A/N: I am going to give a warning now, even though I'd like to start writing my notes at the end of the chapters, I felt this had to be done. There will be references to sexual and some physical abuse/harassment in this chapter along with an instance of near rape. It is merely to give some explanation as to why my character is the way she is, but I understand all too well how such subjects can be sensitive to some. If you have trepidations against sexual abuse, or are disturbed by it, then don't read ahead. As I said, this chapter explains why she is the way she is, and also how she is to wind up in the Sengoku Jidai. I would feel horrible if I were to accidentally bring back bad memories in those that have experienced such things after forgetting to write up a warning on it. Read at your own discretion.
Nothing too vulgar or detailed, I assure you, just a reference to it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor any of the characters besides my own original one. That honour belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and her alone. After all, if I owned Inuyasha, I would not be writing fan-fiction. The story is my own and I ask that you do not replicate it or post it anywhere else without my expressed permission.
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It was a quiet night, the silence broken occasionally by a passing car or the cry of an animal. The moon hung full and silvery in the cloudless and velvety sky, neighboured by the shimmering lights of the stars. It was almost eerie how still everything was; almost as if the world was holding its breath while awaiting some great event. Even with how brightly the moon lit the ground, it was still quite late at night; or, rather, extremely early in the morning.
A young woman made her way along the nearly abandoned side-walk, which was not quite as busy as it was during the day; her head hung down so that her bangs fell into her face, though she knew exactly which direction she was headed in. Though it seemed odd for someone so young to be out so late, none bothered to stop her. Either she was homeless, or she was a runaway; no matter which, they considered it none of their business and didn't care enough to make it so. The only things she carried with her were a light brown canvas backpack, filled with the items she had assumed she would need initially, and the clothing on her back.
After what seemed like close to an hour, the girl finally stopped to sit on a nearby bench and rest her weary feet. She shivered, drawing her arms in close to her body to try and keep out some of the chill of the night. Though she wore a sweater that was long enough in length to cover most of her body, the cold still managed to creep in on her. If she could have it her way, she would be snuggled up all comfortable and warm in the blankets of her bed; but her home was not home, not anymore. She knew it was for the best though; that her mother would be happier this way. The girl could never make her mother choose between her daughter and the man she loved, even if that man was not one she could trust or approve of.
Even though she had blocked out her heart, the betrayal still stung at her like hundreds of angry bees. She had dared to let him into her heart; allowed him to take the place of her belated father, even though she had been trepidant about doing so in the beginning. After all, what girl wouldn't want to have a father to take pride in her accomplishments; a father to tell stories to; to play with an make memories with? She had dared to trust him… and he had turned around and hurt her horribly.
He had been alright in the beginning, acting as a father should. He scolded her when she misbehaved; praised her when she did well. He taught her of things, and in turn learned from her. She had grown up happy and carefree, hitting her teen years before she knew it. It was then that her mother decided to switch to a better paying career; one that would have her travelling frequently, though she was confident that her little girl was now old enough that she wouldn't need her mother around as much. It was then that her stepfather's attitude toward her had changed. He began asking her questions that she deemed very personal in nature and had refused to answer. What business was it of his what she did with her body?
With her mother away on business more often than not, the questions escalated. He began trying to force answers out of her; pressing her for information on what she did in private while claiming that it was normal and she didn't have to be afraid. She had begun to feel extremely wary around him and had been quick to note how differently he had acted while her mother was home. It wasn't long before he had confronted her one morning as she was readying herself for school, telling her how he pleasured himself while thinking about her; claiming that her body was nice and that she should wear more revealing clothing. It was that proclamation that put her on guard; that had her making sure the door was locked whenever she used the bathroom or was in her room. While she was wary of his attitude toward her, it was tolerable. She merely considered him a pervert and gave no more thought to it.
