Chapter Two – Pain

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT

Only go so far 'til you bury them, so deep and down we go ~ My Chemical Romance

April had never seen the lair so quiet. She walked across the space towards the boys, or at least Donnie and Leo. Raph and Mikey were elsewhere and she felt like looking for them would be disrespectful. Donnie was sitting on the edge of the sofa, tear tracks noticeable under his darker than usual mask. April squeezed his arm gently. She noticed Casey hadn't really moved from the doorway. He'd told her earlier on that he had no idea what to do in this type of situation. He was holding the flowers they'd bought.

April sat down next to Don and remained in respectful silence; she felt it was her role to get them through this. It was hard enough to go through this process when a person had a funeral service at their disposal, but the guys would have to do all that themselves. She looked over towards Splinter's room and saw that Casey was standing in the doorway. His shoulders were slumped. He still held the flowers in a tight fist by his side.

Casey watched Leo lighting an incense stick and a candle. The leader's usually steady hands were shaking all over the place and he kept groaning when the match ran out. Casey shuffled into the room a little further and put a hand on Leo's shoulder. Leo jumped slightly and looked up. Casey didn't have any words of condolence for Leo but he held out the fist the flowers were crushed inside. Leo blinked at them and took them.

"Thank you," his voice was so quiet Casey had to strain to hear it. He nodded and left the room as Leo placed the flowers on the bedside table. Casey sat down next to April and slipped his hand around hers.

Raph and Mikey returned a little after three o'clock. Mikey went to his room. April wanted to go and soothe him but Raph said they'd better leave him until the funeral. She busied herself by making a belated lunch instead. She could hear Raph and Donnie having a quiet conversation in the living room and tried not to listen in. After a few minutes they got up and left for Don's lab. She finished the sandwiches and took a plate full of them into the lab.

Don was measuring several large pieces of metal. April set the sandwiches down on Don's desk.

"You don't have to build one – Casey and I can buy one from somewhere, if you want," April suggested. Donnie shook his head.

"I'd like to contribute something to this and I build stuff, so it's fitting that I should build this," he answered. April nodded and passed him a sandwich before he got too focused on his task. Raph took one and nodded thanks. She closed the door quietly behind her and suggested that Casey go and help them. She took lunch into Splinter's room. She tried not to stare but the shock that it had really happened prevented her from looking away. Splinter was dressed in his best robes, and looked as though he were having a pleasant dream.

"The eldest son is supposed to prepare the body," Leo explained, startling her slightly. She hadn't expected him to speak. April offered a sandwich. Leo took one but there was a frown line in between his eyes as though thinking about something bothering him. April almost asked what was wrong but she decided better of it. She bowed respectfully and left the room. Now to find Mikey. She knocked quietly and had no response.

"Mikey?" April called. "It's April – I've brought you some lunch."

The door slowly opened and Mikey took one. His voice was hoarse and his hands shook. "Thanks." The door closed again and she heard him sit on his bed.

The evening arrived. The journey had been somewhat unpleasant – it was hard to carry a coffin through a dark sewer and up ladders without knocking it and every time it did they would all cringe. Mikey had suggested that they bury their father in a quiet spot in Central Park. They made sure no one was around and began to dig. The hole, they had decided, would be six feet by six feet as was normally the case. They made sure to dig it so that it was covered partially by a bush. They wanted to find it again but they didn't want others to find it.

The makeshift coffin sat on the ground and Leo took a step back from digging. He had that worried look on his face again. April took him to one side.

"What's bothering you, Leo?" she asked gently. He stared at the coffin.

"Traditionally, the body would be cremated," he answered in a rush. April relaxed.

"Well, we could always do that," she suggested, "He deserves the best, is it what he would have wanted?"

"I think it is." He frowned. A tear slid over his cheek as he showed her the matchbox he'd brought with him.

Splinter awakened in alarm. Only, he hadn't awakened. He could feel that he wasn't right, somehow. He was cold and it was dark, very dark. He couldn't move. His eyes couldn't move although he ordered them to, frantically trying to see anything, any clue, but nothing. He could hear quiet voices. He tried to move again but to no avail. It felt hard to breath and he found that controlling his breaths counted as a moving. He couldn't control it. Was he breathing at all? What was happening? Where were his sons? Where was he?

Suddenly, he felt as though he was moving – no, not him, the world around him. Splinter was reminded of the time he had spent as a pet rat being carried in a cage. Was this a flashback? His life story laid out in front of him. This wasn't how he had imagined death. The world gave a lurch and he could hear muffled shouting. It felt as though he was falling and then it was steady again. He was trapped inside his own mind.

The small gathering watched over the makeshift coffin for awhile and each turtle said their piece before bowing to it and stepping backwards again. Leo turned to April who knew exactly what he wanted. April had been holding on to the matchbox. Donnie had already confirmed that the metal he'd used for the coffin could withstand the temperature. He'd taken into consideration that they might be going the traditional way.

Leo held the small box for a few moments and then stepped forwards. Mikey was clinging to Raph's arm and Donnie was standing off to one side as though unsure whether he wanted to run away or stay. April and Casey held each other. He struck the match and the small flame hissed into life, sparks flying. He approached the open coffin. Taking a deep breath, he slowly lowered the match.

This didn't turn out exactly like I planned it but... there it is...

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