Author's Note: So... I received such a great response for this one shot that I decided to add another chapter. I may put additional chapters in, once season 8b starts (if they have interesting story lines) so I'm not sure if I'm done or not, but I hope you enjoy. And please, please leave a review! Thank you!
Maggie peered over the Hilltop's gates, binoculars held up to her eyes. She had made it crystal clear to the Saviors that Hilltop wouldn't be cooperating with their plan, by leaving the dead body of the Savior she'd shot in a box blocking the road they would take to come back to the Hilltop. If they hadn't found the box yet they would shortly, and she knew that would mean a battalion of Negan's soldiers may surround the town soon.
The night before, the remaining people of the Kingdom had arrived led by Carol, piled into a single school bus. Maggie couldn't help but have flashbacks of the people of Woodbury arriving at the prison, hoping for sanctuary and safety, fleeing the clutches of an insane ruler. It seemed like every few months they would find rest, and some semblance of peace, only for some maniac to take it away, over and over and over again. And at the end, there were always refugees. The innocent, the lost, the hopeless.
Glenn had always been in favor of taking in those who couldn't help themselves. He was good that way, he always knew what was right and what was wrong. Had she not met him, she wasn't sure she would've developed his sense of benevolence, but after knowing him, and loving him, she had made a promise with herself to keep his legacy of compassion alive. For him, and for their child that was growing inside of her. Although, she had done something that tainted that legacy. She had killed a Savior in cold-blood as revenge. She knew it was wrong. She knew she was angry, and just wanted to take it out on someone. She was frustrated, and scared for her friends in the other communities. She was devastated that Simon had shot one of her people, and the plan had gone to hell, and because of that a man died.
She accepted her actions, and knew that they may come back to haunt her at one point, but such was the nature of war.
As she stared into the distance, watching the horizon slowly change from dark blue to having a hint of orange from the rising ball of fire in the sky, Maggie's thoughts turned to Alexandria. No one had heard any news from them. Simon had told her that the Saviors were taking over the Kingdom, and Hilltop was going to be the Savior's breadbasket. But what about Alexandria? Did the Saviors take them hostage? Was there a fight? Was everyone there dead? Maggie wasn't sure if they'd surrender or not. Surrender meant death for a few people at least. Definitely Rick. The Grimes family wouldn't stand for that. But if it meant no one else had to die, Maggie knew Rick would give his life. But then again, Negan loved to play that game, and throw curve balls. He'd probably kill Carl or Michonne, or hell even Judith, just to make a point.
She realized that until they made the area around the Hilltop safe, there may not be any communication with Alexandria for a while. While the Saviors were running around free on the roads, Hilltop had to hunker down.
'We may be the only ones left' Maggie thought with a shudder.
She slowly lowered her binoculars and looked up at the sky, where stars were still twinkling. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The Saviors were supposed to surrender. Alexandra, the Kingdom, and the Hilltop were supposed to be victorious. They were supposed to secure peace and prosperity for everyone, and for the future inhabitants of this world. Now, she was in charge of the last known resistance against Negan, and she was terrified. Terrified for herself, and for her baby.
She wondered what she'd be doing right now if the apocalypse never happened. If she had continued being the young girl growing up on her daddy's farm. Would she be in college? Have a job? Be out clubbing? Be on her computer? Maybe gossiping with her girlfriends on the phone?
She was sure she wouldn't be a pregnant widow in the middle of a war, leading the last leg of the resistance. Yet here she was.
She released a sigh and fixed her eyes on the road again, just in time to catch the gleam of something metal in the faint moonlight.
"Hey!" Maggie hissed, pointing straight ahead. The others on watch focused in on what she was pointing out. She could see the faint outline of figures in the woods.
"There's people out there!" Maggie warned. Someone flicked on a spotlight that cast the woods in front of the Hilltop into unexpected light. The people below froze, shielding their eyes from the blinding light that penetrated the dark woods. Maggie gasped when she recognized the people below.
"Open the gates!" she called as she simultaneously climbed down from her look out spot. The gates slowly creaked open and Maggie got in front of them just as the survivors from Alexandria arrived. Maggie couldn't help but smile when she realized she wasn't alone. Rick was here, he'd know what to do. He'd know how to fight them.
