It was Friday night and Darcy was spending it at home. In pajamas. With ice cream. Watching 'The Notebook'. She could officially say her life had reached a new all-time low as far as a social life went. Darcy's couldn't bring herself to particularly care. Loki was locked in bedroom doing something she really didn't want to know about (judging by the occasional sounds coming through the wall, she really didn't want to know). Darcy was about ready to punch something when the credits on 'The Notebook' had rolled and Loki came out of his room looking as unruffled as ever, sat down on the couch, and stated,
"I'm hungry."
"Great. Make me something too." said Darcy as she got up, pulling out the DVD and putting in 'JAWS'. Loki rolled his eyes before an idea occurred,
"You mentioned Taco Bell last night. Is that like Denny's?"
"Not really. Same crappy quality, just Mexican food."
"The quality of Denny's sustenance was superior to all! There was nothing remotely 'crappy' about it!" said Loki vehemently. Darcy held her hands up in surrender as she returned to her spot on the couch,
"Whatever dude. No, we can't go to Taco Bell. The food poisoning isn't worth it."
"But what about that Thai—"
"Different story. That's a local mom-and-pop place. Taco Bell is a chain of salmonella restaurants with the occasional E. Coli breakout."
"Fine." he said, crossing his arms and sinking into the couch. Darcy laughed,
"Are you pouting because I won't take you to Taco Bell?"
"No." said Loki petulantly. Darcy laughed,
"Dude you're so pouting."
"Am not!"
"Are too." said Darcy in a sing-song voice.
"Am not!"
"Oh yes you are." said Darcy. She sighed and stood up, "Fine. We aren't going to Taco Bell, but we can hit McDonald's. I think they still have eggnog shakes."
"What's eggnog?" asked Loki, disappearing from the couch and reappearing by the door, coat and shoes on. Darcy shook her head,
"A combination of deliciousness only available in the winter holiday season. Dude, if you haven't had eggnog, we're so going and you're trying some. That and a Big Mac."
"What's a Big Mac?"
"A burger." said Darcy as she pulled her coat on and wrapped a scarf around her neck. Loki asked,
"What's on the burger?"
"Twoall-beefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesame-seedbun." Darcy grinned. Loki just looked confused, cocking his head ever so slightly to the side. Darcy said very slowly, "Two all-beef patties. Special sauce. Lettuce. Cheese. Pickles. Onions. On a sesame-seed bun. Dude, let's just take a moment of pride to celebrate that I actually remembered that."
"Sounds…interesting." he said. Darcy laughed,
"You'll like it. Trust me." She walked out the door. Loki was hot on her trail, saying,
"The last time I trusted you, we almost ended up in Canada."
"No, the last time you trusted me we went to Denny's." she said smugly. Loki's eyes glazed over and Darcy snapped her fingers in his face, "Focus, man. You can't properly appreciate McDonald's if you're fixating on Denny's. You have to get over one girlfriend before going to the next. No rebounds."
"I can't properly appreciate McDonald's until we get there." said Loki pointedly. Darcy rolled her eyes,
"Yeah yeah yeah. Just follow me. It's just on the corner." They were at McDonald's in less than three minutes. Darcy walked up to the counter and tapped her foot until the pimple-faced boy running the till turned around from arguing with his coworker. His eyes zeroed in on Darcy's breasts and he didn't stop staring as he said,
"What can I get you?"
"Someone who has enough to sense to not openly ogle customers." said Darcy, her lips pressed together in a thin line. The boy flushed,
"Sorry."
"Don't let it happen again. Two eggnog shakes, a Big Mac meal, and a Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese meal."
"That it for you?" he asked, punching it in.
"Yep." said Darcy, handing over a twenty-dollar bill. The worker rang it up and gave her the change,
"That'll be out shortly."
"Great." Darcy turned around and pretended to not know the boy was now staring at her ass. When Darcy stood beside Loki, she noticed the god looked less than pleased. In fact, he was glaring at the boy at the till. Darcy rolled her eyes,
"Down, boy. It's the prerogative of every teenage boy to stare at as many boobs as possible. It's also the prerogative of every grown-ass woman to stop them. It's pretty much a hobby for boys. Like manly scrapbooking. Besides, I handled it." Her words did nothing to appease Loki,
"Boys ogle. Men seduce. The whelp is too young to do either."
"No argument from me there." said Darcy. She leaned against the counter and sighed. Ogling was something she'd dealt with since ninth grade and Tommy had decided that he had to announce to the school that 'Darcy Lewis has the best knockers and I got to touch them!' He hadn't gotten to touch them after that. Until now, Steve Rogers was the only straight man she knew who hadn't openly stared at her. Of course, with the way he looked at Stark sometimes, that straightness was debatable. Darcy smiled,
"Next time we go out, we should bring Steve. See what he thinks of all this." she said to Loki. Loki smirked,
"I think the good captain would die of embarrassment if he ever saw someone so openly stare. Besides, I do not enjoy his company. He cannot come."
