AN: First of all I wanna thank all of you that read the first chapter and let your reviews, we were really on defensive about posting the fanfiction, and it was really great to see positive reactions towards it! We will continue posting it, maybe on a weekly basis. Someone also asked if we would post this on portuguese, and who knows? Maybe yes, maybe no, we'll see. And also I wanna thank my friend Clara for spreading the word about the fanficion on her IG. Guys, you should go and follow her, she has an instagram account dedicated to Kate Walsh and it's amazing. And maybe you will be able to see the fanfic updates from there, who knows? Her IG is addisonaddicted. Go follow her! This chapter is SFW, and it shows more of how Derek and Addie's relationship has been going so far.

Chap. 2 - Mixed feelings

Derek woke up right after Mark left. I decided not to tell him Mark slept here, with me. We definitely weren't on the edge of our relationship; we barely talked to each other, and when we did, it was about things like grocery list so telling that his best friend slept here and I occasionally happened to sleep in the same bed with him and occasionally happened to flirt with him in the next morning wasn't going to help.

"Morning, breakfast is on the kitchen counter, I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready." I said as I watched Derek's figure on the corner of my eye. He nodded with his head and went to the kitchen, as I went upstairs. Usually in scenarios like this a person would ask what happened last night and why be drunk until he passed out and stuff like that, right? Well, I gave up on the questions since last time I asked, I was greeted with a lot of shouting and things coming from him like 'is none of your business' and 'you don't own me'. Since them I don't ask, and he doesn't tell. It's not the ideal but we deal with it. At least I deal with it, because I don't even know if Derek gives a shit about anything these past few months, after his father died.

Yeah, I get that he's sad. Hell, I'm sad. But since his dad died I feel like part of Derek died along with him too. He's present, but I always get the feeling that he's never really here; I miss my husband. I miss my friend; that person who I could talk to without any judgment. As I walked out of the shower, I put my pencil skirt and a white silk shirt, put my heels on and let my hair on a loose ponytail. The absence of Derek in the room means that he's probably still on the kitchen, trying to get over his hangover. I pick up my Chanel purse and make my way downstairs, only to find Derek exactly the way I imagined.

"Honey, it's 8:30. You'll be late."

I watch as Derek looks at me with vague eyes, and only after a minute decides to talk.

"The chief gave me a leave. He...he said I'm not in condition to work these days." He said; his voice sounded almost a whisper.

I agreed. Derek wasn't in conditions to open people's brains at all, but this leave...I'm just afraid that it will give him more time to make his way down a bottle of bourbon, or doing something crazy during his drunkenness.

"Hum...When do you come back to work?" I wanted to ask so much more. I wanted to ask when he's going to quit the drinking game. When he's going to do something about that. When he's going to come back to me, or back to be himself, the old Derek. He probably sensed that because for the first time in a while, I see fear as he looked at me.

"I don't know."

"Derek…" I said putting my hand on his shoulder, sighing.

"I'm worried with you; Mark is too. You've become this person no one recognizes." I took a deep breath; I was so tired of picking the right words to say to him, like if I say something wrong, he's going to explode and blame me, and I couldn't handle this, maybe Mark could, but I'm not strong enough to see the man I choose to love all the eternity put the blame on his self destruction on me.

"Maybe, this is the real me." He said. I didn't really had nothing to say because if I said anything about that, a massive fight would start right here in this kitchen, and it's the last thing I need right now. So I took my hand off his shoulder, giving him space to do what he wanted. He took a coat and left. The only place I could think he went was Mark's apartment, so he was in good hands. I was trying this new thing of not caring about your drunk husband that much, apparently it was working. Suddenly I feel something vibrate from my purse, only to find my page biping. I took my keys, left the house and went straight to the hospital.

As I got there I had to do an emergency C-section on this pregnant patient of mine because apparently she was under stress and that caused her to go in premature labor and the baby had complications. I did it and everything went fine. I signed her chart and went to the cafeteria, to get a coffee. While I'm on the line, I feel my phone ringing. As I take out my phone out of my coat, I see the ID call.

Mark Sloan.

Really Mark, right now? I sighed and answer anyway.

"You know that you're calling me while I'm working right?" I could hear his smirk on the other side of the line.

"Well if you're working, why did you answer?"

"Don't be that guy Mark." I smiled. Something about Mark's voice amused me, and even with him calling while I finally had time to drink my coffe, I was kinda happy he did.

"One tall latte please. No fat." I ordered and came back to answer Mark. "And you called because…"

"I don't know if Derek told you but he's on a leave from the hospital." There's silence on the line for a minute.

"Yeah, he told me." I take my coffee after paying and making my way to a bench.

"He passed by around eight-something in the morning, and he looked crushed. Did you say anything to him?"

Yes I did.

"No...But anyway if I happened to say something, it wouldn't leave him crushed. He doesn't even care about me Mark." The last sentence came out as a whisper, which I was hoping Mark didn't hear.

