"Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house,
you can never tell."
--Joan Crawford
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Chapter 2 …Anything and Everything …
'Four weeks ago…our last encounter…it had all started that night in the woods…'
It was already near dusk when the group finally decided to stop and set up camp. They had been walking for 7 hours straight, at Lulu's demand, and everybody was more than exhausted when the black mage finally found a spot "suitable" to rest for the night. In fact, they had already passed 20 perfect spots for camp in the last two hours, seeing as they were in a valley and the mountains on either side for miles provided millions of stone shelter options.
Tidus and Rikku, true to form, had been quick to point this out…repeatedly and relentlessly. The two blondes had in fact started complaining hours before, only 45 minutes after they had first set out that morning, constantly nagging an indifferent Lulu into settling. Their pleas were of course ignored, that is until now, when even the unyielding mage was starting to feel the pull of fatigue begin to drag her feet.
"We rest here for the night" she said, suddenly stopping short before what was obviously a pre-used campground, causing Wakka, who was following a little too closely, to smash into her and lose his balance. Lulu only rolled her eyes.
"FINALLY!" both Tidus and Rikku exclaimed loudly in unison, promptly dropping their heavy gear to the ground with a loud thunk as they exaggerated flexing their stiff muscles.
"Geez Lulu, are you TRYING to kill us?" Rikku flopped down onto one of the stone seats surrounding a charred depression she supposed was once a fire pit. "Why won't you just let me call my dad to pick us up in the airship so we can skip all this slave labor? It's not like we have any other temples we hafta visit?"
Her request was met with dead silence as they all exchanged apprehensive glances.
Yuna, thank goodness, was still far away enough from the group to be out of earshot, quaintly picking wild flowers in the distance while Kimahri watched over. Upon finding it safe to act, Wakka gave the Al Bhed girl a firm nudge in the ribs and nodded towards her cousin in the field. It took her a few seconds, but she eventually understood.
"Ohhh…" she blushed, embarrassed at her apparent selfishness.
"Yeah…'ohh' is right" replied Wakka, awkwardly returning his attention to his gear in search of his collection of fire kindle.
They couldn't speed this journey up…because the weeks of travel time they'd save using to airship would be subtracted from Yuna's life. And not one of them would consider that option, despite the hassles of taking the long road.
Of course, no one dared to talk about it, and in silent agreement they all got busy with their appointed task of making the wilderness suitable to prepare dinner and sleep.
By the time Yuna returned, the camp was in full swing. Lulu was sprinkling spices into a steaming cauldron, Rikku was chopping vegetables, Auron was leaning against the rocky slope of the mountain, taking discreet swigs from his sake bottle while Wakka and Tidus relaxed by the fire, their tasks of starting the fire and setting up the beds already carried out.
Tidus' back was to her as he discussed something animatedly with Wakka (probably Blitzball) and as she watched his flailing gestures and listened to his echoing laugh, Yuna couldn't help but feel…feel everything.
Butterflies in her stomach, a lump in her throat, fire in her veins, practically every cliché imaginable she was currently experiencing just by the sight of him. It had been two weeks since that night in Macalania and still the memory of it haunted her every waking second. She had hoped it would go away with time. She had hoped that her firm logic could override her emotions…and she still believed that with determination, it was possible. She just needed to avoid him a bit longer.
Even though Lulu and Rikku were more than enough to handle supper, Yuna headed over to the cooking corner, relentless in her mission to block Tidus from her mind until she forgot the whole episode. And yet, with every step she took, the scandalous scene continued to re-play in her mind in a horrifying loop.
'His flashing blue eyes staring at her with unadulterated hunger…'
'His arms around her…enveloping her…hand pressed against the small of her back.'
'His lips…his touch…'
'The pulsing heat she had felt when he kissed her…'
Desperate, Yuna clamped her hands to the sides of her head and wished she could scream without drawing attention to herself.
'Yevon, why can't I forget!... Please just let me forget!'
"Yuna?"
