Title: The Things We Leave Behind
Chapter Title:Because Of You
Author: MyGeekSide-101.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue; I can only wish I did. Everything else belongs to their respective owners. Same goes with all songs mentioned in the story :)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: S/A. You sallow, and bite your cheek to stop the tears at seeing your mother for the first time in fourteen years. Screams, slamming doors, pleas of "don't leave me!" and sobs invade your senses, you feel another wave of anguish and abandonment hit you with a staggering force.
A/N: So here we are again! Chapter two :D I'm going to end each chapter with an excerpt of a song that inspired me with this chapter, so expect that for the rest of this story! And remember how the first part of the last chapter was very "you do, you do that, you watch as."? That's also going to happen alot aswell. Let me know if it's too confusing and want me to change it.
To the reviewers;
edge15684, otte1978, Source76, kmart92 – thanks for the feedback and love!
Exuperance18 – Yeah, I think in the show she wouldn't break down the way I wrote it but, she would bitch her out a little bit, because in my view, from what we've got on the show there's alot of emotion behind how she feels, and if her mum did came back into her life, it would be floodgates opening kind of. Thanks for the love too!
Blahblahwahwah – Yay! I'm glad it came across as that, I was hoping it did :D I'll try and do second pov for most of this chapter, somehow its easier for me to write it that way. Thanks for the love!
On with the story!
xxx
You sit on his couch, while the padding noise of his barefoot feet around in the kitchen lulls you into a sense of security and warmth. But your mind wanders.
You think of what you could've said, what you shouldn't have said. You think of all the rumours that will abound with your inventible return to the field.
Mummy issues.
Troubled.
Child.
Weak.
Overly emotional.
Unfit for duty.
The words swirl around in your head, each jabbing, poking, stabbing and wounding you over and over again.
A lone tear rolls down your cheek, and you rub it away quickly. Enough emotion has been shown today.
A black tea cup is set down in front of you on the table and you pull it up into your hands and take warmth from it.
Your mind tells you to raid his liquor cabinet for something much, much stronger but that last little rational part of your brain tells you that for at least tonight, its best to remain to sober.
The couch dips, telling her to take her time, and tell him when you're ready... it tells her that he has all the time in the world and it doesn't matter if he knows or not.
"I was thirteen." You whisper, voice raspy as if it's never been used. "My parents had been fighting for weeks now, almost every night... But I pretended I didn't notice. I thought that if I didn't notice it would all go away." You laugh bitterly.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it... even if I could I don't know if I want too." You swallow a sip of the tea and welcome the burning sensation down your tongue and throat. "The turning point was when my dad came home drunk. He was about six months away from burning out. His yelling had woken me up with his raging about how much he hated coming to a wife who didn't love him and then he finds my mum packing."
Another tear pricks your eye, but you can't find the will in you to care.
Your voice leaves you and your bottom lip trembles. His hand wraps around yours, giving you the silent strength to go on. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you power on.
"There was lots of screaming. Slamming of things, when things got to the kitchen I stuffed a pillow over my head. God knows that never helps with muffling things out."
You shake your head a little and squeeze his hand.
"The footsteps got harder and I knew that she was leaving... my dad's sobs were any indication. When the door slammed I knew two things, and I'm not sure which shocked me more."
You lick your dry lips and bite your lip, looking away from his concerned eyes.
"The fact that she broke my dad or that the fact that she thought I wasn't important enough to be worthy of a goodbye."
A small sob breaks free then, and he wraps and arm around your shoulders, and hugs you tight. You lose yourself in his embrace and warmth, and are thankful you have someone like him in your life. Someone who does care about you.
"Andy." He says.
You refuse to move. Moving means looking him in the eyes, and you can't bear to see what is hiding in his orbs.
"Andy, please." He says again.
At hearing please, you swallow and look up.
"You are worth a goodbye. And it's not your fault for what happened between them. It is all theirs. Not yours. Theirs."
The smallest of smiles graces your face. "Can I have another hug?"
He nods and your arms wrap around his waist and he rubs soothing circle on your back.
You're so wrapped up in him and revelling in the feeling of being content, of feeling happy, that yo dont notice him falling asleep.
Or yourself for that matter.
xxx
Your back hurts. Really, really hurts.
Sitting up you realise you were asleep on couch, in Sam's house no less.
Scrubbing a hand over your face, you let out a breath at the upcoming awkwardness.
"Hey." He murmurs, walking into the room.
You smile sleepily at him.
"Feeling better?"
"A little." You reply.
Your shocked to find that you don't feel awkward. You feel... content. Happy... complete.
Slowly, you get up and stretch. Your bones pop back into place, and you feel even more relaxed. "I should go home... sleep in a real bed." You smile.
"Okay. Take it easy yeah? I'll see you tomorrow." He smiles back.
By the time you make it outside and make the trek back home, you feel as if your leaving a part of you behind with him in his house.
You don't know what to make of that.
xxx
Because of you I watched you die
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
xxx
A/N: And thats the end of chapter two! What did you think? I know what I do want to have in the next chapter, and hopefully, it will be up soon. Maybe tomorrow if I feel up to it. Reviews are love, flames if you must, but constructive criticism is the best!