Everyone was enjoying their breakfasts at IHOP... in some cases, Theodore was enjoying their breakfasts as well... whatever anyone else couldn't eat, he'd eat it for them.
"You kids about finished?" Dave asked, as he finished his eggs.
The kids replied with murmurs of contentment. Dave whipped out the map to the cabin he rented for the week in the mountains.
"We have quite a drive ahead of ourselves," Dave said, "it's going to be difficult... I can't possibly keep checking the map for directions and drive at the same time... I'll need help... I'll need a navigator..." Dave said with a smile.
"What could you possibly need an alligator for?" Theodore asked, while the others snickered.
"No, Theodore," Dave said, trying hard not to chuckle, "not an alligator, a navigator... someone who will hold onto the map for me, and help me with the directions along the drive to the mountains... so how about it? Anyone want to be my navigator?"
"Me!" Jeanette shot her hand up, but then blushed in embarrassment, before lowering her hand. "Um... I'd... I'd kind of like to..."
"Here you go!" Dave said, as he handed the map to Jeanette. "Do you know how to read a map?"
"Sure I do..." Jeanette said as she unfolded the map. "We haven't even left town yet... and the mountains where we're vacationing are... north of here..."
"Pretty much." Dave nodded.
"I'll do a good job, Dave." Jeanette said, nervously.
"I know you will, Jeanette." Dave said with a smile, while Simon gave her a small pet on the back.
Shortly thereafter, the mini-van Dave rented was pulling out of the IHOP parking lot, and up to the exit to enter the highway.
"Well," Dave said to Jeanette, who was sitting in the front passenger seat, "which way do we go from here, Miss Navigator?"
Dave knew he wanted to turn left, since it was clear by various road signs that that was north, but he wanted to make Jeanette feel confident and helpful, so he made a mental note to consult with Jeanette through-out the entire drive to the mountains.
"Um..." Jeanette mumbled, looking at the map, "let's see..." Jeanette found the highway they were pulling into on the map, then looked for their current location, and when she found it, she saw that in order to head north, they would have to turn left. "That way!" Jeanette squeaked, pointing to the left, so Dave turned left.
"Does take us to a road we want to be on?" Dave asked.
Jeanette looked at the map, and saw the highway they were on took them to a road that Dave had marked on the map. She then looked at the legend, and saw that they would have to drive for about ten miles before they reach their road. "Yes," she said, "we have to keep driving on this road for about ten miles before we reach the interstate."
"Okay!" Dave said with a smile, making Jeanette feel confident and helpful.
"Hey!" Alvin called out from the middle seat. "How about a road came to pass the time?"
"Nice idea, Alvin!" Dave said.
"The first one to count ten out-of-state license plates wins..." Alvin looks out the window and spots an Oregon license plate, "Oregon!"
"I saw it first!" Brittany barked, sitting next to Alvin.
"In your dreams!"
"Cheater!"
"Takes one to know one!"
"Don't make me get rough with you, punk!"
"Down make me reach back there!" Dave barked.
Both Alvin and Brittany said the other started it.
"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!" Dave said.
"Alright," Simon spoke up from the back seat, "here's a simple game... somebody think of a person, and someone else try to guess who it is."
"I go first!" Alvin said.
"Man, or woman?" Simon asked.
"Woman!" Alvin said, with a perverse look on his face.
"Is she living, or dead?" Eleanor asked, sitting next to Brittany.
"No, she's alive." Alvin said.
"Is it Miss Stone?" Theodore asked, sitting next to Simon.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"Is she a woman you've had a crush on?" Simon asked.
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaybe..." Alvin said.
"Is it Lindsay Lohan?" Jeanette asked from up front.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"Well, this is going to take a while," Simon said, "if it's possibly a girl you've had a crush on..."
Alvin smirked.
"Help us narrow it down... is she a girl around our age, or is she an adult?" Simon asked.
"Adult." Alvin said.
"It's not Miss Miller, is it?!" Brittany asked in disgust.
"No way!" Alvin said, equally disgusted.
"Is she a part of our lives, or is this an unconventional crush?" Simon asked.