She smiled wider when she saw Judith in Michonne's arms. They'd gotten away, they were safe. Maggie jogged up to Rick, but when she got close enough to see his face she froze in her tracks. His face was blank. There was blood and dirt caked on his face and in his beard, and his blue eyes had a sheen of tears to them. There were dried tear marks that cut through the stains on his face as if he'd been crying for a while and stopped bothering to wipe the tears away. All of their clothes were damp and dirty, and they had dirt stains on their knees and the backs of their pants as if they'd been sitting in and walking through filth. When Maggie glanced at Rick's eyes, they held a level of blankness that she only remembered him having once before. After he'd lost his wife. He didn't greet her or say anything to her, he just stared.
Maggie looked to Michonne for an explanation, but what she saw in Michonne's eyes was worse than Rick's blankness. In her eyes there was total despair. Michonne held her katana in her right hand, and Judith tightly clutched in her left. She was gripping Judith fiercely, pressing the girl's head to her chest. Michonne's eyes were wide, watery, circular orbs, and her forehead was furrowed deeply. The intensity in which she clutched Judith set off alarm bells in Maggie's head.
"You're here" Maggie said, unsure of what to say. Obviously something horrible had gone down in Alexandria, but they'd made it out. It seemed like most people were here, except for…
"Where's Carl?" she asked.
Rick stared past Maggie into the distance, and Michonne lowered her katana, and snuggled her face into Judith's cheeks. Her eyes were squeezed shut, as if willing tears not to fall.
"Rick…" Maggie said, growing more concerned. "Did they take him? Did… does Negan have him?"
Daryl stepped forward and Maggie could see he was damp as if he'd walked through a swamp. They all looked so exhausted, they must've walked miles in the dark. Who knew what they'd gone through to get here.
"He got… bit" Daryl said softly, as if he spoke too loudly his voice may shatter Carl's parents who were barely hanging on.
Maggie gasped and brought her hand to her mouth, tears springing from her eyes. She reached her left hand towards Rick, but then quickly brought it back to her mouth. Rick began to blink rapidly, still not looking at anyone. He turned away from Maggie and continued to stare into the distance. Michonne was still tightly gripping Judith with her eyes closed.
"I'm so... oh my God" Maggie said at a loss for words. Rick gave off a vibe that he didn't want to be touched, so Maggie turned to Michonne and embraced her and Judith. Michonne allowed Maggie to hug her, but she wasn't in a state of mind to return the affection, and Maggie knew it. She eventually let go.
Maggie turned towards Daryl, Rosita, and Tara when she realized Rick and Michonne weren't the most stable people to give an update to.
"Everyone's here" Maggie explained. "What's left of the Kingdom arrived last night. Carol was with 'em. It's not much, mostly kids and others who never learned to fight, but it's something."
"Carol's here?" Daryl asked sounding relieved.
"Yea, but there's no Ezekiel. She said they captured him while everyone else was escaping. I think Negan might use him as an example. Maybe hang him on the gates or something."
"We can't let that happen" Rosita said fiercely.
"Now that we're all here together we won't. I'm so glad y'all got here" Maggie said honestly. "I thought Hilltop was all alone for a while."
"Can we... get a room?" Michonne asked softly, her voice only a whisper. Grief and sadness were coming off of Rick and Michonne in waves.
The rooms at Barrington House were already full, and the trailers had families doubling up, but Maggie knew Rick and Michonne needed their own space to grieve. She'd find a place for them.
"Yea, yea sure" Maggie said quickly. "You can stay stay in Gregory's office. We were using that as a planning room, but… you need rest. The rest of y'all, we'll find somewhere for you to sleep. C'mon, y'all can change out of those wet clothes."
Maggie called someone over to lead the other Alexandrians to a place where they could get a change of clothes and lodgings. Afterwards, she led Rick and Michonne to Gregory's office which was strewn with maps, ammunition, and other signs of Maggie, Carol, Jerry, and Jesus' plans to defend themselves against Negan's upcoming attacks.
Rick and Michonne were silent as they followed Maggie into the room, and Judith was clinging tightly to Michonne's neck, on the verge of falling asleep. Michonne hadn't put away her katana. She still was clutching it tightly in her right hand, as if she expected something to jump out at her at any moment. Rick also was on edge, the tenseness between them set a heavy feeling in the air.
