She's my Sunshine

by writergal96

Jasper was looking for a way out of his way of life. But when he finds her he could not have ever dreamed how much their pasts were going to get in the way. This is Jasper's POV to my (completed) story When I'm with You. Short POVs showing a little insight into Jasper's mind.

2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N This chapter is Jasper's POV of Alice's POV story When I'm With You, chapter 3. I suggest reading her part of the story first. (: I hope you enjoy!

Also I big appreciation to those of you who have favorite, followed, and/or reviewed on the last chapter! You guys are great! I squeal every time I get a new review or anything for either of my stories, and I am on a mini happy high for hours! Seriously, you guys, thank you! Please continue to give me your feedback, I wouldn't have the courage to continue posting without you guys (Love you!). (: A special shout out to those who have been following my stories, you know who you are! If you are really feeling up to it, post a review of your favorite part or line of this chapter or even from the last chapter. OR you could share with me which scene you are most looking forward to seeing Jasper's POV in so far; I love hearing your feedback! Okay, enough talking from me, and let's hear from my…I mean OUR favorite Jazz! *HEART!*

Oh fair warning, there is some drinking in this chapter. I don't drink, and I definitely don't encourage it, especially the way Jasper and the people around him are drinking. I also don't encourage fighting. But it is all in this chapter, so if you don't necessarily like that I suggest you should think about whether or not you want to read Jasper's POV. He is struggling with a lot of personal demons but don't worry, he finds the light soon! (:

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Chapter Two, Monster

"Jasper! I will not be late to work just because your stupid, petty girlfriend cannot decide what she wants to wear!" Rosalie hollered from the back seat of the car.

"It's not like I control her Rose…"
Rose huffed, "Whatever. If she isn't out here in the next three minutes we are leaving!"

I nodded my head in agreement; no way was I fighting with her when she was already in this mood. Actually there is no fighting with Rose in any mood; she will always win.

It too Maria two minutes to get out into the car, and Rose looked pretty ticked that she hadn't taken any longer.

"Roooseee it totally sucks that you have to work soo early in the morning!" Maria said in high baby voice.

I hate it when she talks like this. I saw Rose scrunch her nose up in the rear view mirror. She didn't even respond to Maria. Thank God this is only a five minute car ride. The tension in the car was scary. Rosalie was a brewing hostile pot of hatred, and Maria was a snobby bubble of annoyance.
Rosalie jumped out of the car the moment I pulled into the parking space, not even waiting me to put the car in park.

"Well somebody has issues." Maria said as Rose ran into the diner.

I just shrugged as I got out of the car.
"Uh what are you doing?" Maria asked curtly.

"I thought we were having breakfast here?"

She rolled her eyes, "You are so stupid sometimes Jasper!"

Then she strolled right into the dinner, leaving me dumbfounded at what had just happened.

I will never understand women…

I followed her into the diner, hoping that she doesn't explode again.

I found her sitting in Rose's section, looking at the menu. She smiled at me brightly like she hadn't just called me stupid two minutes ago.

"Jazz, what are you getting?" She asked without looking up at me.

"Eh, what I also get."
She scoffed, "You are sooo boring! The same ole Jasper always does the same ole things and always has the same ole reactions."

I decided not to indulge in her complaining; it's what ticks her off the most.

~000~
We ate breakfast rather peacefully, but that was probably because we didn't say a word. Maria is the one who talks mostly in the relationship. Most would say I'm whipped, but I'm just smart. She is a lot nicer when I am silent than when I try to say things. Even the most casual things like talking about movies, books, or school will upset her if she is at the center of the conversation. I don't really care that much, I have friends that I talk to.

Rose was pretty ticked when she saw we were staying for breakfast. But I thought that was the whole point of me picking up Maria this morning.

I swear, I will NEVER understand women….even though I can give a name to their every feeling, it does not mean I understand what the heck it means.

"Jazz, I need to go shopping." Maria said after Rose gave us the check.

"Okay, where?"

