A/N: Well, here it is! The next chapter of PFRL, hope you guys like it, and don't forget, it is based on mainly the musical, but a few characters are based off of the movie, for every one of my PFRL parodies, so remember that. And I don't think this one is that good, but don't forget to review and tell me what you think! (: D) Oh, and this chapter is kind-of dedicated to smoothmovebro who texted me while I was writing this (I just felt like dedicating it to someone).
Disclaimer: I do not own Sweeney Todd. I would like to own Sweeney Todd, but I don't.
Singing is in italics. Talking will always be normal. (underlined for emphasis)
Parodies From Razor-Land
Chapter Two – Can't Pass Gas Often?
Nellie: A customer! Wait what's your rush? Where's your hurry?...
Sweeney: Uhm... I don't have a hurry, but now that you mention it, I should hurry out of here.
Nellie: ...You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost!...
Sweeney: Ugh, not trying to be a grammar-nazi...but it's "were".
Nellie: ...Half a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down. Sit!...
Sweeney: Alright! I'm sitting.
Nellie: ...All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks...
Sweeney: (under breath) I wonder why(?)
Nellie: ...Did you come here for a pie, sir?...
Sweeney: Even if I didn't, you'd probably give me one anyway.
Nellie: True... ...Do forgive me if me head's a little vague. What was that? And you think we had the plague...
Sweeney: I thought you did have the plague.
Nellie: ...From the way that people, keep avoiding. No you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir. Ick! But there's no one comes in even to inhale. Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?...
Sweeney: Actually, I'd like more than a drop.
Nellie: ...Mind you, I can't hardly blame them! These are probably the worst pies in London! I know why no body cares to take them, I should know, I make them. But good, no! The worst pies in London...
Sweeney: Shouldn't you be promoting your pies? Not driving people away with your creepy stories.
Nellie: But no one would watch that musical would they? Just let me finish this song, so we can get to the fun parts! ...Even that's polite! The worst pies in London, If you doubt it, take a bite!...
Sweeney: ("this is disgusting" face) Agh! What do you put in this?
Nellie: It doesn't matter! It's what we put in after that's important.
Sweeney: What?
Nellie: (awkward face) ...uh... ...is that just disgusting? You have to concede it. It's nothing but crusting. Here drink this, you'll need it...
Sweeney: Finally! I asked for the ale...like...a minute ago.
Nellie: ...the worst pies in London! And no wonder with the price of meat, what it is, when you get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day, men'd think it was a treat...
Sweeney: I'm a man, and I don't think it's a treat...
Nellie: ...finding poor animals, wot are dying in the street. Mrs. Mooney has a pie-shop, does a business, but I noticed something weird, lately all her neighbours cats have disapeared. Have to hand it to her, wot I calls, enterprise, popping pussies into pies...
Sweeney: I think I'd like her pies better than yours...
Nellie: ...wouldn't do in my shop...
Sweeney: You should, it could do you good!
Nellie: ...just the thought of it's enough you make you sick, and I'm tellin' you them pussycats is quick... no denying times is hard, sir. Even harder than the worst pies in London, only lard and nothing more...
Sweeney: So that's what you put in your pies!
Nellie: ...is that just revolting, all greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting, and tastes like, well, pity a woman alone, with limited wind, and the worst pies in London! Ah, sir, times is hard, times is hard!
Sweeney: That's what you've been saying for the past two minutes and twenty-three seconds! What's "limited wind" supposed to mean? Does that mean you can't pass gas often?
A/N: That seemed okay... Not as bad as I thought it would be! : -) Don't forget to review, if you want the next chapter!
And thanks to smoothmovebro for the first review!