Violets Do Blossom In Winter

The Courtship of Daidouji Tomoyo


A Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction


Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of the anime, games, movies, books and other material here that are copyrighted by other people. This is a purely fictional work.


Chapter One

My Life


She was living a life that was not hers.

Everyone knew her to be the ever-smiling sprite, constant companion of the Card Mistress, a camera-toting virtual shadow to her best friend's every single move. They would know of her obsession to capture and record every waking moment of her friend's life; of her dedicated roles as a seamstress/adviser/costume manager (though her taste in that last matter ranged from odd to simply outrageous); of the support that never wavered and the trust that was adamantine. They knew of her wide array of talents and skills, of her straight-A grades and exceptional adeptness at almost anything she tried her hand at. They knew and were overcame by the immensely moving power of her voice, of long-lost memories her singing brought to life, of hidden emotions that revealed themselves at her gentle beckons.

They would know everything of her life and of her, except that they were lies.

She is living a life of lies. She deceived herself for nearly her entire life, deceived into keeping her true emotions tightly bottled up beneath a mask of smiles and contentment. What others saw as normal to her is actually a false mask, an alien nature she never really wanted to live– except that, long ago, she decided she was happy as long as her object of affection was happy. Lies within lies, games she played by her lonesome self that always ended in the loss of her most important possession: Her own identity.

For the simple and frank truth is that, deep inside, she is hurting.

Deep inside, she is hurting so much.


Daidouji Tomoyo burst into a blissful smile, her video camera catching the exact moment desired. Her subject's cheeks were pink in delight at the sweet ice cream she was nibbling, from her boyfriend sweetly feeding her, and in embarrassment at having such a moment interrupted by her dark-haired angel in white and blue.

"Perfect, Sakura-chan!"The angle was just right, and you had your best side yet. This is one of my greatest shots ever!"

The object of her obsession –the girl named Sakura– blushed ruby red. "Kyaaa! Dame, Tomoyo-chan! It's embarrassing!"

"It is not!" answered the other in that darling way when denying something in order to justify what she wanted. "Think of it, Sakura-chan: I can add this to my compilation of your best moments. When we're older and have children, we can show this to them and say, 'Here is your Mama when she was younger. Look how cute her pink cheeks are!' Wouldn't it be wonderful to have memories like those?"

"She has a point," Sakura's boyfriend put in.

The problem was that Tomoyo always had a point. If she wanted something, she always got it. If she wished to accomplish something, consider the deed done before she even started her sales pitch. Stopping her was a lost cause. Arguing with her was like debating with a Jesuit priest; you were always outgunned. She was an irresistible, unstoppable and absolutely cute force that no power on Earth was able to stay.

Not to say that she was spoiled or bratty or schemed for her own selfish purposes. She was a complete angel in every tiny detail of her mannerism and persona. She had never wished anyone ill ever in her life, not even anything remotely hurtful as a broken fingernail or unruly hair in the morning. She desired the best out of everyone in all they did (especially when it concerns a certain second cousin she knew and loved so much), no strings and preconditions attached– save that they simply keep on smiling despite everything. In the words of one of her observant friends, Tomoyo was 'the person you just love to love and hate to hate.'

So, Kinimoto Sakura simply smiled and asked "Can I have a copy?"

"Of course!" Her friend was gracious in victory and even more so in her rare defeats. "How would you like it: VCD or DVD?"

"I think DVD will do," suggested Syaoran Li. Sakura nodded her assent.

Now that was a surprise. The two of them did not always agree on things. In fact, they rarely agreed. It was one of the unbreakable laws of the world that Sakura and Li would somehow always come at odds over the slightest matters. But it was all the more fun for Tomoyo, who aptly put it as, 'the relationship between husband and wife.'

"Great! I'll make you a copy as soon as I finish it."

"I'll hold you to that promise, Daidouji."

"You can rely on me, Li," she assured him. "So, where do we go next?"

After a moment of thought, Li suggested that the bump cars would be a fun try.

"I like the Ferris wheel more," opined Sakura.

"After I nearly got killed on it eight years ago?" tartly growled Syaoran. "No way am I going near that thing again!"

"Well, your bump cars are really just some oversized Matchboxes you boys like to fantasize over!" his girlfriend returned just as sourly.

"At least 'those Matchboxes' don't go off trying to kill you! And for your information, I never had any Matchbox cars, ever!"

"Then go buy yourself some!"

In a moment, Sakura and Li had completely switched from their loving mood to an 'at-odds' phase, arguing the matter so fiercely that anyone who didn't know them would have been very surprised by the turn of events, they had seemed so perfectly loving a moment ago.

Then again, thought Tomoyo, contritely grinning at her bickering friends and capturing every moment of it on digital film, maybe not.


It might have taken centuries just to get Sakura to accept Syaoran's proposal or vice versa. In the end, they decided to follow Tomoyo's very sensible choice: the mirror house.