"Y'all can sleep on the couches, or on the floor. It's up to you. I'll be back in a minute with some clothes for y'all and Judith to change into. Are you hungry? I can bring you somethin' to eat?" Maggie asked.
Michonne shook her head left to right two times, looking past Maggie at the wall. The two of them were in shock, and rightly so.
"I can take Judith" Maggie offered, "give you two some time…"
"No!" Michonne said quickly, much louder than she'd meant to. Judith startled and stuck her head up to look at her mother. "No. We'll… take care of her" Michonne said more softly, and Maggie's heart broke at the desperateness in her eyes. She responded as if Judith was the only one holding her to this earth. In a way, she was. She was the only child they had left.
Maggie nodded in understanding. "I'll be right back" she said softly, and she backed out of the room, noticing Rick hadn't said a word yet and he continued to stare blankly at the wall.
After Maggie closed the door to the office, Michonne continued to stand, holding on to Judith. The little girl was desperately tired, and scared. She had been through so much already. They had to walk to Hilltop from Alexandria, dodging walkers and the cars of the the Saviors alike. Somehow, Judith was always good at recognizing when she was in danger, and she was silent the whole time, clutching Michonne tightly. She had been passed between Rick and Michonne a few times, as they had to walk for hours, and their arms would fatigue from holding her for that long. The two of them didn't give the girl to anyone else though. They had been fiercely protective of their baby since they buried Carl, and all of their other family members knew it was best to stay out of their way. Their clothes were soaked and dirty from the rivers and swamps that dotted the landscape between the two towns. And the two of them also still had the dirt from Carl's grave smeared across their faces, hands, feet, and under their nails.
Michonne kept replaying the moment Carl revealed that he'd been bitten, over and over in her head. It was a shock like no other. Every time she thought about it, it felt like she'd been sucker punched. She wanted the visual of the angry red bite splashed against Carl's pale white skin to stop searing itself into her mind, but it was all she could see when she closed her eyes. And when she opened them, she remembered the bites that Andre had when she'd found him. The savagery in which her tiny child had been bitten caused her to clutch Judith even tighter, waking her up again.
Judith let out an exhausted whine. She wanted to sleep so badly, but she kept being woken up. "I'm sorry Judy" Michonne apologized, rocking her back and forth. She realized her pain was preventing the child from sleeping. Since she was already awake, Michonne took the opportunity to get her out of her filthy, damp clothes so that she could get some rest. She put the girl down on the floor, and kneeled in front of her, peeling off the soiled dress she wore, and her soaking wet leggings. Judith was standing still, allowing Michonne to undress her, but her eyes were closed as if she were sleeping while standing up.
There was another knock on the door and a pause. Neither Michonne or Rick said anything, but in a few seconds the door was slowly pushed open and Maggie returned, carrying bedding, clothes, and water. She placed the pile down on a table in front of where Michonne was getting Judith ready for bed. She noticed Rick hadn't moved at all from the spot he was in when she left.
"It's just a few shirts, and some sheets. I found a small shirt for Judith to change into so she can sleep" Maggie said.
Michonne nodded as she continued to take care of Judith.
"Daryl told me what happened" she said, turning towards Rick. Maggie walked up to him and stood behind him, placing a hand on one of his shoulders. "I loved Carl like he was the little brother I never had. Daryl told me that he saved everyone, that he came up with a plan to get everyone out of harm's way. That was the kind of kid he was. He was the sweetest kid I know, but he also was strong, and protective, and noble. He was a warrior, Rick, and he only became that because he had a father who taught him how to be that way. I just hope that my baby can grow up to be like him. I know the two of you are hurting, and we never get enough time to grieve for the people we lose now a days, but we need the both of you. I need the both of you, to make it through this."
Maggie's lip began to tremble, but she took a quick breath to keep her emotions in check. They didn't need her to start crying too.
"Go on and get some rest" Maggie continued, making her way to the door. When she reached it, she turned to face them again one last time and softly said "I'm sorry". She then closed the door behind her.
Michonne put Judith in a t-shirt that Maggie had provided, and lay the girl on one of the couches while she crouched next to it. "Nite nite, sleepy head" Michonne said to Judith softly as she tucked her under a sheet, and the girl repeated after her mother, with a soft "nite nite".