It was near half a year later when he hurt her. She had been late in getting home after school, having to stay behind to have a talk with her teacher about the difficulty she was having with her maths. As she was home late, she was also late in getting supper made and ready by the time her stepfather had returned home. After having to deal with a multitude of problems at work that day, he had been left stressed an in quite a foul mood. That supper wasn't set on the table for him yet brought his anger boiling over; that she was still stuck in her school uniform which showed far more of her legs then she normally would have allowed around him caused him to snap.
He had fallen in on her then; trapping her against the counter as he berated her, calling her a selfish and irresponsible bitch while he drove his points home with his fist. He had ranted and railed at how she should have dinner ready for her hardworking father by the time he returned home. From his rant about dinner, it progressed into claiming her a tease; always showing herself off and spitting on his kindness. As he felt up her thigh, he proclaimed her a slut and whore; that he was going to put her in her place. Even as he tried to remove her panties from under her skirt, she had struggled against him. Every kick of her own in her attempt to get him away from her brought another hit of his fist. It was her mother returning home from her latest travels that saved her. He released her upon hearing her mother call out her greetings to them from the front hall, oblivious to what was occurring within the kitchen.
She had wasted no time after that, quickly fixing herself up before shakily making her way to the hall so as to give her mother a welcome home. She had then mumbled that she wasn't feeling well when her mother began to ask how things had been, taking her leave to hurry to her room. After ensuring that the door was locked, she had changed from her uniform into something more comfortable; a long sweater of soft beige and cloth capris that were a deep khaki brown. She would not be able to stay there any longer, she knew that much. Neither could she bring herself to tell her mother with how happy she finally was. Her only choice was to leave. With that in mind, she picked herself a few changes of clothing to pack into her bag. She would have to wait until after everyone else was asleep to pack some food, water and her toiletries.
She set out from the house without so much as a glance back, having sealed off her heart after her initial decision to leave. She had no ideas where she would go or what she would do, but she was sure she would find her way. It was her second day away from home that she found herself wandering in the direction she was currently headed. Her mother was probably beside herself with worry by now, though there wasn't anything she could do about that. She only hoped that the authorities hadn't been contacted as it would make remaining unfound quite difficult. It was that thought that pulled her back from her memories. She shouldn't remain in one place in public for so long.
It was with a resigned sigh that she stood from her resting place, wincing slightly when the movement caused the pains from her healing bruises to flare up. As she continued along her chosen path, she could only think of one thing. All of the childhood stories she had known ended happily. The princess was always rescued; the evil dragon was always slain. She too had always thought her life would have a fairytale ending. She couldn't have been more wrong; for her, the ending would be a sad one after a tale of many hardships. The world was indeed cruel.
…………………………
It was when the cemetery loomed into view that she realized where her subconscious had been leading her. It had been a while since she had been there and she wasn't even sure if she could find the spot she wanted; if she could even remember where her father's grave lay. She had been eight when he had passed away, the victim of a hit-and-run accident involving a drunk driver. She had been devastated that day. There was no possible way that her father could be gone; that the gods would be cruel enough to take such a loving and caring man from his family. Yet they had and it had left both her and her mother broken and struggling to get by for a while. She pulled herself back from her thoughts, wandering the rows until she finally found the tombstone she wanted.
"…Papa," she began in a soft sigh, seating herself on the dewy grass before resting her head against the smooth marble of the grave marker. "Its your little Suki. You would probably be disappointed with me for running away as I have," she paused before shaking her head as though to clear away that line of thought, "No, that's not right… you would hate to see me in such a situation again after all. What would disappoint you is how I did not tell my mother about what occurred. How could I though? I know that she would choose me over him, but if I were to tell her then she would forever feel as though she had let her little girl down. She may choose to stay single for the rest of her life to ensure that it did not happen again. I could never force her into that… I prefer that she never know of it so that she can stay happy with that man. I will just have to think of a story to tell her when I am finally able to call her and let her know that I am well."
She let her words trail off, staring at nothing in particular while letting the still silence of the cemetery creep in. Surrounded by graves as one would be, the silence would probably seem quite eerie. Suki had never been bothered by the thought of death though. After all, it was a natural part of life. You were born; you aged; you died. There was no preventing it, no holding it off at all. When her time came, then it came; she would face the afterlife with her head held high.