"Huh?" she hastily let one of her hands fall normally to her side and pretended to use to other to scratch behind her ear. With a deep breath to compose herself, she twisted around to meet Wakka's eyes with her trademark smile plastered on her face. "What's up?"
"This little punk thinks we should trade Botta as Offense with Letty as Keeper! Can you BELIEVE that?"
With an exasperated groan, Tidus placed a reluctant hand on his captain's shoulder "It makes perfect sense! I mean look at their stats…"
"They've been playing those positions since any of us can remember! How can you just waltz in here and think…"
"What better reason than that to mix it up then, don't you think?"
Wakka simply shrugged his hand off and pleaded with his eyes for his fellow villager's support. "Tell 'im Yuna! Those guys don't know how to play any other position, ya!"
The young summoner simply fixed her eyes on the ground, pretending to be fascinated with the dirt she was re-arranging with her foot. "Well uh…Tidus…uh, he is captain after all so maybe…"
"Captain Shmaptain!" Tidus interjected angrily, jumping over the log he was sitting on the join Wakka's side in staring down Yuna. "Who says he knows better?"
"I've been in the game longer than you've been alive!"
"Oh…and you've won how many games? Lets count shall we…?" Tidus dramatically raised his hand to his face, preparing to count on his fingers for effect.
"I swear boy you're heading for disaster."
"One…two…two…oh wait." He shoved his two raised digits in his captain's face. "THAT'S IT!"
"And THAT was the last straw! You're going down brudda!"
"Bring it on Tubby!"
"Boys please!" Yuna rushed forward to step between her two guardians, pushing them both at either end of her arms' length. Despite her personal pledge to stay away from all things Tidus related, desperate times called for desperate measures. And although she was all too aware of her hand splayed firmly against his bear chest, she swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to endure the tingling sensation resonating from the point of contact. There wasn't much choice after all since she wouldn't put it past either of them to cause serious injury to one another for the sake of a stupid blitzball argument. "It's not like either of you will be playing blitzball for a long while yet anyway. For my sake, can you please burry this argument until then?"
'At least wait until I'm dead'…
With a sigh Tidus stepped out of her reach, regrettably breaking the link between them of which Yuna couldn't help but feel stunned in its absence. Then, in the first time in weeks, by complete accident, they made eye contact.
It lasted only a few seconds and yet it seemed like an eternity as every fear and worry of his own radiated from his eyes into her mind. Why she was avoiding him. What had changed? What had he done? And most importantly, did she still feel the same?
In an instant Yuna suddenly felt an unimaginable amount of shame thrust upon her conscience. Her proceeding actions from that night onward had been childish indeed and it was entirely plausible that he was equally, if not more so, confused than her as to how to handle the situation. Right then, she wished nothing more than to have a few moments alone with him, if only to explain things and put his mind at ease. He had to understand that she would not…she could not…fall for him.
But the truth was…in the back of her mind…she already knew that that ship had long since sailed.
Whatever the outcome, all three of the party couldn't help but notice that the silence had long since become uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry Wakka." Tidus' whispered calmly, seemingly in a trance, his eyes glued on Yuna. "I don't know what I did to push you away. But I'd do anything to fix it."
"Well you can start off by not…"
"It wasn't anything you did!" Yuna interjected, taking a step back and sheepishly fiddling with her long earring. "It was an accident. A slip on both our…I mean, your" she pointedly flicked her eyes towards Wakka "parts. It won't happen again."
"It wasn't an accident!" Wakka stated in an annoyed tone, completed oblivious to the underlying argument taking place. "This guy's just an arrogant, cocky, son of a…"
"He's right!" Tidus spat back "It wasn't an accident! It was more! And I think you think so too!"
"Aha! So you admit I'm right?" Wakka sneered triumphantly.
"Ya know what I think?" the frustration Tidus had been bottling up these past weeks was slowly leaking through his calm exterior. "I think you're afraid. Afraid to let something good happen to you. After all, it would ruin the whole 'tortured soul' bit wouldn't it?"