"I meant what he thinks of the food, but whatever. And why not? What, afraid he'll try to steal your girl?" asked Darcy, elbowing his ribs. Loki snorted derisively at the thought,
"As if he could ever steal any woman from me."
"Loki, are you saying I'm your woman?" asked Darcy, putting a hand to her chest in mock-surprise, "Golly, I'll have to call my mother and tell her I got myself a man!" she said. Loki shook his head,
"Quit your acting, insufferable woman. I could never own you." he said. Darcy nodded,
"Damn straight."
"I prefer my pets much more submissive. And in chains." he continued with a smirk. Darcy shook her head,
"You kinky little shit!" she said, elbowing him again. Just then, the McDonald's employee brought out the food and set it on the tray. Darcy stepped forward, grabbed their tray, and led Loki to a table. She failed to see the death glare Loki levelled at the boy, who slunk into the back of the kitchen. Darcy picked a table and sat down, Loki sitting across from her. They quickly divvied up the food and Darcy grabbed her shake, patiently pulling the frothy drink through the straw. The moment it touched her tongue, she moaned and had to let go of the straw. The shake left a droplet on her lip,
"Oh sweet baby Jesus, it's even better than I remembered." she said with a gasp. Loki smirked,
"I'm not sure how much this Jesus has to do with anything." His brow furrowed and he wiped at his own lip. Darcy looked up,
"Do I have something on me?" She grabbed a napkin and somehow managed to wipe everywhere except the smear of shake on her lip. Loki sighed and reached out with his thumb, slowly swiping it across her bottom lip and removing the shake droplet. Darcy could only stare at him as his thumb pulled just a bit before leaving her lip. He wiped it on his own tongue and hummed his approval at the taste,
"This is indeed delicious. What is this called again?"
"Um…eggnog." said Darcy, pulling a few of her fries from their container. Loki cautiously picked at his own fries,
"These are…French fries?" he asked skeptically. Darcy nodded, munching away. Loki picked up a fry and slowly turned it in his hand,
"What is it that makes them French?" he asked as he completed his examination. Darcy shrugged and said through a mouthful of fries,
"Hell if I know. Just eat it." Loki hesitantly put the fry in his mouth. The second the salt touched his lips, he closed his eyes and let out a soft noise. He swallowed and said,
"Sweet Valhalla, that's delicious." Darcy chuckled,
"I know, right?" Loki put a handful of fries in his mouth, chewing happily. He picked up another handful, but one fell straight into his shake, just the tip stuck in the thick drink. He stared at it for a moment before slowly putting the other fries down. He reached in and plucked up the shake-dipped fry and slowly put it in his mouth. Darcy watched, a grin spreading over her face. This was some YouTube gold right here. For the rest of the meal, all of Loki's fries ended up in his shake. Soon the fries were gone and he was left with most of a shake and a huge Big Mac. Darcy had long since finished eating and was just watching and laughing now. Loki looked down at the burger, slightly less apprehensive than he had been with the fries. Darcy sighed,
"You picked it up with two hands and put it in your mouth. It's not that complicated."
"There is no part of this that is recognizable as food."
"That's because in a 'best tasting worst-for-you food' competition between America and Asgard, America wins. I promise that at least 75% of this is recognizable as food."
"Seventy-five percent? That's…worrying."
"Alright, lemme break it down for you," Darcy lifted the top bun off the burger. She pointed to each layer as she discussed it, "See that? That's a burger patty. There's two of them. They're beef. They come from cows. Cows are edible, after a fashion. Got it?"
"Got it." said Loki, his face serious. Darcy worked very hard to not grin,
"Good. This thing on top is a bun. It's bread. There's bun on the bottom and bun in the middle, because bread and meat is pretty much the basics of a burger. Then there's the "special sauce"," Darcy used her fingers for quotation marks, "which is basically 1000 Island Dressing, but it's good so we roll with it. Lettuce, vegetable. Cheese, dairy. Pickles, vegetable. Onions, vegetable. I'm assuming you have those."
"We do."
"Awesome. See? It's actually recognizable as food! We good?"
"Yes." said Loki after some hesitation. Darcy put the top bun back on the sandwich and handed it Loki,
"Now eat and enjoy as a new world of food is opened up to you." said Darcy, spreading her arms and leaning back in her chair. Loki took a nibble of a bite, which was slightly disappointing, but his reaction made up for it. The next bite was half the burger. Darcy laughed, "I told you it was good!" Loki made a vague noise of agreement. Darcy whipped out her phone, "Smile!" Loki tried to glare at the camera, he really did, but the McDonald's was too good. Darcy laughed at the picture, "That's officially becoming my new background." Loki shook his head at this mortal woman. He still had his reservations about humans, but this one…this one was good. A little strange, but good.