After a moment of quiet contemplation, she decided that she would not find her answers there and stood from her spot to continue wandering the area. There were a few old mausoleums that caught her interest, leaving her wondering about the families that occupied them; about what they had accomplished in life and how well remembered they were. The stonework of them was beautiful in its own way; but even more so, she thought, were the marble monuments that marked the resting places of loved ones.
She travelled deeper among the plots, noting that the dates etched upon the markers were becoming older. Most likely she was finding herself heading into the older sections of the cemetery. It wouldn't hurt to continue on her path and pay her respects to whichever ancestors of her own that may lie on ahead. She soon found her progress blocked by fencing separating one area from the other. Not to be dissuaded by such an obstacle, Suki continued along the length of the dilapidated wooden fence until she found a spot where the boards had rotted away; leaving a hole in their wake that was just large enough for her to squeeze through.
The section she found herself in was unkempt, quite obviously not having been visited nor tended to by anyone in many years. The grass grew tall and wild, choking out the weeds that had dared to try and share the soil while nearly swallowing up the grave markers that were in ill repair. Some of them seemed to be crumbling away while others yet had completely fallen over. Unknowing of the condition of the ground, she would have to make sure to be careful where she stepped so as not to twist an ankle.
Her survey of the area brought her attention to an old stone monument that stood out clearly among the rubble; an angel with her wings spread as though she meant to take flight from that very spot. The stone was a little worse for wear in terms of appearance, weathered over the years and chipping in places. Even so, it was no less beautiful to her. Suki made her way over to the silent angel, staring up at her ancient face in wonder.
"You must guard someone who was quite precious in life," she thought aloud, raising a gentle hand to place upon the rough base of the statue. She could only wish that she too could have someone care so deeply for her that they too would immortalize her in such a way. It was then that she noticed that the angel seemed to be growing even taller above her, bringing her from her reverie to learn that the ground upon which she stood was sagging under her weight. Her awareness came a moment too late.
The earth seemed to groan in protest as the dirt finally caved into the chamber below it, bringing Suki along with it as she cried out in shock at her sudden fall. It seemed that the trickling of water that had soaked through with each rainfall over the years had since rotted away the wooden boards that had acted as the ceiling and had caused the slow erosion of the weakening dirt above it. Still, she was thankful that there had still been enough left to cushion her fall; but the landing had still left her sore and had knocked the breath from her lungs.
When she could finally draw in enough air, Suki let out the groan of pain she had been holding in. That was the only thing she needed now, even more bruises to add to the ones she already had. She rolled herself over so that she could sit herself up easier, immediately skittering back a distance away with a clipped scream upon finding herself coming face to face with a half buried skeleton. She might not be bothered by death, but that certainly didn't mean that she enjoyed being startled like that.
Suki calmed her racing heart, taking a moment to assess her predicament and to figure out her choices. As no one seemed to enter the older sections of the cemetery anymore, she would not be able to stay where she was and call for help. As the top of the hole was too far up for her to reach, and there were no footholds she could use to climb, there was no way up either. With that in mind, she turned to eye the tunnels that led off from the main chamber, considering her final option. She would have to explore them and hope that one of them might lead her to a way out. Hopefully there might be some sort of underground river she could follow that would lead out to a lake. With a resigned sigh, Suki pulled her flashlight from her backpack and began down the first of the dark tunnels looming before her.
………………………..
It seemed as though the tunnel went on forever. Suki couldn't even begin to guess how long she had been walking within the dark confines, though the burning in her legs and her shortness of breath told her that she was in dire need of a rest. Besides that, she hadn't slept since the night before and was beginning to feel the exhaustion creeping up on her. Were it not for the various bones she had found littering the dusty ground, mostly animal but some she was sure had once belonged to a human, she would camp out on the tunnel floor. As it was, the last thing she wanted was to wake up and find some critter or another gnawing on her at an attempt for a meal. That thought along jolted her awake somewhat. She was beginning to wonder if the tunnel would ever end; though she had noticed that there were smaller tunnels branching off from the one she currently travelled, but paid them no heed. She didn't want to start venturing down them only to find herself lost within a maze of tunnels. She would follow this one to the end and then trek back to try the others before she even considered following those passages. She only hoped that her food supply and her source of light didn't run out by then.