Michonne stayed crouched next to Judith, stroking her hair, until she was sure the girl was fast asleep underneath her covers. She then stood, her muscles aching from the walking that they'd done all day and night. Rick was standing, facing towards the wall, but his eyes were now closed, and his arms were wrapped around himself as if the room were freezing. Michonne knew he was deep in thought, probably blaming himself somehow for Carl's death. She slowly made her way over to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, snuggling her face into his damp back. She felt safe here, attached to him. She didn't feel alone.
As much as she was hurting right now, as hopeless at it felt, as heartbroken as she was, this death was still not as bad as when she lost Andre, and she knew why. She still had a family. She still had a child. She still had hope. That was what Carl meant when he said 'You have more to do. You have Judy and dad. You can't go back. Only forward.'
She'd told Carl what she'd become after she lost her son, and he didn't want her to be that again. For his sake, she wouldn't.
"You need to rest" Michonne said to Rick softly, loosening her hold on his waist.
"I can't" he said hoarsely, and she definitely could relate. She didn't know how she'd get to sleep either tonight.
"I know" she said softly. She reached down and held on to the bottom of his damp sewer and swamp stained shirt. It was filthy. Slowly she pulled it up his body, until his lower torso was revealed.
"Uncross your arms" she said into his ear. He tensed up for a few brief seconds before raising his arms slightly so that she could pull the shirt up and over his head. She leaned forward and kissed his back reverently before dropping the shirt to the floor.
"Turn around" she ordered. Rick slowly turned to face her, and Michonne could see he'd started to cry again. His expression caused her emotions to rise, and she had to choke back her tears and resolve to stay strong for him. She used the wetness of his tears to wipe some of the dirt from his face, running her hands down his cheeks to rub the walker guts and slime away.
"We'll do this together, right?" she asked him. He nodded slowly, his eyes focusing on her face. Michonne nodded as well, and her hands found his belt buckle, but she was having a surprisingly hard time of unbuckling it because her hands were shaking. Rick reached forwards and placed his hands on hers, stilling her. Her eyes met his, and he nodded slightly before leaning forward and giving her an encouraging peck on the lips. She took a deep breath, her nerves temporarily calmed, and she unbuckled his belt and his pants. She then pushed the pants down his legs until he was standing in his boxers.
Michonne walked over to the pile of clothes Maggie left and fished out a clean t-shirt and a towel. Starting with Rick's face, Michonne began to wipe the dirt off of his face, hands, arms, and chest. Leaves and debris from the swamp were sticking to the now soiled towel, but he looked cleaner and less wild than he had a few minutes ago. When she was done, he squeezed her hand in his own and whispered "thank you."
She attempted a small smile, but it felt strange on her face. Maybe it was too early to smile. Maybe she wasn't ready, but that attempt triggered another wave of emotions.
'Carl won't ever get to smile again. Carl won't get to feel any emotions. He'll never be happy, never be sad, never fall in love, never have children. He was cheated, and all because of something so stupid, something so pointless' Michonne thought.
She tried to stop the tears, but they hit her like a tsunami, all crashing on her at once. Rick could see it coming, and all he could do was hold her to his bare chest as she crumbled before his very eyes.
"It's not... fair... he didn't deserve... that" Michonne hiccuped through her tears. "I always thought... we were doing this... for him and Judith. But... if children never survive, there is... there is no future."
Rick had already started crying again, and he could barely speak through the emotions he was feeling.
"I always thought he would bury me" Rick said candidly. "I had one job when I woke up in that hospital, and it was find my family. And I did. I found them. Then it changed to protect my family, and I tried. But Lori died. I don't know if I could've changed that, or stopped it from happenin', but I blamed myself for a long time. But then I realized that my job had changed to protect my children. And I took that on, thought I was finally doin' okay. And now... it just feels like everyone I love dies. And I don't know how to stop it. This is too much, it's too hard. I look at Judith, and if she dies too I don't know if I can survive."
Michonne nodded and held Rick tighter. "I know how it feels when everyone you love is dead. I know what it feels like to be hopeless. We still have hope Rick, and we have to hold on to what little hope we have left."
