Chapter 2 – A Mission with a Difference
"When you're at the end of your rope, all you have to do is make one foot move out in front of the other. Just take the next step. That's all there is to it." (Samuel Fuller)
They'd been back 'home' for a week and a half with the mission debriefed and the last of the CIA agent well behind them. Pooch had spent some time with his wife and Jensen had gone up to see his sister and niece for a day or two before returning. With the team all reassembled, it was no surprise to have Clay call them in to announce their next mission.
They'd been given five days to get themselves ready for another extraction, this time over in Asia. The team split up in their usual way with Roque and Cougar making sure all of their weaponry supplies were in order, while Pooch focused on arranging as much of the transport in advance as was feasible. Jensen barely emerged from a welter of technical equipment long enough to eat as he hacked databases for more Intel and made sure that all of their comms were running at peak condition.
By the time they got to the night before they were due to go, Jensen was wired and on Clay's orders, Cougar and Pooch forcibly removed him from his computers and shoved him to bed in a darkened room, both of them standing guard until he dropped to sleep. Not that it took very long, he was exhausted enough to fall asleep within minutes once all external stimuli were removed. The rest of the team also took advantage of one final opportunity to sleep in half-way decent beds on clean sheets.
Jensen woke early, jittery.
More jittery than normal in Cougar's opinion as his restlessness woke his bunkmate. Cougar was used to Jensen, used to Jensen's noise and Jensen's movement and today there was more than was normal. He sat up to watch as Jensen packed and unpacked his kitbag before repacking again. Cougar sighed. "Jensen?"
Jensen looked over his shoulder as if surprised to see Cougar awake. "Oh! Sorry! I didn't wake you up, did I?"
Cougar tilted his head and Jensen flushed with clear embarrassment before apologizing again, then adding, "Are you hot? Is it hot in here?"
Cougar frowned and stood up, moving across to his team-mate and reaching a hand up to rest against his forehead only for Jensen to jump backward. "Whoa! What? What are you doing? What's with the touching, dude?"
Cougar stepped back apologetically, looking chastened. Jensen's face fell and he stepped forward back into Cougar's space. "Cougs? It is hot, isn't it? It's not just me?" He leant forward as if to offer the other man his forehead for checking, but this time Cougar kept both hands firmly by his sides. "I'm sorry, Cougar. I just . . ." All of a sudden, Jensen looked like he was on the verge of tears, something Cougar had never seen before. The younger man turned away, stuffing his belongings into his bag haphazardly before sitting down beside it, looking away from Cougar and wiping a hand across his eyes.
A thought crossed Cougar's mind that perhaps after his ordeal on their last mission that Jensen was actually having difficulty mentally preparing for this one. That maybe his younger team-mate would be better sitting this mission out, dealing with the issues or maybe . . . he didn't like to think of the team without Jensen, but he understood that sometimes a soldier reached the point where he had seen all he could take, sometimes a soldier could reach the end of the line.
"Cougs . . ." Jensen's voice was soft and unsure.
"Jensen, maybe I should take your temperature. Perhaps you are not well and should not be on this mission."
Jensen looked up at him; the depth of emotion on show in his eyes was heart-breaking. He allowed Cougar to feel his forehead, accepted the cool cloth that he brought him afterward but wouldn't permit a call to Clay or the medic on duty. "I'm okay, Cougs," he said quietly, "I won't let you all down. I promise."
Cougar knelt in front of him so he could look him in the eyes, "It is not about letting us down, Jacob Jensen. You don't have it in you to ever do that. But if you are not well, then you should not be hauling your ass around Asia. Perhaps you should sit this one out."
"No . . . please Cougar, don't leave me behind. I promise it's not that bad." He heaved a great breath and seemed to pull himself together. "I can do this, right? I can do this," he repeated with more assertion.
"Always," Cougar agreed, promising himself that he would look out for his team-mate even more than usual. It was a fine line Jensen was walking between being broken and being whole and Cougar was determined to see that he stayed on the right side of it. "I think perhaps we should pack your bag together, my friend."
Jensen seemed calmer after Cougar had helped him pack his bag, not that Cougar had done much beyond picking each item up in turn and handing it to Jensen for him to pack correctly. Once they were both ready and had headed out to join the rest of the team, Jensen was soon occupied with Pooch in getting their gear ready for transport with Roque overseeing the two of them. It gave Cougar the opportunity to speak discreetly with Clay.
"Jensen . . ." Cougar began, not really sure where to start.
Clay's head snapped round, his eyes focussed intently on Cougar for a moment before flicking across to the rest of the team and then returning. "What about him? Don't stop there. Is there a problem?"
"I – I think the last mission may be weighing on his mind," Cougar finally settled on what he thought was a fair description of the situation.
"He's not the only one . . . I wish this wasn't retrieval. We needed them to give us a break, something that doesn't bring up the fresh memories. . ." Clay sighed. "He's okay, though? Do I need to call this off?"
"I will keep watch over him," came Cougar's reply.
"That I already know and it wasn't my question!" Clay breathed out heavily. "Look, this shouldn't be so bad. He's staying outside. Trust me, I'm not sending him anywhere alone. Roque and I will go in, you're watching out for us and he will be safely stowed where he can hack. He needs his confidence back. He did good last time. I mean, fuck if I know anyone else who would have been able to escape a wolf inside a building. But we all know from experience, the body can heal and leave few marks, the mind is a whole different game. We'll look out for him, we'll let him chatter, we all know what we're listening for." Clay looked back again to where Jensen stood alongside Pooch and Roque, saw the underlying tension in the young man's posture. "None of us want to lose him."
Cougar nodded knowing exactly what Clay meant.
Clay was regretting being so nonchalant about Jensen's state of mind about thirty minutes into the flight. It felt like the tech hadn't even stopped talking long enough to draw breath since they'd taken off and if Clay heard him complain one more time about being hot, he was going to rip the emergency exit hatch off the plane and dangle Jensen outside by his ankles.
Roque had his eyes closed as if he were sleeping, but Clay doubted very much that he was, didn't actually think it was possible with the noise Jensen was making, but there were small mercies to be counted and today's was that Roque hadn't laid Jensen out yet.
