyebrows at his remark but didn't say anything in response; she had a strong suspicion that Puck might be right with that theory.
"She just gets jealous easily," she answered softly, shoving her hands in the coat pockets of her Cheerios jacket.
"Jealous….please, she knows that no lady can resist the Puckster," he said, winking flirtatiously at Quinn.
Quinn felt herself blush, "First of all, you invited me here, so that logic doesn't even work, and second of all, did you seriously just call yourself the Puckster… I thought you were the cool one."
"Come on, Pucksters a cool name don't you think?"
"No, I really don't," Quinn said dryly.
"That's it, your getting the dumpster treatment!" he yelled, as he charged towards Quinn, picking her up and flinging him over his shoulder. Quinn squealed in surprise and yelled at him to put her down. When he refused, she pathetically began to beat her fists against his back, before erupting into a fit of giggles. Puck started laughing too, as he gently placed her back down on her feet. He was so close that she could smell the familiar scent of his cologne, mixed with a slight trace of cigarette smoke. For a moment, Quinn thought he was going to kiss her. And trust him, he seriously considered it.
They slowly broke apart, letting the gap between their bodies widen.
"So why did you ask me here?" Quinn asked.
Reality set in as the words escaped her mouth, and they both suddenly realized that they shouldn't be there, at least not together. She was the perfect, straight A student, and he was the womanizer, jock. It's didn't make sense. It should have felt wrong. But it didn't. It felt so right. It felt complete.
Puck let out a deep sigh, "Finn is going to ask you to be his girlfriend," he said.
Quinn felt the smile fall off her face. She didn't know what to think or what to say. She had always liked Finn, they had gone out on a couple of dates together but nothing had ever really transpired. He was everything she ever thought she wanted: quarterback of the football team, sweet manners, charming good looks. But standing there with Puck, Quinn wasn't so sure anymore.
"What?" she breathed out, her voice barely audible.
"Told me this morning," Puck said, while giving a somewhat pathetic attempt at a smile. "He said that you are the one for him and he would be crazy not to."
Quinn felt her head spinning at the revelation and she gripped onto the nearest pole for support. The metal on her hand was cool compared to her burning body. Her hand gripped the pole harder, grateful for the support.
"Do you like him?" he asked, not able to control the tone of regret evident in his voice. Luckily, it went unnoticed by Quinn. His words drew Quinn out of her thoughts, and she looked back up into his warm hazel eyes.
"I don't know," she answered truthfully, still in shock. "Maybe."
Her reputation would skyrocket, along with her popularity. The title of Prom Queen, even though a couple years away, would be hers guaranteed. Her father would love Finn and the fact that his father was in the army. Her mother would be ecstatic, already planning on introducing him to the country club housewives. And that's when it hit her. Finn Hudson wasn't her dream boy; he was her mother's.
Puck nodded, unsure of what exactly to say in response. He wanted to tell Quinn how he felt about her, how her presence lit up the whole room, how she made him feel special. But he couldn't. And it wasn't because of his badass image; it was because of Finn. He couldn't do that to his best friend. So instead he watched Quinn struggle with her emotions, wanting so badly to be able to call her his.
"But I think I like him for the wrong reasons," she admitted after a few seconds.
"What will you say then?" he asked, knowing that the answer to this question didn't necessarily depend on the first one he had asked.
Quinn shook her head wordlessly as a few tears slipped out of her eyes and made their way down her cheeks. She didn't want to say yes, it was unfair to Finn and it was unfair to her. Truthfully, she didn't care that much about reputation or popularity, she only pretended she did in order to win her family's approval. She always felt that she wasn't good enough for them. Maybe dating Finn would change that. It was horrible, but she didn't know what else to do. She was scared and alone and desperate. She could come to love Finn… couldn't she? "I'll probably say yes," she choked out.
Puck felt his heart drop at her answer, "you don't have to Quinn, you know that right."
"You don't understand..."
"Of course I understand, I understand you better than fricken Finn ever will."
"I have to say yes…dating him will give me everything my family has ever wanted from me."
Up until this point, Puck had tried to control his emotions; but hat made him angry.
"You shouldn't agree to this just because your screwed up family might like you better. You're their fucking daughter Quinn, that's more important than some clumsy high school boyfriend."
"Finn will love me, he will treat me right."
"Don't you understand? You won't be happy! You don't need a guy to make you special Quinn."
"Of course the guy who sleeps around will say that!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Don't you get it Puck! Don't you see? Every girls here wants you, you can just wink at someone and they'll fall at your feet begging for you to love them."
"Don't give me that Q… every one here wants to be you! You're already better than every god damn guy in this school, what will it take for you to realize that?"
"When someone actually loves me for me and not the person I pretend to be."
"Then stop fucking pretending!" he shouted.
"Easy for you to say." Quinn exclaimed, "your just as bad as I am," she said, turning around to leave.
Puck reached out and gripped her wrist gently but still with enough force that she couldn't escape his hold. "Yeah maybe I am," he said, softening his tone. "But not around you Quinn…. When we're together there is none of that bullshit."
"Let me go Puck," Quinn said bitterly, trying to ignore what he just said. She didn't want to pay attention to the fact that he basically just revealed his feelings for her. It was too confusing; it clouded her brain. It was easier for her to pretend that she was stronger than all of that, that she didn't need him and that he was wrong. But truthfully, she just didn't want to admit to herself that she felt the same way.
"Fine," he said, letting go of her wrist, "just walk away then…but know that you can't run forever."
She scoffed and turned her back on him as she began to walk away.
"I wish you would just admit that you're so goddamn scared for once," he yelled after her.
Quinn was only about three metres or so away from the bleachers, when she heard Puck yell after her. She stopped and she slowly turned around, locking eyes with him. He was right of course. She was scared. Scared about lots of things.
"Fine! You're right! You want me to say it? I will! I am scared...but I just want to be loved and accepted!" she yelled, as the tears streamed down her face. "Is that too much to ask for?"
They both stared at each other for a brief moment. Puck quickly lessened the gap between them, grabbing her face in between his hands as passionately pressed his lips to hers. He fully expected her to draw back, but he felt her kiss him back, instantly knocking the breath out of him. Quinn felt her heart expand as he kissed her. She had never felt this way with anyone before. She couldn't even begin to capture how incredibly complete, free, and loved it made her feel. The world stopped moving and time stood still as the two of them kissed under the shadows of the bleachers. It was a passionate kiss, gentle yet full of emotion, as Puck wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her even closer to him. He pushed her up against the back of the bleachers and Quinn let her hand gently grip the nape of his neck. The worries flooded out of her body, as she felt Puck's breath on her skin. She never wanted this moment to end.
They pulled apart after a few seconds and started at each other intently, their breaths ragged from the passionate kiss and fresh autumn air. Quinn's hazel eyes peeked out at him from underneath her thick coat of tear-covered lashes.
"I'll change for you," Puck whispered into her ear. "I'll try harder in school, I'll lay off on the drinks, I won't sleep with Santana...I'll be the guy you always dreamed of."
"I don't want you to change for me…." she choked out as she pressed her body closer to his. "Because then you wouldn't be you."
Puck wrapped his arms around her tightly, savouring the closeness. He had never felt this way about a girl before, and he wasn't going to give up on her – not now, not ever. This wasn't going to be goodbye.
"I'll wait for you then."