The days have passed quicker than I would have liked. The days have passed quicker than anyone would have liked. Ever since my sister dearest had announced the annual ballet and performance arts competition, life has been even more of a hellish roller-coaster than it already was. This was the second week of practice, 2 weeks of nothing but replayed music and Temari's loud mouth. "Matsuri! your toe isn't pointed, again! Do it all again from the top!" the bitch herself screeched as the now red faced girl went back to her position. My eyes narrow as I study my so called partner, She was slim and frail...almost stick like which seemed all too unattractive to me. I remember having to get to know her thanks to the not so smooth advances of the wretched thing. She was dull. That's all I remember of the forgettable moment..dull and sheepish. Though her eyes always seemed to have a sharp intelligence to them...Whatever her case is I couldn't care less. Whenever the girl even so touches me when we dance, wether was that I had to hold her up or touch her hand it made me feel sick. I often have thoughts of just letting her fall...when she leaps in the air, legs clad in silk white stretched in the air. How it would be amusing if they were to harshly meet the hardwood floor, twisted and bruised. I snap out of my bitter thoughts once more and begin to stretch. I never really had an issue with my imagination before..yet I find myself get trapped in these grotesque thoughts..In which I can't control or manipulate. Now I had one leg posed against the tan wooden balance bar as I stretch my arms over to my foot.
I can only find so much comfort in the silly charade of what this dance company is. Though when I find myself out of breath and bored...Those black eyes pop into my mind again..and sooner or later whether I like it or not more vulgar and sickening imagery follows. From one moment it's his dancing, long legs twirling along with his body as he moves across the floor. Then another moment I see his form writhing on top of ivory sheets, fingers clutching the fabric tightly as his mouth opens to release what I can only imagine to be sweet sounds. I feel as if my violent and dark tendencies truly shine through when I think of him...Lee...the boy from the enemy company. I never spoke to the boy once..only that once occurrence just a few weeks ago. In fact he had only just now had he peaked my interests. Though I have seen him and heard of him before. I remember the tall heavy dark fabric of the curtain of the stage, The barking voices of what seemed to be my father and and Guys alike. Of course I couldn't forget the boy in the back. He had not been in the competition that year or the year previous. His head was cast down as his small shoulders shook. From what I could predict he wasn't ready for the elite. I had no pity when I saw his hide behind the curtains and watched his team dance..But what I did not pay in pity I paid in curiosity. The only other gthing I remember from that night was how he turned those watery,black eyes to me…. release a sigh as I stretch my back and start to practice my own routine. Arms above my head, one leg aside and soon I start. My torso twists as I move from one foot to another catching the rhythm of the song in my head. The floor creaks as my new shoes beat on its polished surface. All was well, no thoughts, no worries, no tiredness...all until I heard the bell of the door jingle and my eyes flash to the man walking in.
The nicest way to describe the initial emotion I felt was, absolutely fucking dreadful. His sun damaged, aged skin, faded red hair who'm I'm glad does not mirror mine, and those cold dark eyes...those eyes that seem all too familiar on my own siblings face. I found myself staring into those equally piercing eyes as he sauntered to the dance floor. The music the was echoing through the room had ceased, the slight thuds of busy feet had disappeared, even my loud sister has gone quiet. First there was silence, a long thick,smothering silence that filled the air...Until the harsh voice of my father shattered the silence completely to nothing but tiny shards.
"Well I see that we are getting busy quite early….good." The wretched man continued as My eyes tracked him...his movements, expression..what is he doing here….The monster should be sulking in his desk, watching security cameras and cheating his taxes. My blood runs cold as those sunken eyes are turned to me. "You. In my office. Now." he said sharply, I hadn't so much as twitched as I stared back at him….I decided that today was not the day to challenge him, so as requested I headed to his office in the back.
