I don't think I've ever written such a l e n g t h y story before based completely on fluffy sentimentality. Seriously, I have five more chapters mostly written and ready to post with not a hint of angst in sight. Just cry 'uncle' when you've had enough. :)

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Kate stayed on the sofa, speechless, as Rick stood up. She watched him slide the door open, and walk out on the balcony. She had not thought this night through ahead of time. She never expected to fall asleep in his arms, and she definitely had not planned on telling him how much she enjoyed it. She did not do things without planning them out ahead of time. She was big on strategy. Cause and effect. Having an escape route in place.

She could not believe the situation she found herself in was even possible. She had no idea what to do, or what he wanted her to do.

Should she leave? Go back down to her room, pretend that nothing ever happened? There was that word again. Pretend. What good would it do anyway? It was four o'clock in the morning. Three hours, and he would be knocking on her door to leave for the airport. That would be a long flight back to New York.

Stay put? Turn on the television? Wait for him to catch his breath and come back inside? Did he want her to stay, or was he expecting her to be gone when he returned?

Should she go to him? In all fairness, she did initiate the conversation. He was ready to leave it at an innocent, friendly occurrence. She was the one who read more into it. She was the one who curled up, and fell asleep practically in his lap.

She leaned forward, resting her forehead in her hands, cursing herself for being spontaneous, cursing him for taking her so seriously. She grudgingly stood up, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders as she headed for the door.

Kate slid open the heavy glass door, and the chilly night air nearly took her breath away. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. He didn't turn around. She closed the door, and stood next to it. She wondered if he heard her. She wondered if she could go back inside without him noticing. Again, she forced herself forward, until she was standing next to him.

She leaned her forearms against the railing. "If you are mad, we can pretend like none of that ever happened in there." Rick wasn't looking at her. Kate wasn't going to look at him to double check, but she could just tell. She could always feel it when he watched her.

"I'm not mad. I told you that what you said meant a lot to me. I'm just wondering if I took it wrong, and if I am putting more meaning to it than I should. It's just that I am awake now, and feeling more . . . cautious."

They were both looking out over the railing, at the lights of the city below.

"My intent was not to make a declaration. I just wanted you to know that I felt something."

"Something?"

She could feel Rick's eyes on her. Finally. "I felt close to you. I just wanted you to know." Kate kept her eyes focused on the lights below them, and wondered why she kept saying these things.

"Honey, in case you didn't notice, that is one hell of a declaration, considering the circumstances, and you've made it twice now." His words were low and soft, and if he didn't have his face turned toward her ear, they would have been lost in the breeze. "Look at me."

She didn't. He waited. She was suddenly warmer. Her face felt flushed. "Please. Look at me when I say this, because I know you are going to try and take it the wrong way."

This whole situation was spinning rapidly out of control, and she suddenly felt like she was going to cry. There was something in her throat. There was no way she was going to look at him. She tried to swallow. She was going to cry. Or choke. She needed to get out of there. Fast.

He gave up, and went on talking to her profile, oblivious of her inner turmoil. "I can't do it. I can't fall into this, not if I am going to keep getting the door slammed in my face. It's hard, Kate. We get so close. We have these amazing moments that make me believe you get it, that make me think you feel the same connection that I do. I get my hopes up, and then you remind me that you have someone, or he shows up to remind us both."

The unshed tears were suddenly forgotten. She turned to look at him, stunned that he brought Josh up, and remembering that of course he would. He didn't know. It hadn't come up, or maybe it had, and it felt awkward revealing the truth. There would have been so many questions to be dealt with. It was just easier to keep the status quo.

"It's not just me with my heart on the line anymore. My mother loves you. Alexis adores you. They have certain, very vocal, opinions on what they expect to happen. If I am going to be disappointed, that's one thing, but I can't drag them into this anymore."