Clay lifted his head and glared at Cougar, who was sitting alongside Jensen as if to complain the silent man hadn't done something about it, after all glaring at Jensen had done even less than when he'd snapped at Jensen about ten minutes ago. To be fair, when he'd told Jensen to shut up, he had; it just hadn't lasted more than a couple of minutes. Clay couldn't help watching Jensen, taking in all the ways that Jensen was 'wrong'. There was more to the situation than met the eye, this was more than just the usual inane Jensen gabble that the team was inured to.
"I was just saying it was hot," Jensen snapped at Clay, "Why are you glaring? Okay glare at me, because I'm not happy about the ridiculous heat in here, why glare at Cougar? What's he done to piss you off?" There was a pause before he started again, "Why's this plane have to be so loud? It's really getting on my nerves. I've got a headache from all this noise. Cougar, did you hear what I said or is it too loud for anyone else to hear and I'm talking to myself. God, all this noise hurts my ears."
Cougar shifted slightly in his seat, let the leg beside Jensen tilt to the left so it rested against Jensen's leg, felt the jittery movement as Jensen tapped it up and down on the floor. He slid his fingers down his own leg and let the ends drift out beyond to rest on Jensen's. He felt the constant jigging motion slow, as Jensen heaved a deep breath and seemed to calm. He took off his hat, looked at Jensen and said, "Lean back in your seat." He waited without another word until Jensen followed his instruction, ignoring the slightly bemused look. "Close your eyes." Jensen's eyes flared with alarm for a moment before he again responded to the calm of his friend's demeanor. As his eyes closed, Cougar slid his hat on to Jensen's head, tilting the brim to block out the light and murmured, "Sleep, my friend. Deberías dormirte." (1)
There was a moment or two when Cougar thought that Jensen was going to object to the instruction, when his whole bearing seemed to indicate that he was about to get up again, but Cougar left his fingers resting on Jensen's leg and the calm seemed to gradually invade his being, overcoming the fight and finally he let go and relaxed. Cougar could tell he wasn't deeply asleep, but at least he wasn't burning up energy he didn't have to spare. Looking round at the rest of the team, he could see they had all relaxed too; Roque's shoulders seemed to have dropped a couple of inches although his actual position hadn't changed, Clay's glare was gone and instead Cougar felt himself under a gaze of impressed approval. He started to withdraw his fingers from Jensen's leg, presuming Clay hadn't noticed them yet otherwise he assumed it wouldn't have been approval in Clay's eyes. He was surprised at the curt headshake he received from Clay, the motion clearly taken note of. "Don't," Clay said, just loud enough to be heard over the roar of the plane's engines.
Cougar nodded, leant back in his own seat and closed his eyes, grabbing at the last chance for rest before their mission started.
Cougar woke a couple of hours before the plane was due to land and immediately tried to soothe Jensen. The tech was twitching in his sleep, a sign they all recognized in each other. There wasn't one among them who hadn't needed to be woken from a nightmare by his team-mates, who hadn't needed to see them alive and blood-free to dispel at least a little of the overwhelming weight the nightmares left behind.
They each had their own triggers, their own tells and their reactions on waking differed. Until Jensen had joined the team, Cougar's nightmares had been the least under control, the sniper withdrawn and isolated. Clay knew that Cougar was the best at his job but that he'd been having difficulty finding a way to 'be' part of the team. There had never been a question about his loyalty, his diligence or his reliability, but sociable Cougar was not or at least he hadn't been. He'd kept himself on the edge of the team, as if reluctant to be drawn in. Clay didn't know what anyone else knew about it, he'd seen enough of Cougar's past record to know the self-isolation came from failed missions, bad commanding officers, and self-imposed blame. He'd worked to overcome it, worked to include Cougar and discourage the isolation which was bad for any soldier's mental health but it had taken the arrival of Jensen to break his barriers down and get the real genuine interaction that eased Clay's concerns.
Jensen woke and the edginess was back in full force within minutes. Jensen complaining full force about too much noise, heat, light, needing to move and for some bizarre reason something he described as itching under his skin. Cougar's presence was no longer breaking through the agitation and Jensen's complaints were becoming more and more erratic and irrational and Clay had no idea what he was talking about, but at least he had been able to distract Jensen for a while by giving him mission details to go over.
Jensen quieted as he pored over the latest set of notes and documents, his only interjections now were mission related and he'd turn each question to Cougar first and then Clay, as if even he knew he'd been on the point of driving his team to murder.
Once they'd landed and made their way to the warehouse they were using as a base, it didn't take long for them to set up their equipment efficiently on site. As soon as that was done, Clay insisted that everyone wear comms at all times when they were apart. Roque reacted, almost snarling, "You do realize his inane nonsense is going to melt everyone's brains before we can do anything useful."
"I don't care. You will follow orders," Clay barked back, eyes fiery. Roque glared back but snatched an earpiece from the table where Jensen had laid them out. The tech's eyes were down, subdued and Clay was grateful again that Cougar was hovering nearby, obviously attuned to the younger man.
Jensen was being quiet, too quiet. Clay could see the tension running through him and wondered again why he'd let himself be talked into this, why he hadn't called the whole thing off when Cougar had said there was something the matter with Jensen.
The deserted warehouse had a bunch of offices tucked away at the back of the building, marginally less destroyed than the rest of the building was and Jensen had set up the smallest office with all of his equipment and that was where he was now. Cougar was sitting with Roque and Pooch in the middle of the area just outside, facing the room Jensen was in. There was clearly something bothering him.
Clay made eye contact with the sniper and sent him a questioning look, Cougar shrugged and looked down at the bed rolls laid out on the floor nearby . . . Clay glanced across . . . One, two, three and his own alongside waiting to be unpacked. There was nothing in the area to signify that Jensen had any intention of joining them.
Clay picked his way across the warehouse and knocked on the door to the room where Jensen was. He opened the door and looked in, surprised when he couldn't see Jensen at first amid a pile of way more computer equipment than they'd brought with them. "Jensen?"
There was a shuffle of movement and as Clay stepped deeper into the room, he could make out Jensen in the furthest corner behind the door, deep in shadow, face illuminated only by the light shining from the laptop balanced on his knees. Clay closed the door behind him, paused to look over at the machinery in the center of the room which seemed to be doing something, not sitting idle like old redundant machines from before the warehouse closed.
