Chapter 2

I looked at the shifter again. "So you've been here this whole time, over twenty-five years? My real brother died before I could even get to know him, and you've been pretending to be him ever since? It's all been one big hoax—caring about me, about Dad, hunting, all of it?"

Its head shot up, its face shocked. "NO! I mean, sure, I didn't tell you the truth about what I really am. Dad never wanted you to know. But I've never lied about the rest. The Dean Winchester you've known all your life is still right here. I'm still the same guy you grew up with, the same guy you've been hunting with.

"And you're still my baby brother in all the ways that really matter. I might not have been born your brother, but I helped raise you and took care of you. You're the most important thing in my life, and I love you more than anything, man."

"You expect me to believe that? When your only choice was to either impersonate my brother or die?"

"Listen, it may have started out that way, but that's not the whole truth and ain't been for a long time. I don't remember much from before Dad found me. I did miss my biological parent some at first 'cause he was all I knew. But he wasn't a good parent by anyone's definition. I don't think he was completely sane, and the way he fucking treated me . . . well, you really don't wanna know. So I was grateful when Dad took me in and gave me a chance.

"Our life wasn't easy, what with all the moving and training and shit, but it was leaps and bounds better than what I had before. And Dad tried his best to be a good father, even with me. I could take the drinking and the anger and all the rest because I knew how hard his life was, and I appreciated what love and attention he was able to give the two of us. And he gave me more than that. He showed me that even though I was born a damn monster, I could still be a good person if I tried. He gave me a purpose, something to work for so that I wouldn't turn out like the things we hunted.

"Most importantly, he gave me you. I never had to fake caring about you. You've always been the best thing in my life. You're everything that matters to me—my brother, my kid, my best friend, my partner. Sometimes growing up I did wish that I really was your brother by blood. But being what I am makes me better able to keep you safe, so I can't regret that.

"And I never liked hiding the truth from you. But Dad was adamant that you couldn't ever find out. There were a coupla times that I almost told you, and he beat me nearly as bad as when you ran off to Flagstaff. I didn't hold it against him, 'cause I knew he was trying to look out for you. So I learned to keep this secret for his sake and for yours. But you gotta believe that I've never lied about loving you, Sammy." The monster looked at me pleadingly.

"Stop saying that! You don't get to call me that!" I stood and punched it in the face with the butt of my pistol. A thread of dark satisfaction emerged at the sight of blood trickling from its mouth. The shifter made no move to defend itself, just bit its bleeding lip and looked at me with wide, wet eyes.

"You've been lying to me my whole life, and you expect me to believe a word you're saying now? I'm supposed to just accept you like this, accept that everything hasn't been one big con? For all I know, your feelings for me are just something you downloaded from my real brother," I sneered.

"You also expect me to ignore that you're not even human, that you're one of the things we hunt! Dad should've killed you when he found you! How many people have you hurt or killed that I don't know about? Have you stolen anyone else's life? That is what shifters do, after all."

The creature stared at me, its face even paler. "What? No! I've never killed anything that wasn't part of a legitimate hunt, not even that time Bobby tried to take us deer-hunting. And I've never hurt anyone outside of hunting either, other than in the occasional bar fight. You know that! I'm not like the shifters that we've taken down. You've been around me almost my whole life. You know me!"

"That's the whole problem! I don't know you anymore! I don't know who or what you really are. I don't know what, if anything, about you was ever real and not just some trick. Hell, I don't know why I'm even still talking to you!"

It reached its hands out toward me, the silver cuffs glinting under the cheap overhead lights. "It's all real, Sam. Would Dad have left you alone with me all those times over the years if he didn't trust me and believe that I really love you? And he's been gone for years, so no one is forcing me to do anything now. So why would I still be here with you if I don't care about you? What's the ulterior motive, what's in it for me if you don't mean anything to me? Would I have rescued you from the fire at Palo Alto or from those redneck cannibals or—"

"Stop it, just stop talking! Your words don't mean anything! How am I supposed to know they're not just more lies?" I shouted. "You tell me you didn't want to lie to me but Dad forced you to. Well, like you said, he's been dead for four years now. So what's your excuse for keeping up the charade?"

"'Cause even though Dad's gone, his reasons for it ain't! The real truth has always been that I am your brother, and I'll always love you and take care of you. Telling you the rest woulda only confused and hurt you, and you already have too much on your plate trying to mess with your head.

"And—and I was afraid! Afraid you couldn't handle it, that you'd hate me when you found out. Afraid I'd lose you for good 'cause of this."

"You're afraid of losing me? I lost Jess and Dad because of you! I gave up any chance of a normal life for you! I did things I'll always be ashamed of for you, to try to bring you back or avenge you! And for what? For a monster that's been lying to me my whole goddamn life!"

I raised the Taurus and aimed right between its eyes. The shifter simply watched me, its expression sad and resigned. My hands began to shake, and I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. I lowered the gun and stowed it again in my waistband.

"I need to get out of here and clear my head. I can't be here with . . . whatever you are. Don't try to run. I'm going to be even more pissed if I have to track you down to deal with you when I get back." I grabbed the keys and left before it could respond.

I drove around for a couple hours, my thoughts in turmoil. I didn't know what to think, how to react. My father and my brother—or what I thought was my brother—had been lying to me for years.

Most of the time anymore, I felt like I no longer had any control over my own life. It seemed like everything, from Heaven arranging for my parents to get together, to Hell setting me up with Jess, to Heaven and Hell tricking me into killing Lilith, was all one big set-up to force me into becoming Lucifer's meat suit.

And now to find out that the most important person in my life wasn't who, or even what, I thought he was? I didn't know if I could handle this. How was I supposed to accept or trust this thing? If it had lied to me for so long about something as fundamental as what it was, how could I know if it had meant anything else it had said or done over the years? And it was a fucking shapeshifter, a monster, something that I should be hunting, not sharing a room and a car with.

It definitely shouldn't be something I wanted, in a way that someone should never look at his brother, in a way that being with Jess or Ruby or the occasional girl on the road had never been able to wash away. Shouldn't be something that I had idolized and desired for as long as I could remember, until that ache had become as much a part of me as an arm or a leg. And yet, I couldn't deny that under all the rage and confusion, the longing—and maybe more—was still there.

I eventually realized that driving aimlessly wasn't going to resolve anything and steered the Impala back to the motel.