A/N Practically wrote itself...I swear.

When Ed joined his brother under the awning a minute later he must have still looked slightly shell-shocked, because Al took one look at him and knew immediately something was wrong. Little brothers are funny like that. Al voiced his concern.

"…Envy," was all Ed need say. Al frowned.

"Again?" Ed nodded, sighing. Al considered this.

"What did he want this time?"

"…I don't…know," Ed muttered, looking away, a lost expression on his face. He was still trying to piece it together himself. Al raised any eyebrow. Al had become somewhat accustomed to dealing with Ed in his 'Envy aftermath's, which normally involved a lot of cursing, some pouting, and a general excess of huffiness. But something seemed different. Al kind-of-sort-of knew Envy from the swim team, and, honestly? He didn't think Envy was as evil as Ed made him out to be. Sure, the boy was strange. A little out there, had a few bad habits and a propensity for fighting, but he was nice to most people. In his own way. For some reason or another, though, that nicety did not extend to Ed. In fact, in the case of Al's shorter older brother, Envy seemed downright out to get him. According to Ed. He harassed Ed on an almost daily basis, mostly just small stuff like teasing Ed about his height, tripping him in the hallways, knocking books out of his hands, or shoving Ed up against any locker that happened to be conveniently nearby – the cliché high school bully routine. But sometimes, on his darker days, if Ed had said the wrong thing or yelled too loudly back, Envy had made his intentions known in Ed's flesh. Al remembered those bruises. They had taken forever to heal. But somehow, despite all the things Envy had done, something still didn't seem right about him. Something in his behavior toward Ed didn't add up. And Ed's current state only compounded Al's hypothesis. Al put a finger on his chin, thoughtful.

"I think you should talk to him," Al said, and nodded. "Yeah, you should definitely go talk to him." Ed's reaction was bordering on comical – he stared at Al as though the younger had suggested they kick beehives just to piss the bees off.

"What the hell?" Was all Ed had to say about that.

"I mean it, talk to him. Try to settle whatever it is between you two – figure out what Envy wants from you," Al insisted.

"I already know what he wants!" Ed huffed. "He wants to make my life a living hell!" Al rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so melodramatic, brother. Try to be the bigger person, the mature one. It could be some misunderstanding." Ed couldn't believe what he was hearing. He said as much.

"No one 'misunderstands' his fist into someone's ribcage. Envy just hates me, Al. That's all there is to it." But Ed didn't even sound convinced himself.

"What do you have to lose? It's not like you're going to see him again for a while after this – if you piss him off again, you have the whole summer for him to forget about it. And if things go sour, it's not like he knows where we live. Just go talk to him. Seriously. It can only help at this point," Al reasoned, and Ed couldn't come up with a good enough argument to that. He had to admit, Al had a point. About the whole 'what's the worst that could happen' bit. Last day of school. After today, it really wouldn't matter. Ed mulled it over, then came to a decision.

"Fine. I'll go talk to Envy," he conceded. Al brightened, and smiled encouragingly. Ed did not return it. Instead, he turned and left, gone in the crowd before Al could remember what he had called Ed over in the first place for. Then Al looked down at the plates of food in his hand – one for himself and one meant for Ed. Oh, yeah.

Ed hadn't the slightest idea where to begin looking for the palm tree, but he figured he had to start somewhere. Through the double glass doors that led from the pool patio to the gym proper, he crossed the mostly empty basketball courts – a couple of students were shooting hoops – and exited the sports building. Intending to wander along the open air hallways until he found the pale teen he was looking for, Ed started his search along the very long walkway that looped around the back of the school. At some point he started feeling a little chilly and was glad he'd brought his t-shirt with him. But he pushed the thought aside in order to make room for all the Envy-ness in his muddled mind. He didn't get that kid. He really didn't. One minute Envy would be shoving him against a locker and the next he'd be telling Ed a funny joke and expecting him to laugh. He had threatened Ed with a swirly countless times and never followed through on a single one of them, despite how much he joked that he'd love to see if Ed's hair would clog the toilet. Then he'd find Ed at lunch and offer to trade his slice of pizza for whatever crummy lunch Ed barely had time in the morning to pack for himself. One theory of Ed's was that Envy was bipolar. It would certainly explain a few things. But his gut kept telling him that that wasn't the case. Nothing Envy ever did made sense – at least, no sense that Ed could understand. Or perhaps any higher power other than Envy himself. In short, excuse the expression, Ed had no clue when it came to the brackish-haired teenager. Ed turned the corner, and, as if his thoughts had summoned him, there was Envy. Leaning against the brick wall, in his black swim trunks and a t-shirt, lighting a cigarette. The end caught fire and Envy took a long drag, exhaling the smoke through his nose. Ed coughed, never one to like the smell of tobacco, and thus alerted Envy to his presence. Drat. Ed had almost been about to make a hasty retreat. Something was really starting to not feel right about this. Envy only stared for a moment, looking Ed in the eye and really soul-searching. Ed tried to maintain his gaze, but his stomach was doing funny things and making it really hard to concentrate. Ed steeled himself. Envy smiled.