Jensen's voice was hesitant when he explained, "I found some old machines abandoned here, I fixed them up and added them to what I brought with me to increase the processing power and search capacity."
Clay hadn't heard that hesitancy in a while, not since the first couple of missions with Jensen as part of the team. Like most of the team, Clay had 'acquired' Jensen almost by default. If the army didn't know what to do with them, they gave them one last chance in a team like Clay's. He doubted his was the only team like it, made up of the people no other commanding officer wanted. Jensen was too good at what he did and too intelligent to boot. He didn't make a good grunt and you had to be secure in yourself to take a cocky underling like him for long, because Jensen would without thinking twice tell you when your plans sucked. Clay sometimes wondered how many of his previous C.O.s had taken the time to realize that Jensen might tell you it sucked, but that he would still follow his orders to the letter or how many of them had ever asked him if he had any Intel that would allow for a better plan.
Jensen was a geek without a doubt, but he was also brave to the point of stupidity when it came to putting his life on the line to save others. He was a beyond good soldier. Clay had more than simple belief in just his tech skills; he knew that Jensen was good in a fight as well.
Yet he'd turned up at Clay's office that first time unwanted, a cast off from one too many teams to have faith left that he could be in a team that would want him and have his back when he was in danger, a team that would respect his strengths and above all actually like him for the man he was.
Clay lowered himself down to the floor next to Jensen and leant back against the wall. Jensen didn't move which he took as a good sign. He also didn't close down or hide what he was looking at on the laptop in front of him. Clay looked round the room and took in not just the complicated array of wires and technology but the fact that Jensen had set out his own bedding roll in a small place in the corner.
"So . . ." Clay looked at Jensen wondering where to start.
"It was there," Jensen waved at the hardware in the center of the room. "Well not there exactly, it was scattered between the rooms, I set up my stuff and then added it in." Jensen shrugged and looked away and Clay could feel the defensiveness in his posture.
"Hey, you know me, consummate techno-phobe. I don't get it, but I'm in awe of what you get it to do. I have no problem with using whatever if it gets the job done." He saw Jensen give a small nod and wondered when he got to the point where he was handling the last job so wrong, where along the line he should have reassured Jensen or whether he should have left him back in the States. "Jensen . . . I know things went bad last time . . ."
"I'm a soldier," Jensen said simply.
"Yup, you are and that hasn't changed because things turned bad last time."
"No . . . I feel . . . different . . . wrong . . ." Jensen murmured.
"Nerves, Jensen, that's all it is. Just like your first mission ever, or your first mission with a new team . . . This time though, you know, it's us, we've always got your back and we trust you with ours. We are a team."
Jensen nodded again. "I'm gonna sleep in here," he said quietly.
Clay gave it a moment, and then said, "Make some more room, Cougar'll sleep in here too. Perimeter's secure. And Jensen . . . you will sleep, you will not spend all night hacking or checking details. You've done your job, you've got the Intel we need. You've still got tomorrow to find anything else you can. That's an order."
"Yes sir."
Clay let his gaze rest on the rotating pictures in front of Jensen long enough to see they were of his family. "So how's Little League panning out?"
"They're doing good . . . They've won more than they've lost, a lot more."
"Better make sure we get you back there quickly then, so you can go cheer at a game soon, don't you think?" Jensen nodded in response, closed his eyes and bit his lip. "Okay, then. I'm gonna go check on everyone else. You get that space cleared so there's room for Cougar and I'll see you in the morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to kick some computer ass for me!"
Clay pushed himself up and headed for the door, casting one last look back to see Jensen already starting to follow his orders. He wasn't sure it was enough, certainly wasn't all that Jensen or any of his men deserved but right now it was all he had to offer, the best he could do. Back in front of the others, he felt all their eyes on him. He ignored them all and walked across to his own pack, not speaking until he'd got his back to them. "Jensen's just clearing some room in there. He's done something suitably technical with a load of old computer stuff he found lying around and has built a computer to take over the world or something." Turning back he added, "He's going to bunk down in there with Cougar. Rest of us will sleep out here."
It wasn't a question, wasn't even an order or a request just a statement of fact and Cougar was moving almost before he'd finished speaking, collecting his own stuff up and moving to the door to the room where Jensen had been holed up since their arrival.
With both men out of sight and the door closed, Roque asked, "He gonna be okay? He gonna have our backs?"
"Of course. He ever let you down before? Thought not, so don't begin to think he's going to start doing it now!" Clay's voice was firm. "Roque, you've got first watch so shut the fuck up while the rest of us get some sleep."
Cougar entered the room quietly, taking note of the way Jensen had everything laid out and where there was space for him to put his things down. He saw how Jensen had tucked his things into a corner as if he was going to sleep there and decided to move Jensen's things to be alongside his own. It would be safer: if Jensen had another nightmare like the one on the flight, he didn't want to be tripping over wires or knocking over Jensen's computer set up to reach him in the dark.
"Umm, Cougs . . . that's my stuff you're moving."
"Here. We will sleep here. It's better. Roque is on watch now, you're next. So stop and sleep now."
Jensen made his way over and sat down, looking at Cougar as the sniper settled down and turned to face the opposite direction, leaving Jensen to turn the last light in the room out before settling down himself. "Who's after me?" Jensen asked, shifting to get comfortable.
"I am." The room fell silent and both men lay still and quiet for a while, but neither had fallen asleep, Cougar was waiting to hear the even breathing of sleep from Jensen, while Jensen was too lost in the bizarre feelings still churning through his body - heat, sound, smell and the overwhelming wrongness as if something were squirming inside his body and trying to get out.
Cougar knew it was coming, probably even before Jensen and so he rolled quietly over to look at his friend. Jensen's back was rigid, the tension clear and he began to shift as if unable to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. He rolled and shifted a few times: back, front, left side; back, left side, front; left side, front, back.
Cougar slid a fraction closer; just enough that as Jensen settled for a moment, his own hand could come to rest on Jensen's shoulder as he murmured softly, "Descansa, mi amigo."(2) Jensen stilled, let out a breath and seemed to settle. Cougar waited as Jensen finally drifted into sleep, then succumbed to slumber himself.
