AN- Now! Back to the past….or….the present….this is set in Chapter 89 at the masquerade from Yuuki Kuran's point of view.
The room is deceptively gloomy…or perhaps fittingly so. One would not picture a young woman who is supposed to be celebrating her engagement with her new fiancé to be dressing and preparing herself in such a dimly lit room. I brush my index finger beneath one of my chocolate colored eyes, surveying myself listlessly in the gold framed mirror. The delicate skin beneath my eye is blotchy and flushed red. My eyes are vibrant and glossy from the forbidden tears that have been shed. A pureblood princess should mask her emotions skilfully; such displays of emotion are frowned upon. It feels like a cruel punishment, and as I contemplate this a fresh bout of tears erupts. It feels like a punishment to have to supress such vivid emotions. A candle, the only light in my gloomy bedroom flickers as I bury my face in my hands, sobbing silently into my palms. My violently shaking body is the only true indication of the pain I am feeling inside.
The sound of my door, I sit up straight, attempting to swiftly wipe the tears from my face. My mother's slender form glides into the shadowy room. She is already dressed in a modest yet stunning emerald ball gown. Her usually unruly curls have been tamed slightly by tying her hair into a bun at the back; only two thick strands falling down beside her cheeks remain loose. I stare at her reflection drawing closer to me in the glass of the mirror. A frown marring her perfect complexion as she draws closer.
My mother flits in and out of the bedroom, lacing my corset, pulling it tightly in an attempt to define my figure. She fastens the back of my soft white ball gown and pulls a brush through my tousled mahogany hair as wave after wave of grief claims me. Usually she would chide me for allowing myself to fall into a fit of grief, however, given the circumstances tonight she has been incredibly understanding. She hasn't even attempted to flick on the overhead light. She seems to understand my need for the simple burning candle, a tribute to my best friend…the man I lost a year ago...whose eighteenth birthday would have been celebrated this very night had fate not dealt him yet another, final, cruel blow. As the flame dances, casting lurid shadows across my dressing table, it is comforting, as if I can still sense that man with me today. My bare fingers find their way to my neck as a slight pang of thirst irritates my senses. I force the sorrow back down into some hidden crevice in my aching heart, allowing me time to concentrate on the finishing touches of my appearance.
My mother has already fixed my hair, tying some of it loosely at the back of my head; however the majority of it remains down. I run a finger through the long strands, recalling it had been nearly half this length this time last year. I slip my slender fingers into the gloves my mother has left for me. They're the same snow white color as my dress, the color implies innocence and purity, something my parents clearly wanted to portray to the vampire community after that incident a year ago… I pause midway as I begin to slip the second glove on to my left hand, pausing to stare at the bracelet I had been given to protect that person…The candle flickers spasmodically as if his soul is present in this very room. I close my eyes, allowing myself to try and bring forth his face in my mind…..after a year his features seem blurred in my memory as if time has already begun to steal his soft lilac gaze from my mind.
That man had been my everything….my best friend, my lover. My cruel uncle Rido had been plotting to devour my life for himself, and as a result, a kind family friend had sacrificed his life so that I would be able to go into hiding as a human child, under the care of Kaien Cross an ex hunter. In that time I had learned and experienced so much…but most importantly to me I had met Zero Kiryu, the boy who would one day become the president of the vampire hunter society. We had grown up together, and even after my memories had been awakened I had been allowed to remain at Cross Academy for one more year….and although it had taken most of that time to regain Zero's trust and friendship, during that time it had become very apparent to me that I felt something for Zero that I had never felt for any being before. When my parents had demanded that I return and face the duties of a pureblood princess…he had offered me an ultimatum. Prove to me that you are still the same Yuuki whose existence saved my life….if you truly don't want to go back to that world of blood craving beasts….then I'll take you away from it all. We had arranged a rendezvous. I had packed hastily; leaving a heartfelt letter addressed to my family and fled the Kuran mansion. I had planned to confess that night….to tell him my feelings…however I had waited there at the train station all night, until my body had become numb from the icy air, until the sun had risen it's head in the horizon, beckoning humans to their daily lives and warding vampires away, back into their dwellings until the rise of the Moon. My older brother….the man I was born to marry….had come to collect me, a grim expression had painted his dark features in the sobering morning light, and my actions had become clear to me….at first I had thought him to be angry….however upon discovering me curled up on a bench at the train station he had scooped me into my arms and informed me that Zero was dead. He had suddenly degenerated to level E having been unable to fight the beast within his soul any longer….and as a result he had been killed to protect the lives of others…the promise I was supposed to fulfil.
I clench my fists at the memory, my nails digging into the material of my gloves, protecting me from the full force of my iron like grip. My throat burns as if a fiery inferno were raging within me; however it is merely the result of holding back more unshed tears. My body and mind are weary from lack of sleep, from the emotional exhaustion that comes hand in hand with grief. I had spent the daytime when sleep should have claimed my soul, sobbing hysterically into the pastel pink pillow at the head of my bed. Each sob had shaken my body like an earthquake as I had allowed the guilt and pain to consume me wholly….
"Yuuki, it's time. The guests are already arriving." My mother's gentle lilting tone draws me away from my gloomy thoughts. It's time to play the part of a pureblood princess. To build a façade for myself, that of the modest and joyful fiancée of Kaname Kuran. The girl staring back at me in the looking glass appears solemn….defeated. She had once dreamed of a life with her knight….she had dreamt of gliding down the aisle, a smile radiating from her face as her eyes met those evanescent lilac orbs. Slowly, I pick up the final piece that will complete my farcical appearance. The masquerade mask. I take it gently in my hands, carefully tying the delicate purple ribbon around my head so that half of my face is concealed from the hungry sight of the Aristocrats….
"I'm ready, mother."