"Red, I know you don't see this but Derek really cares about you. He came here to ask me if I would still get his back in case things got worse...and if you still haven't gave up on him. "

The last part was like a stab on my stomach.

"And what did you say?"

"I said that if he wanted to make things right, you would support him as much as I do. He left after that, and today I had to stay at the clinic so that's why I called you." I swallowed hard. Derek still cares about what I think? Why he didn't tell me that? Now I feel like someone is crushing my heart with both hands; great way to start the day.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd? There's someone on the waiting room that asked for you. She said she was Hannah's mother or something like that."

"Mark, I gotta go. I'll call you later." I hung up and stoop up going inside. Why is Hannah's mom here? As I enter the waiting lounge I recognize the mother figure, the same one I talked to when Hannah died. She sees me at the corner of her eye, and walk closer to me.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd, I'm sorry to bother you."

"Oh you're not bothering Mrs. Hart-"

"Please, call me Grace, darling."

"You're not bothering Grace. And call me Addison, okay? Your daughter and I were really close and I feel like this formality is just way gone." I said. It's true; Hannah and I were attached and I've talked to her mom before she died, so Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is just not in use anymore.

"Yesterday I was at Hannah's place, picking up her stuff and...I found this." She takes off a silver chain with a two-side pendant, which I vaguely recognize. "Hannah believed that this necklace could predict the sex of the baby you were caring, and at first I thought it was crazy but when she used and it predicted that her baby was supposed to be a girl and later it was actually a girl, I gotta say I developed some beliefs in it. She would also say that the one, who had the possession of the necklace, would have a healthy and safe pregnancy." Grace looked down for a moment, trying not to cry. "Anyway, Grace told me once that you talked and you said to her that your dream was to be a mother. And since you were helping her to have a healthy pregnancy…" She started to cry softly, and I caught myself drying a tear off the corner of my eye. "Sh-she wanted you to have it." Grace put the necklace on my hand.

"Oh Grace, I can't accept this…"

"Please Addison. It's what she wanted." She gave me a broken smile, and in that moment I could see all the pain that she was feeling towards Hannah's death. I took the necklace and put it on my neck, hugging her. There was no need for words. I broke the hug after a moment, smiling at her, and left.

The day passed slowly. When I finally got the chance to come home, Derek was sitting on the couch, and when he saw me, it was like he was waiting for me.

"Hi." He said, getting off the couch and walking closer to me. I dropped my purse on the balcony and came closer to him. "We have to talk Addie." He said, looking down.

"What's wrong, Derek?" I said as I holded his hands on mine. I could see how scared Derek was. I remember how we used to say to each other that the only thing we had to be afraid of was losing each other; and that moment I wondered if this was what he feared.

"My life is really crappy right now and I caused this upon myself, and I'm sorry if I put you in the middle of this." I waited a minute, to see if it wasn't a dream. I haven't heard the sorry word coming from Derek for a while; even when he was the 'real' Derek. He was always too proud to apologize.

"It's just that...when my dad died. He...he was the one I used to count on for everything since I was a baby. Everyday when he got home from work he would put me in bed, and tell me how his day went and then after he would make me tell how my day went. I grew up, he also did. I got married to you, and moved to NY...but every friday night when I was coming home from work, I would call him, and he would tell me how his day went. And I would tell him how mine went. The day he died...-" Derek started crying at this point, and I guided him to the couch, and we both sat down. I gently pressed his hand, as if trying to say that he could continue. He did.

"The day he died was a friday night. I was supposed to come home early but the patient I operated earlier that day had complications, and I had to scrub back in. The surgery took me all night. When I came home, there were 5 messages on my phone's voice mail. They were dad's. He was in the hospital for a few weeks and he thought it was nothing, so he didn't told me. But he got worse, so he called me. He told me that he was sick, and didn't have much time left. He told me how was his day. The last three was he calling to check if I was still home. He died Addie, and his last words were him calling to check if I was home to tell him how my day went. And I never got the chance to tell him." At this point both me and Derek were crying, and I couldn't believe how much pain he had hidden from me.

"You never told me that Derek. Why?"

"Addie I...I don't know." He started crying and hugged me, for the first time in so long letting himself vulnerable for me. i hugged him back, rubbing his back.

"I wanna change Addie."

"It's ok, Derek, but you have to let me help you." He lifted his yead and looked at me in the eye. He gave me a silent understanding, and I smiled. I put my hand on his cheeks, his beard against my skin, and leaned closer. He closed his eyes and leaned in too, and I, with my eyes closed, rested my lips on his, light as a feather. He closed his lips on mine, and softly kissed me. God, it's been so long since I kissed Derek. That kiss felt like my husband was coming back to me. And as great as this sounded, I was scared. Because for the first time in a long time he kissed me, didn't feel the same.

A/N: Don't forget to review!