Cougar was returning from his own watch having handed off to Clay a little early because Clay was awake anyway and had decided that it would be better to have Cougar back with his focus on Jensen than both of them sitting waiting for the actual time for the change of watch. As he opened the door, Cougar heard a whimper and the restless shift as Jensen twisted and turned in his sleep.
He closed the door quickly and moved to Jensen's side, reaching out to shake his friend awake gently. There was heat pouring off of Jensen and it took a firm shake and calling his name to wake Jensen up.
Jensen immediately curled up on his side, gasping for air and for a moment, Cougar was worried he was going to be sick, but gradually he uncurled and his breathing calmed. "Hurts, Coug," he murmured softly.
"Sssh," Cougar soothed, gently rubbing Jensen's arm. He drew Jensen closer, held him until he fell asleep again.
Despite sleeping through the rest of the night without waking, Jensen looked drained and exhausted in the morning. He was quiet but clearly trying to maintain the charade of normal verbosity. "Pooch, my man with a van . . . umm . . ." his voice petered out as he lost track of what he was going to say. None of the team failed to notice the constant twitching and shifting; Jensen seemed restless, unable to be still.
However, he was on form with his hacking and turned up a few more tidbits of information that would assist them in retrieving their objective once on site. No people to deal with this time, just a straight in and out retrieval of hard-copy plans for a new military installation if all went to plan.
Evening drew in quickly and the team separated, leaving Jensen alone in the warehouse with the computers. He'd already hacked the security system and so would be able to open doors and override the onsite alarms for Roque and Clay as needed.
Clay took Jensen on one side for one last reassurance before they left, "I know you're not feeling great about this job, Jensen, but we're prepared and it's going to go to plan, so just hang on in there and you'll be home watching your niece's little league game before you know it."
"What no wolves? God, sometimes this job is just so boring it's unreal," Jensen snarked, drawing a smirk from Clay. "I'll see you all soon then, I guess!"
"And Jensen . . ." Clay turned before leaving the room, "Don't let me find out you were hacking in your underwear . . . we've already had that conversation, don't forget!"
"Gotcha sir, no underwear while hacking. I can do that, sir!"
Clay couldn't help but laugh, finding himself reassured by Jensen's reaction.
An hour into the mission and things were going well, Jensen had got through all the security blocks, over-ridden the security cameras so that apparently all they would show the following morning, should anyone start looking at them, was clips from a series of gay porn movies on all the corridor cameras and the Emmanuelle relaunched version films on the elevator cameras. Clay didn't ask how Jensen did it, knew he wouldn't understand if the tech did try to tell him but figured it was kind of amusing anyway and that there would be a whole load of security guys fighting for the opportunity to review the elevator camera footage just to make sure there weren't any breaks in the films in which the perpetrators could be seen. Even more amazing was Jensen's reassurance that the guys currently on security duty were seeing empty corridors and rooms and nothing more.
In Clay's opinion, their tech was a gift, a normally over-active, particularly loud one, but a gift all the same. Jensen was doing okay, he was talking, not quite as much as normal, and a lot more on task without the wild tangential comments they were used to but his voice was almost soothing in its running spiel of information about each of their locations and their status.
Each of them had in their own way checked in and made sure that Jensen knew they were all aware of him and concerned for his safety, another sign that reassured Clay he had a kick-ass team. He'd seen it before, the highly competitive teams where the members weren't a team at all but individuals out for their own ends, their own promotions. He knew for a fact that both Cougar and Roque had seen that kind of team first hand and come out worse for it as had Jensen. It made him all the more proud of his men that they'd overcome that mentality to make his team even better.
There'd been a few odd grunts from Jensen, murmurs that sounded like pain, but after a brief silence Jensen would reassure them that all was fine and he'd stubbed his toe or banged his elbow. None of the team were buying it, but for now Jensen was right all focus needed to be on the mission and getting it over and done with, then they could find out what was going on back at the warehouse. The sounds were too intermittent, too far between each other for there to be an actual problem back there, so Clay put it out of his mind.
Cougar was edgy. From his vantage point, he could make out Clay and Roque in the building and was pleased at the speed with which they were getting through each of the security obstacles, which showed that not only were they okay, but also that all was well with Jensen. A slight twist of his head and he could see Pooch's location as well and all seemed quiet there too.
It didn't stop the nervous churn in his stomach that although Jensen was doing everything he should, all was not well back at the warehouse. Silently he urged Roque and Clay onward again.
He heard a whimper over the comms, knew instantly it was Jensen and barely held his position, biting his lip to keep his focus where it was supposed to be. "Jensen, Jensen, talk to me," he murmured quietly. There was no response.
Another door opened inside the building and Roque and Clay moved to the last elevator, the private one that only two people had the passcode for – or three if you included Jensen, of course. There was a pause and the door didn't open. Clay's voice over the comm said, "Jensen, can you get this elevator door for us?" The voice was calm, but Cougar could hear the edge of concern, the worry for both Jensen and why the door wasn't already open and for the mission, which would all fall apart if Jensen couldn't get them to the final floor.
Jensen's voice was tight, filled with pain as he answered, "Yeah, yeah . . . It'll . . ." He gasped before managing to continue, "Just hang on . . . opening . . . now?" He finished with a clear question to his voice as if he wasn't sure the door was going to open at all.
"Yeah, door's open. Cougar! Cougar, head back to base, we're in and everything's fine so . . ."
"No! No, stay there, Cougs. Keep watching . . . just . . . just in case . . . nothing wrong here. 'S just me here, no . . . no danger. Just not feeling so good. . . that's all," Jensen stammered out.
Clay sighed, torn between the urge to send Cougar back and the knowledge that without Jensen watching the cameras, which was a distinct possibility given the sound of his voice, there was a real danger of someone sneaking up on them and Cougar was their only other option for that kind of Intel. "Okay, you sure, Jensen?" When he received a grunted yes, Clay told Cougar to stay put and keep watching and they'd be done as quickly as they could.