"In what world is switching Botta and Letty to be considered a good thing?"
"I…I don't want to talk about this anymore. You boys can figure it out cant you?" her hands shook as she pushed her hair behind her ears and reluctantly yet forcefully tore her eyes away to resume her dirt examination. "I have to help Lulu prepare dinner. Excuse me." And as quickly as she could, Yuna swiveled around with every intention of diving into the Lulu's boiling soup headfirst and thus allowing the inevitable bandages around her head to prevent her from ever seeing him again and thus falling into such an emotional frenzy…at least not until the pilgrimage was over.
But someone up there wasn't smiling upon her today, and in the midst of her get away Wakka caught her arm, knowing her too well than to let her run off when obviously upset.
"I…I'm sorry Yuna." Her guardian said with a guilty smile, an expression which always made her feel at ease no matter what the situation. "I know you have way more important things on your mind than our little squabble. And we promise to be good from now on. Don't we Tidus?"
The blond blitzer, having somehow mastered the art of hiding his emotions, had instantly transformed from angry lover into platonic, caring guardian. "I'm sorry too Yuna." He assured in such a genuine tone that Yuna almost believed it.
"And plus!" Wakka cut in, throwing one of his meaty arms around her shoulder. "Lulu seems to have enough help don't ya think? Why don't you come and hang out with us by the fire? I promise no shop talk, ya? And besides, you look cold."
Little did he know that her shivering had nothing to do with the temperature. Still, despite her former desperate need to get away, the offer of relaxation was indeed tempting, and true to his observation, Lulu did indeed have Auron and Rikku at hand, both looking bored as they stared into the cauldron and watched Lulu stir.
And with no more ado, the three of them settled themselves around the campfire, Wakka and Tidus sharing a log on one side, while Yuna remained opposite. Sipping her canteen of water as a distraction, she watched the boys get back into their blitzball argument, all too soon forgetting the promise they had made to her to keep away from the subject. But she didn't mind, watching them argue was entertainment enough for her seeing as they appallingly resembled a bickering old married couple. She laughed at the thought…it was refreshing to laugh.
Her peace was short lived, of course, for a mere 5 minutes after she had sat down, Wakka had Tidus in a strangle hold, both of them rolling around in the dirt, having fallen backwards off the log, Tidus laughing his head off between gasps for air, while Wakka wrung his neck.
It turns out that another subject that Wakka was overly sensitive to was his all too obvious obsession with his dead brother's fiancée, of which Tidus was all too eager to tease him about at every opportune moment. This time it had been especially embarrassing since Wakka had been caught in a salivating, deranged-like stupor while staring towards the cooking area in the middle of one of their arguments. Upon following his line of vision, Tidus' eyes were scarred with the image of Lulu bending over to fix one of the many buckles on her dress. Even from across the campsite, her cleavage looking dangerously close to popping out. With a belly laugh, Tidus had fallen off the log he had been sitting on, backward onto the sand, pointing at the rapidly reddening Wakka. And thus, how they arrived at the present situation: Tidus refusing to stop laughing and Wakka refusing to give him enough air.
"Oh man! I wish I had a camera!" Tidus somehow strangled out the words, despite to blocked air pipe.
"Quit it, ya?" Wakka bent down to the younger blitzer's level, his hands now busy trying to make their way to Tidus' mouth to cover it while he, still on his back, slapped the intruding heavy hands away, still giggling furiously. The fight eventually turned into a playful wrestling match, of which Yuna interpreted as harmless and didn't feel the need to intervene for the second time. Instead she kept an entertained eye on the boys, while sipping her water and praying to Yevon (old habits die hard) that Lulu didn't notice and demand an explanation. The cooking party, thank goodness, had yet to detect the scuffle.
However, the playful wrestling match had now gone on for a good 5 minutes behind the log. They had been lucky so far but it couldn't hold out that much longer. What if they really hurt each other? With a small annoyed sigh at being the involuntary referee, Yuna made her way to their side of the campfire.