Li was still grumbling even after he had paid for all three and entered. "I don't know what's into you, going into every ride that Card of yours decided to throw at us back then."

"Void was lonely," Sakura protested. "She didn't want to feel like that ever again. You have to look at it from her viewpoint; then maybe you'd understand her."

"Her viewpoint's darned weird, all right. Couldn't she just talk to us about her loneliness instead of tossing the entire amusement park at us?"

"She was very confused! How could you talk clearly with a confused person?"

"Confused enough to zap both Yue and Keroberos, and before them Tomoyo over here, and my cousin and our friends and everyone in Tomoeda as well?"

"Hey! She said she was really sorry! Kero-chan and Yukito-kun forgave her already! Meili-chan did too. As for Tomoyo–"

"I have totally nothing against Void, I understood why she did that," was the immediate reply, the better to avoid being dragged into the simmering argument. Besides, that was really her honest position.

"See, Tomoyo-chan agrees with me!" Sakura grinned in victory.

Score one for Sakura, thought Tomoyo, who was keeping mental track of the debate. Peripherally she noticed Syaoran giving her a look reserved for traitors and enemy spies. As way of contrition, she offered a ho-ho-ho laugh. His glare became darker.

That was when the giant rabbit head happened upon them.

The startled Sakura squeaked in fright at the giant apparition. Immediately forgetting their quarrel, Li protectively put himself between her and this weird threat while the mystified Tomoyo stared at the rabbit thing and wondered what it was doing here. Things like this happened a lot, and usually whenever she was with Sakura and Syaoran. The two were magnets for trouble of the supernatural kind. Not to mention the weird kind.

"Ohayou, Li-kun!" greeted the giant bunny. "Ohayou, Sakura-chan, Tomoyo-chan!"

Everyone recognized that voice. Especially Li, who had been suckered one too many times by it.

"Yamazaki!" Another familiar voice echoed from somewhere in the mirror hall. At that call, the rabbit took off its oversized head.

"You!" burst out Sakura and Syaoran.

It was Takashi Yamazaki all right, sporting his goofy smile and perpetually happy eyes. The rabbit head was but a mask he had held up as cover for his identity.

"Do you like my mask?" He grinned. "I got it from a booth outside. It's a real bargain, you should try it!"

"Why did you scare us like that?" demanded Sakura. Syaoran's query was even angrier.

"What's up with you, you nut? Are you trying to scare off all your friends?"

"Did I really scare you?" Yamazaki seemed convincingly puzzled. "I thought that after all you guys have been through, what I did wouldn't affect you, am I right?"

There was murder in Li and Sakura's eyes. The two looked ready to forcibly rearrange Yamazaki's face by vile means. Even Tomoyo thought they really were going to do something violent, they were so angry.

"Did you know," Yamazaki suddenly piped up as he backed away, "About the story of the mirror house?"

"That won't save you this time, pal," growled Syaoran.

"Really? But the story is very interesting and ultimately true."

"We'll consider it at your funeral," Sakura answered as she menacingly (but cutely) approached.

"You see–"

They were ready to maul him.

"–Did you know that you can learn if your love is faithful to you inside a mirror house?"

"Huh?" went Sakura and Syaoran, their outstretched hands only millimeters from Yamazaki's neck.

Taking advantage of this opportunity, Yamazaki quickly spun his tale of how a couple could tell if they were really loyal to each other by standing in a mirror house while holding hands and intently looking at their reflections while thinking of their love. As usual, the preposterous yarn completely conned his audience. Sakura and Syaoran immediately did as they had been told.

"I don't see anything strange."

"Me, too."

Indeed, their reflections were perfectly normal.

"So that means you are very faithful to each other," finished Yamazaki. "It also means that you are destined for each other."

"But we knew that long ago," was the loving agreement, Sakura and Syaoran eyeing each other happily now.

"Perfect!" Tomoyo's exclamation startled the couple's darling moment. She held up her camera once more and put a hand to her heart in a fulsome gesture of delight. "I got a beautiful shot of the two of you looking at each other so lovingly! This is one of my best, ever!"

Sakura was, as usual, very embarrassed. "Tomoyo-chan!"

"Takashi!"

Into view came a furious Mihara Chiharu.

Correction: A very furious Mihara Chiharu.

"Takashi, you'd better have a good reason why you left me back there all alone!" The or else part was not needed. Chiharu was practically on fire, her two pig-tails standing on end like the fur of an angry cat.

"Sorry, Chii-chan." That was Yamazaki's pet name for her. "You see, I saw Sakura-chan and Li-kun over here a while ago, so I decided to show them my mask–"

"Again?" She was even angrier than Sakura and Syaoran earlier. "That's the millionth time you've done that to people in this mirror house!"

"Actually, it's the fifteenth."

"You've been here for some time now, had you?" Tomoyo asked.

"Yamazaki over here invited me to go in," complained Chiharu, "And I went along because I thought it was nice for the two of us to be alone together for a while. Until this jerk–" she jabbed a finger at her boyfriend then, "–left me!"