Clay and Roque were on target, making good time and with the exception of the anxiety about Jensen that was zipping through the team, everything was going well. Jensen had been quiet for a while beyond mutterings that no one could quite make out. Cougar's infamous patience was finally overridden by concern and he was the one to break the silence, with, "Jensen, status report?" There was an initial silence into which Cougar added, "Please." They all knew that Cougar was breaking protocol but with Clay and Roque engaged in forcing open the safe containing the plans, Cougar needed to be sure.
There was no response. Cougar held his position, forced himself to hold position because he was a soldier and he had a standing order to provide cover for his C.O. If there was actually something wrong with Jensen . . . he couldn't let his thoughts go there, he couldn't. Clay's voice rumbled through the comms, "Jensen, status report now." Cougar's overwhelming feeling was one of eternal gratitude but it still took forever for Jensen to reply.
"Hurts . . . all this noise, it hurts," Jensen said quietly. There was the sound of movement, a whimper and what almost sounded like a dog whining. When Clay again demanded a report, Jensen snapped, "Just . . . just leave me the fuck alone, all of you! You're inside my head all the fucking time. God, you're just . . . why are you all fucking doing this to me? It hurts, it hurts . . . it hurts . . ." Jensen's voice was almost a sob before he'd finished. "Do it on your own, I can't do this anymore."
"Jensen!" Clay barked, terrified by the implication of what he was hearing. Quieter, he said, "Jensen, talk to me." There was no response beyond a rustle of movement. "'k team, we've . . . umm . . . Jensen's out of commission for the moment. Cougar, I need to know the conditions for our exit. Roque's got the plans. Is the planned exit clear?"
"All guards still at their post," Cougar's response was curt. "Exits clear."
"K, so this is what we're going to do. Roque and I are going to exit as planned and meet Pooch. Cougar, you're heading back to base. Find Jensen, do what you have to. Pooch, is everything clear down there?"
"Yes sir! Just get back as soon as you can. We have more important places to be."
"We do. Cougar, are you moving yet?"
"But . . ."
"We can do this, Coug. Go, he needs us there. We'll be back as soon as we . . ." Clay's words were drowned out by a gut-wrenching scream that seemed to go on and on and on. Clay didn't bother asking if Cougar was still watching them when the scream finally petered out to a whimper and then silence broken only by pained panting. He just said, "Roque and I have commenced exit plan. Be ready, Pooch."
Cougar didn't think he'd ever covered ground so fast. As he stumbled his way through the warehouse door already shouting for Jensen, he knew there was nothing that would stop the panic but the sight of Jensen safe and well. He burst through the door to the room where they had left Jensen and was greeted by the sight of a wolf lying prone on the floor whimpering.
At his entrance, the wolf tried to lift its head, gave a small whine of pain before settling its head down again. He edged slowly into the room, one hand resting on his still sheathed weapon, the other held out toward the wolf. It whined again and closed its eyes.
Cougar stood for a moment, not moving closer, just taking the time to take in the full beauty of the animal before him. The wolf's fur looked soft, shades of grey surrounded its eyes, darkening to almost black up on the tips of its ears, then lightening again down the back of its head and into its shoulders. Its muzzle and haunches were cream veering to almost white.
Cougar lowered himself to the floor, close enough to touch, but kept his hands to himself and waited. The wolf lay still, eyes still closed, slight pants escaping between the quiet whines and whimpers. Eventually, its eyes opened, pain-filled and weary, their gaze settling on Cougar. Carefully, Cougar held out a hand, let the wolf sniff at it, his other hand still hovering beside his gun. The wolf looked warily from one hand to the other as if it knew what Cougar was thinking. There was a moment's pause before the wolf tilted its head enough to let its tongue sweep out and give a brief, tentative lick to the offered hand.
Slowly Cougar moved closer. He settled, waited until the wolf's gaze was on him again, then let his hand drift down to rest on the soft fur between the wolf's ears, giving a gentle stroke down the back of his head, before letting his fingers curl softly there at the back of the neck and just gently scratch. He wasn't sure but he thought he could read in the wolf's eyes a mix of relief combined with need.
For the first time ever, Cougar admitted to himself the truth of what he really felt for Jensen, as he murmured, "Mi amigo, qué te sucedía?"(3) It was more than simple friendship, had been for a long time now without him even realizing it and now more than ever, he wanted to protect Jensen.
Clay's voice broke through into his thoughts, "Cougar, you made it back yet? Status report? Where's Jensen? Is he alright?"
Cougar looked down at the wolf and wondered what he could say to that. The urge to protect Jensen was strong and this . . . he had no idea how the team would react to seeing Jensen like this. "Everything is under control," he answered, before wondering how he could be so certain this was Jensen, how there could be not even a shadow of a doubt. He took his earpiece out, hunted round for Jensen's finding it on the floor by the fallen chair where they had left the tech. He turned them both off and threw them on to the table beside the computer. He bent closer over the wolf, leaning in to bury his nose in the fur at the scruff of the wolf's neck and inhaled, before promising, "No te dejaré solo. Haré todo lo que pueda para mantenerte a salvo."(4)
The wolf tilted its head and licked at Cougar's face and Cougar smiled affectionately as the wolf nudged at his hat as if to topple it off his head. Cougar sat back and surveyed the room. Both kitbags were already packed. He lifted his own on to his back, then reached for Jensen's wondering how far he'd be able to carry both and lead the wolf before he found safety. He urged the wolf up on to its feet, saw as it struggled to stand. He knelt down again, dropping Jensen's pack in favor of running his hands over the wolf, looking for any sign of injury. There was nothing that he could see, no sign of blood or anything he recognized as misaligned bones but clearly the wolf was in pain.
He stood again, the need to get the wolf away to somewhere safe over-riding everything else. He didn't bother picking Jensen's pack up, just opened the top, took some of Jensen's clothes and stuffed them into his own. They wouldn't be able to make it far anyway. "Come," he said to the wolf and watched as it struggled to follow. He urged it to move faster, watched as its head drooped as it tried to cross the warehouse floor but when it stumbled to the floor for the second time, Cougar knew there would be no running. The wolf was struggling to its feet again, determination in its bearing and Cougar put a hand out to halt it, tears in his eyes. He dropped his pack and sat down on the floor, pulling the wolf closer, stunned by the trust in its eyes.