"You're talkin' 'bout your child?" Rick asked her, and Michonne tensed up. "I overheard you talkin' to Carl about him all the way back at terminus. How did you live without him Michonne? How did you deal with the pain?"
Michonne shook her head and then shrugged. "I just kept living. I didn't have a choice, my body kept breathing so I stayed alive. But my soul, my soul was dead for a long time. Carl helped me get it back. I owe that to him, and you, and Judith."
"Michonne, I think we're the ones who live, but what good is that when everyone around us dies?"
"I don't have the answers, but I know nothing is over until your heart stops beating. Carl wouldn't want us to give up. Carl fought until the end, and if we don't do that, we don't honor his memory. Even if fighting is the most painful thing to do."
Rick brought up a hand and placed it on the side of Michonne's face. He felt so overwhelmingly grateful to have her in his life. He never thought that the warrior woman he gazed on from the other side of the fence that day in the prison would become his soulmate, and the only person who could bring him back from the brink.
He leaned down a little so that he was eye level with her, and with all the sincerity he could muster, he said "I love you."
Michonne gave him a watery smile, her first real one since Carl's death. She nodded, and with a little smirk she responded, "I know."
His face lit up. "I figured, I just wanted to make sure you knew."
Michonne placed her palms on both of Rick's cheeks and pulled his face closer to hers. She kissed him softly and tenderly, both of them trying to offer some semblance of comfort to the other. When they finally broke apart, Michonne said "I love you too Rick."
***can08writer***
Rick and Michonne barely slept that night, and when they did it wasn't at the same time. Barrington House wasn't their home, and that already had them on edge, but their only son had just died, and they knew Negan would attack Hilltop at some point, and so any noise or squeak coming from the old house had them both on full alert. Rick was constantly up, looking out the windows, checking the locks on the doors, but when Michonne was up she checked on Judith. Since Carl died, Judith had not been out of arms reach of Michonne. She was somewhat of a safety blanket, and if Michonne knew the little girl was okay, she was okay too.
Early in the morning there was a light knock at the door. Rick had just drifted off to sleep again, and Judith was still knocked out, so Michonne got up and slowly creaked the door open.
Carol was standing there in full kingdom armor, holding a bowl of fruit and a devastated look on her face. When she saw Michonne, she just opened her arms and wrapped them around the other woman. Michonne hugged Carol back, happy to see her friend.
"I know this doesn't help, but I'm sorry" she said, squeezing Michonne tighter. Michonne nodded and leaned into Carol. After a few seconds Michonne let go.
"I brought some fruit" Carol said, holding up the basket. "Even if you're not hungry, I figured Judith might be."
"Thank you Carol" Michonne said softly, accepting the basket.
Carol stood there for a few seconds as if she were debating whether to say something or not, but she decided on saying it.
"It gets better" Carol said knowingly, her voice breaking a little. "Not the feeling of loss, that doesn't ever go away. Not the hurting, or the missing him. But how you deal with that pain gets better if you let it."
Michonne gave a small smile at Carol's attempt to console her. "I know" Michonne said with a nod of her head. She hesitated on whether she was going to explain how she knew, but she decided that talking about Andre might help her heal a little better from Carl.
"This isn't the first time I've lost a child" Michonne admitted. Carol's mouth opened slightly at the news.
"My son Andre was bitten by walkers too."
"Michonne..." Carol said, her heart breaking again for this woman.
"I know you lost your daughter the same way. I know you've been where I am, and it means a lot that you... that you came here" Michonne said on the verge of tears.
Carol embraced Michonne again, holding her against her. "Women who have lost their children and survived it... there is something we share that no one else can understand. We are warriors. And women who have lost multiple children, they are the strongest warriors. This isn't the end Michonne. This whole thing with Negan, one day soon it'll be over, and when it is, you have to be ready for the world that comes next. I thought that running away from the pain would work. I thought if I was away from everyone I loved and who loved me, the pain would go away too. But I realized, the only way to get over the pain is to be with the people you love. And you're lucky enough to still have Rick, and Judith, and the rest of us. We all love you, and we all loved Carl."
Michonne squeezed Carol and took a step back so that she could look in her eyes. "I know you did, and he loved all of you too. Thank you for all of this Carol, one strong warrior to another."