Maria shrugged, "A mall."

I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat. I have training today and don't exactly have time to drive Maria around all day. Pete is going to be mad at me for being late; especially because it is for Maria.

"Jaspeeerrrr!" Maria whined, "Let's go!"
She stood up and snatched her purse, "I really need new shoes and maybe a new skirt…" She said thoughtfully.

I just nodded my head, and tried to ignore her chattering on about clothing she doesn't even need. As we walked to the door I felt a sudden warm but slightly flustered feeling; but it was so powerful and overwhelmingly sweet, it caused me to stop walking.

"Jasper the door!" Maria complained.

What is this feeling? I looked around to see who could possibly possess this. It definitely wasn't Maria, so who could it be?

"Ugh! I'll just do it myself!" Maria mumbled as she released her anger on the door, pushing it fiercely.

The door stopped suddenly and there was a banging sound.

"OW!" Someone said in pain.

"Watch where you're going." Maria said, in a highly annoyed and snobbish voice.

Did she seriously hit someone with the door, and then yell at them?
I walked out behind her to see the poor person she had hit. I was hit with that overwhelming warmth, but it was slightly clouded by pain. There was a tiny girl sitting on the sidewalk where she had fallen over, and was holding her hands over her forehead. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, concerned.
If I would have just paid attention and opened the stupid door, this girl wouldn't be sitting her in pain. I bent down beside her to see how bad the damage is. The girl removed her hands from her face and looks at me. I felt that overwhelming warmth, and something else; something I cannot name.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be fine, thanks." She tried to say assuring, but I could feel her doubt.

I held back the smile that was threatening to show. Her inner strength is quiet, but unquestioningly strong. I respected her for not complaining or screaming like Maria would have if someone had hit her with a door. I offered my hand to the girl. Her hand is was tiny and fragile, fitting snugly inside mine.

She's that girl… The thought suddenly hit me.

"Alright, come on, she's fine. The door barely hit her." Maria snapped.

There was some hostility coming from the girl. Again, I was trying to hold back a smile.

This girl has such a peaceful, happy, light, warm, and free atmosphere around her…

I looked over her, making sure that she wasn't hurt anywhere else. I could only see the bump on her forehead.

It's definitely going to bruise.

"Okay, well tell Rosalie I told her to get you some ice. You're going to have a bruise."

"How can you be so sure?" The girl asked me, she sounded a little irritated at the prospects of having a bruise, and I couldn't blame her.

I couldn't hold back the smile this time, "Trust me." I said, surprising myself.

Why should this girl trust me? She probably doesn't even know me…or if she does it's because of Maria's fit when she was our waitress.

Maria started pulling my arm; I had forgotten she was even there. I was surprised; again, I can't believe that Maria had stayed quiet this whole time. But then something surprised me even more; the girl looked at me with, full of trust.

"I will." She whispered.

~000~

I stood in the middle of some name brand store, acting as a rack for the clothes Maria wanted to buy. She would walk around find what she wanted and then hand whatever it was to me. She never asked my opinion, and frankly I was grateful she didn't. I hate shopping.

"Jasper, check those things out for me? I'm heading to the next store." Maria said as she started walking away.

I sighed as I did what I was told. The lady working the cash register frowned at me, her eyes telling me she had a million things she would like to say to me about my girlfriend's behavior. I smiled at her, to try to ease her sorrow for me. It always surprises me when strangers have such strong feelings towards other strangers. It leaves me with a greater appreciation for my little gift, although I feel a lot of terrible things, I get to experience every caring and kind emotion out there. The lady smiled back at me as I paid, although she still was a little sad and concerned for me. I wanted to say something to ease her pain, but there wasn't anything I could say. I left the store and realized I had no idea where Maria had gone to.

BBRRRIINNNGGGG BRRRRIIINNNGGGG

I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket, expecting it to be Maria, yelling about how long I was taking. But when I looked at the caller I.D it was Peter.

"Hey Pete."

