A/N: I decided to turn this into a chaptered story of many little mini stories. Like throughout the course of their marriage. I'll add when I have an epiphany. This would be one. This also means I have to change the title and the summary, but oh well. that's the price I pay for…whatever I'm doing.
Disclaimer: If you seriously think I'm Diane Duane, I feel very flattered.
There it was, sitting in all it's glory. With it's fake leather upholstery and cushy, cotton-y insides, how could it not? The pillows sat regally, leaning against the arms and back, and a simple afghan throw sat innocently atop the back, unaware that it clashed terrifically with the drapes by the windows.
The middle. Of all the places to put a couch, he had to put it in the very center of the floor, didn't he? It didn't matter if they were still unpacking boxes in the new house; the couch was always put somewhere out of the way, for firsts, and it always, ALWAYS faced the TV, like a good couch should. And he had to place it facing the kitchen, didn't he? What was so special about the kitchen? All there was to do was cook and eat…
Maybe there was a point to the couch positioned this way after all…
"ROSHAUN!" Dairine bellowed from downstairs. Roshaun came, plodding along, in baggy sweatpants, some of Dairine's old slippers, and that signature lollipop in his mouth.
"What now?" he asked. This had been happening a lot lately, yelling at each other for leaving boxes out and about, and so on.
"Do you see this?" she jerked her thumb at the piece of furniture behind her.
"Yes, I see the coach." he answered. Dairine rubber her temples.
"Couch Roshaun, couch." she corrected. Roshaun rolled his eyes.
"Couch, whatever. What about it?"
"Do you see where it is?" she asked this like it was obvious. Of course, it was, but not in the way she meant it to be.
"I see it sitting in on the ground, in the living room, as you call it." Boy, he wasn't getting the hang of her sayings at all.
"Exactly. And do you know what is wrong with this picture?" she asked this as if it were obvious too. Roshaun pondered this for a moment.
"Um, the blanket is crooked?" he took a stab at it. Dairine's mouth twitched slightly.
"No. The couch is in the middle of the floor!" she exploded.
"And what's wrong with it?" Roshaun demanded, leaning in the doorway and folding his arms.
"What's wrong with it? We don't put our couches in the middle of the floor here!"
"Back on Wellakh, we place our couches in the middle of the floor all the time!" he argued.
And it looks stupid. Dairine thought, hoping it didn't transfer over to Roshaun's thoughts.
"What's wrong with it? Everything! For one, the couch, on Earth, does not belong in the middle of the floor, and two, it's always, ALWAYS placed facing the TV!"
"The Noisy Box with moving pictures, right?"
"That's the one," Dairine spoke with a level voice, trying to keep her cool.
"Well, for your information, the couch is NOT placed in the middle!" Roshaun countered.
"Yes it is! The very geographical center of it!" Dairine retorted. Roshaun shook his head and walked over.
"No, I knew that with your imperfectness, you couldn't stand things being perfect. It's off by about fifteen centimeters."
"Close enough!" Dairine shouted. She had had it up to here with him!
"I don't care how off-center it is, I'd just like you to move it! Now!" she shouted, pointing at the couch with extreme prejudice. If the couch hadn't been inanimate, it would have been confused at the extremeness of prejudice of pointing and shouting.
"What if I don't want to?" Roshaun said. Dairine's finger fell limply to her side, but she quickly regained her composure.
"Well, you're going to have to anyways." she said, folding her arms, looking like a shorter, female version mirror-image version of Roshaun himself.
"Well, I'm not going to." he said, as if that settled the matter. Dairine wouldn't go down without a fight.
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes!"
"No!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES, DANGIT!" she screamed, purple in the face. Roshaun was silent for a moment. A spark of hope arose in Dairine. Had she won?
"No." he said after a dramatic pause. Dairine's spark went out. So much for that.
"Fine! Then I'll do it myself." Dairine stood straight, as tall as she would go, and poked Roshaun in his chest. "And you're the one sleeping on it tonight." she said. Although his face didn't show it like his eyes did, Dairine knew he didn't like this prospect. It was either his head or his feel that stuck out over the edge of it whenever he slept there.
"I'd like to see you try and move it." he said back, trying to act like he didn't hear her threat. Dairine gave a satisfied smirk, and turned to the couch. It was pretty big, and big things were always heavy. They were also a lot harder to move on the carpet…
She got down, put her hands on the arm of the couch, and pushed. Nothing happened. Blushing from embarrassment, she tried again. She actually put so much effort behind the push she grunted. She could feel Roshaun's eyes boring into her skull.
"Did I mention it's quite heavy?" she could hear the smirk in his voice. She didn't turn around.
"Must have slipped your mind, I daresay." she strained. Then she pushed again, her feet slipping away behind her. The couch moved all but five inches.
About twelve grunts later and a couch that had been moved a little more than a foot, an exhausted Dairine collapsed on the couch, face up, with beads of sweat on her face. Who knew just moving a couch would be such hard work? She clapped her hands to her face in defeat. Roshaun was right, for once! How could that be? She was being bested by him? How humiliating! He'd start gloating any moment now.
Suddenly, the couch began moving.
Dairine raised her head from the couch and looked. Roshaun was at the foot, his head visible between her feet.
"You need to push with your legs, not your arms. And you don't throw your weight into it. Focus it instead." he huffed out. Dairine just sat and watched him as, slowly but surely, he moved the couch to the place Dairine specified earlier, off against a wall, and facing the television. When he was done, he stood up and dusted himself off. Dairine jumped off the couch and gave him a hug.
"Thanks. I appreciate it." she said. Roshaun wrapped his arms around her.
"I didn't move it for you. I decided I like it better this way." he said. Dairine was about to open her mouth to retort, but decided against it.
"Sure you didn't."
She would let it slide this time. ((A/N: Haha I made a pun! And I just realized it too!))
A/N: Bwahaha! Fear the almighty couch! Another story to add to the infamous book of chaptered oneshots. Here's to hoping you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. Sorry it took so long to get up. I had a chapter I was writing, but it lost it's touch. And also, I'm trying to keep things in chronological order, Otherwise, I'd have like 5 chapters up by now.
Reviews are nice.