The wolf's head settled gently against Cougar's stomach, a small whimper escaping its lips. Its eyes closed and it shuffled forward an inch or two more, nose burrowing under Cougar's hand. Cougar dashed a hand across his eyes, wiping away the trace of tears, bent forward to lay a kiss into the fur on the back of the wolf's head, then leaving the one hand resting over the wolf's nose, he buried the other in the fur on its back, fingers gently scratching as the wolf relaxed into sleep.
He heard Pooch screech to a halt outside, the general melee of noise of the others climbing out and heading hurriedly for the door and he knew he couldn't let them hurt Jensen while he was like this. As a wolf, Jensen had made no attempt to bite, no attempt to hurt him. His mind briefly took him back to the huge maniacal wolf that had sunk its teeth into Jensen, the mad rage in its eyes, the utter evil that seemed to emanate from it. There had been no beauty or elegance to that wolf, no sense of reason. Insane. Jensen showed none of that here, now.
Cougar wondered for an instant if Jensen would become like that over time, if the pain he was in now was a sign of the madness to come later. Did this pain lead to that madness, a foreshadowing of things to come? Would he be able to end it all for Jensen before he hurt anyone? One thing Cougar knew for sure was that Jensen would never want to become that rabid beast, would never want to be allowed to inflict this suffering on another being.
As he looked down, he saw the wolf's eyes were open, gaze following him as if Jensen could read his thoughts and accepted them. He leant forward close to the wolf's ear and whispered, "Te lo prometo, mi amor, si alguien tenga que terminar esto para tí, seré yo. No permitaré que hagas daño a nadie, no permitaré que te conviertas en una bestia loca."(5) With that he gently pushed at the wolf's head and shifted it until Jensen understood the need to move.
Jensen's attention was on the doorway and the voices beyond and as Cougar stood and let his hand drift to his weapon again, Jensen whined. The wolf pushed himself up to his feet again and Cougar found his attention distracted from the door by the wolf's pain. Jensen moved to stand beside him but Cougar could almost feel the fear radiating from the wolf.
The door banged back against the wall, loud in the almost silent warehouse. Clay stood huge and forboding in the doorway. Cougar took a step forward, planting himself in front of the wolf and waited. "What the fuck, Cougar? I've been trying to get a status report from you for the last five minutes. Why the hell haven't you been answering?"
Cougar shrugged and waited.
Clay barely paused for breath, "And where the fuck is Jensen? Is he okay?" Pooch and Roque were flanking Clay now and it was Pooch that spotted the wolf first, reacting with a gasp and then a pointed finger, drawing Clay's attention to the wolf.
Clay's weapon was out and pointed at the wolf in an instant and Cougar was in his face, forcing the gun up and toward the ceiling milliseconds later. "No!" Cougar growled. "Don't!"
Clay pushed the sniper away angrily, "Give me one fucking good reason why not."
"It's Jensen," Cougar said plainly.
"Come again?"
"It's Jensen, he is . . . he is Hombre-lobo. . . I don't know the name . . . The bite . . . the moon . . . he changed."
"Werewolf!" Pooch laughed. "Oh come on Cougs, man, Jensen's a werewolf. You've been watching too many scary movies, bro. Whatever that is behind you it's inot/i Jensen, can't be Jensen. I don't know where it's come from and maybe it's eaten Jensen and that's why he's not here, but it sure as fuck isn't Jensen!"
"Pooch has a point," Clay agreed, bringing his gun round to point at the wolf again. "And if you seriously want me to believe that Jensen is a werewolf, then it's even more reason to shoot him now before he hurts anyone. Jensen wouldn't want to harm an innocent."
"No!" Cougar threw himself at Clay forcing him away. "Don't, please don't do this. Just . . . just trust me, he won't harm anyone." There was a pause and then he added, "I won't let him." The wolf picked that moment to limp forward, nose pushing in against the hand hanging by Cougar's side, pushing forward until the fingers slid into the soft fur again. Cougar breathed, calming down and saying again, "I won't let him harm anyone."
Clay had seen the wolf's struggle to cross the room, taken note of the way it showed no signs of aggression, although there was plenty of evidence of fear. Its tail was down, tucked between its legs, its gaze down towards Clay's feet. Clay wasn't a commanding officer for nothing and he recognized the signs of submission when he saw them, even if they were being demonstrated by a completely different species. Clay holstered his weapon, but kept his hand near it, knew that both Pooch and Roque would be ready as well. He looked straight at Cougar and said, "Stand aside, soldier," saw the battle in Cougar's eyes not to abandon the wolf, yet not wanting to disobey an order. He repeated the order again, calm and without anger, turning his attention then to the wolf.
The wolf was showing even more signs of submission than before. Ironic, Clay thought, that the wolf would make a far more obviously obedient soldier than Jensen. "Jensen," he said quietly. The wolf twitched, a shiver down its spine and its head lifted for a moment before dropping again. Clay knelt down, held out a hand, wondered how like dogs wolves actually were, whether the wolf would recognize this as a sign of wanting to be able to accept the wolf as not being a threat and not as an invitation to take a bite.
The wolf edged forward, sniffed at the offered hand, then hesitantly lapped at the finger tips before starting to lie down. Clay was again drawn to the awkwardness of its movements. "What's the matter with it?" he asked, sparing a glance for Cougar.
"He's hurt, but I don't know . . . I . . . Lo siento, I couldn't find anything wrong but . . ."
"But you don't really know what you're looking for . . . Fuck! Jensen, how do you do this? How do you get yourself into this fucking shit?" Clay exclaimed.
Pooch gave a high pitched squeak, "Seriously, you're falling for this shit? A werewolf! A fucking werewolf! You believe this?"
Clay rounded on him. "Give me an alternative then, Pooch. Give me a fucking explanation that makes more sense than that is Jensen! I'm willing to hear it . . . No, I take that back. I iwant/i to fucking hear it, I insist on fucking hearing it, because I sure as hell don't want to have to explain to anyone that that is Jensen," he finished with a final jab in the direction of the wolf.
"I – I don't know," Pooch stammered.