"Did you know why finger-pointing was bad?" Yamazaki began. "It started from the time–"

Chiharu cut him short by throttling him.

Tomoyo worked her video cam again to tape their wrangling. Chiharu and Yamazaki made Sakura and Syaoran's earlier misunderstanding looked like the epitome of a respectful and totally loving relationship. Anyone who had met them just then would be put hard to believe they were really boyfriend and girlfriend –or even friends, at that– but their cat-and-mouse relationship dated back to kindergarten, endured through elementary and blossomed during high school. The good things in life really took time to unfold and came from the strangest places. The thought earned Tomoyo a smile, even as she recorded Sakura's half-hearted attempt to dissuade Chiharu while Li rolled his eyes at the entire affair.


All good things must end. At sunset, the five friends –Sakura had managed to calm Chiharu and save Yamazaki's life, no mean feat– bade each other farewell and went their own separate ways. At Sakura's invitation, Li escorted her home, where he would eat dinner before going back to the hotel he stayed at. As much as Tomoyo wanted to catch the walk home and the dinner itself on video, she understood that her friends needed some privacy.

Her van was parked near the entrance. Bidding goodbye to her friends, she made straight for the big vehicle and hopped in. It was a quiet ride home. Her bodyguards –the WIB or "Women in Black"– were not really people prone to talking a lot, especially light bantering with their employer. It was something Tomoyo decided to rectify in the near future.

Immense wealth has its advantages and disadvantages. Advantages were all sorts of conveniences and luxuries others could only dream of. Bodyguards, nice house, anything money could buy.

Disadvantages? Were there?

Yes. Of course there were.

It was a rare thing to catch Daidouji Sonomi. But here she was, waiting at the entrance of their palatial home, welcoming her daughter home.

"Okaerinasai, Tomoyo-chan!"

"Tadaima."


I'm home.

Am I?


"How was your outing?"

"It was great. I got lots of shots of Sakura and Syaoran, and the park attractions were enjoyable."

"I'm happy that you and your friends enjoyed yourselves." Her mother was honestly pleased. "Come inside already, dinner's being prepared."

She smiled back. "Yes, Mama."


Alone in her room, the private domain sacred to her heart and soul, Tomoyo meticulously began a ritual started seven years ago, shortly after her eleventh birthday– the day she finally released her beloved cherry blossom love.

The day that she died…

Off went the dress worn for that stroll in the park, shed as the mere pretensions she saw and knew them to be. On went a new set of garments, unspoiled, unruffled by another day of playing games with one's heart and emotions. If the color of clothing mirrored their wearer's external appearance, her entire collection would be a scintillating cascade of dazzling rainbow colors. But if it were matters of the heart that mattered, then they would all be a melancholy blue– or black altogether.

For her, the latter was the sad truth of her life.

She stood in front of the mirror and gazed at her self, at her face and frame. Her reflection bore the image of a young woman who retained the innocence of her childhood upon her smile and eyes. A girl approaching her majority, barefooted, a diaphanous nightgown gently draped upon her slender form as birds would daintily perch upon tree branches, violet-black tresses a murky waterfall of hair, lilac eyes so full of feigned life. She caressed her cheek and sighed.

For she was one lost in a dream existence that was of her own making. The image that was really hers was of a frail, lonely girl, adrift upon a sea with only a forlorn hope as her anchor, a soul astray within the eternal emptiness that was her quintessence, waiting in vain for the day she would find true love returned to her…


Child...


Without thinking, without being truly conscious of it, she approached her closet. Almost as if she was in a trance, she took out from its comfortable home a flimsy white cotton scarf.

It was both ordinary and unique. Tomoyo had seen it on a shopping trip to Hong Kong eight years ago. Lost in a multicolored mass of fancier brethren, the flash of fair white somehow caught her attention. After studying and feeling it for a while, she had wondered aloud if it would look nice on her. Her mother promptly agreed. When she protested on grounds of it being plain, all Sonomi had to do was broach the subject of Sakura's opinion. That was the end of her protests.

And now here it was. And it was hers.

She held it to her heart and her face, closed her eyes and thought of the love she had been looking for all her life, found that feeling she so desired somehow returned to her by this wisp of white.

"I need you," she murmured to the scarf. "I do not want to be alone. I am alone, but I don't want to be alone or to stay alone. And so I need you all the more so now.

"Please. Be with me."


Yes…

I know…


"Tomoyo-chan!"

"Yes,Mama?"

"Come downstairs, dinner's ready!"

"I'm coming."


In the drawer that was its abode, secreted within comfortable layers of cushioning fabric, hidden by wood and shadow, its bearer asleep, the scarf lay very still.

For one brief moment, unmistakable, it glowed.

And perhaps a voice was heard, a voice of a woman long lost, speaking.


"Clow Reed…"

Tsuzuku


A person she thought forever out of sight and reach comes back to Tomoeda– and to her. Next on Violets: A Homecoming of Sorts.