"Yo, pipsqueak." Ed bristled, but, remembering how his last outburst had gotten him nowhere, kept it to himself. He frowned, but that was it. Envy seemed amused by his restraint.

"Envy," Ed started, unsure exactly how to go from there. An awkward moment passed, in which Envy took another drag of his cigarette. Ed cocked his eyebrow.

"You sure you should be smoking that? Here?" The school had a very rough policy when it came to illegal substances on campus. For good reason, Ed thought. Envy only smirked, blowing an expertly shaped smoke-ring.

"No cameras back her, and teachers never come this way," he held out a pack to Ed. "Want one?" Ed made a face.

"No." Envy shrugged, returning the pack to his back pocket.

"So what can I help you with?" Envy asked, reminding Ed of his original quest. To find and interrogate one Envy Oroboros. Ed took a steadying, even breath.

"What's your deal with me?" Ed demanded. Envy looked up from his impressively formed smoke rings.

"Come again?"

"What's your deal with me?" Ed repeated with a little more emphasis. Envy considered this while making yet another smoke ring, bigger this time than the last.

"I don't really have a deal with you, Edward." Something in the way Envy said his name made Ed flinch. Then he got mad.

"Bullshit!" brows furrowed, he took a step closer to Envy, who stopped blowing the smoke rings.

"You're always on my case, always pissing me off, tripping me up and messing with my head. Why? What the hell did I ever do to you?" Ed didn't mean to, but with each word his voice had gotten louder. Angrier. Envy's eyes were slits. He looked down on Ed. Then a smile crept across his thin lips.

"You want to know why?" He asked. "Why?" With one swift movement he dropped his cigarette, ground it out, and, with uncanny speed, shoved Ed against the brick wall, his forearm pressed up against the short blonde's throat. Hard enough to pin him there and make sure he didn't struggle, but not hard enough to choke. The entire movement took a little over a second, definitely not enough time for Ed to process what exactly had happened. All he knew was that Envy had moved and then Ed's head was painfully slammed against something hard. A strong arm was now at his neck, preventing movement. He groaned, eyes pinched shut in pain. He opened them, watering, vaguely dizzy.

"Why?" Envy hissed again, dangerously close now. Ed snapped to attention, his hands immediately going to Envy's arm to try and remove it. No such luck – damn Envy and his freakish strength. Ed's struggles were brought to a halt when Envy's other fist came smacking into the wall directly beside Ed's ear. Hard enough to crack the brick. Ed went still, slightly very much afraid now. Envy looked livid, despite the smile still on his face.

"Because I fucking want to," he hissed. Ed didn't trust his voice to speak, but even if he did, there was no way he would have. He liked his ribs intact, thank you very much. And if there was one good thing that had come of all the Envy-harassment, it was a healthy respect for his wellbeing and the ability to tell when it was a good idea to keep his mouth shut. Ed figured now was one of those good times. Envy's eyes bored into his, as if daring Ed to talk back, just waiting for an excuse to let the fists fly. The moment dragged by. Seconds dripped past. Envy's expression shifted – he was still mad, but this…was different. Something of the expression at the pool was there. But he didn't say anything – the only sound between them was heavy breathing. Some part of Ed's terrified mind registered how bad Envy's breath smelled right then. Then, eventually, Envy sighed deeply. He wasn't smiling anymore.

"But you don't get it, do you?" His hold on Ed loosened somewhat, but Ed did not have the inclination to test it. He doubted he would get very far even if he did break away.

"You just don't get it. You're so stupid, Edward." Envy's eyes were hard, but that unnamable emotion had returned to their violet depths. If Ed had thought Envy capable of it, he would have called it sad. But that was preposterous. Then Envy's words caught up with him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ed asked, a little bit quiet. Envy breathed deeply again.

"You've never asked why before," Envy deflected. Ed realized the truth in this.

"I didn't care about why before now, I didn't want to know the reason. I just wanted you to leave me the hell alone." Envy didn't seem to like that answer.

"And that's just it!" He gave Ed a painful shove. Ed hissed in pain as the back of his head came again into intimate contact with the red brick wall.

"You don't get it. And you've never even bothered to. But now you want the reason," Envy laughed under his breath, apparently finding something amusing in their current situation. Ed certainly didn't see it. But then again, it was Envy. Ed didn't know what he was expecting, coming to Envy like this. But he supposed this wasn't anything surprising. Noting he wouldn't have expected from Envy. He wondered how long it would last, and just what the damage would be afterward. Oh well. At least he had all summer to forget about it. Thus mentally preparing himself to get his ass handed to him again, Ed had no way to prepare for what Envy said next.