Suki paused from her stroll, letting her backpack slip to the ground before leaning against the stone wall and slowly sliding herself down to seat herself beside it. She let herself catch her breath before pulling a bottle of water out of her bag to refresh herself with a small drink. As she didn't know how long she'd be stuck underground, she would have to use her food and water sparingly for a maximum chance of survival. Suki gave a quick word of thanks to her bookwormish tendencies, knowing she would be lost on how to survive if she hadn't read of such dilemmas in her stories. Of course, they probably weren't a hundred percent accurate, but it was enough to give her a basic idea of Survival 101.
She closed her eyes then, letting her head fall back against the cool stone to rest a moment. She would continue on in a few minutes, but it wouldn't do to push her body too far. It was when she brought silence to her thoughts that she finally noticed the sound that might be her salvation. From somewhere nearby came the soft whispering of wind, echoing along the stone passage. If there was a hole letting the air in somewhere, then it could very well lead to a way out for her.
Suki took a moment to try and discern the direction it came from, finally tracing it toward one of the tunnels that branched off from the main passage. She knew she had decided that she would follow the tunnel she was in until the end, but the possibility was far too great to pass up. As she chewed on her bottom lip in thought a moment, she pulled out a penknife and regarded it. She could use it to leave marks in the stone with. If the lead turned out to be a dud, then at least she would see to it that she could make her way back to where she had started from.
With that in mind, she gathered her backpack up and made her way over to the tunnel; pausing to scratch an arrow pointing back the way she had come from on the wall opposite of the entrance before turning herself around to start her journey down it.
……………………………
The path of the wind led her down many twists and turns, leaving Suki with the thought that her knife would no doubt be dulled by all the arrows she had been forced to leave upon the walls as markers back before she ever found its source.
The sound of the wind seemed to become stronger as she turned into yet another small passage and as she trudged farther along the new tunnel, a soft glow of light soon became apparent. She paused a moment with bated breath before breaking into a run toward the light, her hopes heightened. If the hole was large enough to allow so much light in, then it should be large enough to allow her to crawl out through it. As Suki rounded the corner, her run slowed into a jog; and from a jog to a walk before she stopped completely. What she saw before her had her both in awe and in crippling disappointment.
There was no hole.
……………………………
The tunnel appeared to have led her into what she could only assume was an underground shrine. Soft moss, rich green in colour, covered the cavern floor like a spongy grass. Roots hung in thick jumbles from the dirt ceiling before digging into the mossy floor, sometimes nearly as large around as a tree trunk in their tangled mess. Off to the side, near one of the walls, came a soft, shimmering reflection of water from a small pool; the soft melody of dripping water echoing gently within the room.
Within the centre of the cavern, a square pedestal was set; upon which a small, yet intricately carved statue of what Suki could only assume was some sort of goddess. Though it should not be possible, it was from that statue that the light and soft whisper of wind emanated. She was far too tired and too depressed to question the absurdity of it. It was with a heavy heart that she trudged her way over to the pedestal and slumped down beside it, bringing her legs up in front of her and wrapping her arms around them before burying her face in her knees.
Not even the glow of the statue could comfort her at the moment as the weight of her problems pressed in on her. She had been hurt, no longer had a home and was probably doomed to wander within the tunnels in a futile attempt to find a way out. She would starve and die completely alone down here. Her only hope was that it would drive her to insanity beforehand to ease the fear of complete solitude.
Suki turned her flashlight off before letting it fall down her legs and roll to a stop at her feet. She didn't need it on in that room and there was no sense in wasting the batteries. Her shoulders trembled slightly, punctuated by soft sniffles as she tried to hold back her tears. Never had she felt so utterly lost before. She didn't know what to do any more. In hindsight, she should never have ventured into the graveyard; she could have been safe and warm somewhere rather than curled up pitifully in a place that had probably not been seen by human eyes in centuries.