"DUDE! Tonight, the clearing near Newton's; Alec is going to be there." Pete said seriously.

I felt my insides twist at Alec's name.

I sighed into the phone, "Alright, I will be home soon. I am out with Maria. Give me a couple hours."

Pete huffed rather loudly, "She controls your life." He was muttering, "I don't even understand what you get out of this relationship Jazz?"

What do I get out of this? I thought sadly. "I'll see you later Pete."
I thought I heard him mumble something that sounded awfully like, "He doesn't even know" before he had hung up.

~000~
After finding Maria, we went to another store or two, I wasn't really paying that much attention, she finally allowed us to leave. I dropped Maria off and then met Peter at the house. Maria was going to meet us at the clearing later that night; she got some strange enjoyment out of watching us all beat the air out of each other.

Peter and I spent the rest of the day planning out our night. We weren't going to go to the gym and tire ourselves out, although it was tempting to go punch a bag right now and pretend it was Alec. He was probably the most annoying, arrogant person I knew. He bragged about all the fights he had one, and although he was good, he wasn't that good. After we decided that we were going to leave Alec for last, and I would be the one to fight him. Alec and I had some history, and it was time I repaid a long running favor.
I decided to go on a short walk, taking my IPod along. Putting my headphones in, I lost myself in the music playing. I let it pump me up for the night we are about to have. Last Chance by Jet started playing, and I could feel the excitement building about fighting Alec tonight. I felt myself grin at the words as the played.

"You ain't nothing to me if you got nothing to say

I don't know what you got that I can use anyway

Last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance

You ain't nothing to me so keep your money in check

I got something for you that you ain't never gonna get

So come on

Last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance"

I sang along to the words, but got even more excited as the next song came on. I started dancing around singing, not caring about anyone that could see me. My favorite band started playing my favorite song, and I couldn't control myself.

"Are you gonna live your life wonderin' standing in the back lookin' around?

Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you've grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.

Where's it gonna get you acting serious?

Things are never gonna be quite what you want.

Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time?

Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight."

I stopped so I could belt out my favorite part of the song,

"Crimson and clover, over and over.

Crimson and clover, over and over."

I started walking again, dancing around, and singing the rest of the song with the same amount of enthusiasm.

"Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?

Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.

Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?

Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

So come on Davey, sing me somethin' that I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Here tonight.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine

I wanna fall in love tonight." (Jimmy Eat World, Praise Chorus.)

The song ended, and I felt a little sad.

Well that's why the repeat button was created! I thought happily, and sang my favorite song over and over until I got back home. Sometimes I would sing the "crimson and clover, over and over" part in the background, for it was my favorite part. I was completely pumped up by my song. It didn't matter what was going on, or what I was about to do, this song gave me courage, confidence, and filled me with energy. It was like the "break out of your shell" anthem for me. Little did I know that this song would have an even greater meaning for me in the near future.

~000~

I returned back to my calm and reserved self when I got home. Nobody that I know of has ever seen me loosen up and dance around foolishly. It was like my secret self, that I kept hidden from the world; even my family.

I checked the time and realized it was time to go pick up Rose. I let all of my Jimmy Eat World songs play as I plugged my IPod into the car and drove to the diner. This band was my secret as well; no one knew I listened to this band. I felt like that if I kept it to myself, it could never be ruined or taken away from me. It was a ridiculous feeling, but I didn't really ever think about it; in fear of the deep rooted feeling causing these pathetic emotions. I shook off those uncomfortable thoughts as I stopped at the stop sign.

I saw Edward Cullen, I didn't really know him but I have seen him plenty of times at school, and played against him in the town's local baseball games. Well before the whole town found out about Pete and I being in a fight club. He was walking down the road, towards my direction, listening to his head phones. He was a good guy, and someone I could have become good friends with. I also saw Tanya walking beside my car while I was stopped. When she spotted Edward, she took off at full speed towards him. She grabbed his arm, and he jerked his head up. He didn't look very happy to see her. I felt like I was invading, I made sure no other cars were coming and I continued driving down the road. As I drove past them, Edward and Tanya looked like they were in an intense conversation. I felt a whole host of emotions as I drove past them: irritation, anger, hatred, and the most powerful one was lust. I wrinkled my nose and was glad when I was far away from them.

