The Heart of Everything
Part II: All I Need
Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley
Rating: PG-13 or T
Pairing/s: Edward/Bella
Category: Angst/Romance
Warnings: Attempted suicide
Spoilers: New Moon
Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.
A/N: Not sure how long this will be, probably a few parts anyway. Each is inspired by a song from the band Within Temptation.
"I tried many times, but nothing was real
Make it fade away, don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
Save me from my fear, don't tear me down."
Within Temptation 'All I Need'
I was in a dark room, pitch black; I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. Was I dead? I distinctly remember Carlisle's voice telling me that he was going to help me, but nothing after that, just blackness. The same blackness that still enveloped me.
This couldn't be right, if I was dead, why was I here? Shouldn't there be pearly gates or burning infernos? Maybe I was in limbo, perhaps my body hasn't completely died yet and I'm waiting to be doomed to the hell where I belonged.
"Bella?" I turned around immediately at the sound of my name, although I couldn't see, I squinted through the darkness.
It wasn't the voice I was expecting, although I knew the voice all too well. "Carlisle?" I asked, moving slowly, cautiously through the darkness. "Where are we?"
"Bella," Carlisle repeated, his voice sounded as if it came from far away. "If you can hear me, I need you to wake up for me."
Then I realized, he wasn't here at all. I was alone, and here was most likely my own brain. I was still alive, although obviously unconscious.
"Bella? Love?" That was the voice I longed to hear, his sweet angelic voice echoing through this vast blackened void that I was stuck in. I had no idea if, or how to get out of here and regain consciousness. I knew that I would have to eventually, or die, the latter of which I no longer wished for. "Come on, wake up please."
I felt something then, the slightest of touches on my hand and I instinctively closed my hand into a fist. The pain tore through me then and I gasped, closing my eyes...
When I opened them, everything was bright, blinding. "Bella?" I squinted through the light, searching for his beautiful face.
"Edward?" I said, pulling on his arm. "It's too bright, I can't see."
It was only a second before the lights dimmed and I could open my eyes completely. "I'm sorry," Carlisle's voice said from the doorway.
"And I'm sorry too Bella," Edward said, kissing me. "You have no idea how sorry I am love."
"Don't Edward," I whispered, "not now." I closed my eyes once more against the pounding in my head. I could feel the cold sweat on my skin and I tried desperately not to tremble.
"Bella?" Carlisle asked softly. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel sick," I replied quietly. "My head is killing me, I'm freezing and nauseous, and I can't stop shaking."
"You're going through withdrawal," Carlisle explained, "I can treat most of your symptoms, but I can't make them go away completely. That will take a little time."
"How long?" I asked, fighting the nausea. I didn't want to throw up.
"A few hours at least, but it could take up to a couple of days. You took quite a bit of codeine." I saw pain flicker in his golden eyes. "When you lost consciousness, I was afraid I was too late."
The nausea flared suddenly and I turned on my side, leaning over the side of the bed as I threw up into a garbage can that Carlisle held out for me. Edward pulled my hair from my face as I began cry from the intense throbbing in my head.
When the dry heaves stopped, I rolled onto my back, crying and shaking uncontrollably. "Bella," Carlisle said concern in his voice. "I'll be right back, I'm going to get you something for the nausea." Somehow I managed to nod.
"Shh, shh, Bella," Edward's velvet voice soothed as he crawled into the bed and pulled me to his chest, "you'll be alright."
I clung to him, never wanting to let go. "Please don't go Edward," I whispered between sobs.
"What? Bella, I'm not going anywhere," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Never again, I promise."
"You said that before," I cried.
"I know, I know," he soothed. He reached down, tilting my chin up so that I could look into his tormented golden eyes. "I won't do it again, I won't ever leave you. Please believe me love."
I stared for a minute at his beautiful, tortured face. His thumb's wiped away the tears that slid down my cheeks. I searched his eyes, seeing the pain and sincerity in them. I reached up with a trembling hand, and threading my fingers through his hair, pulled his head towards mine. I kissed him desperately, pouring everything I could into it; my love, my pain, my apology.
He pulled back after a few seconds to let me breathe and I rested my forehead against his. "I love you Bella," he whispered.
"I know," I whispered. "And I love you too, so much that it hurts." I stared into his eyes for a moment before laying my head on his shoulder.
I heard the door open. "I'm sorry," Carlisle said as he stepped into the room. "I didn't want to interrupt." He went over to my IV pole and injected the meds. "You should rest, Bella," he said. "Edward will know where to find me if you need me."
"I'm sorry Carlisle," I muttered.
"I know," he replied softly. He leaned down to place a kiss to the top of my head before silently slipping out of the room.