"Papa.." Suki began, her voice wavering weakly, "Please… if you are watching over me… I need help. I… do not know what to do any more. I do not want to be here any more. I wish to be anywhere but here. I do not want to be alone…" She trailed off, the rest of her plea lost as heart wrenching sobs shook her body. Had she not been so lost in her despair, she would have noticed that her prayer had been answered.
………………………….
The statue upon the pedestal pulsed to life in a flare of energy, bathing the room completely with its warm glow. The being that resided within the shrine, lost to slumber for all those years, had heard the call of a spirit in turmoil; and as she awoke, she listened and watched as the human had approached her chosen place of rest. Had she not been benign, she would have cursed the girl for trespassing upon the sacred cavern. What a sad thing it was indeed that humans no longer understood the sanctity of such a place, nor believed in the gods they housed.
She heard the girl's plea to her father and understood that this child was not as strong as she assumed she was. Even now as the girl's tears stopped and were dried by the sleeves of the garment she wore, her eyes remained hollow and blank. So easily was it that the girl was allowing darkness to house within her heart, and the goddess pitied her for it. Such a thing would not do, and she would be the one to rectify that. She would grant the child's wish, but from there on the choices would be her own. Either the girl would learn to let the light back within her soul, or she would be left lost within time.
The goddess focused her power, manifesting herself on the physical plane. "Child…" came the soothing and melodic voice, a sound that resonated within one's very soul, "Look to me."
She couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her as the girl tensed before raising her head ever so slightly, choosing instead to regard the goddess out of the corner of her eye as her face remained straight. The goddess could feel the jumble of her thoughts, hardly able to blame the girl for wondering if insanity had found her sooner than expected. She crouched elegantly before the girl, retrieving the flashlight from the base of her feet with a gentle hand. "Perhaps you should not be so quick to let go of your light," the goddess claimed with a motherly smile. She held out the odd modern tool to the girl, giving a soft sigh when the child did not so much as even stir. "I am not merely a figment of your imagination. I assure you, I am very much real," the goddess said, hoping to dissuade the girl's doubts.
"I would beg to differ," Suki finally replied, turning her skewed look away to focus upon the moss, "I was completely alone in here and one cannot appear out of thin air, therefore you must be a product of my mind created to ease the worries brought on by complete solitude."
"…Is that truly what you believe?" The goddess asked, reaching out with a hand to lift the girl's chin gently and turn her face back toward her. She chuckled as the girl kept her gaze averted, adamantly refusing to look upon the goddess. "What you say and what you think are different. You say that I must not exist, yet, you do not wish to look upon me for fear that you might be wrong. Do these warms hands of mine not feel real to you? Can you not feel the life that flows within them?"
"A product of my imagination…" Suki mumbled, her words lacking conviction. The woman certainly felt real enough, but logic showed that there was no possible way for her to be there. She knew that the woman had not followed her, or Suki would have noticed her sooner; not including the fact that the woman didn't have an inch of dirt upon her while Suki was nearly covered in dust and cobwebs she had not been able to brush off fully during her wandering. She also knew that the room had been empty when she had entered. Her mind told her that it was not possible this woman was real, yet her senses told Suki that the woman before her was very much alive. She struggled with her thoughts a moment before finally turning her gaze to the goddess, giving her the needed recognition and earning a warm smile in return.
The girl was willing to look past what her mind showed her and would listen to what her heart told her instead, even if it was with some reservation. This was good; she had passed her first test. Perhaps there was hope for her yet. The goddess held out the flashlight again, "Come now, gather your items."
Suki took the flashlight back, returning it to the bag she wore. She regarded the woman who had stood and walked over to the small pool after Suki had taken back her flashlight; though perhaps walk wasn't the proper term. It was as though she had glided across the ground rather than stepped; leaving no footprints in her wake, though Suki could see the indents of her own where she had walked upon the moss.