The voice in the back of my head wants me to murder my father….I mean I could hide behind the door, and strangle the man as he entered….Or I can sink one of his favorite fountain pens into his neck….I shake out of frightening thoughts as My father entered the room. These thoughts aren't normal..These thoughts aren't normal...Think of what Mrs. Long said... I stood still and silent as the man paced to his dark,red, mahogany desk. The black chair screeched in protest as the beast took his seat. I swallow thickly, glancing to the white walls that squared us in..taunting me. I could feel it...The nod of his head signaled me to reluctantly take my seat, I pushed back the chair nonchalantly with one hand before plopping down before him. I can admit that I am bitter at this point, I hate the man more than I have hated anything in my life. I hate his stare, I hate his voice, his words, actions, everything. The silence was filled with the 'ticks' of the clock above us, marking each second closer to me snapping. The bastard knows it too...He knows I can't control my tendencies around him...how he riles me up so easily….He plays me.
Finally the scoff of his raspy voice shoved away my fantasies as he finally spoke. "I just got off the phone with your psychiatrist...She says that your results of your last visit scares her….She said that you aren't being satiated by dancing anymore and desperately need another outlet for you thoughts….Do you know what I say to that?" He asked leaning in on the desk. Our eyes meet as I swallow thickly...This can't be….I have only found happiness in dancing...or so that is what i convinced myself...Finally my throat cleared itself as I finally spoke, "what" I uttered, voice raspy and shaky. Then there was that grin….The grin that could make me snap just looking at it. The snake chuckled as he said "Your dancing anyways". My eyes narrow as I glare at the man. The fucker thinks he owns me...He thinks he's got me wrapped up in his puppet strings….wrong.
I simply nod as I take my leave, my hand gripping the golden door knob before the old man intervened again. "Oh! And by the way, The leaf's got some new dancers...and even some they haven't deputed yet….watch out for a 'naruto'...and some other kid...what his name….oh right rock Lee." He called after. My spin twisted a I heard the last name...Lee….The boy whom visited the studio all those days ago. My throat became dry as I slid out of the office and out back to the studio. I take a deep breath as I assumed position, dancing will clear my head...like always. Sadly as My arms swayed and my feet carried me across the floor...I find my thoughts still plagued my every move. As I balanced on my very toes...Soon my impatience has came crashing down on me as my legs shook horribly, making me stumble out of the dance. "FUCK IT" I shout in desperation as I slam my foot on the ground. All the others around me stare as I clench my fists to my sides. This isn't the first time this happened...This ordeal has been happening a lot these past few years….Soon I take a deep breath and slump down on the side of the mirrors...watching the swaying twisting bodies of my teammates.
There's something wrong alright...I'd be lost in my dance by now….but here I am...with my mind slowly winning more and more...what will become of me?
My hand glide through my brittle strands of hair as I take one slow deep breath. I can't focus on some silly fascination with that boy, or my father, or my issues...I have to focus on dance..that what matters most. Dance. Yes..Dance. Soon I see a familiar pair of legs joined my side. I didn't need to look up to see who it was, her heavy sigh gave it away. "Hey...Are you mad at dad again?" she asked softly as he twiddled her tan fingers. My eyes stay planted on the black streaked slipper's my sister wore. Tethered faded light pink slippers now look rather grey and scuffed. I scoff not wanting to talk to her. Sadly she is too stubborn to take the hint and keeps talking. "You know...I really think he cares about you...you know? He just has a different way of showing it...t-that's all" She is full of shit..she is full of shit and we both know it. I feel her hand hesitantly touch my shoulder, In which I shrugged her off. How dare she touch me...She thinks she's my mother but she's nothing more than a bother. She quickly retracted her hand as he she cleared her voice. I know how hard she tries.
There is a calming silence between us as I held my knees close to my chest and stared off at the busy legs of the other dancers. Temari stood for a little while longer before wordlessly heading back to her group. Before she fully continued with her dancing her sharp eyes turned to me. "You know Gaara..If you really don't want dad on your back then maybe you shouldn't slack off on your dancing you have been these past few weeks...you're acting weird...get your head in the game little brother. We have to win gold. And your teenage angst isn't going to help us"