II.
I Heard The Spirits Laugh On Christmas Day
AN: Just in case: Thoughts of various characters are written in bold
Marry Christmas again
Everything is changeable. Even past is changeable, life is nothing more than a floating dream and all things we believe in are just shapeless fragments of our consciousness. Dream within a dream, name of this world is Change, name of this universe - Motion, name of our god - Self-Destructive Irony.
People are dying, clouds are moving, rivers run dry…everything is changeable, everything but the future foretold by ghost.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the shopwindows glisten and children listen
To hear Santa singing on Oprah´s show
Lelouch awoke and opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the pitch blackness of holy night. It was so dark, that he couldn´t really distinguish his desk from sleeping crocodile ready to bite off his leg. „Oh my head. Damned poisonous vegetables...And now this bothersome song...Now is my migraine even worse and my last pills I had to give to that stupid Cratchit, because –sir-you-hit-me-with-a-ruler-therefore-you-have-to-offer-me-a-suitable-compensation-for-being-unable-to-satisfy-my-woman-this-night-since-my-head-and-ass (because of your sister)-are-in-pain...Next time, I´ll fire him!"
Mr. Lampescrooge opened his window covered with icing and decorated by frosty flowers and peeked out. What he witnessed with his two eyes, made his already miserable mood even more miserable (if possible).
Four little girl scouts, standing under his window and singing this let´s call it christmas carol about beautiful white Christmas of the youth...
„It´s already pass midnight, shorties! Why are you squealing under my window! I have a head-ache. What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment! Get out and go home!"
„We cannot go home, sir!" yelled one of the girls, the one holding small money-box.
„We are collecting some bucks for charity, good sir." added another girl with a hopeful smile. Lelouch´s features hardened, then his fingers squeezed the wood-worm-eaten windowsill, as he was desperately and unsuccessfully trying to stay calm.
„Calm down, Lelouch. calm down. They are just a bunch of kids. They cannot harm you. Have no axes, no crowbars to make a real robbery, but...they may buy them with the money they´ve already received."
He laughed quite maniacally (he´ve been practicing this Joker´s type of laugh since he saw the movie The Dark Knight some time ago and found it pretty cool).
„I am not a sir, neither good one, so fuck off, brats!"
„It´s a Grinch! Mummy!Run! „Save the money!" He´s gonna eat our brains!"
Lelouch closed the window and fell on his bed again, feeling pretty exhausted. He started to drift off, when suddenly somebody´s cold finger touched his cheek. Lelouch awoke, slightly angry, because he always hated to be bothered while sleeping, and found himself face to face with a strange yet very familiar figure. Long dark hair, wide welcoming smile, a little naughty shine in violet gaze, long and slender limbs...
„Not this ghostly bullshit again!" moaned Lelouch and covered his head with the largest pillow. „Go away Mother. I´m 66°% sure, that I haven´t murdered you." Lelouch muted voice echoed through the dark chamber like a breeze of fear and anxiety.
„I am not your mother."
„Therefore you are her identical twin, because you two look suspiciously similar to each other."
„Have a better look and you´ll understand who I really am." answered stranger.
Lelouch uncovered his face (frankly only his eyes were seen, like two big burning marshmellows rusty with doubts) and forced himself to examine this strange apparation. It was his mother and in the same time it also wasn´t his mother. She wore a pure white tunic with sparkling punk-like belt (his mother hated white clothing – I´d never wear something so trivial and boring! – and talking about music she preferred latino), she held fresh holy in her right hand (his real mother was allergic to holy as well as to peanuts, honey and paper-work) and more importantly her feet were bare (Lelouch´s mother Marianne loved shoes, she had a collection of more than 500 pairs and was rather fond of them. When Lelouch borrowed one of them, because he wanted to keep some snake eggs until they hatch in there, she almost killed him with frying pan).
„See? I am not your Mother. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Specifically your Christmas Past. Therefore I borrowed your dear Mum´s appearance. To not scare you." Her voice was soft, softer than Marriane´s and as she spoke her lips hardly moved. Apparation indeed.
„Nice try." Lelouch threw away his pillow and folded his arms. „What brings you here?"