The goddess turned slightly to look back to the girl. The child's journey had now begun and only she could decide how it would end. The only thing the goddess could do now was giver her blessings and hope that things turned out for the best. She held her hand out toward the girl, beckoning her forward with a gentle smile, "Come."
Suki hesitated, using a moment of indecision to examine the woman and deem whether she could be trusted or not. She seemed like something out of an ancient story, wearing a long flowing kimono of soft silks that seemed to shift through a myriad colours and glistened as though embedded with millions of stars. On top of that, she possessed an unearthly beauty and her deep plum eyes seemed ageless. The only thing she could think of as truly normal about this woman was her waist-length, silky black hair. "…Who are you?" Suki finally dared to ask.
The goddess sighed at the girl's stubbornness. She should have known that questions would be forthcoming. This one did seem to have an inquisitive nature after all. "Simply put, I am hope and love," the goddess began, "though, I have been called Emi by some, even if that is not my true name."
Suki wrinkled her nose slightly as she digested that information. She had been hoping for something a little more straight-forward, but it would have to do. "Alright, then… what are you?" Suki dared to ask.
"If I answer this question, will you finally come?" The goddess asked, waiting until the girl gave a nod in reply before she continued on, "Then, I am the answer to your wish." She nearly chuckled at the look upon the girl's face, knowing full well that it was not the answer she had been looking for. "You gave your word," the goddess reminded her, holding her hand back out toward her.
Suki sighed, knowing she had been duped and that she would have to make due with those answers. She lifted the straps of her backpack back upon her shoulders before walking over to the woman, trying her best not to pout.
"I am sure that we will meet again child. Perhaps I will give you the answers you seek at that time," the goddess promised with a caring smile, "Now take my hand and walk out upon the water." She paused a moment at the look of disbelief etched upon the girl's face, "You will not fall into the pool, nor will you find yourself wetted by the waters."
Suki hesitated a moment, quite unsure of how such a thing could be possible; but, she had come this far already. She took hold of the woman's hand, steeling herself a moment as she closed her eyes. She would have to believe the woman's words and she was not so sure she could. It was with the gentle squeeze of reassurance on her hand and the slight nudge toward the pool that she finally took her step. Though she had been fully expecting it, there was no forthcoming splash and she was completely dry. Perhaps it shouldn't be possible, but as she opened her eyes it became quite clear that she was indeed standing on top of the water; though, at that moment it seemed more like a window. Through it, she had a clear, birds-eye view of a river snaking its way through a lush forest. She raised her head to ask about it, but was shushed with a small motion from the woman.
The goddess pulled her hand back from the girl's grasp, calling upon her powers once more to ready herself for the task at hand. She looked upon the girl, knowing the child would soon be facing many trials, and was unable to help the motherly care she felt toward her now. "It is your decisions that will shape your fate… choose wisely, learn well and grow strong. You have my blessings on your journey, wherever it may take you," the goddess claimed, leaning forward to place a tender kiss upon the girl's forehead. She drew her hand forth, gently placing two of her fingers upon the spot she had kissed and released the spell she had woven.
"Wha-" Suki began as she felt the tremor of the goddess' power run through her. The rest of her question was cut off by her gasp as the soft glow of the cavern faded from her view and was instead replaced by total darkness, leaving her feeling as though she were floating in absolute nothingness. It pressed in on her as though holding her within a womb and she soon felt her eyelids become heavy, drooping closed on her against her will. It was not long before her body drifted into a deep slumber on her, a gift from the goddess to ensure that Suki would be well rested when she reached her destination.
……………………………..
The goddess watched the girl's eyes close as she sank through the waters of the mystic pool. The goddess too would return to her slumber for a time, though she would await for the girl to return; or, perhaps they would not meet again. Either way, she had done all that she could; it was out of her hands now. With that in mind, she allowed herself to return to the plane on which she dwelled, leaving the sacred cavern silent and empty once more.