"What do you mean 'unconventional'?" Alvin asked.
"Like is she someone you don't know personally... like a celebrity or someone?"
"Yes, she's a celebrity."
"Is she Elizabeth Taylor?" Theodore asked.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"Is she a movie star?" Eleanor asked.
"Not exactly." Alvin said.
"Is she a singer?" Brittany asked.
"Yes." Alvin said.
"Carrie Underwood?" Jeanette asked.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"Hannah Montana?" Theodore asked.
"He said adult, remember?" Simon reminded Theodore.
"Oh yeah." Theodore responded.
"Shania Twain?" Eleanor asked.
"Nope." Alvin said.
"What type of music does she sing?" Brittany asked.
"She does all different types of music." Alvin said.
"Well, I give up." Simon said.
"Yeah, me too." Theodore agreed.
"Yeah, who is she, Alvin?" Brittany asked.
"You all give up?" Alvin asked.
"Yes!" Everyone else in the van, including Dave yelled.
"Okay..." Alvin said, adjusting his cap, "Janice Karman."
The van went silent.
"Who?" Theodore, Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor all asked in unison, while Alvin, Simon, and Dave held blank expressions on their faces.
Hours later.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Brittany said, pressing her thighs together, tightly.
"I'm hungry!" Theodore said.
"I'm bored!" Alvin mumbled.
"Are we getting close to a rest stop, Jeanette?" Dave asked through his teeth.
"Well..." Jeanette looked at the map, "there should be about three more miles ahead on the right..."
"Fine..." Dave said.
"Try not to think about things... like rushing waterfalls." Alvin joked with Brittany.
"Shut up!" Brittany said.
"Alvin! Brittany!" Dave said.
"I wonder if there's a nice creek, or a brook where I can do some fishing..." Alvin teased.
"Shut up!" Brittany barked.
"Looking forward to a dip in the lake?" Alvin nudge Brittany's shoulder.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Brittany screamed.
"Shut up!" Everyone else screamed.
Alvin quieted down after that. Brittany tried so hard to hold it in. Alvin took a sip from his water bottle, but finished it. "I should have brought another bottle of water." Alvin casually said.
Brittany pulled her skirt up, and saw her underwear and tights were now wet.
Brittany sat in a stall in the womens' room at the rest center, crying.
"There's no reason to be embarrassed, Brittany." Eleanor said, handing Brittany clean underwear. "Accidents happen to everybody."
"I hate Alvin!" Brittany screamed through her tears. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I wish Dave would just spank him into next Tuesday!"
"Come on Brittany, change out of your dirty clothes..." Jeanette said, with a trashbag.
"These were my best tights!" Brittany sniffed. "Now they're ruined!" Brittany took her shoes and leg warmers off, handed them to Eleanor, while she handed her wet tights and underwear to Jeanette, who placed them in the trashbag, and walked out to dispose of them.
Meanwhile, Alvin walked out of the mens' room, rubbing his rear end, while trying to hide his tears. Dave followed after him, looking the madest he's ever looked.
"Looks like Alvin got the belt." Simon said, as he watched from the magazine rack.
"And Dave's not usually one to spank," Theodore said, while munching on a bag of chips, "but Alvin asked for it..."
Brittany walked out of the womens' room in a pair of red sweatpants. "Ugh!" She sniffed. "This outfit looks ridiculous!"
"Nobody cares, Brittany," Eleanor said, trying to wrap an arm around her sister's shoulders.
"I do not want to sit next to Alvin for the rest of the ride!" Brittany barked.
Alvin was moved to the back seat, where he sat with Simon and Theodore, while Eleanor and Brittany kept the middle seat. The group kept driving on for more hours, when suddenly, Dave was coming to a junction.
"Okay Jeanette, this is important..." Dave said, while Jeanette unfolded the map.
"Did you find it?" He asked.
"Yeah, I got it!" Jeanette squealed.
"Okay, this is it... left or right?" He asked.
"We go ri..." the map slipped out of Jeanette's hands and flew out the window, though Dave turned right anyway, since he remembered that was his route.