I drove past Maria's house on my way to the diner. I saw her outside, and was praying she wouldn't be paying attention as I drove past. But what I saw almost caused me to slam on the breaks.

Alec!? I thought bitterly, wondering why in the world he there. But then what I saw next hurt, horribly. Maria leaned into him on his car and wrapped her hands around his waist. Alec pulled her closer, and they brought their faces together. I focused my eyes back on the road, and turned the corner sharply. I just drove, forgetting about everything else except what I had just seen. I stopped the car at some park and just sat in my seat, staring at the steering wheel. I felt this awful, painful, searing pain ripping my heart apart.

I love her…I know no one understand it, but I do. I don't think it's the sort of love you are supposed to have towards your girlfriend though. It's more like I love her because she is part of the terrible side of my life, and definitely doesn't judge me for it. All this time I thought she understood me, and didn't care how messed I am. But it makes sense now! Maria didn't care because she was the terrible side of my life, not just part of it; it was her. Fighting came second to her. She used me for my fighting, and I thought it was love. But she doesn't love me, she loves the idea of me, and anyone else, who is willing to fight for her and do as she says. I was stupid enough to trust her, and do all these stupid things for her…because I love her.

I sat there, thinking it all over and over again. I was an idiot. Completely and unbelievably an idiot. I sat here brewing in my thoughts, when I realized what time it was. I silently cursed myself under my breath and started the car back up. Of course the first song to start playing was Gets It Faster, by Jimmy Eat World. Totally appropriate, and exactly what I didn't want to hear right now. But for some stupid reason I let the song play through.

"I don't care what you do.

I'm getting out , no nothing ever shames me.

Don't wanna thing from you

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I should've thought things through.

I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I wanna do right by you.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.

I'm holding out, not getting an answer.

I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.

I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.

I don't care what you do.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

Don't wanna thing from you.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I should've thought things through.

Yeah I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I wanna do right by you.

I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I holding out, but not getting an answer.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster."

The song fit Maria…and I wondered faintly if she had ever heard the song.

~000~

I pulled into the diner to find Rose talking to that one girl and Emmett Cullen. They had apparently just arrived because Rose was saying hello to Emmett. She has been crushing on him since the first day she saw him, I understood why too. Emmett was nothing like any of the guys either of us has ever met.

He was too sweet and kind of a guy to ever hurt her like…

I didn't finish the thought. But I did know that Emmett also has been in love with my sister since then too.

The girl that Maria ran into with the door was standing there with them; the girl who is always so full of warmth and happy feelings. I could barely see the bruise that was forming on her forehead, and I realized immediately that Rose had covered it up for her; just like she has done many times for Pete and me.

"Hi Emmett. You know my friend Mary?" Rose asked brightly.

Oh, so that's the girl's name.

Emmett nodded his head, "Uh yeah. See she was lost last night walking home from work, and I was out looking for Edward's dog that had accidently gotten out, he's still a pup, uhm anyway I ran into her, and well turned out we live across the street from each other."

Rose laughed a little too hard, "Good thing she ran into you."

I suppressed the urge to laugh. Those too together would be rather interesting; Emmett has no idea what he would be getting himself into, Rose is very…high maintenance.

Mary was smiling and was looking proudly at the two of them. I walked up next to Emmett, I was really in the mood to be here. I needed to talk to someone about what I had just seen. I was trying to hide my feelings, but felt like I was going to combust.

"Well there you are! Geesh Jazz, I've been waiting for you for an hour!" Rose complained, she was rightfully mad at me.

I felt Mary look at me, and I had an urge to look back at her. But I didn't, I just wanted out of here.

"Let's go Rose." I said calmly to her.

But Rose knew this voice, and she quickly realized I needed her.

