Disclaimer: I still don't own planes, but I have worked with cadets that sing just about as well as Avalanche. Those kids are kind of the inspiration for this piece. Also I am not the originator of the two jodies mentioned in this piece I just modified them to fit the world of Cars and I may have slipped a small reference to AmbulanceRobots' piece War Stories which I am sure many of you will catch. Hope you enjoy today's story!
Disclaimer Amendment: I had a huge brain fart and forgot to make a very important disclaimer. This chapter was betaed by Theolaterose99. Any errors that are left in this piece are mine and mine alone.
Gory, Gory, What A Hell of A Way To Die
It was a rare dark and stormy night at Piston Peaks National Park, and the rain soaked vegetation translated in a near zip risk of a wildfire taking hold. With the danger all but gone, the Air Attack Team could focus on some much needed equipment maintenance; specifically, repacking parachutes. It was Pinecone's first time participating in a chute packing 'party' and she was starting to wonder if her fellow jumpers were completely insane.
The problem wasn't with how they packed the parachutes. Each member approached this task with a level of seriousness that Pinecone had only seen from her fellows when the fire had jumped the line and chased the back to the safety zone. They laid out each chute, checking the fabric for tears and evidence of stress. They looked over every centimeter of cord for fraying and each buckle for damage. Once they were determined that the parachute was safe to use it was passed to Maru and Patch who used their dexterity to fold the parachute into a complex, origami package, that would hopefully unfold when they jumped out of the plane.
No, the thing that had Pinecone so unnerved was the songs that they choose to sing as they worked. They crooned about unfaithful spouses and broken romances. They belted ballads about downed aircraft and burnovers, but they ended the evening with a piece of music that was clearly one of their absolute favorites. And for the life of her Pinecone couldn't figure out why they liked it so much. Each of the packing team had sang a verse about what it would be like to have a chute fail, then they all joined in on the chorus…though it was difficult to hear anyone's voice over the sound of cacophony that Avalanche was making.
"GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE
WITH THE CORD AROUND YOUR DRIVE SHAFT
AS YOU'R FALLING THROUGH THE SKY
GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE
AND HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE!"
Maru cleared his throat and took his turn, a somewhat sadistic smile crossing his face. His tines waved in the air keeping time as he sang.
"The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild,
The medics rocked and screamed with glee, they rubbed their tines and smiled,
For it had been a week or more since last a chute had failed,
He ain't going to jump no more."
"Won't Cabbie get offended?" Pinecone whispered to Patch trying to not interrupt what was clearly some sort of smokejumper tradition.
"Why would he?" Patch yawned as she slipped another buckle in place.
"They are singing about people dying a horrible death when they jump out of a plane!"
"Who do you think taught them the song in the first place?" Patch clucked. When Pinecone gave the dispatcher a blank look, she motioned vaguely in the direction of the large green hanger that house the cargo plane. "Cabbie." Pinecone looked like a piece of her world had just evaporated and Patch sighed with a touch of exasperation. "Don't worry dearly; you will get use to it sooner or later."
"GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE,
WITH THE CORD AROUND YOUR DRIVE SHAFT
AS YOU'R FALLING THROUGH THE SKY
GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE
AND HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE!"
Pinecone was still kind of stunned that their ride had taught the Smokejumpers such a terrible song. She was about ask Patch another question in the vain attempt to make sense of the situation, but everyone inside the hanger hushed as Dynamite took up the song. Her crisp alto slowing the tempo and commanding everyone's full attention, as she reverently sang her verse.
"There was oil upon the risers, there was gears upon the chute,
Hydraulics were a-dangling from his paratrooper suit
He was a mess, they picked him up, and poured breaks from his boot
He ain't going to jump no more."
The whole group of smokejumpers launched into the chorus one last time, with enthusiasm undampened by their inability to sing on key. Their combined voices in the enclosed space was almost deafening.
"GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE,
WITH THE CORD AROUND YOUR DRIVE SHAFT
AS YOU'R FALLING THROUGH THE SKY
GORY, GORY, WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE
AND HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE,
OH, HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE!"
The last strains of the morbid song echoed around the room for a few long moments. Then Avalanche started in another one of the strange songs to a mixed reaction from the rest of the crew. Some simply gave an eye roll at his off key singing. Others joined in, even though their voices were completely drowned out by the dozer. Pinecone, just watched the rest of her team with fascination.
"C ONE NINETEEN ROLLING DOWN THE STRIP
UNCLE CADDIES GOING TO MAKE A LITTLE TRIP
FIVE SMOKEJUMPERS ARE STRAPPED INSIDE
WE'RE GOING TO KEEP TOURISTS FROM GETTING FRIED
WHEN OUR PLANE GETS UP SO HIGH
SMOKEJUMPERS TAKE TO THE SKY!"
"I'm still not your Uncle!" Caddie's shout from his own hanger broke the momentary silence on base and caused the entire crew of jumpers to instantly dissolve into giggles.
"Well, troops." Dynamite smirked at her team. "Mission accomplished, now let's go hit the hanger. While I don't think we will have any good fires in the next couple of day, I bet Mother Nature will at least give us a good landslide or two to work with."
As they headed back to the barracks, Pinecone couldn't help but shake her head. After this evening she was pretty sure that the entire smokejumper team was completely insane, but as she watched roughhousing across the tarmac Pinecone had to admit she loved them. And the next time the night was stormy and parachute packing party took place, Pinecone joined the chorus and vowed to learn some of the verses of the songs the smokejumpers sang.
Aviation Note: Today's story is a great example of the use of jodies by a group. These songs have historically been used to build teamwork and aid with training of military and paramilitary organizations. In this particular story I chose to modify two well known Air Force jodies. The first one is called Blood Upon The Risers. That particular song dates back to the paratrooper units of WWII and is officially supposed to about a rookie paratrooper who doesn't check his chute correctly and ends up falling to his death as a result. As a result this song was both sung with a morbid sense of humor and as a tool to remind everyone to be vigilant maintaining their jump equipment. The second jodie in this piece is officially know as C130 Rolling Down The Strip. This jodie was introduced during the Vietnam War. Both jodies have aged well and have be come cannon in the Air Force. They are particularly popular among Junior ROTC and Civil Air Patrol Cadets as they lack the more adult content of many other well worn jodies.