"It's because you like me, that's why." It came out so bluntly. And it felt like Envy had punched Ed in the gut. It certainly knocked the wind out of him like he had. The horrible lurch Ed felt lodged itself in his throat and made his mouth dry. His head spun, but it wasn't with the pain from the wall anymore.

"What?" he managed to squeak out, his voice breaking hysterically over the one syllable. Envy wasn't smiling. He wasn't joking.

"You like me. Simple as that. I see the way you look at me, you think I don't notice?" No. No no no no no no. All that was running through Ed's mind was a mantra of 'no's. Everything else had shut down to avoid permanent damage. The only part still running was only barely able to cope with…this.

"No," Ed protested weakly. Envy made a face.

"Don't even try it, Elric. I'm the biggest fag at the school, you think I can't read the signs? You think you hide it so well," Envy's voice dropped, he was almost whispering now. Ed hung on his every word, despite himself and the horrible, black feeling that was unfurling in his chest. Shame. And fear.

"And you do. Don't worry, you've got the rest of the world fooled, shorty." Without Ed's really noticing it, Envy's voice had gotten softer, kinder. Sort of. He wasn't glaring any more, at least. But Ed didn't notice that – he couldn't meet Envy's eyes.

"I get it, believe me, I do. There are more homophobes in this school than I can count on my fingers and toes combined. It doesn't help that most of them are weightlifters or football players. I get it. It sucks to be out at this school – I get crap for it every day – I know you don't want that kind of heat. Who would?" Ed was starting to hear his words again, over the sound of himself slowly dying of humiliation.

"I mess with you because it's easier that way. Don't you get it?" Envy was trying to meet his eyes, but Ed still didn't have the courage. He heard Envy, though, and thought about his words. And the implications of those words. All that they entailed. And how impossible everything had just become.

"Believe me. I've been doing you a favor," Envy said, a touch of the coldness returning. Ed met his eyes, then, and was finally able to identify the emotion there. It was sad, yes, but defiant. And brave. Everything Ed was too scared to be. Ed had to look away again.

"What do you want from me?" Ed asked in a very small voice. Damn, Ed hated this. This had definitely not been a good idea. Another wave of shame washed over him. Everything he had tried to hide…Envy saw it all. Ed felt hopeless. And hopelessly at Envy's mercy. Suddenly, the impending summer break didn't even seem like such a sanctuary as Ed had previously thought. No amount of time would make this better. Make it hurt less. But Envy straightened himself, lost the pleading in his voice, and took on a very business-like tone.

"This isn't about what I want from you, Edo-boy, but what you want from me," he replied, very matter-of-fact. Ed looked up again, noticing the hint of mischief that had returned to Envy's mouth. A smile seemed to play at the corner of the pale boy's lips. Ed did not like the look of it.

"So I have a proposition for you – you only came to meet me today because it's the last day of school and you figured you have nothing to lose. In that same vein of thought, I hereby offer you one free, no-strings-attached, super-special-secret one-time deal make-out session with the fabulous moi." Now that…took a few seconds to sink in. Ed looked at Envy, blank expression, for a good minute or so while his brain caught up with it.

"What!" Envy's lips twitched, but he didn't let himself smile. He shrugged, as much as one can shrug with one's arm still pinning a smaller body to a wall.

"It would be good for you. Very good, but that's beside the point. You need it, for purely therapeutic reasons, if you're so inclined to think that way. But if you aren't," the mischief magnified tenfold. "Then I'm sure the entire swim team would just be tickled pink to know which certain short blondie is batting for the other team." Ed sputtered, panicking.

"You're blackmailing me? Into m-making out with you?" Envy grinned, wide, showing all his teeth. Ed wondered at how sharp they looked.

"In essence. Yes." Ed felt his stomach drop unpleasantly, but before he could make any protest or argument further, Envy caught him off guard by letting him go abruptly. Ed stumbled, leaning on the wall to regain his balance. Envy stepped back, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Meet me in front of the teacher's lounge in ten, if you so choose." Ed scoffed.

"'If I so choose,' yeah right. What choice?" Ed asked. Envy shrugged again.

"There's always a choice, shorty. Always. You just have to have the guts to make the right one." And with those fine parting words, a nod, and a cheery grin, Envy left, leaving Ed alone to regain himself. Ed waited one…two…three…until Envy was out of sight. And then he sank to his knees, to his butt, to his elbows, and let out a long and steady stream of curses. It didn't help any, but it sure as hell felt good. Damn Al for his seemingly good ideas. And damn himself for listening. How the hell was he going to get out of this one?

A/N Finished last night at an ungodly hour, so, if there are any glaringly bad mistakes, please let me know about them. Please? I'll give you a cookie? Well...not really. But it would still be very nice of you. c:

dun dun dunnnn what will Ed do now?