"Okay, well goodbye Mary, see you tomorrow. Bye Emmett." Rose said kindly, but worry was starting to seep into her voice. Her eyes lingered on Emmett for a moment and then she quickly followed me outside. We got into the car and left before Mary and Emmett could even walk outside.

~000~

I drove us to our usual talking place: the old house that was falling apart in the middle of the woods.

"Jazz what's wrong?" Rose asked me, she was worried.

I hesitated for a moment and looked down at the steering wheel. Rose reached over and grabbed my hand; her way of encouraging me to let out all of my worries and pains.

I let her encouraging feelings swirl around me, and I tried to absorb as much of it was I could before I told her.

"I caught Maria…with another guy." I said simply.

Rose turned to a raging ball of hatred.

"THAT BI-" Rose started, but I cut her off.

"No…I'm glad I caught her." I said calmly.

Rose was confused, "Why exactly?"
"I realized, she doesn't really love me." As I said this I remembered what mom was saying about there being a difference between people using you and loving you. It made sense now, and I was grateful for my mother and sister right now.

Rose smiled sadly at me, "I'm sorry it took this to show you that."

We just sat in the car, Rose holding my hand, in silence staring at this old house. Rose, Pete, and I found it when we were kids. We loved playing in this house, and always talked about buying it one day and fixing it up. We promised to live here with all of our families one day, we promised to all always stick together and raise our kids there; all of us, together forever.

I laughed out loud as I thought of the memory.

Rose looked over at me, smiling, "Are you thinking about how we used to play here?"
I nodded my head, "Yeah…and the promise we made about all living here one day with our families."
Rose laughed, "Could you imagine that? We would be the talk of the town…the crazy siblings that all live together with their spouses and kids, living in the woods."

I laughed too, "They would probably think we were a bunch of weirdo's. Like vampires or something for living out here. It's so far away from everything."

Rose smiled happily, "Yeah, but sometimes far away sounds nice."

~000~

Rose and I stayed out there for a half an hour. Both enjoying the silence and company that we shared. When we got back home, I dropped Rose off and Pete and I left for Newton's. We didn't tell Rose we were going out to fight, but I think she knew. She had given us disappointed looks as we left. I have always felt bad about not telling Rose the complete truth of where we were going. But she did know about my biggest and darkest secret; so it's not like I keep everything from her. I just try to spare her from knowing for sure.

We pulled into Newton's parking lot, and left the car there as we walked into the woods. It was probably a fifteen minute Hike away from here. When we got there it seemed like everyone was there already. Maria walked over to us and I ignored her and walked away. This shocked everyone around us who knew us. Pete caught up with me, I could feel the confusion coming off of him, but he was oddly happy.

"Dude what made you grow some?" Pete asked.

I rolled my eyes at him, "I'll tell you later."
I could tell Peter was annoyed with that, but he accepted it anyway. Now definitely wasn't the time to talk about it, and he understood that.

~000~

There was a group fighting right now, and I was feeling pretty sore. Everyone was drinking, and well a drink sounded pretty good. After about an hour of drinking, I was feeling pretty light. Maria was ticked I was ignoring her, so she has been all over Alec. I was getting pretty angry with the two of them, and I have had enough of the way Maria has been treating me all these years. I wasn't feeling like myself tonight, and I was taking all of the fights a little too seriously. I broke one guy's wrist, and another guy's nose. The anger and hurt of all the things Maria has done to me in our relationship was boiling to the surface.

"Hehehehe! Oh Alec!" Maria laughed out loud, a little too fake for anyone to believe he was actually saying something funny.

"You have to come to the diner with me sometime!" Maria said cheerfully, but then she frowned, "Well maybe not. There is this girl that works there. UGH! I hate when she is my waitress." But then she grinned, "You should see the bruise I left on her face when I accidently hit her with the door this morning!" Maria laughed, sitting down on Alec's lap.