Roque pushed past Clay, striding over to the wolf, knife in one hand. The wolf watched, coming back to its feet and standing its ground, yet still offering signs of submission, tail down and head tilted, yet this time its teeth were on show for an instant, a slight growl followed by a whimper, to which Roque said, "Fuck if I know how, but if that isn't a mixed up fucking wolf just like Jensen's a mixed up fucking soldier." He stopped in front of the wolf, glaring viciously but not making a move closer. He waited and then for no apparent reason, re-sheathed his knife and continued to wait.
Cautiously the wolf edged forward, sniffing at his feet. "If you fucking pee on me or sniff my crotch, Jensen, I will gut you," Roque declared ominously. The wolf lifted its head almost speculatively, then flopped down over Roque's feet with an escaping humpf of air, dropping its head on to its paws and looking disconsolately across at Pooch.
"Aw, Jensen!" Pooch whined, "Don't look at me like that. Okay, okay, it's you, I got it! Geez man! Those eyes are deadly weapons."
Cougar relaxed as the imminent threat receded. He strolled over and dropped to his knees beside Roque, reaching out to ruffle a hand in Jensen's fur, before encouraging the wolf to stand. He led him across to Pooch, encouraging him to sniff round the man. Pooch stood stiffly to attention, eyes wide and fearful, but the wolf did nothing sudden and eventually Pooch began to relax. Eventually Jensen stopped his sniffing and looked up at Pooch with deep soulful eyes as he let out a pitiful whine.
"Aw, Jensen! You're breaking my heart here," Pooch complained, before kneeling down and reaching out to run a hand over the wolf's head. "You promise you won't hurt me," he guided the wolf so that he could look deep into its eyes, so intent that he missed the sight of its tongue coming out and swiping at his chin. "Gross, but yeah, I guess we love ya too. Have to say though, man, this form is a hell of a lot quieter than your other one. When will we be seeing the other you again, huh?"
"That's a good question," Clay interrupted. "So does anyone know anything about werewolves? He is going to change back, isn't he? Tell me he is going to change back because I sure as hell don't want to explain this to his sister!"
"I can see it now . . . Clay banging on the door to Jensen's sister, her opening the door and him saying 'Hey, just thought I'd give your brother a lift home, good to see you, got to run.' You'd be out of there, Clay, before she had time to even see that you'd left a wolf on her doorstep."
"Seriously, you've met Jensen's sister . . . that woman wouldn't miss a thing, she'd know and there'd be no escape. She's very fond of her little brother too and heaven help anyone who harms him. Seriously I'm always amazed that the Iraqi soldiers didn't run away as soon as they knew Jensen had been deployed – between his mouth and his sister's ferocity – I'd run!" The other men laughed, the lightened mood only lasting a moment before Jensen tried to move again and let out another whimper of pain.
"Okay, so we have a number of things to deal with and obviously we're going to have to change our plans somewhat. There's no way we're going to get on any planes home, while we've got a wolf with us. So we need to get those weapon plans out of here and home quickly and at this point in time we don't have Jensen's technical skills to send them electronically. We need to get Jensen turned back into a human, because lovely as the quiet is, he's no fucking good to us as technical support like this. We also need to figure out who we can turn to so it doesn't happen again. We need somewhere to stay or hide or go in the meantime while we're figuring everything else out. So . . . suggestions?"
Pooch started the ball rolling with, "We've got the truck. I can get her filled up with gas and we're good to go. There's room in there for us and Jensen like this and we don't need to deal with anyone else."
"Good point. That's a start."
"Isn't this like a moon thing?" Roque gave a wave of his hand in Jensen's direction. "So if we let him howl at the moon will he turn back?"
"Full moon . . . legend says it is tied with the cycle of the moon. Perhaps he will remain like this for as long as the moon is full," Cougar's words were quiet, reluctant like he didn't want to voice them.
"Then full moon must be tonight, so he'll be fine by morning. We can cope with that. We move from here, pack up, get him and all the stuff in the truck and head out. He changes back in the morning and we can wander straight in to get flights home," Clay sounded relieved.
Pooch was reluctant to actually break the optimism, particularly when he wasn't totally sure of his facts, but he vaguely remembered some trivia thing that Jensen had been rambling about months and months ago about moon cycles. How ironic was it that it had been Jensen to give him the information back then before any of them could have imagined this? "Er, boss . . . I'm not one hundred per cent sure on this, but, hell it was Jensen who was rambling months ago, so I guess there's probably at least some truth in it . . ." At Clay's growl to spit it out, Pooch continued, "Well it was something about full moon being one night a month but that to the naked eye here on Earth and all that jazz it looks full for I think it was three nights, so . . . I guess what I'm saying is we need to find out whether tonight is the actual full moon to see whether this is it or not?"
"Hell! Seriously? So what, does he change back when the moon goes down or . . .the sun comes up or is he like this the whole time or . . .? Fuck!" Clay finished angrily. "You, Pooch, go . . . go fiddle with Jensen's computer and do something to find out . . . just find something fucking useful . . ."
"Seriously? You want me to just go 'Google' werewolf and see if I come up with some beginner's guide to owning your own werewolf. I'm sure that'll turn up a load of reliable information!" Pooch snarked as he marched towards Jensen's computer. "And why is it always me who has to lay my life on the line and 'fiddle' with Jensen's computers. You guys are all just great big fucking pussy cowards when it comes to dealing with Jensen and his computers!"
"Actually, Sergeant, you follow my orders! And my order is to 'fiddle' with Jensen's computers, do you have a problem with that?"
"No sir," Pooch relented.
"Start by finding out exactly how long this fucking full moon lasts, because yes, even I am well aware that the Internet is not a place filled solely with reliable facts provided by knowledgeable people, but is actually a junk heap at least half of which is created by a bunch of weirdos with freaking stupid imaginations, but somewhere . . . God help us let it be true . . . somewhere in the pile of stinking shit, there might just be a grain of truth that gets us out of this mess! And after Jensen . . . who we all know has some God-given gift for navigating through the shit and finding what we need . . . after Jensen, you are the next best thing, however fucking poor that next best thing might be."