"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm sorry!" Jeanette panicked. "It was an accident! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay, Jeanette!" Dave tried to calm Jeanette down. "It's okay, it was an accident, I know, it's okay... don't worry, it's okay..."
Jeanette's face was bright red with embarrassment, and humiliation. Even though Dave tried to reassure her it wasn't anything to get upset over, Jeanette knew being in charge of the map was her responisibility. She felt so terrible for losing the map, she almost cried. She was so sure that Dave was really mad at her, that she couldn't face him for the rest of the ride. She didn't say anything for the rest of the trip either. They could end up lost, and she knew it would be all her fault. It grew darker outside, and Dave had no idea how close they were getting, until he saw a gas station up ahead. He pulled up in the parking lot, and unbuckled his belt.
"Hold tight, kids," Dave said, "I'll bet right back..."
Dave stepped into the gas station, and over to the newspaper rack, to see if there were any maps, or road atlases, but he didn't see any.
"Can I help you, sir?" Asked the cashier.
"Do you not have any maps?" Dave asked.
"All out," replied the cashier, "you need directions?"
"How much further are the mountains, from here?" He asked.
"From here? About fifty miles."
"And you don't have any maps?"
"Afraid not."
"Well... is there some place to spend the night around here? A hotel, anything?"
"Yeah, there's a motel about five miles up the road... you can't miss it, it's the Hardknock Hotel."
Moments later, the gang was at the Hardknock Hotel... or it was more of a motel. A very old-looking motel at that. It almost looked like the set of the Bates Motel.
"This place looks creepy..." Theodore said, holding onto his teddy bear.
Dave dinged the bell at the front desk, and was met with a thin, unshaven man with greasy hair.
"Welcome to the Hotel of Hardknocks." He coughed. "I mean, the Hardknock Hotel... will you please sign in?"
Dave took the pencil, and signed the guestbook, while the manager eyeballed the chipmunks and the chipettes in the lobby.
"Are those with you?" He asked Dave.
"Yes," Dave replied, "we're on a little vacation, and we, heh, lost our map, and need a place to stay for the night... I'd like two rooms please."
"Two rooms?" Alvin asked. "You mean the rest of you are going to sleep in one room? Kind of cramped, isn't?"
"One room is for us, Alvin," Dave said, "the other is for the girls."
"You're letting us have our own room?" Brittany asked.
"Well," Dave said, "I'm sure you girls would like your privacy..."
The manager handed Dave two keys, one for each room. "The towels are kind of scratchy..." he said.
Shortly later, the chipettes stepped into their room. It was filthy. Wallpaper was peeling, the bed wasn't made, the room smelled like smoke, the toilet was clogged, there was dirt and hair all over the floor.
"Ewwwwwwwwww!" Brittany cringed. "First thing in the morning, I'm filing an informal complaint! And there's only one bed!"
"Well, yeah..." Eleanor said.
"Where are you two going to sleep?" Brittany asked.
"You wouldn't think of sharing?" Eleanor asked, sarcastically.
"Of course not... I'll play you for it... rock, paper, scissors... best two out of three."
"Brittany..."
"Come on!"
The girls held up their hands. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Brittany had scissors, Eleanor hand paper, Jeanette had rock. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Brittany had paper, Eleanor had rock, Jeanette had scissors. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" All three of them had scissors.
A few seconds later, Brittany was unpacking her duffle bag on the bed, while Eleanor discovered the couch actually had a hide-a-bed. "Well, at least we'll still have a bed... sort of." She said to Jeanette, who simply shrugged.
"I'm grabbing a shower." Brittany boasted, as she grabbed her nightgown, and stepped into the bathroom.
"You're not still upset about the map, are you Jeanette?" Eleanor asked in concern.
Jeanette didn't respond, but she did nod, but before Eleanor could react, they heard Brittany screaming in the bathroom. Eleanor and Jeanette ran into the bathroom.
"What's wrong?!" Eleanor asked.
Brittany pulled back the shower curtain, and extended her arms. "Look!!!"
"What?!" Eleanor asked.
"Look!!!"
"What?!"
"Look!!!" Brittany pointed out the barely noticable marks are her arms. "The washcloth scratched me up!!!"