"You would keep your family from me?" Given the circumstances, the question sounded ridiculous, even to herself. That didn't stop her from letting the edges of panic get a grip on her. Why should he be expected to share his family with her, when she was not prepared to share her heart with him? She felt her heart squeeze at the thought of losing another family, even if it wasn't technically her family. He shared them with her, and she knew that they cared about her as much as she valued them.

"We need to make our choices. You need to decide what you want. Who you want. Then we can deal with the way things need to be. I can't wake up holding you in my arms, having the peace of mind that comes when you know something just feels right, that it is right . . . just to have a bucket of ice water dumped over my head when I remember that I am just borrowing a little piece of you for a short period of time." He looked away this time, down at the lights, leaving her staring at his profile.

She reached out and stroked his cheek. She could see a muscle clench in his jaw. She touched her lips to that place, letting them linger in a gentle kiss. He spun toward her quickly, wrapping his fingers around her upper arms, and holding her at a safe distance. He dipped his face close to hers, so he could emphasize what he was saying. "Are you not hearing what I am trying to say? I've had enough. I can't do it anymore."

She was startled by the sudden movement, but she remained remarkedly calm. "I am sorry. I really am. These things, these situations, just seem to come out of nowhere." She dropped her voice to an almost whisper. "I am just as broadsided by them as you are. I mean that."

He let her go, and turned back toward the railing. "You seem more capable than I of setting them aside, and moving past them, moving on."

"That's not true. If it were so easy for me, I would not have made such wrecks out of my other relationships."

This caught his attention, even though, in his head, he was still trying to formulate a plan to distance himself from these situations in the future, without actually distancing himself from her. "Your thing with Josh has been downgraded to a 'wreck'?"

"Josh has been downgraded to an 'ex', and don't look so smug, I feel bad about it."

He looked at her seriously, leaning against the railing. "When?"

"Josh was looking for something serious, and immediate, and permanent. Marriage. House. Kids. I was uncomfortable with him moving his toothbrush and razor into his own drawer in the bathroom. He was pushing, and I couldn't pretend, even to myself, that I could ever see us going down that path."

"When did you stop seeing each other?"

"Two weeks ago."

"You should have told me."

"I've never denied to myself that you and I have something. I've just never understood exactly what it was, or what to do with it, or how serious you would take it, so I ignored it. Josh saw it."

Rick looked up at her, hopeful for the first time that things might be turning around. "What did he see?"

"He saw that I was holding back, focusing on the maybe's and could be's with us. He thought I would come to my senses. He told me that he was waiting for me to realize that you would get bored quickly, and that you would end up hurting me. It's funny, because those are the things that I believed, the things that made me hesitant. When he voiced the same concerns I have always had, I realized they weren't true. It's like I had to hear it out loud to know that I no longer believed it."

"Are you saying that you would be willing to . . ."

"I am saying I am willing to talk about it. There is a lot I don't know, a lot I want to know."

"But you already know the important things." He tried to give her one of his charming smiles, and when that failed, he crossed his arms in front of him, and said, "I am fine with that. You're probably right. Promise me something though. . ."

She was reminded again how much she appreciated the combination of that smile and those arms in that t-shirt. "Ok?"

"Just us. No interuptions or distractions while we try to figure this out. Listen to you heart, and not your head, and if you decide, once you get to know all my secrets, that you've changed your mind, I will bow out gracefully." His eyes had the sparkle that she always noticed when he was teasing her, but she could also see a bit of seriousness, and maybe even a small amount of fear.

She watched him for moment, and finally smiled, and mirrored his reply softly, "I am fine with that." She was suddenly feeling awkward, and unsure what should be done next. She held out her hand, and he looked at it, and then at her curiously. "We should probably shake on it." She explained, and grinned at him.

"You just told me that you have feelings for me, and that you can possibly see a future for us. I'm not shaking your hand." He gathered both ends of the blanket that was hanging around her shoulder in his hands , and pulled her into a hug. Her arms came out of the blanket and slid around his back, and the blanket slid to the floor, and they held on to each other tightly.