"Yes sir." A much-subdued Pooch headed through to start his pick and peck two fingered mode of typing, thankful that he knew that Jensen had set up a system on his laptop to aid them in their searches when he wasn't available. Somehow he didn't expect to find anything on werewolves but Jensen had said something about having created a better search engine than Google, something that was better at filtering out the dross. Pooch sure as hell hoped it could do that now, as he thought of the difference between the beautiful wolf outside with its head in Cougar's lap and the Hammer Horror style of werewolf.
He could hear the voices outside, knew Clay would be trying to figure out a plan of action, or maybe a whole series of plans depending on what he found out. It only took a few minutes to get verification on the full moon information and so buoyed up by his success he typed in the word 'werewolf' and crossed his fingers before hitting 'enter'.
He almost laughed when up popped a box that said, "Seriously? You're looking up the word 'werewolf' on my laptop? Do you want to continue? Press Y for Yes and N for No . . . Bear in mind I'll know and if this is just some freaking joke, I will torture you slowly when I get back." It was just so Jensen.
He pressed 'Y' and was then presented with another box, this one asking him to choose from a set of options. He read them carefully, before deciding that it was a definite no to film werewolves and fictional books featuring werewolves, yes to legends and lore and yes to scientific research. Seriously if Google could add a feature like this, the internet would be a whole lot more useful to a darn sight more people . . . and maybe some of the weirdos would pack up and go away.
Next box asked if he wanted to narrow his search down to certain cultures or localities. He pondered narrowing it to the Eastern European and Russian area but relented in case one of the other cultures had something more useful. Hitting enter again, he was presented with another Jensenism if there ever was one, "Go away and come back in ten minutes. There is genius at work here and genius requires good music like Journey which I notice you're not providing and food again not noticeable at this time, but then again maybe I don't need that if I'm not here. I'm sure you have something better to do while I peruse the wealth of information. Leave now before I electrocute you!" Pooch leapt back just in case by some quirk Jensen had actually programmed the laptop to give out a shock.
Back out in the main area of the warehouse, Cougar and Clay were collecting up all of their belongings, packing up the last of Roque's and Pooch's kits when Pooch walked back in. "So the full moon – from here looks like three days in terms of what you can see. Actual full moon is tomorrow so that backs that up. Werewolf search is still underway, but the laptop threatened to electrocute me if I hung around while it worked so I figured I'd come out here and see what I could do to help for a few minutes. Where's Roque?"
"He's gone to 'liberate' some gas. You want something to do, finish packing up your kit. Cougar's doing Roque's, his and Jensen's are done, bar the tech stuff which we won't touch until we have to. Jensen's asleep, we think."
"What's the matter with him?"
"No idea. We tried to check him for injuries again, but lack of knowledge of wolf anatomy aside, we can't find anything specific wrong. Dunno what to do beyond that until we get more information or Jensen figures out a way to actually tell us what's wrong." As if on cue, the wolf whimpered again in its sleep, body twitching and shifting as if trying to find comfort. Clay and Pooch watched as Cougar crossed back to the wolf's side and laid a hand on the wolf's head, stroking gently until the wolf settled again and the whimpers evened out.
Pooch leaned closer to Clay and tilted his shoulder to block his next words from the other occupants of the room. "Is Cougar okay?" Clay shrugged, glanced back over his shoulder, sighed and shrugged again, waving a hand at the bag Pooch was supposed to be packing.
It didn't take long for the warehouse to be cleared of everything but Jensen's technical equipment, all their belongings stacked by the door awaiting Roque's return with the truck. The sound of the engine approaching was enough to have Clay and Cougar at the door ready to pack, while Pooch headed back into the smaller room to see what Jensen's computer had turned up.
There on the screen in front of him was a list of relevant pages. He clicked to open the first and read, "Lycanthropy from the Greek 'lykoi' meaning 'wolf' and 'anthropos' meaning 'man'." He scanned the page quickly, taking in the pictures of scary looking beasts tearing bodies apart or howling at the moon, that illustrated the long list of countries with werewolf legends.
He clicked back and tried a second page which included a list of how to spot a werewolf and had to smile at the list of identifying features which included a birthdate of 25 December and red hair, hairs on the palm and on the inside of the skin. He pondered for a moment how you were supposed to spot hair on the inside of someone else's skin. He was reminded of Clay's analysis of people who posted information on the internet as being 'weirdos' and figured that he definitely had a point.
Just before he hit the back button again though he caught sight of a note that said throwing iron or steel over a werewolf's head would force it to change back. The rest of the page had been fantastical but he figured it wouldn't be difficult to try and hey if it worked, it was one to the weirdos.
As quickly as he could he scanned the next few pages, coming up with little of use, beyond the importance of 'pack' to wolves and werewolves alike, the need for fresh raw meat to feed the wolf inside. There were a number of people insisting that they were werewolves or some who insisted on being called lycans. Some of the stories were beyond the ridiculous but the common theme seemed to be that they could change back and forth at will although the urge to be a wolf was far stronger when the moon was full.
The next couple of pages talked mostly about how to kill a wolf and the need for silver bullets, so Pooch just skipped those because they'd already proved that to be untrue with the way they'd killed the wolf that had infected Jensen.
Clay came in behind him a short while later. "Find anything more?"
"Not really, nothing that I could seriously put any weight behind saying it's true. There's something about throwing steel or iron over a wolf's head making it change back, others saying they can change to and from at will. Some say they can only change when the moon is full, others say anytime but the urge to do it is greater and a whole lot of stuff that is even weirder and even less likely to be true!"
"Okay, pack it up, we can't hang around any longer. Grab what you can and load it up, we're heading out. We've already put all the rest of the gear in the truck."
Pooch started to close everything down on the screen and as soon as the power died down, he started unplugging wires and cables and packing things up, thankful when Cougar joined him and the job was done much quicker. It was a surprise when Cougar said, "Clay said you found nothing to help."
"I'm sorry, Cougs. . . I did my best."
"I know that." Cougar turned to carry the box he had just packed out without another word.
Spanish to English Translation
(1) " You should go to sleep"
(2) "Rest, my friend"
(3) "My friend, what's happening to you?
(4) "I will not leave you alone. I will do everything I can to keep you safe."
(5) "I promise you, my love, if anyone has to end this for you, it will be me. I won't let you hurt anyone, I won't let you become a mad beast."