"Children PLEASE!" she hissed, failing to sound intimidating but at least loud enough to capture their attention. "Do you want Lulu to come over here and discover that you're fighting over her…her breasts!" The word 'breasts' coming out of Yuna's mouth was enough to make both of them relent, Wakka's jaw even dropped a little, "You're adults! And if you want to live to see a new day, I suggest not angering the black mage who, need I remind you, recently acquired the Ultima spell."
They both winced, having witnessed that specific spell's power tear several fiends to bloody shreds only a few hours before. Logic, thankfully, was victorious over machismo as they silently helped each other up and began to brush the dirt off their clothes.
"He started it." Wakka couldn't help but interject, giving the half composed Tidus a forceful push back into the dirt.
"Hey! Yuna? Did you see what he…"
But the young, exasperated summoner was already back in her seat, simply shaking her head in dismay. With a grunt of satisfaction, Wakka strode proudly towards Lulu, Auron and Rikku, mercifully ignoring the multiple clumps of dirt that were thrown at his head as he walked away.
"Pft…jerk." Tidus mumbled as he attempted to renew himself from the scuffle, wincing as he returned to his log seat, and began untying the laces of his yellow boots. As he moved, Yuna couldn't help but watch in awe, almost as if her eyes were magnetically pulled toward his body.
He removed his heavy boots gingerly, brushing off the dirt stuck to the yellow leather before upturning them and dumping out an impressive amount of sand onto the burnt grass. With a grimace, he then rolled up his pant legs, taking note of the few bruises and brushing off yet more sand from his tanned calf.
It wasn't much of a peep show…only his legs…His bronzed, sculpted and glistening slightly with sweat from the both the heat and recent exercise, leg. And yet, the fact that she had never seen this part of him exposed before somehow caused her temperature to rise, flushing her cheeks. She knew she shouldn't be doing this. Even just looking at him she felt she was committing the most atrocious of sins. And yet, despite all reason, she couldn't tear herself away. She was definitely pulling a 'Wakka', probably even had the same dopey look on her face. Luckily, the object of her confusion had yet to notice.
Next, while rubbing his shoulder and glaring angrily in the general direction of Wakka, Tidus unclipped the straps of his uniform and stripped off the yellow shirt underneath, exposing at last the toned upper chest she had only caught glimpses of.
Yuna, immediately, started to choke…her sip of water having gone down the wrong tube, dribbling it down the front of her summoner's kimono as she turned, if possible an even deeper shade of red.
Attracted by the sound of her coughing, while still rubbing his shoulder, Tidus' eyes fixed on Yuna across the fire. An amused smile adorned his handsome face as he watched her fan herself, trying to look discreet while occasional coughs escaped her pink lips, the lightest part of her impossibly flushed face.
Truth be told, he hadn't given a second thought to exposing himself in order to relax a pulled muscle, but upon seeing the effect it had on Yuna, teasing was inevitable. No one was immune to his childishness.
"Like what you see?" he joked, posing ridiculously, muscles flexed for show. By Zanarkand standards, Tidus was considered more than a little scrawny for his profession, all the other blitzball players being, in majority, bulky men like Wakka in order to fend off attacks and throw long distances. His specific talents, however, were such speed and agility, that his small size didn't matter since he could almost always avoid full on attacks. He knew very well that his popularity with women was mainly because of his father and his position with the Zanarkand Abes. By normal teenage standards, he was simply "cute". "Attractive" wasn't really a word ever used to describe him. Thus why he thought the 'showing off' for Yuna would be considered funny, it had never occurred to him that his actions were making the innocent Lady all too uncomfortable.
With a panicked glance around to make sure everyone was pre-occupied (which, thankfully they were), Yuna hastily covered her eyes and gestured frantically for him to clothe himself.
"Oh….ok." he said, upon deciphering the cryptic message in her flailing hands. Tidus delicately replaced his shirt, shoes and buckles and before gently announcing that he was decent and secretly stumped as to why she was acting so oddly. She lived on a tropical island after all, where many of the men ran around in only loincloths all the time! What was the problem?
