Disclaimer: Now, should I kill you now or later for being such a dumb ass? Well?

A/N: Reviewers get Pepito plushies. YAY! Everyone LOVES PEPITO!

Johnny walked around the Hallways for a good two hours before running into someone.

"Watch where you're going!" Said a man with greasy hair and a hooked nose.

"Why should I? You could have just as easily not bumped into me." Johnny didn't even bother looking up fully before he reached into his jacket to pull out his favorite knife.

"Who ARE you anyway?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Johnny pulled out his knife and before the man could do anything he was holding it to his throat.

"I work here. I teach potions."

"I work here. I teach defense."

"Hmm, I highly doubt you'll last long. No one who teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts does."

"I don't teach THAT! I can't even do magic!"

"So, you're a muggle," the last word spoken with obvious distaste.

"Would you like to change your choice in words? I DO have a knife to your throat, O smart one."

"No. You are a muggle. It's not a degrading term. It MEANS you don't have magic."

"You spoke the word as though it were a slimy hair ball you coughed up."

"Maybe it's because you're a muggle and that means I am better than you."

"Oh, you wizards, so high and mighty. If anyone's better than me, it is most CERTAINLY. NOT. YOU!"

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because, you are just another arrogant, superficial, thing. If you were actually better than me, you wouldn't claim that you were. You would keep your mouth shut. You are nothing more than another person who will find his way to hell in the after life."

"Don't call me arrogant."

"I'm sorry, not arrogant, that's the wrong word…ah! The word I was ACTUALLY looking for was ignorant, you'll have to pardon the mistake." Johnny pushed the knife a little bit further into his throat.

" I could kill you in a heartbeat."

"Well, I no die. What about that? I can never ever die. HA!"

"That's what you say now. But soon you'll be meeting your maker! AVADA-" The last word was cut off as Johnny hit him with the blunt of his knife.

"Finally, he shuts up, and I only had to knock him out!"

You're forgetting something very important, Nny.

What's that?

How are you supposed to get home?

"I'll just go ask the Headmaster!" He shouted out loud. With that, Johnny spent another hour hunting down the Headmaster.

"Johnny, my boy, what are you still doing here?"

"I don't know how to get home." He said blandly.

"Oh, of course. I'll help you," he pulled out his wand a candy wrapper, "Portus, just put your finger on it and you will be transported home."

Johnny timidly reached out, then pulled back at the last second. "Headmaster?"

"Yes, my boy?"

"Can I bring someone with me?"

"Ah, I was wondering when you would ask, of course Todd can come."

"Who?"

"Sorry, of course Squee can come."

Johnny put his finger on the wrapper, felt a pull on his navel, and then he found himself at his home. 777. With the sign on the lawn saying "Don't walk on the lose soil" in big, bold, dripping black letters. With the sign on the door stating "Knock on me, I dare you" in the same writing. With the doorbell attached to his favorite, always full torture device so that he could hear human screams when someone came a-knocking. Sick to some, home to him.