„You already know. Don´t ask and come with me."said Spirit and reached her hand towards Lelouch.
„Yes, sure and it snows in Africa..."
„Well there are high mountains where..."
„If you haven´t noticed it´s winter...freeze and cold, baby...nothing can force me to leave this warm place."
Spirit chuckled. „You are funny. Your apartment is already as cold as a fish ass. There´s nobody to warm you up, when you´re cold, or...?"
„Radiator can..."
„You didn´t pay bills."
„Expensive."
„Love is cheapest value in existence, sometimes easy to give, sometimes difficult to obtain. Everyone can afford it, but so few tried to win the price."
„Shut up. I´m coming, I´m coming!"
Lelouch rose from his bed, Spirit grasped his stretched hand and guided him towards his huge but almost empty wardrobe. She opened it and pushed startled youth in. Her touch was gentle, but firm and a bit harsh (we can afford to call it even motherly), something one couln´t really fight against. Spirits are hard to resist.
Young Mr. Lampesrooge rubbed his eyes when the inside of his wardrobe started to fade and dissapear...clothes turned into dusty grey snow, shoes into rotten ash, ties and socks into monochrome confetti and suddenly there was no wardrobe anymore. They stood in beautiful room decorated with christmas holy, ivy and mistletoe, noble yet simple living-room with wreaths on marble-topped tables, poinsettias on carved cabinets, red and snow-white candles, bells and angels, snowballs and garlands and christmas stockings above the cozy fireplace.
„Where are we? Narnia?" asked Lelouch with astonishment.
„I am surprised. Have you already forgotten?"
„Mum, Lelouch ate too much candy! I bet he won´t eat the dinner, again! Just like last year!" shouted sweet girlish voice somewhere from behind them. Lelouch just now realised how crowded, full of people this cozy and warm room is. People...no they weren´t real people. Only shadows of faces, that once have lived, ghosts of Christmas, that once have been. So familiar and yet so distant. His lip trembled a bit.
„This is...our living-room and this occasion...our last Christmas as a family. It was...it was a bit strange. All of us together. Father´s children from his first marriage, kids from his numerous affairs and us. "
„Yes, a year later your mother died."observed the Spirit.
„S...so what?" said he with shaking voice. „It´s just a past. Old photograph that should be ripped and burnt...and forgotten. Past shouldn´t haunt people like this."
„Watch and speak not! And don´t worry. They cannot see us, have no consciousness of us."
And so he watched, watched and observed with trembling body and just a little watery eyes.
„Lelouch now you have to sing a christmas song. You broke the rule 1: Never eat sweets before the dinner." said young boy with long blonde hair and laughed. (Clovis, that pitiful poor excuse of a painter, damn him.) Lelouch´s younger self pouted and shyly refused.
„But you have such a cute voice, big brother."
„Nunnaly."
„Sing for me. I want to hear you singing."
„Well..okay. But only for you."
Little Lelouch put down his fork and knife and started to sing. Real Mr. Lampescrooge, 19years old honorable adult, covered his ears in a sudden attack of horror and panic. He just wished to run away and find some tiny, dark, quiet place where he could finally die in peace.
„Don´t want to hear. Don´t want to hear." But he couldn´t do anything to prevent that horrible voice of his late self, coming and filling his senses with humiliation. It came, a storm from his own past, raping his heart and tempting his soul.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
His own childlike voice faded into nothingness and when it stopped entirely, Lelouch opened his eyes a bit confused. His family vanished, his old home dissapeared, surroundings changed, only christmas atmosphere remained.
„What now?"
„Another Christmas." Spirit in his mother´s skin waved her hand and smiled kindly. „You sure remember this place."
Sure he did. His classroom at Ashford Academy, with its walls and desks full of hand-made garlands and bows, with a little christmas tree a bit lifelessly standing near the blackboard. It was small and dry, its branches literally cried under the weight of colourful christmas balls, but not a soul from the group of young people gathered around it seemed to notice. They laughed, drank hot grog and ate some crippled cookies, which looked like something pulled out of the dumpster. Christmas of two years ago.
„...I think...I had eno..." said Lelouch from the past with some difficulty.