Then again, the rules may be different for summoners and their guardians. Consider Issaru and his brothers? All three of them were draped in conservative clothing in even the hottest climate. But then there was the other end of the spectrum, Donna and Barthello. The etiquette rules of Spira were so confusing.
Whatever the reason, it was amusing to see Yuna all riled up. Even after he dressed she still wouldn't look at him, eyes glued to where the other guardians were preparing the meal, cheeks burning.
As inconspicuously as he could, Tidus dared to make his way to the other side of the campfire, daintily placing himself next to her under the guise of wanting to share her water. Her eyes widened in fear as he drew closer, her grip so tight on her canteen that her knuckles were white.
Upturning his own canteen, illustrating that it was indeed empty, he gestured towards hers. "I'm parched…" he explained with an innocent shrug "And I think I have sand coating the inside of my throat". He gave a raspy cough to demonstrate, and Yuna felt herself unwind a little. The valley passage between Macalania and the Calm Lands was indeed a long dusty stretch and he would obviously be thirsty…that was all…It made sense… she was simply very paranoid.
"Uh, sure." She said with a smile, dropping her tense demeanor and passing over her water, assuring herself that his prior 'scandalous' actions were nothing more than a misunderstanding on her part.
…But as her fingers brushed his…Time stopped.
The canteen fell into the grass with a quiet thunk, draining and forgotten.
Tidus had that look in his eyes…that heated gaze and flashing blue eyes she had only seen once before, those few nights ago in Macalania Spring…right before she had thrown all her inhibitions to the wind and done things a young, widowed, virgin summoner shouldn't even be aware of…
Their finger tips pressed together. Those pressed fingers soon became linked hands and Tidus gently scooted closer, his face lowering dangerously close to hers and by whatever brain malfunction had shut down all logic, Yuna felt her eyes close and licked her lips in anticipation.
Millimeters from her mouth, Tidus paused, suddenly becoming the voice of reason. "What if they see?" he asked, a hint of humor in his tone. She knew he didn't consider publicizing their relationship such a big deal, and for the past two weeks he had been constantly trying to trick her into somehow revealing it…like now for example.
And yet, even though she knew it was a trick, the feel of his breath on her cheek was all too intoxicating – wild shoopuffs could not have dragged her away from this moment.
"I don't care." She whispered in reply, her voice musky and foreign to her own ears. Though her eyes were still closed, Yuna could almost sense his victorious smirk. Luckily, he knew well enough when to shut up, and there was no hesitation this time when he finally closed the gap between them, and kissed her.
It was even better than the first time…
This time it was no surprise and after two weeks of mind grueling abstinence she was horrified to discover that she practically ached for his touch. What had begun as a soft pressing of his lips against hers, instantly ignited into an explosion of passion and even though this time they weren't swimming, she still felt as if she were floating away. And yet again, she felt that terrible heat…the heat that controlled her every move.
Before she knew it, she had her hands tangled furiously in his hair, pressing his face closer, honestly believing that she could never be close enough for satisfaction. They pushed themselves against each other, his hands pressing equally hard against her back, trying to get as much contact as possible considering their log sitting positions.
This was horrible…so very horrible!…so amazingly, heart-stopping-ly, explosively horrible…
And then…
CLANG!
GASP!
Tidus and Yuna sprang apart, pushing each other to other ends of the bench, gasping for breath as they tried to compose themselves.
"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE!" They heard Lulu scream from across the campground. The two, caught in the act, winced at the sound, giving each other solemn last glances that seemed to say. 'Well, it was nice knowing you…!' . And then, with last deep breaths, they turned to face their foes, expecting the screaming and beatings to begin at any second.
Surprisingly, the scene they were witnessing was not a murderous rampage but a somewhat amusing tableau. Wakka, in an attempt to impress Lulu, had offered to help her cook the meal, even though it was not his turn. Confused, but too exhausted to deny a helping hand, the mage gave him strict instructions to watch the soup, stirring occasionally, while she gathered some vitamin rich herbs from the plain.