Alec stared laughing too. The two of them have always had a sick sense of humor. But when she started talking about Mary, something in me snapped. I walked over to the two of them. I grinned at them.

"Hey Alec, Maria."

The both looked at me a little unsure. Maria got up off of Alec's lap, and Alec walked over to me.

"Hey man, no need to look so…ticked." Alec said reproachfully, but it was hard to take him seriously because he was grinning proudly.

Probably because he thought it was humorous that my girlfriend was sitting on his lap. I rolled my eyes. His grin and arrogant mood on top of the fact that they were just laughing about Maria hitting Mary with the door…it was past the point of making me feel insane. I lost control of my self-control and punched Alec in the nose. Alec stumbled backwards and fell on his back. He obviously wasn't expecting me to react like this, and I used that to my advantage. Maria screamed as Alec fell over and she looked at me.

"JASPER! THAT THE HE-"

I cut her off, "You and me…were done. I don't want anything to do with you, I saw you and Alec at your house today when I was going to pick Rose up from work. And then everything tonight. I'm ashamed of ever being with you, not only because of your flirty behavior, but because of everything you said about that poor waitress!"
The moment I brought up Mary, Maria's eyes went dark with hatred. I didn't care though, I just turned around and walked away.

I ended up walking back to Newton's. It felt a little good letting go of myself like that…but it also felt extremely wrong.

Why the heck did I care so much about what Maria said about Mary? I mean, yeah how she acted was wrong, but when she brought up Mary…I just felt the need to protect her. I was trying to understand my thoughts and feelings.

"Mary…" I said quietly, "I really need to get to know her some more."

Suddenly Edward Cullen was standing in front of me. "You better leave her alone." He said threateningly.

I was confused at first, but then I realized he must have heard me thinking aloud.

And why exactly does he think he has the right to tell me this?

"Mary is my friend, and the way you were just talking about her, I don't like it." Edward said roughly.

I was taken aback by his words, "Why?"

Edward chuckled darkly, "Look at you, a drunk who gets into fights. Mary deserves better than you, you would only destroy her."
For some reason that sentence killed me inside. I felt like Edward had just ripped me apart. I didn't even realize what I had done until he was covering his face with his hands.

What's wrong with me?! I just punched someone else without thinking about it!

I felt like I was turning into a monster.

"WHITLOCK!" A loud, deep, angry voice called out.

I saw Emmett Cullen running towards me.

Oh great!

"Emmett! Em! It's fine. Jasper is leaving now, and all of this is just a big misunderstanding!" Edward said calmly.

I was completely confused by the way he was speaking. But then I saw Mary running behind Emmett looking utterly terrified.

I am a monster. I thought dejectedly.
Edward Cullen looked over and gave me a sad smile that I didn't understand and pointed towards the building and whispered, "GO!" to me.

I took a step back and apologized, "Sorry Edward. Sorry Emmett."

And then followed Edward's instructions and ran into the store.

~000~

I called Peter after the Cullens and Mary had left. Peter was pretty upset with me for leaving him in the clearing by himself, and then demanded that I explain why I freaked out and then left. I explained it all to him, and he surprised me by sighing and giving me a smile, "Maybe you are changing Jazz, for the good."

But everything inside of me disagreed with that statement. I have done nothing for the past few years but hurt people because I was angry at the world, and worse, I had brought Pete into it with me.

No, I was not good, I was a monster.

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A/N

What do you guys think? Please tell me! Personally, this chapter breaks my heart! So if you liked this (even though it wasn't exactly happy) and want more, let me know by favoriting, following, or reviewing! And if you really want to make me happy do all three! Anyone who reviews wins! Uhm...they win a shout out in the next chapter? I mean...if you would like that! (: I don't know.

But anyway, I love you guys, thank you for reading my story! I hope you like it so far. I will be posting soon! Don't forget to read Alice's POV. I will actually posting a new chapter in that story soon! So watch out for it! But I will be paying a lot more attention to this story, so watch out for all the new chapters that will be coming your way, and very VERY soon! (: