a/n Hey, hey chaps howz it going? I'm making a HUGE PLEA TO EVERYONE! If anyone and I mean ANYONE saved a copy of "If These Walls Could Talk", well what I had done of it meaning chapters 1-10, please PLEASE… Pretty please with ice cream on top SEND IT TO ME. I'm desperate, I cannot begin to tell you how much that fic meant to me and all I want to do is finish it. So again if you have a copy, send it to: there will be many thanks. Anyway I'm working away on this fic right now which rocks cus I have all summer holidays to go nuts with it :D All the same, enjoy… I love you all…

DEDICATION ALERT: AS PROMISED THIS CHAPTER WILL BE DEDICATED TO PAT! THE MOST FAITHFUL REVIEWER OF IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK. BETTER YET THIS ENTIRE FIC WILL BE DEDICATED JUST FOR YOU MY DEAR! I LUV YA PAT, YOU ROCK THE SOCKS IN THE WORLD OF REVIEWERS :D ENJOY!

- Chapter Two - - Forgotten Son –

"I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

Become so tired

So much more aware

I'm becoming this

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And be less like you…"

The Journal of Draco Malfoy:

Oh what a piteous sight my life has become, even my reflection runs from me… Pity, pity, pity… Fuck it, it's my choice and I live by it. I am a boy of darkness now, I am an enemy of the world… Or so it would seem. But all the same, I love the life I live, even if I am a form of a hermit. Ever since I ran away, I've learnt how to fend for myself, I've learnt to be strong and most importantly I've learnt how to be independent. I don't need anyone to help me… I don't need anything… Well I need one thing. My body craves it, my soul yearns for it… I need to be loved and to love. As the wise Freddy Mercury once sang: "Can anybody find me somebody to love?" I hate to admit it but I've developed a soft spot for muggle music, not the crap they feed themselves these days (well almost all of it is crap, save for the lovely little rock bands and the alternative bands anyway…) but the glorious days of the 90's, 80's and 70's, the days of glam rock and hard drug use, those are the days I keep close to my heart, those are the days I mirror my life to. If I could do anything I would go back in time to be a Rock 'n' Roll superstar… Of course it would never happen so these days I just devote my quiet, sanctuary times (which is 90 percent of my day) to writing the lyrics and music to songs of the past, it's a sad life but I love it. It's something no one can take away from me… That and my cocaine, the drug of the 70's. I've developed a habit or two… I prefer to snort my beloved cocaine then puff away on a cancer stick.

Don't ask me why I'm beginning a journal. I don't even know, probably because I've withdrawn myself from people so much that I need someone to talk to, well some to listen to me. Are you listening? No, I didn't think so, well fuck you, I'm writing anyway. I finally managed to make a Hogwarts proof music instrument, no not a guitar or anything. But it's simular to that muggle musical equipment, object… Thing. Basically I tap it with my wand say the music I want and plug in my earphones and Bob's your uncle I have music! But that's not the point.

I received an owl today from my muggle landlord. It seems my apartment has termites, oh joy another problem to deal with. Yes that's right MY APARTMENT… MUGGLE LANDLORD. When I moved out I lived on the muggle streets for a period of time before stumbling across a job at a local music store and an apartment near the Leaky Cauldron. My mother and father have no idea where I am these days, which I shout for joy about. If they had any idea where I was I fear I'd be dead. Mother devoted herself to Lord Voldemort again (that's right I'm not afraid to say his name) and combine that with the ongoing devotion of my father and you could say I'm doomed to die. Well seeing that you are bewitched to the point that anyone but me could be knocked out for a period of time if they tried to open this, I will tell the truth of my past…

I grew up in a household dominated by a strong hatred for Harry Potter and a love and strong devotion to Lord Voldemort. Even when I was younger I knew I different, I knew I wasn't the same and I'm not talking about being a wizard, I'm talking about being gay. When I first came to Hogwarts I felt it, I acknowledged it and ran from it. At no point in my life has anyone showed me that it is ok to be gay, it has always been frowned upon, almost as much as liking Harry Potter, and therefore I tried to hide it, even from myself. But secrets are hard to keep and this one certainly surfaced. I came home in the summer break between the fourth and fifth year with feelings for Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor in my year. I don't know what it was about him but I was drawn to him and I longed for him and gave into my homosexual desires. So anyway, I arrived home in the summer break and began fantasizing about him, dreaming about him, longing for him. Father wasn't home the first part of the holidays and Mother wouldn't tell me anything, it was then that I knew Voldemort must be either gaining strength or has come back. I pushed it to the back of mind and continued dreaming of Dean. One day when my mother was out I went a step further and my hand began to wander to my pants when my mind turned to Dean, I guess I should have locked my door or something and I never heard the front door open, or my father calling out for me. I just kept going moaning Dean's name, eyes tightly closed. That's when my father crashed through my door and caught me cumming over Dean Thomas, it would be a bit hard not too notice it was a queer moment for me especially since I moaned "Dean Thomas" at the end. My father froze and I froze too panting and afraid. It seemed like a lifetime when in fact it happened in a split second and my father lunged across the room and grabbed me by the throat an threw me across the room. It was then that he began beating me senseless until my blood covered the floor around me. Father stood over me yelling all the homophobic abuse he could think of and I just curled in a ball naked and scared. He stormed out screaming for me to clean up my shit. He told my mother of course and she tried to help me by saying "it's just a phase" and that I'll get over it all in good time.

Father would just have to be patient.

I was determined to regain my father's love and pride so for the entire fifth year I began, against my better judgment and desires, sleeping with and dating Pansy. It seemed to satisfy my Father and towards the end of the school year he came to Hogwarts and told me everything about Voldemort and how my father had once again pledged himself to the Dark Lord and how I should do the same for the honour of the Malfoy Family. I would rather die. Although I am a Slytherin and a Malfoy, I am expected to love Voldemort and want to serve him, I hated Voldemort as much as anyone else. I lied to my father and said I would and that I would go to Voldemort himself to tell him. As the year ended, my father was sent to Azkaban and my mother became distressed and I was summoned to serve Voldemort. I ran. I left a letter explaining everything and I ran. I fled to the world of the muggles, begged on the streets for a long period of time before finding work in a muggle music store.

The first band to draw me into muggle music was The Cure, I think it was the beautiful lyrics that did it and soon I began listening to everything in the store everything from The Who and Queen to David Bowie, The Specials and U2. I spread my music tastes further to Placebo and more alternative bands, which made me, feel whole again. The one band that I listen to and feel human again is Death Cab For Cutie, don't ask me to explain, I can't even explain it to myself. But all the music I hear affects me deeper then any masturbation session could.

Just before school started again, I transformed myself I bought numerous amounts of black hair dye to keep me satisfied all year and cut and dyed my hair black. I transformed my wardrobe; gothic and black, crucifixes hang around my neck, black nail polish on my left hand, pale skin and dark eyeliner. I've morphed into the Draco Malfoy that I hid for five years, the Draco Malfoy that wanted to be set free. Of course Slytherin rejected me, but that was to be expected. I withdrew myself from the rest of the school and kept to myself, my poetry, my drugs and my music. It suited me well and it always will. And now I continue to stand alone, homosexual and content with what has become of my life and me.

But still the issue and desire for love. I have a new desire, I've forgotten all about Dean Thomas (who is clearly a straight boy thanks to the long line of girls he's been through… And in) and set my sights on something new, something that was once forbidden, something that tempts me more then anything else in this world. Harry Potter, the chosen one… It's his own fault really, I mean sure I've always perved on him, on his muscles, on his ass and his figure. So delicate, yet strong. I almost saw him in the buff once. Keyword: almost. I took a stroll and stumbled across him in the quidditch change rooms after practice he was in the shower and I felt the need to "investigate" I began edging closer to the change rooms making sure I looked far from suss at all times and just as he was getting out of the show little miss Cho fucking Chang comes running up to him and suddenly Draco's (me) view is destroyed and Cho gets the naked Harry all to herself. Lucky bitch. But that's' not the point because she can't have him anymore, he left her and came to me, that's right ME. Last night I was on my usual wander of Hogwarts and Harry had just come out of the Ravenclaw common room dishevelled and annoyed. My hopes lifted when he whispered, "Fuck me" and I took the opportunity at hand and asked why I should do such a thing. I thought I fucked it all up when I had an outburst at him for calling me gay… Or what not. But it seems he had something else in mind and suddenly it was all about tongues and groping hands until he just walked away. HE JUST WALKED AWAY. I wanted sex god damn it. Long, hard and erotic sex… With him. He's a nut, a crazy sexy nut and quite the tease too. As he walked away he said: "Goodnight my fudge-packing friend." And now I am confused beyond compare. Do I avoid him, do I acknowledge him in public or do I wait for him to make another move? I'm gonna go with the last one and wait for him.

As for now well now I must brace myself for this fucking Halloween Ball. Well fuck that I don't even want to go. But it seems we all must go, fuck. I don't want to sit around in the Great Hall watching horny teenage wizards and witches get it on, especially when one of those wizards will clearly be Harry Potter. Fuck that, I don't have the self-discipline to sit through it all. But until then I remain here, alone in my bed dreading tomorrow night. I wish you goodnight, which really has no point you're a fucking journal. Righto, I'm off to exercise my right hand.

Goodbye
D.M

a/n: ahhh yeop. That's a little insight into the mystery of Draco Malfoy in this Fic. As you can see this fic will be mix of Point of Views and journal entries. I love it. HAHA. Yeop. I don't really have anything else to say, which is really odd cus I always have SOMETHING to say… Well not this time. I take this opportunity to thank you darlings who reviewed already. Thank you! I'm saving personal thank yous for the next chapter :D Anyhoo I bid you all goodbye for now, until the next chapter. Toodles. disclaimer: The song lyrics at the beginning of this fic belong to LINKIN PARK; the song being Numb a fav of mine… I own nothing, and I mean nothing Harry Potter related they all belong to J.K Rowling, the publishers and the cheery old chaps at Warner Bro's cus they make the movies… I take my non-existent hat off to you all, especially you J.k … You never seem to disappoint us may your creative mind LIVE FORVER!

Please read/review…

I love you all…

Until next time…

L.E