Proud of himself for getting on her good side, Wakka dutifully went to his assigned task of stirring. Several minutes later, he started salivating: the scent of the soup and his growling stomach being a dangerous combination. Considering it harmless, the bulky blitzer dared to dip his finger in for a taste. The result was him screaming as his digit made contact with the boiling broth, upturning the pot in the process of removing said digit as fast as possible.
Presently, the soup was being absorbed by some lucky dirt, creating some great smelling mud, Wakka was tenderly sucking his finger, Lulu was screaming, Auron was shaking his head while taking another swig of sake all while Rikku rolled around on her back in a fit of giggles.
Kimahri of course, remained stoic and blank-faced. All the time he was simply staring into the distance, taking his role as camp guard all too seriously. If it hadn't been for the twitching tail one could almost confuse him with a statue. Not even Rikku rolling over his massive paw-feet could produce a change of expression.
In all the chaos of the accident, no one had noticed the couple's all too public display of affection. Still, instead of feeling relief, they remained frozen, neither daring to move until they were purposefully caught doing nothing.
Upon confirming that nothing but a few drop remained in the pot, with a sigh of annoyance, Lulu began designating jobs for everyone, determined not to starve just because her would-have-been brother-in-law was an idiot.
"You two!" she yelled, pointing in the general direction of Yuna and Tidus, too busy attempting to clean up to notice their 'deer in the headlights' expressions. "Head over to those woods over there" she gestured to a small cluster of trees in the distance. "The bark has some nutritive element" she explained, interpreting their blank stares as confusion. "Yevon help me, I refuse to starve tonight. We have a long day tomorrow."
The couple exchanged questioning glances…
Lulu…THE Lulu, who didn't trust him as far as she could throw him…she was sending her adopted daughter alone…into the woods…with him?
They continued to stare at her, waiting for her to realize her mistake, contemplating how disturbed she must be over the loss of the meal to assign such a task. They contemplated right to the edge of her patience.
"GO!" she ordered, hurling a collection basket in their direction, which Tidus barely had time to register and catch before the wicker poked out his eyes.
"Well…" he shrugged, standing up and dusting off his pants "she doesn't have to tell me twice. Shall we?" He held out his hand for her, but she ignored it. She was so ashamed she couldn't even look at him,.
Taking the hint, Tidus let his hand drop, awkwardly fidgeting to disguise his offer. Carefully, he placed the basket next to her before jogging off to retrieve his sword from the pile of weapons, not daring to count on luck to protect them from any stray fiends on the way.
Yuna shuddered the moment he was out of her personal space, wrapping her arms around herself in comfort while practicing her calming exercises.
'Stupid…so incredibly stupid!'
And yet, she couldn't have resisted. She had no will power whatsoever! She legitimately feared (should the situation arise in the future) that the moment he fixed her with that stare of his, she would be helpless. Audience or no, she would do anything he asked…'anything and everything'.
Her lack of self control was more than just embarrassing…it was downright scary.
"Yuna? Get going!" Lulu insisted, pointing towards Tidus, who was already waiting at the edge of the campsite, pretending to be fascinated with the decorative ribbons of his sword. He couldn't meet her eyes either. Clutching her basket to her chest, the summoner rose from her seat, somewhat shakily following her guardian out into the open, careful to keep more than a few feet behind him.
Whatever temporary insanity had prompted Lulu to send them off together, she was grateful. They needed to talk…badly. 'Once in the shelter of the woods…'
Author's Notes: Okay, if you haven't realize yet, this whole scene takes place in the past from the first chapter. As will the next two following chapter describe events that lead to their secret "plan" discussed in the first chapter. Sorry about making them so long. I always start with a shot scene I want to get out and then end up stretching the hell out of it. Oh well…Do you have any idea what the mysterious plan in? lol :P. Review with any feedback…good or bad I'm open to it. Also, so you think I should make my chapters shorter? I may even split this one in two. Tell me what you think…REVIEW!