„You are apparently drunk."said the Spirit with a happy face (now she looked more like his real mother).
„Of course I am...or was...oh...I am so confused...who I really am? Perhaps...what if all of this is just a dream...?"
„What if life itself is just a dream?"
„Not this again."
„I agree. Your younger self looks more entertaining...Let´s see what´s gonna happen."
„...of course you don´t! Come on! Just one more toast! Long live...eh" blonde president of student council, miss Milly Ashford looked around in confusion. „...what? Brittania?" asked short brown-haired girl with huge Harry-Potter-like glasses and the expression of old withered spinster.
„Pfffff."
„Saying something Kallen?" asked Milly addressing her question to frowning blue-eyed girl, eating gingerbread from one of the paper plates.
„...nope. What about Nippon?"
„Are you crazy?"
„Long live emperor Arthur!" yelled past-Lelouch and stroked the fur of rather fat cat, which lied, fast asleep on his crossed legs. Everyone burst into laughter.
„Okay, that´s fair." said the girl sitting right under the tree branches. Her light red hair danced and crawled between christmas tree needles, like tiny fairy threads guided by some magical pupeteer.
„Cool. Shirley´s right." agreed a boy with messy blue hair and raised his glass, and after few sips huge naughty grin appeared on his face. „I´ve brought a mistletoe. Let´s have some fun..."
„I don´t remember this." Said present-Lelouch with puzzled look. „ Damn Milly, she assured me there was no alcohol in that bowl.."
„I´m starting to love my job." Smiled the Spirit merrily and continued to watch and listen and observe the past, while shivering Lelouch stood obediently beside her.
„I call this game Catch a Mistletoe. If you catch it, you gain the right to kiss anybody you want. But..." pointed out the blue-haired boy with serious face. „..you have to catch him or her too. Your potential victim can run away... It won´t be easy."
„Rivalz, you are little sick pervert, but I love you. You´re my man, man...I´ll w...write a Brief...vieleBriefe to you, pal ... aafter we gradute.."
„Lelouch, stop hugging me!"
So they played and smiled and tripped and fell and run and drunk even more and ate again, and kissed and kissed and in the end they were all so tired, that they only lied there on the floor and laughed.
.
„You look happy, Mr. Lampescrooge." said the spirit to present-Lelouch.
„Of course I look happy, I am drunk, you moron!"
„I have to kiss, Shirley! I forgot." said past-Lelouch with sad expression and threw a glance at red-haired girl.
„How could you forget to try to win a kiss from your own girlfriend?" asked Kallen with a gasp and hit him on his head. „Go and apologize!"
„You´re Krraralen Kraken. Off I go."
„Lelouch..."
„Wh..at?"
„ You are kissing a janitor."
(That´s the most wonderful time of my year – thought janitor and allowed the nice present be simply nice present).
Spirit waved her hand again, her white robes shone like a sun, making Lelouch blind for a while. When he regained his sight again, his old classroom and old classmates were gone, buried in their coffin made of memories, under the soil of oblivion, and he found himself standing in his cold dark apartment. Ding Dong... rang the bells of nearby church, counting time, counting ages, counting eras, counting something that cannot be regained, that cannot be seized, that cannot be explained. So all we can to do is...never stop to count. For humankind to remain sane, we have to create something out of nothing, to give a form to shapeless...counting ages, counting time, counting illusions, counting dreams...
Two hours after midnight...Five hours until the dawn, five hours with Spirits of all Christmasses...
„A smallest things are able to make humans most happy. A kiss, a smile, a hug...Isn´t this what you really wish for?" said the Spirit.
„And humiliation of human race makes Spirits happy." answered Lelouch bitterly, but then he smiled. Strange feeling. He wanted to cry and laugh in the same time, tears of happiness and tears of regret blended together, both equally strong and equally confusing and equally beautiful. He didn´t know what to do, so he put his hands in his pockets, as if searching for something. Then he blushed.
„What are you looking for?" asked the Spirit of Past curiously.
„Nothing...Just...But it´s too late. I...probably should have given some money to that girl scouts this night." admitted young Mr. Lampescrooge with a sad smile. The Spirit nodded.
„You´re right."
„What?"
„It is late now."